by Terah Edun
Sniffling, Ciardis looked around at the half-circle of somber individuals. Not one person looked happy. Some looked downright dour. Others looked pissed off. Two of the most pissed off being the men with ties to her soul. But for now she would ignore them as much as they were ignoring her. To Lillian’s left stood Terris with a tight grip around her husband’s waist, and her eyes closed as she leaned into his shoulder. Meres looked just as pained, but he acknowledged Ciardis’s presence with a nod. Just beyond the couple stood Caemon, looking awkward and apologetic. And Vana stood to Lillian’s right, her face dispassionate, her fingers constantly moving as she twirled a knife in her hand.
For Vana, that wasn’t normal. She either used the knife or she didn’t. But she never just played with them. Looking at her carefully, Ciardis could see small lines of stress around her eyes like crow’s feet.
Ciardis almost chuckled.
Darkly, she thought, Looks like I’m not the only one having a piss-poor day.
But she didn’t try to prod anyone into action. Not yet, anyway. Misery might love company, but not Ciardis. She wasn’t the type of person who wanted to draw another person down into the depths of sadness with her. Besides, she knew that each of her friends were hurting in some way. It didn’t so much matter how as why. She was that why. She couldn’t do anything to change that. She couldn’t keep Terris and Meres together, she couldn’t make Vana do or not do anything, and she couldn’t stop Thanar and Sebastian from being idiots.
But I could talk to Caemon, she thought. But she didn’t want to play that card.
Not yet, she thought, maybe not ever. So Ciardis continued to ignore him, and silently took in the two large individuals that stood in the shadows at her mother’s back. People that she didn’t know, and the black leather that covered them from head to toe didn’t help either.
But she didn’t need to see their faces to know whom they served.
“And these are?” Ciardis said, careful to contain her fury. She knew who and what they were. Just by the halberds that rested casually in their hands and the chainmail on their chests.
“My jailers,” answered Lillian ... while echoing Ciardis’s unspoken thoughts.
Ciardis eyed them with a hard look until Lillian reached up with both hands to cup her daughter’s face and turn her golden Weathervane eyes to meet her mother’s identical pair.
Turning her face into the caress of Lillian’s hand, Ciardis whispered, “It’s good to see you, mother.”
Lillian looked surprised. She didn’t ask what was going on with her daughter, but Ciardis did note that she carefully exchanged a glance with someone standing behind her.
It could have been anyone ... Vana, Thanar, Sebastian, or Christian.
But Ciardis Weathervane would bet good money it was Christian.
But she didn’t acknowledge the silent exchange. She didn’t have to. Even she knew this affectionate state was uncharacteristic of her ... particularly when it involved Lillian Weathervane, previously known as Lady Serena. Ciardis and Lillian had best been considered tangential allies, at least until now. Ciardis had, and still, resented her mother’s abandonment, and even worse, the deception long after she had found Ciardis.
Sometimes Ciardis wondered if Serena had ever planned to tell her that she was her mother in disguise. But it had become a moot point when Vana forced her hand.
Leaning away, Ciardis was careful to keep her back to Sebastian and Thanar, as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “It’s just been a stressful two days.”
Lillian raised an eyebrow. “We’re Weathervanes, dear ... stress is in our nature.”
Ciardis’s mouth quirked at the corner, but she didn’t smile. She wasn’t in the mood for jokes, but neither did she feel like having a heart-to-heart with her mother in the middle of such a large group ... or in front of two particular males.
Instead, Ciardis said, “Sometimes it feels like even twenty-four hours is far too long when someone has been brought into your life and ripped from it just as suddenly.”
Lillian let a pained smile grace her face as Ciardis heard Caemon piped up from her side, “I can vouch for that.”
His voice ended awkwardly on a high note.
