by Tiana Laveen
I wish I could turn back time to two hours ago. I wish I could change all of this, but I can’t. This is what’s going on. This is how it is.
He leaped back out of the truck, his head held high, and made his way over to the house, the flames now extinguished, reduced to the smolders of a candle burned down to the wick. A few of his men walked around the perimeter. He hated how the broken-out windows clung to bits and pieces of the window treatments, small reminders of what once was. Once the sun broke through, introducing a new day, it would beam down over the monstrosity that the woman once called home. It would be a black shell, a skeleton devoid of its protective covering, stinking of the aftermath of dancing flames… gutted for all to see.
Alex was soon brought out of his deliberations as he heard the cries of a young lady being restrained by the police. He surmised it was the old woman’s daughter or grandchild. Now she, too, was gutted…
CHAPTER TWO
Heart in The Wrong Place…
…The following day
Alex sat in the sitting area of his bedroom, the light from the crescent moon shining through the bamboo plantation blinds. Thuds, heavy footsteps, and the slapping of the back-door frame against metal echoed throughout his two-story house on Comesee Lane, a structure built over one acre of land. The place he treasured and called home.
When Jessica returned to the bedroom, she snatched the last of her clothing from black velvet hangers and thrust them forcefully into a sturdy white garbage bag.
“I didn’t expect you to help me, but you’re a real big asshole for just sitting there with your can of pop and turning pages in that dumb book.” Alex looked down at the cover of “Mastering Mountain Bike Skills” written by Brian Lopes, shrugged, then flipped it back open. “What a jerk you are!” Jessica flung her long, poker straight, dark brown hair over one shoulder, tucked it behind her ear and glared at him behind swollen and reddened eyes. “Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?! What a bastard…”
“Jessica.” He tossed up his hands. “What do you expect me to say, especially when you’re all wound up like this?”
“You’re not showing any care for me at all, after all we’ve been through! Your girlfriend of three years is movin’ out, and you’d think I only told you that Food Lion ran out of frozen burritos.”
“It’s been over between us for months. I had already made peace with it and moved on.”
“Yeah.” She chuckled dismally before tossing a pair of gardening gloves into the bag. “I could see that!”
“Give me a break, okay? I’m sorry that you’re upset at me but I’m not to blame for this. Your own damn delusions caused this situation!”
“My delusions?! Wow!”
“Yes, your delusions. Look, I let you continue to stay here for financial reasons. Just because we were null and void didn’t mean I’d be all right having you struggle. I knew you had nowhere to go.”
“Oh please, Alex!” She yanked a sweater off a hanger and tossed it on the floor. “We just had sex three months ago and now you want to pretend like you hadn’t sent mixed messages! Really? What nerve!”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “We did, and I told you right afterward that it was a mistake, and it shouldn’t have happened because I never wanted to mislead you. I wanted to give you a minute to save up a little more money and get yourself a decent place to stay. Now you tell me that you’re leavin’ after finding out I have dating apps on my phone and talk to other women, but we were through. Done! I didn’t cheat on you, we’re not even together but now you’re pissed at me as if I’m in the wrong. How? I guess you expected me to beg you to stay but what for? It’ll just be delaying the inevitable. This has been a long time coming so what do you expect me to do?”
“To tell me that you love me!” Her face quaked as angry tears rolled down her cheeks. “At least, help! Shit, something! Instead, you’ve been sitting there playing with your phone, reading that book, and taking little sips from that can. You never loved me, Alex. That’s the whole reason we’re not together anymore.”
“I do love you, Jessica, but not romantically anymore and—”
“I don’t want to hear it!” She raised her hand to stop him, tears welling in her eyes once more.
“Jess, no, you can’t leave like this. It has to be said. Now look, regardless of the crap you’re trying to pull right now, you know you meant the world to me. Those feelings have been gone for a long time, and I was honest with you … I told you. Jessica, all we do is argue,” he said, then huffed in frustration. “We don’t agree on anything and we don’t even want the same things out of life. Our relationship has been over for probably a year, at least the emotional attachment aspect. We just aren’t good for each other. You know it as well as I do.”
