by Sandy Hall
We head into the liquor store, still trying to come up with a solution for Gabe.
“At least you’ll be able to hear tonight,” I say, coming up next to him in the vodka aisle.
“I think it’ll help.”
Bailey approaches Gabe and me. “I could talk to Bianca and have her talk to Lea,” Bailey says.
“I know, and I appreciate that, but I feel like I should take care of this myself.”
Bailey nods. “Let me know if you change your mind.”
We head back to my house after that, hanging out in our room.
By the time the party starts we’re all pretty seriously drunk. And by the time Lea and her friends show up, the room is spinning for me. The girls head downstairs to the basement and we follow behind them. Bailey and Bianca disappear almost immediately, finding some hidden corner.
“Looking at her makes me feel all … rage-y,” Gabe says to me and Casey, staring across the room at Lea. “I want to yell.”
“You’re not a big yeller,” Casey notes.
“Settle down, big boy. You don’t need to yell at her,” I say.
He takes a swig of his beer. “Why have we been playing this stupid shitty game for an entire year?”
“Center your chi, harness your rage,” Casey says. “Are you actually being drunk and belligerent? That’s not like you.”
“I just want to understand.” He continues to stare at her. She finally looks over and raises her eyebrows at him. And it’s like Gabe’s signal to let all of his thoughts out.
Maribel (Lea’s roommate)
“Hey, Lea,” a voice says behind me. Lea’s jaw drops, so I turn around and I’m not particularly shocked to see Gabe there. This was all bound to come to a head sooner or later. I figured it might be tonight. I kind of hoped it would be tonight.
“Where’s your boyfriend tonight?” he asks.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she says, making a slightly disgusted face.
We did some fairly serious pregaming before coming. And it took a lot of coercion to even get Lea here. She said she was done with Gabe and tired of playing games with him. But Bianca really wanted to come hang out with Bailey. Then we got Lea drunk and she decided that she needed to see Gabe, just to prove to herself that she’s over him.
Looking at her face right now makes me confident that she is definitely not over him.
“Oh yeah? Who’s that dude I keep seeing you around campus with? The tall, skinny dude with the glasses,” Gabe asks. He’s quite obviously drunk, but the thing about Gabe is that he’s not a threatening drunk. He’s like a tall, lanky puppy who doesn’t have control over his limbs.
“My friend Danny?” Lea asks, still looking confused. Then she goes into full-on Lea anger and pokes her finger into his chest, making him back up against the wall. “You’re one to talk!”
Gabe’s eyes go wide.
“You and your footsie lunch date with Hillary the skank queen of Cockblock-ville.”
He looks terrified. I feel like I should protect him, but I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be on Lea’s side in all of this. I notice Casey and Sam come to stand next to me.
“Hey,” I say out of the corner of my mouth. “Should we be worried about this?”
“I think they’re going to work it out for themselves,” Casey says.
“Yeah, Gabe seemed pretty resolute,” Sam adds.
“Finally,” I say.
Gabe looks at us. “I can hear the three of you, you know.”
“Oh, now you can hear everything!” Lea says.
“I can. I got a hearing aid,” he tells her, tipping his chin up imperiously.
“Bully for you!” Lea says, throwing her hands in the air. “You know, you could have told me a hundred years ago about stuff and then I wouldn’t have been wondering all of these hundreds of years about stuff and maybe we could have been doing stuff.”
“That was a lot of ‘stuff’s,” Casey whispers.
“I can hear you, too,” Lea says, whipping around and staring daggers at Casey.
He holds up his hands in surrender.
“You know,” Gabe says, “I was trying to be nice to you yesterday. I was going to ask you to come to this party and you totally ignored me.”
“I didn’t want to talk to you,” she says, her voice metered.
“But why not? What did I do?”
“I don’t know, you ask my friends about me all the time but never talk to me? We see each other places and you barely even say hi? But then sometimes you magically, out of nowhere, want to be friends with me? But only when it’s convenient to you.”
He looks at her and blinks.
“Any of that ringing a bell?”
“It’s not only when it’s convenient for me.…”
“It’s a lot of mixed signals, Gabe. You’re cute and nice and quirky and good weird one minute, and then not very nice and kind of standoffish and bad weird the next minute.”
“I don’t mean to ever be bad weird,” he says quietly. “I mean, I always want to be nice and cute. I never want to be the other stuff. I’m not trying to be that stuff. But maybe I really am all that stuff, because I didn’t even know I was doing that.”
“A lot of ‘stuffs’ again,” Sam says. “Maybe we should make a drinking game out of it.”
I take a small step back. “I feel like we shouldn’t be listening to this,” I tell him.
“Shh,” Casey says, pulling me back closer. “They’ll need our recollection of this blessed event because they’re both so drunk.”
“I’m not that drunk,” Lea says without turning around.
“I am,” Gabe says. “For the record.”
“So what do you have to say for yourself?” Lea says, stabbing him in the chest again with her finger.
“Please stop stabbing me in the chest,” he says.
She puts her arms at her sides and balls her hands in fists. “Fair enough.”
