She shifted and peeked at Cale from the corner of her eye, but he remained motionless, listening, his gaze trained on a point somewhere on his extended leg.
“It was as if I was in terrible danger,” she continued, “but I wasn’t. It didn’t make any sense. I didn’t understand why it kept happening, but I also couldn’t quiet the response. Whenever Esteban tried to get close, it would slam into me, as if I’d been thrown from a horse. So, I dealt with it the only way I could. I spurned him, vowing to never get close to any man. But then I met you, and slowly, you helped me get past the fear of a man being near. I thought it was all behind me, the terrifying episodes of panic. But then I started having them again, when you spoke of love, and marriage.”
She hung her head, her throat tightening. “I’m so ashamed, Cale, and I wanted to hide my weakness from you. I thought I was over it. I can’t imagine you’d want a wife like this, a wife who crawls under a bed and hides when the fear is just too much.”
Wiping at stray tears, she waited, worried at what he might say.
“Tess,” he finally said. “There’s only one thing I need to know. Do you love me?”
“Yes, with all that I am, but I might never get better,” she said in a rush, her voice catching on a sob. “I can’t offer you any guarantees.”
“I don’t expect guarantees.” He reached for her and pulled her against his chest. His hand went into her hair and his lips rested at the top of her head. “I just need to know that you’re in this with me.”
“I’m just so tired of being frightened. I don’t want fear to run my life.”
“I know.” He wrapped his arms more tightly around her. “We’ll get through it. But you have to trust me. I’m not going anywhere. And, for what it’s worth, I have full confidence that you can recover from this.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll kiss you until the fear stops. And if want to spend a part of each day under the bed, then I can live with that. I’ll even build you a taller bedframe.”
She laughed, then sniffed.
He lifted her chin. “I’m in love with you, Tess. However our life needs to be, then we’ll make it work.”
“Te amo. Cale.”
His lips tenderly met hers, and with it a león de montaña gentled a frightened blackbird.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Cale, Hank, Lange and several of the Apache men buried Sid Haverly, Saul and One Ear, along with the other dead. They retrieved identifying means from the bodies, which Cale would take to the authorities upon his return to Tucson. The report would tell the truth—a skirmish between a vigilante group led by Sid Haverly and Apache Indians resulted in several deaths. That Douglas Haverly was alive and well reflected poorly on his uncle’s actions. Saul Miller simply got caught in the crossfire.
The circumstances surrounding the death of Jim Bennett would be left out of Cale’s account. He didn’t see any reason to rehash the murder and subsequent assault on Tess. Hank’s justice had been served, although not at his own hands as promised. And Jackrabbit—now there was a story. Turned out Jackrabbit was one of Hank’s biggest customers for weapons and protected Tess from both Saul and One Ear on his behalf.
For that, Cale owed the Apache. And while he couldn’t condone Hank’s illegal commerce in Apacheria, he knew that if it wasn’t Hank, someone else would step in. The struggle between the Apache and the Americans was far from over. Cale wished there was a way to resolve it peacefully, but knowing the players on both sides, there would be more violence before a compromise could be reached. The Apache desired freedom as much as any other man, and the reservations crushed a spirit that lived each day by the breath of the wind and the hum of the land. Some Apache would capitulate, but others would fight to the death.
The events from the previous day began to ease from his body, the gunshot wound in his shoulder the least of his worries. The melee in the woods, with Tess and Cocheta in the middle of it, still left him with a slight tremor he couldn’t completely quiet.
The urge to scold Tess for being in the mountains in the first place, for coming directly into the line of fire of men who lived by an entirely different code of morality, had left him so angry, he’d wanted to shake her. If he’d lost her...
He couldn’t imagine what today would be like if the outcome had been different. He’d only hoped that if she’d died, so would he.
When Tess awoke, her own wound blessedly superficial, he didn’t trust himself not to demand why she’d let him take her body but kept her heart so closely guarded.
