She could save him.
But it would seem he didn’t need saving. If what he said was true, he hadn’t condoned Saul’s actions, hadn’t even known what would transpire that night. And when he had realized, he’d tried to help.
During the past two years, she’d directed her anger at Hank, alongside a need to somehow reconcile with her papá. It had been the anchor that had guided her all these days and nights. But now, with this new knowledge, she could no longer contain the massive wound buried in her spirit.
Saul Miller had raped her.
She stood, motionless, as the blankets slid from her grasp and fell to the ground. Grief began to build from a place so far inside her, it was but a tiny spot, hardly noticeable. But as it grew, Tess felt as if a terrible storm—filled with black clouds and howling winds—slowly gained in strength, swirling with ever more danger inside her.
Cale appeared, nothing but a dark outline in the shadows.
“What do I do?” she whispered.
“About Hank?”
She nodded, although that wasn’t what she meant. What should she do with the terrible pain unleashing inside her, of the little girl crying out because no one had helped her when Saul attacked?
“I can’t tell you whether to believe him or not,” Cale said.
Her eyes sought his. “Do you?” Maybe Hank lied. Maybe she could still blame him. But she knew it was too late to stuff the monster back inside its cage.
Cale took her hand. “I think, despite everything, that Hank loves you.”
“So, I should forgive him?”
“That’s not for me to decide. Since you like stories, I’m gonna tell you one about a cow and a coyote that I learned from the Apache.” Cale twined his fingers with hers. “A cow stood at the edge of a river when a coyote appeared and said he was too afraid to cross because the water was so high. The cow offered to let Coyote hold onto her horns or her tail, but Coyote said no, claiming that he could still drown. So he asked if he could climb inside Cow’s rectum. She was embarrassed but agreed to it anyway. Coyote crawled inside, and the cow swam across the river. Just as she got to the other side, Coyote bit her on the inside and killed her. Coyote was an opportunistic scoundrel, but the cow shouldn’t have been a fool. She didn’t know the difference between helping someone and letting them take advantage.”
Cale gathered her into his arms and held her close, and she clung to him. “Tess, what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to do anything concerning Hank. Stop worrying about him and take care of yourself.”
The tears poured out, and Cale didn’t let go. He’d always made her feel safe, and she was grateful for his presence, but the disgrace whispered in her ear. Saul had snatched her steady footing in the world, and she was embarrassed to let Cale know the extent of it. She was more of the Cow in that story than he knew.
She pulled away from him, sniffing and wiping at her face. “I’m fine. Really I am.”
“It’s not a crime to need help, Tess.”
Moving into the night’s cloaking embrace, she sought distance. “You don’t have to take care of me.”
“What’re you talkin’ about?”
“I’ll figure out something. It’s not your responsibility.”
“You spend five minutes with Hank, and now you’re ready to run out of here with your tail between your legs?” The edge in his voice caught her by surprise.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you dare do this.”
“What?”
“Pull away from me because of Hank’s sins. I thought you were crazy to forgive him in the first place, but it showed me something I’ve never in all my life witnessed. And it’s that you’re a woman who is more than the life handed her. I wished to God that my own ma could’ve been more like you. The world is smaller because she’s not here, and I was cheated out of time with her. And all because she wasn’t strong enough. I’m not gonna lose you too.”
“What are you saying?”
“I love you, Tess. I want you to stay with me. I want you to marry me.”
His admission brought her up short.
Isn’t this what she wanted? To be loved, and cherished?
Tendrils of panic began stirring in her chest, their icy fingers gripping her soul.
Would it never end?
She hung her head, slowly shaking it back and forth as salty tears dripped from her lips. Cale covered the distance between them and his hands cupped her cheeks.
“Don’t you get it, Tess?” His nose pressed against hers. “This doesn’t just happen. In all this time, in all the places I’ve been, I’ve never met a woman like you.”
His mouth came to hers, slipping along the skin from the wetness, and gently devoured her lips. Then his tongue pushed deeply into her mouth and her defenses shattered.
Her intentions to keep Cale at bay fled as her body betrayed her with a desire so wicked and fierce that she knew she should be ashamed.
But she wasn’t.
She wanted Cale.
Completely.
Fully.
The way a man and woman spoke solely with their bodies, with only the night whispering around them.
Her arms locked around his neck as he pressed her hard against him, their mouths never parting. A raw hunger filled her with a desperate need to satisfy her body’s thundering arousal.
“Take off your clothes,” she whispered.
In a frenzy they stripped down to nothing, and Tess could see and feel the strength in the corded muscles of Cale’s shoulders and arms, his broad chest, and his powerful erection. He cupped her buttocks and brought her against him, and she shuddered. His mouth went to her neck, and she arched her back to give him more access. As his hands came to her breasts, kneading and caressing, his lips found their way to one taut nipple. She gasped aloud as he suckled, and she gripped the back of his head to keep from falling.
His mouth explored every inch of her breasts. She’d never known how sensitive they could be, and Cale lavished them with so much attention she nearly came undone.
“Cale, please, you’re making me crazy.”