Ciardis knew he was trying to speak to her congenially, but she didn’t want to deal with him now. She wasn’t angry with him, just exasperated. But she would pick her battles carefully, and confronting her brother about his malicious maligning of her character was not on this morning’s to-do list. Right now, she knew she was lucky not to be spiraling back into darkness in the presence of two very angry bond mates.
But so far, so good, Ciardis thought in relief. Deep breaths. Don’t think about them. It’ll be fine. Although I do wonder if they’re having just as much of a hard time as I am? Surely what effects one bond mate affects them all?
She didn’t have an answer to that question, but she knew whom to ask. Later.
Lillian leaned back and took Ciardis’s arms in her hands while she cleared her throat.
Ciardis looked at Lillian with a tremulous smile pasted on her face. One she was sure her mother, and former Companions’ Guild sponsor, knew was fake, but she knew that Lillian would appreciate that she was making the effort. At least she assumed she would, since Lillian had hammered into her as a companion trainee that, above all else, she must have a pleasant demeanor. At all times.
She was beyond the trainee stage, but at times if felt like she still had a world of information to learn.
“Did something happen, daughter?” Lillian said.
Ciardis heard the rustle of Thanar’s wings moving in the air as he shifted away from leaning against the wall.
“No, nothing except the engagement and a new assignment from the emperor,” Ciardis joked with false cheer. “Speaking of the emperor, why did he let you go?”
Lillian gave a false smile. “He didn’t let me go, so much as give me leeway to see my daughter off on her journey to a far land. After all, we have no idea when you’ll be back, and the emperor isn’t a monster.”
Her mother’s tone was full of mockery. Ciardis heard Caemon snort in disdain from behind her as well.
Well, seems we Weathervanes can agree on one point at least, Ciardis thought cheerfully.
“Right,” Ciardis murmured. Then Ciardis really took in her mother’s features with worry. She looked tired and stressed. Both of which could be expected from a woman sentenced to a life of imprisonment in the palace dungeons.
“Are they treating you well?” Ciardis asked with a hitch in her voice.
“Fairly well,” Lillian answered diplomatically, “but enough about me. I see that you, Thanar, Sebastian, Christian, and Terris will be going on this trip.”
Ciardis nodded and stepped back. “Yes.”
“Well done,” praised Lillian. “There’s a good mix of strengths and talents in that. Christian and Thanar will be able to heal any grievous wounds you attain. Sebastian will be able to command a small protective force. And dear Terris will allow you to speak with the myriad of famed kith that hunt the desert lands.”
Ciardis grimaced. She knew to be wary when “myriad” and “famed” were mentioned in the same sentence as kith. The last thing she needed was another screaming wendigo coming after any of them.
At that moment, Terris stepped forward. “I procured a map from the imperial archives, if we’d like to go over the route.”
A delighted smile appeared on Lillian’s face, if a little bit strained, as she said, “Let’s!”
Lillian motioned for them all to gather around a round table in the corner, and Terris led the way. Ciardis wanted to comment on the strain her mother seemed to be under, but she held back. Now wasn’t the time, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it anyway. The emperor never seemed to listen to her pleas, and actually seemed to delight in torturing those close to the youngest Weathervane.
With dry eyes and an achy throat, Ciardis watched as Terris spread the map on the polished table in
front of them, and she saw the Algardis Empire unfold before her. Vaneis to the far northwest, the gate of Ban in the far northeast corner, the Ameles Forest on the eastern border, Sandrin in the southern port outlet, and much uncharted territory between them and the farthest west point on the map.
Without wasting a breath, Terris reached forward and placed a finger down on a red dot about twenty miles east of the western border of Algardis, demarcated by etched lines on the map. “This is Kifar.”
Ciardis’s eyes couldn’t help but travel beyond that. From the city they intended to visit to the border in the distance.
But it was Caemon who spoke up, not Ciardis. “And beyond there? That border in the distance. Does it mark the boundary created after the Aerdivus virus swept the population or before it?”
“After,” said Sebastian with a curious note in his voice. “The original boundaries of the empire are supposed to be hundreds of miles west of that new border.”
