by Georgia Hill
Andy came over to the flat on the night that I returned home. Inez was nursing a bad cold so he suggested an evening in the pub. Just the two of us. I suspected that by now, he was finding Mum and Dad’s a little claustrophobic.
“God, are you ever going to throw those flowers away?” he exclaimed as he came in, rubbing his hands to warm them. It was, as usual, freezing cold in the flat. “They’re beginning to stink!”
I looked at the bouquet of yellow roses that Jack had presented me with on the evening of the Victorian gala. I had tended to them religiously to keep them alive for as long as possible. Having been away at Bev’s though, the flowers were now reproaching me for my neglect. I touched the dried petals gently. They were now a veritable Miss Havisham of a bunch, brown around the edges and shrivelled. I thought back to the words that Jack had whispered in my ear as he had handed them to me. Had he really called me his love? What did he mean? Or perhaps it didn’t mean anything of consequence at all. Perhaps it was just a friendly northern expression. One of the cleaners at school Mo, an indomitable woman with Black Country roots, had greeted me the first time I met her, with the words “Hello me lover!” It had quite alarmed me at first, especially as she was brandishing a mop at me at the time. Later on I realised it was her customary greeting, she even said it to a vaguely perplexed Jack.
As I was getting my coat there was an authoritative rap at the front door. From the bedroom I heard Andy open it and greet someone. A someone who responded in a deep, northern accented voice. I rushed out, a whole flock of butterflies taking up residence in my stomach. I stopped, with my coat trailing from my hands. My face gave me away by blushing furiously. Jack was standing in the doorway. From the advantage that his height gave he glared down at Andy and I. My mouth went horribly dry. For a moment, my eyes consumed him. I wanted to simply drink him in.
He was looking perfectly in control as usual, dressed in a pale grey pullover and his black Levis. The chunky sweater made his shoulders look broader than ever. The weather in Switzerland had obviously been good for his face and hands were lightly tanned. The colour made his face look thinner; it emphasised his strong nose and highlighted the fine line of his cheekbones. His wolf eyes seem paler and more vivid. The more so because he was looking from Andy to me with thinned lips and an angry expression.
“Happy New Year Nicola,” he said shortly. “I’ve just called round to tell you that I’m back and to see if you’re all right. But I can see that. So I’ll go.” He turned on his heel, in that brusque way he had. It was almost as if he couldn’t bear to be in the room.
“Hi, I’m Andy.” My brother said quickly and looked curiously from Jack to myself but made no comment about the leaden atmosphere which had suddenly descended. He bounded forward and reached out a hand. “You must be Jack Thorpe.” The men shook hands briefly. “We’re just off to the pub. Fancy coming?”
“No,” Jack replied and he sounded abrupt to the point of rudeness. Then he seemed to recollect himself and said in a fractionally softer tone, “I’ve got some unpacking to do.”
With a start I realised what was going through his mind. He couldn’t really think? No, that would be farcical. As he turned again, obviously impatient to go, I rushed out with, “Are you sure? My brother and I really wouldn’t mind.” As I emphasised the important word I thought I could see a tiny flicker of relief in those cold eyes. Then the familiar neutral expression reasserted itself.
He nodded. “Thanks for the invitation but I really do have a lot to do.” He looked again at Andy and myself and smiled a little.
“It was nice to meet you, Andy. I’ll see you at school, Nicky. Then he disappeared into the cold night.
I sat, moodily staring into the dregs of my wine. All around me were the sounds of people enjoying their last few moments of holiday and getting in some serious drinking before having to face the return to work. The pub was hot and crowded and I couldn’t
help feeling Jack had made the right decision by not coming. I bit my lip, vexed. It would have been good to clear things up before we encountered one another at school. I closed my eyes briefly. It was going to be mortifyingly embarrassing but I knew, at some point, that I had to apologise.
Andy came back from the bar and thumped down two more drinks onto the sticky table in front of us.
“Nic, I’ve invited Mum and Dad over to Spain at Easter. Do you think they’ll come? Now we’re settled into the villa there’s plenty of room.”
Andy had been dismissive of Mum’s illness. Perhaps he had more of Dad in him than any of us realised. While he had been here Mum had been putting on a brave face so the true extent of her problem had been masked.
With a struggle I brought my thoughts back to my family.
“Have you got room for one more?” I asked.
“Oh you can come too,” Andy added hastily. “I didn’t mean …”
“I meant Joyce Carter,” I smiled. She’s done so much for Mum. Be nice to give her a holiday. To thank her.” I thought I saw panic in Andy’s eyes as he contemplated his cool Spanish life-style becoming cramped by several old-age pensioners. As my brother had a habit of doing, he’d landed on his feet. Inez’s father owned several villas on the Costa de la Luz which he rented out. Inez and my brother were apparently living in great style in one of them. But Andy wasn’t my father’s son for nothing. As soon as the subject matter disturbed him, he changed it.
“So sis, what gives? What’s between you and this guy Jack? Why was there an atmosphere colder than a penguin’s backside in the flat and why are you looking as if you’re about to have your throat cut?” He tore open a packet of crisps with his white teeth and grinned sympathetically.