“Wait.” His hands gripped her waist to stop her. He reached for one of the horse blankets and spread it onto the ground, his muscles flexing and his masculine strength making her flushed once again with a primal hunger for him. She all but snarled for him to hurry.
She willingly let him guide her onto her back, and he held himself above her as his mouth pillaged hers and his other hand crept between her legs. With a finger, he stroked her, and her chest rose in quick successions as her heartbeat increased.
“I’m so close,” she gasped. “You’d better get inside me.”
“My plan was to stay out.”
She stilled, as if he’d tossed cold water onto her, and opened her eyes. “Why?”
“We need to avoid a baby, Tess.”
She was so slick with wanting, her body so stimulated that it was almost painful to stop. “I want you inside me.”
Her hand found him and she began stroking him. His breath hissed. When she wrapped her left leg around him, ignoring the twinge of discomfort, she felt his surrender as his body fully covered hers. Bracing his forearms on either side of her head, she snaked her arms underneath his armpits as, face-to-face, he pushed into her, slowly.
When he was fully joined with her, he paused.
The man was maddening.
With her legs wrapped around him, she clenched him from deep inside her body, reveling in the wave of pleasure it triggered.
“You need to move, Cale.”
“Just hang on a second.”
She arched against him, and he finally gave what her body craved, causing her to succumb instantly to the enticing crest. She clutched his shoulders and rode the primal rhythm of his thrusts, riding the release inside her.
In a quick movement, he withdrew, grabbed the edge of the blanket and spent himself into it. Stunned that he’d broken t
he contact between them so swiftly, she waited as they both recovered from the intensity of the coupling before saying anything.
He lay beside her, his leg and arm draping her body, and nuzzled her neck.
“Why did you do that?” she asked.
“I don't want you to get with child from this.” His hand cupped a breast, and desire stirred once again, amazing her with its tenacity. She closed her eyes, drinking in this moment of joining her body to Cale’s.
It held the panic at bay, but she knew it wouldn’t last.
Chapter Thirty
In the pre-dawn hours, Cale made love to Tess again, once more withdrawing to the blanket. Barely. While gritting his teeth. How long he could continue with this course, he didn’t know.
It was as if Tess was tied to the wind and the mountains, the sunlight, and the water flowing in the creek. She connected him to life, burning through him, her wildness matching his own and igniting a hope in his chest he’d only experienced fleetingly when he was a boy.
Life held promise.
Happiness thrummed through his body.
Intoxicated by her sweet trust in him, he would’ve liked nothing better than to spend all day wrapped around her. Inhaling the musky scent of their lovemaking, he savored the feel of her in his arms.
* * * *
Tess hastily dressed as the first rays of sunlight broke the mountain peak to the east, not wanting Bipin, Nitis or Smita—or especially her pa—to stumble across her and Cale.
He’d told her he loved her. He’d said he wanted to marry her.
Suddenly, her chest tightened, and the familiar panic began to spread. Her world began to spin out of control.
No.
From behind, an arm encircled her waist and Cale kissed her cheek.
She tried to relax and accept his touch, but it took every ounce of strength not to flee.
How could she tell him of her weakness? How she trembled uncontrollably with no warning? How, during those times, life itself terrified her.
Shame filled her. She could well imagine his disappointment when he realized how deep her debility went.
She stepped away from him and grabbed the blanket that had accompanied their lovemaking. “I’ll make sure to launder this today.”
They made their way to the cabin. Tess set the blanket on the porch, then went inside to find Hank snoring on the floor in the outer room. A quick check into the bedroom eased her mind about Lenna. The girl slept soundly, and from the look of it, well. Tess quietly went to work on breakfast, trying to make as little noise as possible. The chore helped to quell the unease she couldn’t seem to shake.
Hank awoke and stood. “Mornin’ Tessie.”
She acknowledged him with a curt nod. He stepped outside, and she stacked his bedroll and blanket in a corner of the room. She soon had flapjacks and syrup on the table. Cale returned from the barn with a bucket of fresh milk and Bipin. Hank followed.
“Nitis and Smita haven’t seen Vern since we left several days ago,” Cale said.
Hank took a seat at the table. “The ol’ geezer could easily get himself lost in the mountains. It’s why he keeps the Apache couple on, to look after the animals and the place.”
Tess poured coffee for each of the men. “I can’t believe he’s survived out here alone for so long.”
Hank spooned sugar into the steaming brew before him. “Some men like livin’ on them boundaries.”
It would seem I’m banished to it as well.
Hank, Cale and Bipin finished their food, and Tess collected the plates.
As she cleaned the dishes in a basin of water Cale had filled for her, Hank told Cale he wanted to talk to him outside, and they left.
Bipin remained. When Lenna awakened, Tess brought the girl a flapjack and a cup of fresh milk, which she readily consumed.
Tess wondered at the interchange between Hank and Cale, but stopped herself from going outside.
* * * *
Cale followed Hank into Vern’s barn. They passed a menagerie of animals—a sorry-looking sorrel, a bleating goat, and the milk cow—and halted in the far corner. Hank moved a wooden crate and cleared a pile of brush, then yanked on a false floor. In a hole measuring ten feet by ten feet sat several canvas bags.