She lived. That was all that had mattered.
He’d been willing to let her go. It would’ve killed him, but he would have done it if she’d asked it of him.
Then, when she’d come to him and bared her soul, he finally understood the dark corners that continued to haunt her. He knew he could help, having faced his own shadowy depths; but to do that, she had to let him close.
She loves me.
That was the only thing of value to him. The rest could be dealt with—they had a lifetime in which to do it—but without her love, he had no hope for a future.
Despite the distasteful and morbid task of cleaning up the site of yesterday’s massacre, a cautious optimism filled Cale.
With the sun high in the sky, it came time to say goodbye.
Cale hugged Cocheta, and she held tight to him. Then, she gave him a long speech in Apache, which he managed to just understand. She emphasized the power of the puma, and to cherish it. She reminded him of his Apache ways and of his Apache heart. She told him to go with great love and to not let Tess go, for she was special. The Blackbird could see, and knew what lay in the spaces between knowing and doing. The Blackbird carries the wisdom of her people, as well as others. One day, she will be a great woman and guide those who are lost. Love her well.
Cale planned to do just that.
He said his farewells to the other Apache men and to Bipin, aware that he might never see them again. He extended his gratitude to Jackrabbit, who grudgingly accepted that Cale had likely saved him when he’d stood his ground against Haverly and his men.
Then he found Tess in a tearful parting with Lenna, which soon encompassed Cocheta.
As the Apache departed atop horseback and faded into the Dragoons, Cale put an arm around Tess and pulled her close.
Hank decided to stay at his camp and continue with his plan to extract gold from his find. He agreed to let Walt remain with him. Although he’d never sent word to Lange to join him—that lie had been perpetrated by Saul—he decided to honor the request in the end.
“Cale, ye were the best of us,” Hank said. “I know Tessie will be in good hands.”
While Hank’s sins were many, Cale believed that he hadn’t known of Saul’s intention to punish Tess. It didn’t absolve Hank from bringing his daughter into his world of outlaw justice in the first place, but Cale was ready to move forward. It would be up to Tess how much Hank existed in their lives. “I’ll take good care of her.”
Tess moved from Cale’s side and went to Hank. She hesitated, then embraced her padre.
“O blackbird! sing me something well,” he murmured as he held his daughter.
“While all the neighbors shoot thee round, I keep smooth plats of fruitful ground.” Tess stepped back. “Where thou mayst warble, eat, and dwell.”
“I’m a man who’s made many an error, and I don’t deserve ye, my dear sweet daughter, but I’m blessed to look at your beautiful face. I love you, Tessie.”
“Te amo también, Papá.”
Cale held Gideon’s throat latch as Tess mounted unassisted. He briefly laid a hand on her injured leg where it peeked from beneath skirt and petticoat. From beneath the brim of her hat, green eyes welcomed him. He grinned, squeezed her calf, and settled onto Bo.
“Farewell, Walt,” Tess said. “Ve con Dios, Hank.”
Cale nodded at both men as he and Tess began their trek from the Dragoons back to Tucson.
“I sometimes wonder if your abuela brought me to you.”
Tess gave him a speculative look. “Why do you say that?”
“Back when I met her, that one time with Hank, she took my hand. Hank said she fancied me.”
“You mean you’re spoken for?”
“I rather felt as if she were sizing me up.”
“There are times when I still feel that she’s near. She used to tell me that in keeping the stories, it brought that person close to the ways of life. It was as if you were privy to the whispers of sabe Dios. God knows. If you cherished the stories and tended them, sharing them where needed, then the Keeper was rewarded with extra hearing and extra vision. She often spoke and knew of things, but I was so young and often dismissed her as a loco vieja señora.”
“She didn’t strike me as crazy.”
Tess went quiet, and in the late afternoon, they moved along a well-worn path through steep granite and dry desert.
“Do you remember that story you told the children that night at the Simms' hacienda?” Cale asked.
“Sí.”