Vana nodded. “He’s right. But that’s not important to this quest.”
She put a finger down on the castle-like structure that marked Sandrin, and traced her finger along a wide line.
“We need to focus on getting from the coast to the cities in the far west. To Kifar,” Vana said. “The road I just outlined with my hand is the emperor’s road. Built after the Initiate Wars, and well maintained for commerce for a long time.”
“And now?” asked Thanar.
“In moderate disrepair, but still passable,” Lillian said.
Ciardis looked at her in surprise. “You’ve been west.”
“Once,” said Lillian, “while I traveled as Lady Serena, and once was all I needed.”
Ciardis blinked. That didn’t sound good.
“What was wrong with the road then?” Terris asked with a frown.
“The road itself?” Lillian said with a shrug. “Nothing.”
Caemon cleared his throat. “If not the road in disrepair, what made the journey so ... disagreeable?”
Ciardis was wondering the same thing.
“It was the brigands, cutthroats, and curious ... creatures that we encountered that were a problem,” Lillian said. “Lawless place, and it got so bad that even with guards we were looted of the majority of our possessions, and two of my travel attendants were killed.”
Caemon leaned forward in disbelief. “How many guards did you have?”
“More than enough,” Lillian said. “Twenty soldiers and ten private mercenaries. Only five survived.”
They all leaned back in stunned silence.
“What do you suggest, Lady Weathervane?” Sebastian asked.
“That perhaps my convoy was too well guarded,” Lillian said.
“What?” Ciardis asked. She wasn’t sure she understood what Lillian was hinting at.
But Terris was swifter on the uptake: “You think that many guards attracted attention.”
Lillian nodded with a smile. “We weren’t inconspicuous. Our clothes were refined, our guards numerous, and we had flashy mages with us.”
Finally Ciardis understood. She hummed as she said, “You looked like flashy bags, ripe for picking.”
The entire table turned to look at her in surprise.
Vana said, “Exactly. She’s right.”
“Bags?” asked Caemon.
Ciardis shrugged. “Short for money bags. It’s what we called the traders in the village that showed up wearing costly furs with bags of gold. They usually got robbed in the mountain passes on the way out.”
“Through no doing of your village brethren, I take it?” Thanar said dryly.
That was first time Thanar had spoken to her since they’d been in the same room. She tried not to let it affect her.
“I never said that,” she said.
Terris chuckled. “All right, so we try to look like less of a target.”
“How many soldiers have you assigned to this, Sebastian?” Lillian asked.
“Forty under a single captain,” Sebastian answered.
“That’s too many,” said Ciardis.
“So you suggest we go through a lawless land unprotected?” Sebastian said tightly.
“No,” she shot back, “we just need to leave as small a footprint as possible.”
Vana said, “I usually don’t agree so readily, but reducing the size of your group could mean getting through the badlands faster, and undetected.”
“Assuming we’ll use the emperor’s road,” pointed out Thanar.
Terris leaned over the map and peered over its content. “What other way would we use? It’s the straightest route to Kifar.”
“But perhaps not the fastest,” Thanar said while leaning forward and pointing down at the map. “You want the quickest way to Kifar and to get there unmolested, then you go through this.”
Terris brushed his hand away with a frown and studied the map where his finger lay. “That’s a river.”
Sebastian said, “Was a river.” They all turned to look at him. “It was one of the largest rivers in Algardis but dried up during the Initiate Wars.”
“Do tell,” murmured Caemon.
“It’s not important why it’s dried up,” said Ciardis. “Only that’ll it work. Will going along that riverbed take us to Kifar?”
Terris looked up in surprise as he said, “Right to its doorstep.”
“And do most of the brigands avoid that area, mother?” demanded Ciardis.
“Avoid?” said Lillian. “I wouldn’t say that ... but they aren’t fools. If a caravan is coming or easy pickings, it would be on the main road.”