He looks at her, his face some expression that I don’t quite know how to read, and for a second I think he might lean down and kiss her. I worry about that, because I’m pretty sure she’d knee him in the junk if he did that right now.
“All that stuff is right and if I was normal and not bad weird, I would have told you stuff and we could have been doing stuff,” he says.
“I like how vague this is,” Casey mumbles. “Their overuse of the word ‘stuff’ is epic.”
“Seriously, I’ve started drinking every time they use the word ‘stuff,’” Sam says.
“What’s going on?” Bianca asks, coming up beside me.
“I think Gabe and Lea are either about to get into an epic fistfight or possibly start making out,” I explain, glancing over at her and Bailey.
“Make out, make out, make out,” Bailey starts chanting quietly.
Gabe doesn’t even look over, just points at him and says, “Shut up.”
Bailey shuts up.
“Well,” Lea says. “Is that it? Is that really all you have to say for yourself?”
Gabe looks at her, and then at each of us in turn, frowning. He looks back at Lea. “I don’t think I can do this here, in front of all these people. Can we at least go outside or something? Would that be okay?”
I wait for her to start yelling again, but it’s like all the fight has gone out of her.
“Yeah, of course, that’s fine,” she says, crossing her arms.
I feel like I should say something, but I don’t want to accidentally talk her out of it. They really do need to talk.
“You sure, Lea?” Bianca says, reading my mind.
“Yeah. I’m cool. I’ll shoot you guys a text if I need you.”
We all just look at each other. And then we look behind us and find that the party as a whole had basically come to a stop to watch what was happening. Lea and Gabe make their way toward the stairs without another word.
The music gets louder again and everyone starts talking. Casey goes to get us all a beer from his secret stash.
“And now we wait,” he says, handing us each a bottle.
I turn to Casey once they’re out of sight up the stairs and ask, “I don’t want to wait. Is there somewhere we can spy on them?”
“Do you really want to do that?” he asks, making a face.
“Dude,” Bailey says. “There’s no way that you don’t want to do that. Don’t act noble now, we just need to find the prime location for eavesdropping on them.”
We go up the stairs and into the living room, cracking open the front window, but they seem to be standing closer to the other side of the house.
“Maybe we need to go in the bathroom,” Casey says, and the rest of us follow him in. Bailey locks the door behind us.
“We don’t need to get interrupted during such an important surveillance operation,” he explains.
Casey cracks open the window and a gust of fresh air comes into the bathroom. We keep the light off and we all breathe as quietly as possible.
“You should have a coat,” we hear Gabe say.
“Such a Gabe thing to say,” Sam notes.
“I don’t need a coat,” Lea says. “What did you want to talk about?”
“I don’t know. I just couldn’t think in there anymore. It was like the whole party was staring at us and listening to us. And there was just too much I wanted to say for it to be on display like that.”
Lea crosses her arms. “So say it.”
“I guess, for starters, I’m sorry. I’m really bad at this stuff.”
“What stuff? We’re both overusing the word ‘stuff’ tonight, like we’re so afraid to say anything specific we’re saying nothing at all.”
“Bailey, tell whoever is banging on the door to stop, we need to continue eavesdropping,” I whisper.
Bailey cracks open the bathroom door.
“I’m going to piss in the kitchen sink if you don’t let me in there,” Antonio says.
“Antonio has to piss,” Bailey tells us. We file out of the bathroom and run around the house trying to find a vantage point as good as the one we had. We end up in an upstairs bedroom but their voices mostly get carried away on the breeze. We can hear Lea yell sometimes, but that’s about it.
“Guess we’re going to have to wait for their recap in the morning,” I say.
Victor (creative writing classmate)
I have been avoiding Gabe and Lea like my life depends on it. For the past three months or so, every time I’ve seen one of them, I literally run in the opposite direction. Because where one is, usually the other is close behind. And I am so freaking tired of getting caught up in their little “moments.”
On my way to this house party tonight with my roommates I didn’t even think of Gabe and Lea. That’s my own fault. Because of course they’re here. And of course they started some kind of weird scene in the basement. As soon as I realized who was causing such a ruckus, I saw myself out and decided to hang in the side yard and chain-smoke.
And wouldn’t you know, I’m about two drags into my first cigarette when I hear them out in front of the house. I can’t catch a break. I consider stubbing out the cigarette, but I don’t want to waste it, so I stare at the sky and try to ignore them.
I pretend their voices are gentle waves lapping upon the shore. I focus on the stars and the way the wispy clouds move across the moon. And it starts making me very dizzy. Holy crap, I’m drunk.
I hear the murmur of Gabe’s voice but not the words.
I decide I’m too curious not to watch the proceedings, so I stand up and move down the side of the house, trying to stay in the shadows, until I can see them through the bushes. I’m not sure how I got here—basically stalking the two people I claim to hate most in the world. I blame the booze.
Lea has her hands on her hips and Gabe is standing a million feet away from her. His hands are stuffed deep into his pockets and he’s half turned in the opposite direction, like he’s ready to run at the drop of a hat.
“Come on, Gabe, at least give me something to work with.”