I looked up from swirling my unwanted glass of wine and sighed. Despite Andy’s casual approach to life I had always got on with him. I may not have approved of some of his life choices but he always offered a sympathetic ear. I thought back to the countless times he had listened to my tales of emotional despair. There was the time when I had a crush on Christopher in primary school. Then there was my equally hopeless crush on Andy’s best friend. Later on in life Andy had seen me through one disastrous relationship after another. So haltingly, I told him the whole sorry tale of my dealings with Jack Thorpe. Not that there was a lot to tell. But I knew I could rely on total support from my beloved older brother.
I should really have known better.
“Well, if he’s not married and you say he’s not gay, maybe he just doesn’t fancy you. Hard to believe I know, sis.” Andy sat back on his chair and grinned again.
He was obviously of the same opinion as Bev. I took a gulp of wine. Unrequited love was a miserable prospect.
“Or perhaps it’s something else,” Andy added more thoughtfully. I looked over at him with interest.
“Well, at the school where I used to teach, you know the one?” he shrugged and frowned and then went on. “Well, at that school there was an unspoken rule that relationships between staff were frowned upon.” He gave me a quick look. “They couldn’t do anything in law to ban them of course.” He laughed bitterly, “They couldn’t do anything like what they tried to do to me. But it was definitely frowned upon, especially in the management team.” He waved a hand around and added vaguely, “Something to do with trust and pillow talk - that sort of thing. But you know Nic, that’s a really old-fashioned point of view. I can’t see it being something to hold Jack back if he really likes you.”
And that was the crux of the problem. I had no real idea, apart from some signs that were quite possibly creations of my over-heated imagination, of exactly how Jack really felt about me.
And I still had to face him at work.
Chapter Twelve
Training Day - Spring Term.
All too soon the first day of the new term loomed. I wasn’t looking forward to it. Apart from everything else, I hated January with its short days and cold nights.
I hadn’t seen Jack at all since my encounter with him when Andy had been visi
ting. Being a total coward I hadn’t sought him out to say what I knew I had to say. And of course, there was also the matter of facing my other colleagues.
I actually felt physically sick when walking into school on the training day. I had dressed carefully wanting to give the impression of complete professionalism. The grey-brown trouser suit which I’d picked up in the sales fitted well but was, I had to admit, horribly dull. I couldn’t bear to be completely lacking in colour so I’d added a jade coloured shirt. The outfit may have looked smart but it wasn’t really warm enough and I shivered as I made my way into school, hampered by the heavy box I was carrying.
“Good morning Nicola.” Mona was first to greet me. She looked me up and down with a twinkle in her eye. “You look very smart this morning. Did you have a good break? Recovered from the excesses of the season I hope?”
I tried to smile back. I supposed a bit of teasing was expected.
“Wasn’t it a shame we didn’t get snow?” she continued, a little more kindly. “I can’t remember the last time we had a white Christmas. Jack is running a little late, he’s not here yet. He asked if you would be so good as to start the meeting. He said something about discussing the arrangements for the SATs Booster classes?” Mona rattled on most uncharacteristically. Part of me wondered if she was trying to put me at ease.
She took the box that I was carrying and peered inside. It contained bowls of hyacinths and early narcissi. I had brought them in to cheer the place up. It needed something. This term was always a struggle. There was usually nothing to look forward to apart from lots of wet playtimes.
The weather was certainly awful today. Outside rain spattered intermittently with squally snow and was falling from an ominous looking sky.
“Oh how lovely!” Mona sniffed in the heady aroma of a hyacinth in bloom. “You can take one bowl straight through to the office. Jack is still at the local authority. They asked him to go in first thing this morning.” She looked at me with a worried expression and finally said what was on her mind. “Do you think it might mean more change at school?”
I considered my reply carefully. An urgent meeting with the big bosses meant only one thing to me but there was no need to worry the other members of staff – just yet.
“I don’t know Mona but I’m sure Jack will fill us in as soon as he can.”
“Poor man,” she replied and tutted. “He works far too hard as it is. By the look of things I suspect he’s been here most days since the New Year.” She gave me a sly look. “What he needs is a nice young woman. To take him out of himself.”
Of all the moments for Mona to suddenly become gossipy, she had to choose this one. I smiled vaguely at her and hurried past her into Jack’s office.
I arranged a couple of bowls of bulbs on Jack’s desk, mulling over the news that he’d been called in to the local authority. Pre-occupied as I was, it took the edge off the embarrassment of having to face everyone again.
Slightly.
As people began to congregate in the staffroom most came up to me and wished me a happy new year and then grumbled about how quickly the holidays had passed. But Janice couldn’t resist a dig. She sidled up to me with a grin and handed over a packet of aspirin, asking if I needed some. No one else mentioned my misbehaviour at the Christmas gala. I began to breathe more easily. It was over three weeks ago, after all.
When everyone had got a coffee and settled down, I forced a smile and launched into the agenda. I had forgotten the other targets for staff gossip. As I made my way through the first items, I was very aware of Ann’s eyes glued to Rupert and of his devoted gaze on me. What a mess.