Ciardis smiled. “Then I think we should take the road less traveled. Who’s with me?”
She looked around the table as every head nodded. Some more slowly than others. But they all agreed.
Ciardis leaned back with a relieved smile. Finally, at least here’s something we can agree on.
“Now,” said Terris with a disciplinarian’s tone, “the kitchens have already packed long-travel food. I suggest we get rid of the gaudy carriages and redistribute to pack mules.”
“Pack mules?” spluttered Ciardis. “They will take forever to get where we’re going.” Ciardis knew that from experience. “And they’re as stubborn as goats.”
“Not these pack mules,” Terris said with a delighted smile.
Ciardis groaned internally. She knew that smile. It was the smile that said Terris had found a new toy and Ciardis would be lucky to escape with her digits whole.
Chapter 16
They spent a few more minutes discussing provisions for the trip and ended the group conversation with the request from Terris that everyone be ready to go in twenty minutes.
As she watched her best friend leave the room side by side with Vana, who was speaking animatedly with Terris about capture-and-kill tactics for lethal kith, of all things, Ciardis felt an emotion akin to envy rise in her gut. But it wasn’t envy, she soon realized. It was surprise. Terris had taken over the leadership of their small band of travelers as efficiently as if she had been leading cross-country trips her entire life.
Squirming, Ciardis thought, Perhaps she has. What do I really know about Terris? Other than the fact that she hails from the Western Isles and has an uncanny knack for bonding with un-human species.
She knew that she was being hard on herself, but she couldn’t help it. She’d chalk it up to the effects of the seeleverbindung. It made her feel inadequate about everything ... including her knowledge of her friends.
Then she felt a small squeeze on her left shoulder. Licking her dry lips, Ciardis turned and gave a polite smile to Christian, who had walked up.
“It’ll get better,” he murmured. He didn’t even ask what had upset her. She didn’t offer an explanation, either.
But she did feel her tense shoulders ease a bit as a sense of calm envelope her. She immediately felt less hysterical ... less remote.
Ciardis almost sighed aloud as a darkness seemed to lift from her aura. “You know,” she said curiou
sly, “I’m almost to the point where I’d pay you to never stop touching me.”
A genuine laugh erupted from Christian’s lips. “Now if only all the ladies felt that way.”
Ciardis snorted. “I mean it ... without you I feel like I’m gasping for air while falling down into the deep, dark sea. I can see the light at the surface, but I keep dropping further and further out of reach.”
“It’s natural,” he said softly. “The beginning of the bond is always hardest, and with your unique situation it’ll be doubly hard. Remember, you never got to properly forge and settle your bond with Sebastian in the north before you came here and bound yourself soul to soul with Thanar within such a short span of time.”
“I know, I know. It’s all my fault,” groaned Ciardis as she reached up and threaded her fingers through his hand on her shoulder ... determined to keep the respite from the depressive spiral as long as possible.
“It is not all your fault,” Christian argued. “Even if Sebastian wasn’t aware of what the Cold Ones’ had done, the others of your retinue should have been aware, and at the very least sent you to a healer for consultation.”
Ciardis shrugged. “I kind of left town before they could.”
“Try not to be so flippant about it,” Christian said with a final squeeze of her shoulder as he removed his hand.
Ciardis wanted to reach out and snatch back the touch again. She felt the urge so strongly that she surprised even herself by lifting her hand and then dropping it to her waist quickly when she realized what she was doing.
Balling her hand into a fist to prevent her fingers from straining for a stranger’s touch, she said, “Without your gift and the relief from this darkness in my mind, I feel like I will never rise from my own misery.”
Christian was silent.
“But with your gift,” Ciardis whispered as she turned to look him fully in the eyes, “I feel like a spice junkie who can’t stay away from the only source of relief that I’ve yet found.”
“I know,” said Christian kindly, “which is why I will use this sparingly. It’s up to you to find a way to block the spiral from overtaking your thoughts ... and your dreams.”
