by Mia Kayla
“What do you want me to say? That I don’t think of you? Or of us?” His eyes softened, almost making his words believable but not quite.
I wasn’t having this conversation. Ever. I didn’t reciprocate his feelings.
He’d hurt me, but what came out of my mouth next was not meant to hurt him. It was the absolute truth.
“I’m happy with Josh. Actually, I’ve never been happier.”
His demeanor changed, his smile dimming, like I’d doused him with cold water. If he’d thought I would fall over one of his lines, he was dead wrong. I had fallen for him when I was twenty-three naive and not knowing about the world. I wasn’t twenty-three anymore. To be young and in love was dumb.
He nodded toward my ring. “I could’ve gotten you a bigger one.”
He was so full of shit. I gritted my teeth and realized he hadn’t changed. He still thought money could buy him everything, but I couldn’t be bought.
I lifted my chin and pushed my shoulders back. “It’s okay. He’s much bigger and more than enough for me to handle.” I was no longer speaking about the ring.
When I clenched my jaw, he laughed.
My words were meant to hurt him, but I should have known from experience that nothing hurt him.
“It’s good to see you haven’t changed, and you’re still the jokester I knew.” His eyes squinted and lit with humor.
“It’s sad to see you haven’t,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
His eyebrows gathered in, almost looking regretful. Our banter stopped, and silence ensued. He stood, unsmiling, as his eyes took in my face.
I was about to say my good-byes, end this chapter for good, when I heard, “Mama…”
The voice of a sweet angel broke our intense connection.
I blinked and turned toward my daughter. My masked composure turned to full-blown panic. Chloe, bewildered and shaking, chased Gracie, who was rushing toward me.
Everything happened in slow motion, as though I were watching it on a big screen.
My breath hitched in my throat. I swooped her up and held her to my chest. Hawke’s facial features changed like a deck of cards. Happiness, curiosity, and then, for the first time ever, shock filled his face when Gracie turned toward him and stuck her sucker in her mouth.
His eyes went wide as he took her in. He focused on her, unbreathing and unblinking and unmoving. His mouth fell open, and a gasp escaped, loud enough for me to hear.
Then, his eyes turned to me. Wonder and questions that I didn’t want to answer spanned his face.
“Gracie, come to Mama,” Chloe said, her voice quivering.
There was no point. It was too late.
My insides heightened with hysteria, and my limbs were visibly trembling as I said, “Hawke, have fun at your concert.”
I maintained composure as I walked swiftly out the door, but I it was all for nothing because he knew.
It was undeniable.
It was in the dirty blonde in her hair.
It was the grassy green in her eyes.
They held all the same features.
He knew Gracie was his daughter.
And I was scared shitless.
Chapter 15
I paced our living room and pressed my hand against my stomach.
After I’d put Gracie in her big-girl bed for her nap, I’d cried. I hadn’t cried in such a long time. There had been no reason to. There was no drama in my life. Josh and Gracie filled my life with a joy that could not be measured or described in words.
Who knew why I was crying? Angry tears? If I had to guess, I was crying tears of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of our future, Gracie’s future.
I knew I’d been in the wrong for keeping Hawke from Gracie all these years, but in my heart, I wanted to protect her. I wasn’t ready for her to live her life with her biological father’s lifestyle.
What would her life have consisted of if I had told Hawke? What would that have exposed her to?
And, by the time that I had delivered and known that Gracie was his, it was too late. Josh had been a father to her months before her birth. Josh had loved her when he felt her first kick in my stomach. He’d loved her when he saw her on the ultrasound machine. He’d loved her when she came out of my womb, and he’d cut the cord, staring into green eyes that were neither of ours or any of our family members.
I had been fine with not telling Hawke because I was never, ever supposed to see him again. I never wondered about him. I never cared about what he was doing. The only thing I cared about was that he would not interfere with our lives.
Fear clouded my mind as I paced the room, trying to think of a game plan. Hawke Calvin had never been denied what he wanted. Whatever he wanted, he took. But over my dead body would he take Gracie from me or from Josh.
Thoughts filtered through my mind because I knew the resources he had access to. He was probably calling the best lawyers out there, weighing his options.
If anything, this would be good promo for him.
Once this secret leaked, it would turn my quiet world upside down. Again.
When the door flew open, I cupped my mouth, trying to contain my tears, but Josh saw. The smile fell from his face, and he dropped the bouquet of flowers in his hand, rushing to my side.
Automatically, I was in his arms.
He didn’t deserve this.
With a light hand, he cupped my cheek and searched my face. “I thought you got a second interview.”
The absurdity of his statement had me burying my face into his shirt further. Like I would be this upset over something so miniscule.
He rested his chin on my head, and I fisted the back of his shirt, pulling him closer.
“What happened?”
“I saw him.” My voice quivered into a broken mess, and from those few words, he knew.
My cheek rested on his chest as he stopped breathing. No air was entering or leaving his lungs. His whole body was statue still.
He pulled back, studied my face, and then his mouth turned downward. He blew out a shallow breath and stepped away from me. The abrupt movement almost had me falling to the floor.
“Where?”