I was half way through arranging how we were going to support some of the less able Year Six pupils when Jack strode into the meeting. It was an echo of the last time he walked into a training day in some ways. It became obvious that those teachers who had previously been listlessly staring out into the rain, hardly listening to me, were suddenly ready to pay attention.
Everyone sat up. Janice patted her hair into place and gave me a bawdy wink. My heart started to thump uncomfortably.
Jack’s ski tan hadn’t faded. His white shirt shone against his skin. The miserably cold weather outside had given his cheeks a healthy glow and the tip of his nose looked pink with cold. Raindrops stood proud on his black coated shoulders and through the fug of the room I could smell the fresh winter air he’d brought in with him. As he shrugged off his long overcoat I was positive I could hear a hormonal sigh drift around the staffroom. Or perhaps it had just been me. He looked as divine as ever. I could feel every nerve and sinew stiffen as I steeled myself to face him. I needn’t have worried, however.
He didn’t give me a glance as he sat down on the seat next to me. He simply looked tense. I felt a blast of pure love shoot through me, blushed unbecomingly and looked down at my diary, much as I had done on the previous training day, back in September, but for completely different reasons.
“Good morning everyone. I trust you all had a relaxing holiday.” He sounded apprehensive and spoke rapidly. “I’m sorry I’m late, I was called into the local authority early this morning.”
At this an uncomfortable murmuring spread through the group.
He nodded in my direction briefly but didn’t meet my eyes, “Thank you Nicky for starting the meeting off.” He looked around the room, cleared his throat and spoke without further preamble. “The bad news is that we are to be inspected this term, after the half term holiday. The good news, if it can be regarded as such, is that it will be conducted by a team from our local authority.”
There was a pause. Everyone was listening intently now.
“So only patch inspectors then?” This was from Ann, who was looking anxious. I saw Rupert swallow and remembered that this would be his first inspection. Janice had lost some of her jauntiness and Helen looked stricken.
“This time. But as I’m sure you’re all aware an inspection of this kind often precedes an inspection from Ofsted.” Jack smiled slightly at her and then scanned the rest of the group for reactions. “I’m sorry to start the new term with such gloomy news but wanted you all to be informed as soon as possible. I want you to remember that this time they will concentrate on how the school is managed. So Nicky, Ann and I will bear the brunt of the inspection.” At this there were a few nervous giggles. “However, with the school’s recent history, they will be observing some lessons as well. I want you to be prepared for that.”
The giggles stopped abruptly.
Jack paused, seemingly to consider his next words. “I also want to say that the hard work you have all put in is having real results. I am very pleased with what this school has achieved in a very short space of time and I believe we have nothing to fear from an inspection of any kind. I think we should all be extremely proud of what we have done.”
As a morale boosting speech it had some effect. Helen looked a little less pinched and Janice was some way to being mollified. Rupert though, still looked slightly green.
Fatuously, I suddenly had an image of Jack as Henry V rousing his troops before the battle of Agincourt. I stifled a giggle and forced my self to attend to the serious matter in hand. My infatuation for this man had already got me into enough trouble. I realised Jack was speaking again and tried to focus.
“So, with that in mind, I suggest we begin planning how we might best prepare.”
The staff looked at one another numbly and got out their notebooks.
It was much later on in the day that I felt I ought to clear the air between Jack and me. As he had shown no inclination to come in my direction, I made my way nervously to his office.
“Hey, Nicky! I’ve just found out that when Word spell checks ‘Ofsted’ it comes out as ‘Ousted’. Just about sums them up, doesn’t it!” Rupert had obviously recovered some of his natural joie de vivre. He grinned at me as he passed me in the corridor.
I tried to smile back wishing I could have fallen for someone as uncomplicated. He so clearly liked me, was
good fun and great looking. But he lacked one thing. He wasn’t Jack.
I knocked, with more confidence than I felt, on Jack’s office door.
“Come in.” He didn’t look up to see who it was. He was poring over what looked like the print out of the current budget. When he saw it was me he cleared his throat and irritably ran a finger around his collar.
“Nicky! Erm, what can I do for you?” I thought he sounded nervous and was reminded of the meetings we’d had in this room at the beginning of last term. That he was nervous made no more sense now than it did then.
I straightened my shoulders and located my stiff upper lip. This was going to be hard.
“I thought I ought to apologise,” I began. I faltered under his penetrating gaze. He didn’t reply immediately and his brows knitted together into one of his forbidding scowls.
“There’s absolutely no need,” he muttered eventually and returned his attention to the budget.
Silence.
I continued, as he didn’t seem to want to respond further. “You know, for my behaviour at the gala. Before Christmas.” I took a very deep breath. “I’m very sorry if I caused you or the school any embarrassment.” I exhaled and blew my fringe. It was done.
“I don’t think there was any lasting damage done.” Jack’s lips thinned. “I think most people were in a similar state. And I understand you have already apologised to Angus.” He gave a curt nod, as if to dismiss me. Pompous arse. I tried hard to dislike him.