“I’ve always wondered—is Hank Sir Gawain or the Green Knight?”
“He’s both. Both men lie and bend the rules. It’s a game of morality and teaches the listener to find the line that they cannot cross. But that boundary is unique to each individual.”
“I don’t think I’d kiss another man,” Cale teased.
Tess smiled, and he felt the world right itself. “I think Robbie would agree with you.”
“It’ll be nice to see him and Molly Rose again.”
“Cale...”
He watched her.
“If that offer of marriage is still on the table...”
Relief washed through him. “All you have to do is say when.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Late November
Tess rode in a buggy with Mary and the children bound for the SR Ranch, Tom at the reins. Cale rode horseback beside them, the brim of his Stetson pulled low, and a heavy duster buttoned to his chin. She wondered how she’d come to be so blessed. Cale cared for her spirit with such gentleness and affection, while worshipping every inch of her so often in the dark hours of the night, that she suspected she would soon have an announcement. Just a few more days to be certain.
“Are you nervous?” Tess asked Mary, placing a blanket atop Molly Rose beside her. The dark wool traveling gown kept Tess warm enough. Both she and Mary had pinned their hair into fancy buns and wore velvet bonnets secured by a ribbon at the chin.
“A little.” Mary held little Evelyn close, swathed tightly. “I guess excited would be more appropriate. I can't believe my sister is alive and that I'll see her in just moments.”
Tess hugged Molly Rose to her side. “I'm so happy that you and Tom came back with us. Thank you for witnessing mine and Cale's marriage.”
“I'm so confused about all the relations, but I do believe that we're sisters now. At least, that's how I feel in my heart.”
“Mine, too.”
The buggy stopped. Tom dropped to the ground and came to take Robbie and Molly Rose, then he helped Mary while Tess held Evelyn. She handed the ever-growing babe off, then was whisked to the ground by the strong arms of her husband, his hands lingering at her waist. He surprised her by whipping off his hat and capturing her lips in a quick kiss, leaning his head far enough to the side to avoid the brim of her bonnet.
She ducked her head bashfully but burst out laughing when Robbie exclaimed behind her, “Ewww.”
“Just you wait, Robbie,” Cale said over his shoulder, falling in step beside her.
“Wait for what?”
“The day you find your sweetheart.”
“I ain’t never gettin’ hitched.”
“I am not ever getting married,” Tess corrected.
“Why’re you sayin’ that? You just got married. And you were supposed to marry me.”
“Robert Thomas Simms, mind your manners,” Mary scolded.
He tugged at the buttoned collared shirt and wool coat he was forced to wear. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t worry, Robbie,” Cale said. “You’ll find a woman like Tess one day.”
“If you say so.”
Cale clasped her hand. “I’m not giving you up, Mrs. Walker,” he said under his breath for her ears only.
Teresa Rios Campos Carlisle Walker.
Mrs. Caleb Joseph Walker.
It pleased her more than she ever imagined it would.
The last several weeks had passed in a blissful blur. They'd returned to Blight's homestead, filled him in on the tragic events, and retrieved Douglas Haverly and their mula, Moses. In Tucson, Cale made arrangements for the boy to be returned to his family farther south.
She and Cale stayed for several weeks with Tom and Mary. Tom had found a house in town, but it needed repairs, so Cale assisted. Tess agreed to marry him, since there was no reason to wait. He’d taken her to bed as soon as they’d had privacy, and the use of a ratty old blanket was never an issue again. Cale made love to her so completely, and so frequently, upon their return that she no longer worried that he might get her with child. It was a foregone conclusion. Although they never spoke directly of it, it was clear he was determined to fill her with his child, and that babe deserved a holy union.
Returning to Texas had brought them first to the Walker Ranch. She met Cale's pa and his brothers, Joey and T.J. It wasn't the warmest of families, but Tess knew immediately that Cale embraced it. His pa was more than happy to deed land to him, and the two of them talked well into the night about the future. First thing this morning, Cale, Tom, Mary and the children had all piled into the buggy so that Mary could, at long last, see her sister.