“You’re horrible!” Her chin shook as she stood there looking crushed. “You’ve cheated on me during our entire relationship! You lied! The whole damn town thinks you’re Mr. Wonderful, a big bad fire chief with the award-winning smile, but I know the truth.”
Her complexion reddened as tears cascaded down the curves of her face. He swallowed, watching his words, though anger burst within him at the situation and the unfairness of it all. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but he refused to keep beating a dead horse and trying to bring the damn thing back to life.
“You only think about yourself, Alex!”
“Bullshit. Jessica, if I only thought about myself, your ass would have been kicked out of here months ago but I tell you one thing…” He glared at her, trying to not lose his cool on the woman as she stood there milking him, twisting his words, driving the stake harder within him. “I’m not going to sit here and take this shit, let you manipulate the situation.” The woman snorted, rolled her eyes, and turned away. “I’m not going to keep talking about the past, either. We both did shit. I cheated on you once, Jess. One damn time, all right, and I admitted to it. You cheated on me multiple times, saying it was for revenge! That’s not healthy. Nothin’ about what we had was right. Neither of us was right all the time or doin’ the noble thing, just more proof that this should’ve ended probably after the first damn year. We dragged it out because we loved one another, and had time invested in our relationship. But love ain’t enough to bridge this gap, make it all come back together.”
She turned back to him, shaking her head as if in disbelief. “All I wanted, Alex, was for things to be better.” She hung her head, her sobbing growing louder. They withdrew for a spell, their silence fueling the anxiety, their frayed connection beginning the stinging process of being permanently severed.
“I’m not proud of anything I’ve done that was disrespectful to you… I even admitted when I stepped out on you because I felt bad about it, but it’s done now.”
“But you sit there, right? You just sit there and watch me go! You didn’t even lift a damn finger to help!”
“And why would I help you move when just an hour ago I offered to not only help you pack but load it into my truck and drive it over to your mom’s and you told me to go fuck myself?”
She hissed, snatched the garbage bag full of sweaters, jeans, hats and sneakers, and dragged it out of the bedroom, cursing all the way. He leaned forward and rubbed on his temple. Leaning his forehead on folded wrists, elbows on thighs, he remained that way for quite some time, taking slow and steady breaths.
All the bad shit from the past forty-eight hours marched inside his head like a hateful parade. One of his guys was in the hospital for smoke inhalation, another had a cracked rib after an arson call, during which he’d fallen on a collapsing staircase. And then there was poor Mrs. Brassie. He tried to push out images of the woman’s family from the previous night … the crying and hollering, the harrowing agony that erupted when a fire not only burned a home but scorched the living, leaving a sweltering sorrow that would bubble from the pit of one’s gut for years to come.
Having lost one of his best friends from high school in a fire, it never got easier; he simply buil
t a wall between himself and the horror of it all. If he didn’t, Alex was certain he’d lose his mind. How many charred bodies had he seen? How many assholes had lit fires to claim insurance money, forcing him and his crew to risk their lives, then have to look a bastard in the face during court for testimonies.
After a few minutes, he was jarred from his deliberations when Jessica started her car in the driveway and then, just like that, she left.
His chest heated with a strange pressure, his head was buried in a fog and his mouth felt as if filled with desert sand. He looked over at the open door of the closet, its soft light still on. The hangers had long stopped swinging. Her belongings were gone, and the walls of the enclosure now visible. He breathed a sigh of relief, or perhaps a breath of anxiety and got to his feet, his cell phone in hand. Grabbing the now empty can of cola, he smashed and tossed it in the nearby trash recycle bin and made his way down the steps to his kitchen. He retrieved another can from the refrigerator, placed his phone on the tan and black granite countertop and pulled up his best friend Joshua Burman’s contact number. He hit speaker.
“Yo!” Joshua belted after a long, lengthy burp. “So, are you down for next week or what? That’s all we want to know, Alex.”