“The restaurant. He was just there after my interview. For lunch.” I swiped at my cheeks to dry them, but it was no use.
His eyes flew behind himself to her bedroom. This wasn’t about me seeing my ex-boyfriend. The stakes were higher now. We both had everything to lose.
With one hand, he gripped the tips of his hair, making it stand on end. “He knows, doesn’t he?”
I nodded as more tears escaped me.
The vein in Josh’s temple pulsed, his normally calm demeanor diminishing. “What does he want?”
My elbows pressed against my sides as I tried to keep myself together, keep myself upright, but it was too much. I walked and fell against the couch. “I don’t know. I didn’t even give him a chance to say anything. I just left.”
I dropped my head into my hands, feeling the wetness touch every part of my face.
The couch dipped, and warmth surrounded me again. He untangled my hands and lifted my chin with his fingertips.
“I’m sorry,” I said, sobbing.
Two words that I meant so much, but over time, they had lessened in value. I was sorry for bringing this drama into our lives. I was sorry for hurting him. Most of all, I was sorry that Gracie wasn’t his.
“I’m sorry for all of it.”
He knew I was talking about more than what had happened today.
“Stop.” Josh leaned into me, and his hands gently squeezed my knees. “Quit saying you’re sorry. I don’t know why you can’t forgive yourself when I forgave you a long time ago. This has got to stop.”
“If I didn’t…”
“Then, Gracie wouldn’t be here.”
He was right.
My one night of guilt sex with Hawke was not supposed to happen. I couldn’t go so far as to say that I wished it had never happened because the outcome of
that night was Gracie, and she had given me happiness and fulfillment like I’d never felt before.
“But, you know, this is still your fault.” His eyes danced with a light humor that made my heart ache.
His words caught me off guard.
But he smiled for my benefit. “I told you, you look good in that suit.”
My face crumbled, and he pulled me onto his lap.
“He hit on you, didn’t he? Never mind, I already know.” His lips brushed against my temple. “The one guy…the only guy in the whole fucking world who could take everything that’s ever mattered to me…” He let out a long breath, tightening his hold on me. “But I’ll be damned if I let that happen.” With his voice firm, he exuded calm and focus. He pulled back and brushed his nose against my nose. “You’re mine. Gracie’s mine. I don’t care about anything else. Love has no limitations. Not for me, it doesn’t. And my love for you and Gracie is limitless. I’m not going to let anything happen to either of you.”
Josh reached for his phone in his back pocket and I moved off his lap. He stood, pressed the phone to his ear and waited a moment.
And the person he called shocked me.
“Dad, we need to talk.”
I blinked and stiffened, my posture rigid. Hearing Josh tell my father-in-law about my run-in with Hawke was putting a bad taste in my mouth.
Casey and I had passed that hump of her animosity toward me, but it had taken years to heal. Now, this would only bring up old wounds.
“Dad, I want to know what our options are. I might need your help.”
I bit my tongue.
Josh never asked for help. His grandfather had disowned him, and though my father-in-law was not in cahoots with dear old grandpa, Josh had never asked his father for anything.
Josh was supporting us on his own, something he prided himself in. “I think we’ll need a lawyer because this is a case that I’m too emotionally invested in to handle myself.”
Where Hawke had money and fame, so did Josh but through his last name. By contacting his dad, I knew there was no stopping Josh from obtaining the top lawyer in the country to keep Gracie safe from Hawke’s claws.
Courtroom intensity showed in Josh’s eyes, letting me know he was going to fight until he won.
I only hoped it worked.
That night, I tossed and turned and checked on Gracie multiple times. It wasn’t like Hawke could sneak in and steal her from us, but the irrational side of me thought it was possible, and he would do just that—break in and take her while we were sleeping—because he always did what he wanted to.
I hugged Josh tightly the next morning when he left for work. After I dropped Gracie off at Aunt Casey’s house to play with my newborn niece, I ran errands.
While I was emptying the contents of my grocery cart into the back of our Jeep Cherokee, a tall male in jeans and a button-down came up to my car.
“Excuse me,” he said, getting my attention.
I smiled at him and placed the last bag of food in my Jeep. Carts were scarce in the middle of the day, so I gently pushed the cart in his direction. “All done,” I said, smiling.
He pushed the cart away from himself. “Are you Samantha Stanton?”
I blinked, and my face features fell. “Yes.”
“Miss Stanton I’m Chris, an associate from the Law Offices of John Bartlett, representing Hawke Calvin.” A black file folder was in his hands. He looked no more than twenty-five with his slicked-back dark hair and casual business attire.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I hadn’t expected his lawyer to approach me in the middle of the grocery parking lot. And so soon.
An immediate wave of anger and protectiveness rushed over me. “Tell him to fuck off!”
I was surprised at my candor, but I couldn’t help it. When my hand reached for the door handle, his words stopped me.
“Hawke Calvin and his lawyer, John Bartlett, would like to talk to you before legal proceedings begin.”
I forced myself to face the messenger, and an internal debate stirred inside me. In one way, I should let our lawyer handle it, but a part of me wanted to face Hawke head-on.