As they moved toward the porch, two women appeared at the door. Tess knew they had to be Mary's siblings.
“Molly?” Mary released her children's hands and flew up the steps, locking the woman into a fierce hug.
Tess moved to Robbie and Molly Rose and knelt beside them, holding them close while Mary reunited with one sister, then the other. They all clung to one another.
Tess's throat tightened.
An older woman came outside. “All of you, come inside now before you catch a chill.” She ushered everyone indoors.
Tess removed her hat, and Cale helped with her coat, while the others did the same. They all gathered in a sitting room on the right, crowded with family members.
“Matt,” Cale said to a tall man with brown hair and features much like the woman who’d just greeted them on the porch, “I’d like you to meet my wife, Tess.”
Matt grinned and took her hand. “It’s a pleasure. When we got your letter, Molly laughed at how quickly your wedding happened.”
“Cale was impatient,” Tess teased.
“When a man makes up his mind, there’s no reason to wait,” Matt said.
A similar-looking man appeared, and Tess knew this had to be Matt’s brother.
“It’s good to see you, Logan.” Cale shook his hand, then addressed a blond woman who stood nearby. “Claire? I didn't expect to see you here.”
“You've been away for a bit,” Logan replied. “Claire is my wife.” He ushered a young boy forward, about eight or nine. “This is her brother, Jimmy.”
Cale greeted the boy, then shifted his attention back to Logan and Claire. “Congratulations. I'd like you to meet Tess.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet the woman who finally tamed Walker.” Logan glared at Cale. “You wandered more than a Longhorn.”
“I think you’re confusing me with yourself,” Cale replied.
Logan grinned and placed an arm around Claire’s shoulder. “With so much matrimony in the air, Rosita is gonna think her good luck charms actually work.”
Another tall, dark-haired man with a scar on his left cheek came forward.
“Nathan,” Cale said. He clapped him on the back. “You made it through your Grand Canyon adventure. I see that Emma is here safe and sound.”
&nbs
p; “You don’t know about this one yet, do you?” Logan chimed in. “Nathan and Emma just got hitched.”
Cale looked a bit bewildered. “Maybe Rosita is working some sort of sorcery.”
“Who’s Rosita?” Tess asked.
“The cook.”
“Finding Emma is a long story,” Nathan said. “I’m pleased to meet Hank Carlisle’s daughter. Did you find him?”
“Sí,” Tess answered.
“Another long story,” Cale said. “One best told over a bottle of whiskey and an endless supply of cigars.” His hand sought hers and took possession.
“Sounds good,” Matt said. “I don't think these ladies will be able to separate themselves anytime soon.”
Emma, Mary and Molly were still entwined in their own world, crying, laughing, gasping and hugging.
Tom chatted with Logan, and further introductions were made on his behalf.
“You wanna head to my pa's study?” Matt asked all the men. “He won’t return from Dallas until next week.”
Cale turned to her. “Do you mind?”
“No. You go on.” Tess felt comfortable here, far different than at the Walker Ranch.
Cale kissed her on the cheek before joining the men.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” Claire said, moving to Tess’s side. “I’m sure you’re tired after such a long journey.”
“It was so important for Mary to come. I’m glad I could accompany her.”
Robbie and Molly Rose tugged at her skirt as Matt and Logan’s mother came to her.
“Please accept my apologies for not introducing myself sooner. I'm Susannah Ryan, and you must be Tess. We couldn't be more pleased that you and Caleb have married. He's very dear to us. It's so wonderful to meet you.” As Susannah folded her into a hug, Tess couldn’t help but like her immediately. Stepping back, Susannah added, “I wonder if the little ones would like to go to the kitchen for cookies? It'll ruin their dinner, but I won't tell Rosita.” She reached a hand to each of them. “Jimmy? You coming too?”
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