Cale didn’t need to see inside to know what they were. “What the hell are you doin’, Hank?”
“Surviving, and protecting what’s mine.”
He retrieved a bag and set it on the ground, then untied it. Stuffed inside were at least ten long guns of varying make and model.
“Take your pick, boy,” Hank offered.
“Are you selling these to the Apache?”
“It’s good business.”
“And it’s highly illegal.”
Hank stood upright and faced Cale. “Look, laddie. I know where the gold is. I found meself a nice vein up in the hills. It’s why I left you yesterday. I had to backtrack and cover all the evidence. I sure as hell don’t want Saul Miller findin’ it. The Apache leave me alone because of these guns. It was a necessary transaction so I could live in peace here.”
“No one can live in peace in these mountains, least of all the Apache.”
“You love ’em, don’t you? The guns give ’em a fightin’ chance.”
Frustration pushed at Cale. Hank spoke a measure of truth.
“I have a rifle,” Cale replied. “I don’t need another.”
“Suit yourself. I thought to take backup when I go after Saul, and I was hopin’ you’d come along and help, for old times.”
Cale looked Hank in the eye. His mentor’s clear-eyed gaze spoke deeply of retribution and determination. This was the Hank Cale remembered.
“I thought I’d killed that bastard the mornin’ after he hurt my Tessie,” Hank continued. “But it appears me aim was off. I’m not makin’ that mistake again. He’s not leavin’ the Dragoons alive. And considerin’ how you feel about me little girl, I’d expect you to want a slice of this.”
Cale couldn’t disagree, and he’d certainly felt a level of vengeance when he’d learned about Saul’s attack, but gunning the man down wasn’t justice. It was simply murder.
“He needs to be taken alive,” Cale said. “It’s not up to us to decide his fate.”
Hank huffed and shook his head. “Don’t get all righteous on me, sonny-boy. We can bring ’im up on charges of Bennett’s murder, but he’ll just pin it on Lange. And if you nail ’im with the assault on Tess, she’ll have to testify. You really wanna put her through that?”
The past pushed into the present, and Cale felt wedged in a hard place once again. This was the world Hank inhabited, the one that Cale had finally had to leave.
“Maybe it’s best if I just take Tess and leave,” Cale said. “You’re gonna do what you want anyway.”
“Fine. I never wanted her here in the first place.”
“I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked.” Cale and Hank both jerked their heads around at the sound of Tess’s voice. “You were only a father when it suited you. But I appreciate that you’re willing to kill Saul. I guess I have to take that as a sign that you really love me. But Cale’s right. Gunning him down is wrong.”
“Tessie, I do love you,” Hank said. “I only meant you got no business bein’ ’ere, because it’s not safe. But I am gonna kill Saul. That bastard will pay for what he did. And when it’s over, I’ll extract the gold in these hills and I’ll take good care of ye.”
Cale didn’t like the resigned expression on Tess’s face.
She said nothing and left the barn.
Cale regarded Hank, then silently went in pursuit of Tess.
He found her in the woods, turned away from him and standing in the clearing where he’d loved her during the night. He rested a hand on her shoulder, letting it slide down her back. His mind replayed how fully she’d come to him, the passion she hadn’t held in check, and he marveled at the change in her. She’d come a long way from the girl he’d met several weeks ago.
“Tess, what are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that Hank has done the best he can with his life. I’m thinking that he’s made mistakes. But then, so have I. If he goes back out, I can see only two outcomes. Either Saul dies or Hank does. If Saul is the one to survive, then I must go far away, because I never want to see him again.”
With hands on her shoulders, he turned her to face him. “Tess, you’re not responsible for Hank. And I’ll make sure Saul never gets near you.”
“You can’t make a promise like that.”
“I can try.”
“Is that why you want to marry me? To protect me?”
Cale frowned. “Yeah, partially.”
Tess averted her eyes. “This is all moving too fast.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Us.” Her gaze flashed to his. “How can you possibly think you love me? We hardly know each other.”
“I know enough.” An unwelcome knot began to form in his stomach.
“I need time to sort through everything.”
He dropped his hands from her. “I’m not rushing you, Tess.”
“Aren’t you? I could already be with child.”
“I told you we’d be more careful from now on. And even if you are, it doesn’t matter. I’ll take care of you.”
“But now I have no choice.”
What was happening? He thought she was happy. He thought he’d finally gotten through to her.
“Just answer me one thing,” he said, shocked that she was slipping from him so quickly. “Do you love me?’
She paused. “I don’t know.”
Cale inhaled sharply through his nose and rested hands on his hips, just above his gun belt. “Fair enough,” he said through gritted teeth. “I always told you that you could set the pace.” What the hell had happened? It felt like his horse had thrown him, but instead of hitting the ground, he was dropping over the side of a canyon with no bottom in sight.
“I’ll tell you what, Tess. I’ll go with Hank, and we’ll take care of Saul. That way, you won’t have to worry about either of them.”
The Blackbird Page 20