“Yeah.” Alex popped the top of his drink and chugged it practically in one gulp. The cold, carbonated fizz felt good racing past the back of his throat. “I’m down. James County Campgrounds it is. I love it there and haven’t been in a while. Besides, it’ll be good for me.” He raked his hand through his hair, hoping his words were true. “This week has been challenging… no, this week has been outlandish, crazy and ugly. I’m not even gonna try and pretty it up.”
“Tell me about it. I got a call yesterday about some naked numbskull who climbed up on the mall roof and was threatening to jump. I swear they don’t pay me enough for this shit! All these years doing this police work, and rarely a thank you. I had to get his ass down and try to avoid his package swinging in my fuckin’ face. His nuts kept bopping into my cheek as I helped him down. That was real fuckin’ nice! I’m surprised someone didn’t get a shot of that and plaster it all over social media. I guess there’s still time. I won’t count my chickens just yet.”
“Jesus. Was he high or drunk?” He turned on a pot of coffee.
“Clean as a whistle… just crazy as hell. Anyway, I’m glad you’re coming along. You need it. Your week has definitely sucked and I’m certain I don’t even know the half of it.”
“Hell, I barely know the half of it and I lived it. If I had it my way, I’d be drunk right about now, but I’ve got too much work to do. I don’t even know where to start. First the floods, then the fire and death of Mrs. Brassie, and now Jessica’s ass throwing a fit. She’s gone by the way; it’s done. Final. I need some fun, rest, and relaxation.”
“Awesome! If you don’t want to stay in the cabins on site, then we can rest up at that, uh, Holiday Inn Express on Spring Street again.”
“Ashley River location?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. They’ve got free breakfast there. Dan, Kyle, and Rob will be happy as hell that you wanna come again. You’ve been workin’ so much lately I wasn’t even certain you’d be able to break away.”
“Yeah, I’ve got some vacation time stacked up from last year and what not. If I don’t clear my head I’ll probably explode. Rob better not start any shit with me. He’s been jibber jabberin’ too much lately.”
“You two are too much alike. That’s why you always bump heads.”
“Whatever the reason, he needs to stay outta my way. I am sure you don’t want to play referee again.”
“Alex, just try to have a good time and don’t worry about him. He likes to get a rise outta you.”
“He does, and I give it to him but I’ll try to ignore him. I can’t make any promises yet. You know what’s strange though?”
“What?”
“Even though Jessica’s gone and she and I have been officially through for a long while, it feels strange in here, right off the bat… like it’s haunted.”
“You hearin’ things? Like a ghost?”
“No, not haunted like literally… just her essence, I guess you could say. Sounds all hocus pocus and silly I know, but I’m serious. Somethin’ ain’t right. I like a woman’s energy around me, man. Not necessarily hers… but it lightens the mood, makes things even out. Like I’m used to hearing her movin’ around, or on occasion we’d sit and watch TV together. I hear strange noises now but it’s just the house doing its typical thing, the pipes and everything settlin’. But in my mind, I make it seem like it’s her. She hasn’t even been gone long but I know this is going to go on for a while. I can just feel it.” He sighed. “This isn’t what I wanted or expected. I know I wanted her out of here ASAP and talked to you about it all the time but now that it’s happened it just feels, I don’t know … strange, Joshua. And I feel like a total dick for how bad we got into it before she headed out. Made me feel some kinda way.”
“Well hell, man, you two had been together for a few years… Lotta history there. I mean, I liked Jessica, and so does Ellie… we all did, but the relationship was toxic, man.”
“It was.”
“She was pretty as she wanted to be, could be nice too, but honestly, Alex, the lady was clingy, jealous, not autonomous enough and anybody who knows you is aware you can’t really stand someone askin’ about what you are doing all the time, especially if you and her weren’t even together anymore.”
“Yeah… that’s true. That’s definitely true.” He took a deep breath and released it in ragged bursts.