“I didn’t want to date Hillary.”
“So you wanted to be friends with her?”
“No.”
“Good, ’cause she sucks.”
“It’s lame, you’re going to think I’m so lame, I don’t even think I can say it.” He stares at the sky rather than looking at her.
“What?”
“I was using Hillary to practice.”
“Practice what?” she asks, taking a step toward him.
He rolls his eyes. “I was using her to practice talking to girls.”
I have to hold back a laugh. Lea doesn’t say anything.
“I thought you understood that I was shy or whatever. That’s why I picked that essay to read in class. I figured maybe you would be willing to be a little more patient with me because you understood.…”
“I did understand that. I still do, I accept that about you,” she says. “But that was six months ago!”
“I’m slow.”
“That’s really, really slow, Gabe.”
“I get nervous and then overthink things.”
“You don’t seem nervous right now.”
“That’s because I’m drunk right now!” he says.
“So, you’re shy, and you’re bad at talking to girls, and that’s why you went out for lunch with Hillary?”
“It was just lunch at the student center. We weren’t getting engaged. Why are you so stuck on this?”
“Because you were like … touching her hand and playing footsies.”
“I touched her hand?”
“Yeah, Maribel was watching you the whole time and I was on the phone with her and she was giving me the play-by-play.”
Oh, snap! There’s no way he’s getting himself out of this mess.
“You don’t think that’s maybe a little crazy?” he asks. “Having your friend watch me like that?”
“Well, maybe, but still. If you like me you wouldn’t be doing that.”
“Lea, the Hillary thing had nothing to do with you, not really. And you haven’t exactly been forthright about your feelings. It’s like I need a decoder ring to understand you. One day you’re sitting with me in the diner and a few days later I see you flirting with some guy at the library, turning away from me, ignoring me.”
She shakes her head. “I just got tired. And embarrassed. It was self-preservation.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling,” he says. He must catch sight of my cigarette then. “Who’s over there?”
Lea turns around.
I step out from the side of the house. I try to smile, even though by the looks on their faces I’m about to get my ass whipped.
“Hey! How are you guys?”
“Victor,” Lea says.
“Long time no see,” I say, feigning friendliness.
“What are you doing here?” Gabe asks.
“I was at the party with my friends.”
“Are you spying on us?” Lea asks.
“Yeah, just like you spied on Gabe,” I say with a chuckle.
She scratches her nose nonchalantly. “Wow. That was quite the burn.”
Gabe scoffs and turns away from me. “I’m gonna go.”
“What? You’re just gonna leave?” Lea asks.
“Yeah, I drank way too much to talk about this right now. And I feel like anything I say is going to come out wrong. And I want to figure this out. But I need to sleep first. It’s not working right now.”
“Because you’re not listening to me.”
“I don’t think either of you are listening,” I interject.
They both stare at me for a long minute. Then Gabe turns and gives Lea a look of surrender. “I’m sorry,” he says.
We both watch him walk away.
“Maybe you should go after him,” I say.
“Like I’m going to take advice from you,” she snarls. She pushes past me and heads back inside, the door slamming behind her.
That didn’t go well for any of us
.
Two seconds later, she’s slamming back out the door and calling over her shoulder, “No, really, I’m fine. I swear.”
Her friends file out behind her. “You can’t go alone.”
“I’m not,” Lea says. “Victor’s going with me.”
“Victor from creative writing?”
“Yes.”
“You hate him.”
Then a couple of guys fall out of the door. “Where’s Gabe?”
“He left,” she says simply.
“Where did he go?”
She shrugs and pulls me along behind her, leaving a herd of confused drunk kids in her wake. I wave at them.
I suppose I could use a walk.
Bob (a bus driver)
I’m taking a break outside the student center and my old friend Gabe stumbles onto the bus. He nods his head at me and I can’t help but notice he looks distraught. I glance at him in the rearview and he looks kinda sick to his stomach.
“You gonna ralph?” I ask him, catching his eye in the mirror.
“Nope. Just a crappy night.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
He opens his mouth, but then we hear a girl’s voice right outside the bus.
“Perfect,” Gabe mutters.
“Okay, so thanks for walking me,” she says. I realize pretty quick that it’s Lea and that she’s maybe the source of Gabe’s crappy night.
“What?” the kid outside asks.
“Thanks for walking with me. I needed to get away from my friends and you did me a solid. But I need to be alone right now. I don’t want to hang out or anything.”
“Where are we?” the kid asks.
“Student center. Just head a block that way and you’ll get back to the party.”
“You okay out there?” I call through the door.
“Yup,” she says, turning and smiling sweetly at me. “We’re good.”
“I should go?” he asks.
“Yes, and don’t you dare ever tell anyone what I said to you on the way here.”
“I don’t … even,” the guy mumbles. “You said … stuff?”
“Good, keep it that way.”
He heads back in the other direction and Lea steps onto the bus.
“You sure he’s okay?” I ask.
She makes a guilty face and then shakes her head. “Yeah, he’s okay. His friends are still there and it’s not that far of a walk.”