The latter won, and I followed the lawyer’s car to a high-rise on Michigan Avenue. In any other situation, I would have admired the grand architectural design of the place, but the prime location of the building only reminded me of the resources that Hawke had.
As the elevator climbed to the top floor, the lawyer tried to make small talk. My mind was reeling, and I wanted to call Josh, but I knew he’d leave court the moment I told him. A big part of me also wanted to settle this myself, save him from the pain.
After I stepped into a boardroom with floor-to-ceiling windows that gave a view of the whole city, the young lawyer exited and closed the door behind me. My jaw tightened when I spotted Hawke seated at the head of the table in torn jeans and a white cutoff T-shirt. A taller man with a crisp black suit sat beside him. He sported a full head of white hair, and his eyes were trained on me, already reading me from the moment I had entered the room. They both stood.
Hawke started to approach me, but I took a step back.
“It’s great seeing you, Sunshine.”
The way he uttered my nickname sent invisible spiders skittering over my skin.
“Why am I here?” I asked, eyes tight and voice hard.
Hawke sat back down, his eyes trained on me and his hands steepled by his lips. I sat across from him.
His high-paid lawyer’s eyes were cautious. “Mrs. Stanton, I’m John Bartlett—”
When Hawke held up his hand, John stopped talking mid sentence.
I sat on the opposite end of the long mahogany table. The table was like a barrier between us, like a net in a volleyball game, dividing the opposing teams.
A deafening silence filled the room.
Hawke smiled and flicked something off the table, his eyes dropping from mine. “Pretty daughter you have there. Funny enough, I didn’t think Shoe Boy had green eyes.”
He’d met Josh once, so how the hell would he know?
My blood boiled, bubbling hot, and I inhaled deeply. “Actually, he does,” I lied, smiling while I did it. “They’re bluish-green,” I said with the straightest face, unblinking, as if my life depended on that one sentence. And it did. Gracie was my life.
“I don’t believe you.” A malevolent smile surfaced. “Her age lines up with the last time we were together.” He shrugged nonchalantly, as though it weren’t a big deal to be playing with my life. “I guess we have to take a paternity test.”
I lifted both brows, pretending I wasn’t affected even though my pulse increased in tempo.
We had the longest staring contest known to man as my heartbeat thrashed loudly in my ears, causing a discomfort in my chest.
Then, it hit me.
He wasn’t bluffing.
He was about to blow up our lives, and he’d be the one to walk away, unscathed.
I pointed a finger in his face. “Screw. You.” I stood, and the chair flew back, tipping over.
I was normally calm but not now, not when he wanted to play God with my life. I refused to let him have power over my life anymore, and I’d be damned if he had power over my family.
“She’s not yours. You hear me!” I stomped toward him, a foot away, my finger jabbing in his direction. “She’s ours. Josh has raised her since she was an infant. Where were you? What were you doing?” My tone heightened in hysteria, and my arms flared at my sides. “Out screwing every girl with legs and getting so high that you forgot what you’d even done the night before? No! Do you hear me? No!”
His crooked smile had my blood pressure skyrocketing. “Sit down, Sunshine.”
“Stop calling me that!”
“Sit down, Mrs. Stanton,” Hawke’s lawyer repeated.
“No!” I was so filled with rage, I couldn’t see straight.
The pounding in my ears was deafening. The tremors in my body were overwhelming. It felt like everyth
ing was closing in on me, like walls narrowing together in a small room, making it difficult to get in my next breath.
“I’m going to talk to a lawyer and drag your ass through the media.”
Hawke laughed without humor, which only infuriated me more. “You think I care about my pristine self-image? You know me, Sunshine. You’ve gotta come back with a better threat than that.”
Tears burst from my eyes, and both hands flew to my lips. Damn it. I hated this. I hated the money he had access to. I hated him.
I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but the emotions were overtaking me. He was going to hurt Josh all over again when he’d been hurt enough.
“I don’t care,” I wept. “I’ll do everything in my power to keep you from her.”
He stilled, unsure of what to do at the abrupt change in mood. “I’ve never seen you this angry before. Even more now than that last night we were together,” he said.
“I’ve never had anything to fight for before.” I hugged my middle, barely standing straight. “What do you want? And don’t say her because you can’t have her.”
“I want to know the truth.” He leveled me with a stare. “Is she mine?”
Unable to hold myself up any longer, I fell to an empty chair. “Yes.” The word rushed out and was barely above a whisper.
Gracie’s beauty was a blessing and a curse. She looked exactly like her father with her high cheekbones and her emerald-green eyes with long lashes. She was her father’s child through and through, and a judge would be able to determine that with one look at her. There was no need to take a paternity test.
But it didn’t matter. She was Josh’s. In her laughter and in her heart. In the way she was compassionate to everyone around her. That was all Josh. Josh and I had nurtured her to be who she was today. Hawke had had no part in that.
Silence overtook the room for a moment.
Then, I lifted my head and faced him dead-on, swallowing my leftover tears. “There. You have the truth. Are we done here?”
His green eyes bore into mine, all humor gone. The only emotions left in his eyes were pain and regret. “I had no idea. I knew you were with him, but”—he shook his head—“I had no idea.”