“She’s confided in Ellie in the past I think. They got along real good, but she never really told me what Jessica was sayin’. Something told me though that the woman didn’t believe you when you said that was it. I think she believed you two would reconcile. Look, it’ll be all right.” They both drew quiet for a moment. “You’re still worried about her, aren’t you?”
“A little bit. She didn’t want to move back home, man, but she said she couldn’t stay here another second once she saw without a shadow of a doubt that I had moved on. I mean, hell, I’d even been on dates with other women… tried to not bring ’em home because of the awkward situation but shit, what did she expect me to do? Put my life on hold? I want what you’ve got—a nice wife, a kid or two. I couldn’t do that with Jessica. It would have been crazy.”
“I told you that you shoulda given her sixty days and then drew a line in the sand. You should’ve drafted up a contract and had ’er sign it to be gone in that time frame or sooner. It just made her more attached to you, you know, the longer she stayed. I’d been there, done that, Alex. The way things went down, she couldn’t help thinking you’d patch things up if she remained in the house long enough.”
“I’m sure she did… makes me sorry for even tryin’ sometimes, quite frankly. Give an inch and some people take a mile. I never hated her. I still don’t. But yeah, you’re right, it’ll be fine. The house just sounds different. I forgot what it was like to be here all by my lonesome. I was in this house by myself for four years before she moved in with me. It was brand new. I bought the land and was happy as hell to be able to have just what I’d always wanted, the way I liked it.” He looked around the place. “Now so many people are moving to the neighborhood all the land is getting bought up and the prices are skyrocketing. Glad I got this when I did. I really love it here.” The scent of freshly brewed coffee perfumed the air as he spoke. “It’s nice to be alone sometimes, too. Sounds like I’m double talkin’… hell, maybe I am.” He closed his eyes for a spell. “Sure, I’ll get used to it. Just a different energy in the air.”
“The only energy you need to worry about now is the energy drink you’ll need to take, along with some Excedrin, when I beat the dust off your ass on that bike trail.”
“In your wildest wet dreams, you son of a bitch. If you had wings on that damn thing you still couldn’t fly. I can’t wait, ya hear me? I’ll catch more fish
than you, I’ll beat my old speed and your highest ranking at rock climbing, and let’s not talk about the kayaking, all right? Consider yourself to be a puddle rider when God knows I own the river. I’m Moses and you’re fish guts. Eat my damn smoke, man.”
Alex chuckled as he leaned forward on the kitchen island, crossed his ankles, and looked aimlessly out the window. It felt good to at least pretend he was back to his old self.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, big talk from a big guy with a small mind. We’ll see, and it’ll be a good time to celebrate your upcoming birthday, too.”
“Awww shit, man!” He slapped the counter in disbelief. “My mother is going to kill me. I promised to go out to dinner with her and my sister for my birthday. Lemme call ’er tomorrow and ask for a reschedule. I was just over at her new house helping her and my sister unpack a few weeks ago. Feels funny havin’ her back home.”
“She was in California for so long I almost forgot she was from Johns Island, too. It’s good to have her here. Yeah, make sure you do that because we’re about to take you out into the fresh air to lay your burdens down, knock back a few, maybe even get laid. Some of those women’s clubs like to come on by for horseback riding and shit. Sometimes they have those female athlete troupes… Whew! I’m spoken for, but I know you’ll take one for the team!” The man cackled.
“Athletes and horseback riding… Hell, I know a horse named Alex Valentine they can ride.” They both chuckled at that. “As long as she’s pretty and single, we can mingle. Anyway, this getaway sounds right up my alley. I’ll see ya next week with bells on, but I promise to not show up butt naked standin’ on a building before we hit the road. My new nickname for you is Joshua Eddie Sweaty Balls Burman, officer of Nutsack County.”
“Thanks… I can always depend on you to be mature about the matter.” He could hear the smile in the man’s tone. “I’ve seen enough hairy nuts ’nd berries to last me a good while. Anyway, damn sure don’t want to see you fallin’ into a depression over an ex you had already moved on from but now feel guilty as hell about. Don’t seem quite right. We gotta live it up.”
