“Angie. Our older one, Jenna, is three, and running around here somewhere. Do you think you and Matthew—”
“Oh, we’re way too early to be thinking about that.” Way too early.
“Thinking about what?” Matt wraps an arm around my waist, making me jump.
Sneaky jerks. “Never mind!” My cheeks flame as though we were over here sinisterly plotting how I can trap Matt by getting pregnant with his babies.
I am on very strong birth control and staying that way for quite some time, thank you.
“You’re not telling Garth’s wife all my secrets, getting him and me in trouble, are you?”
Garth strolls up with a grin and takes the baby. He’s got the same reformed bad boy vibe Matt has. “Geez, Matt, you’ve been here for five minutes and you’re already landing me in it?”
Kristen rolls her eyes. “Andy and I were just chatting.”
“What, and we should skedaddle?”
She purses her lips as though thinking about it. “No, you can stay. If you get me some more of those fussy little feta things you made.”
“Shhh!” He widens his eyes. “People will know I made them and think less of your cooking skills and my fragile masculinity.” He heads off to the kitchen.
“Where are my manners, come sit.” Kristen leads us to a patio table. “So, you’ve known Matt and Garth since the old days, huh?”
“I met Garth tonight. Matt hung out with my brother sometimes, but they weren’t close. It’s more that I saw him around.” And stared.
“Darn. I was hoping you could give me the goods about these two.” She winks at me.
Garth sets a plate in front of her. “Hey, we’re old and boring now, right, Matt?”
“Exactly.” Matt sips his beer and looks a little uncomfortable.
I try to redirect the conversation. “Yeah, these guys have always been boring, unlike us, Kristen.”
“That’s for sure. Oh, looks like I’m needed.” She heads across the lawn to the little girl wearing a football jersey and a tutu having obvious trouble with her pony toy.
“Shit. I’m up too.” Garth jerks his head at the BBQ, now throwing off dark smoke. “Here, hold her for me.”
“Why can’t you take her with you?” Matt protests as Garth carefully unloads the baby into his arms.
“Carcinogens in the smoke. Mummy’s a little—”
“Careful—” Kristen warns.
“Cautious.” Garth smiles, rolls his eyes, and strides across the yard to salvage the steaks.
Okay, I said I don’t want kids for years and years, but seeing the tiny baby nestled in the crook of Matthew’s arms is making my ovaries tingle in a distinctly domestic way I’ve never felt before. This is definitely not good.
Focus on something else. “They seem nice. Garth and Kristen.”
He smiles. “Garth was the best friend I ever had growing up. He moved away a couple years before I did, went upstate.”
“And you used to get into trouble together?”
He narrows his eyes. “Why, Andy Perris, are you trying to pump me for information to sell to the enemy?”
“Maybe. Those steaks smell pretty good. I think Kristen would hook me up for a juicy enough story.”
“Garth’s the one in charge of the steaks.”
“It’s cute you think that.” I take an overly casual sip of wine.
“You are so lucky I’m holding a baby right now.”
“Oh, sure, that old excuse.”
He leans closer. “Seriously, though? I’ve never held a baby before.”
“How is that even possible?” I make no move to take her because Matt’s too cute right now despite his discomfort. Maybe because of it.
“None of my friends have had any, or they’re new friends with kids past the diaper stage.”
“No cousins with babies?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. Not yet anyway. Maybe I held Luke when we were little. I don’t remember, I was too young myself. I feel like if I hold her too tight she’ll break, but if I don’t hold tight enough I’ll drop her. How do people do this?”
My heart smiles. “You’re doing a fabulous job.”
“Hey, how’s my baby?” Garth takes her, clearly in love with his new daughter.
“Only dropped her once.” Matt winks.
“Excellent stats. I’ll put you down for babysitting on Fridays forever.”
“Not a chance. How’s the food coming?”
Garth blows on his baby’s tummy and she shrieks with laughter. “Steaks are burning nicely.”
Kristen comes back with a plate of appetizers. “We eating soon?”
Garth laughs. “Looks like you’ve already started.”
She smirks and looks at me. “I’m not normally like this. Breastfeeding. It’s a great diet—I can’t eat fast enough to replace the calories, but I’m starving all the time.”
“And she’s hardly grumpy at all when she’s hungry.” Garth widens his eyes and pulls his lips into an exaggerated grimace.
“I know where you live, Campbell.” She lobs a grape at him.
“Hey!” He easily catches it and pops it in his mouth. “Jenna doesn’t want to come sit with the grown-ups?”
Kristen shakes her head. “She’s busy with pony business.” She turns to me. “Garth was saying you’re a mechanic?”
“Yes.”
“That’s awesome. We need more women in the trades.”
“Are you in them as well?”
“Not professionally.”
“Why don’t you show her your workshop?” Garth suggests. “We’ll take care of the rest of the food and dish everything up while you’re sharing your hobby.” The pride in his tone radiates out and makes me even more curious about her workshop and what it contains.
She squints at Matt. “You’re sure you can keep this guy in check?”
“Oh, I know his weak spots to keep him in line.”
Kristen grins. “A swift kick in the shins always works for me.” She stands and focuses on me. “Shall we?”
“Sure.”
“Bring your drink. It gets hot.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Matthew
“What’s Kristen’s hobby?” I ask when they disappear inside the building in the backyard.
“Metalwork. Her dad was a blacksmith and she didn’t want to follow in his footsteps, but loved working the metal. She makes artwork, and also practical pieces. Remind me to show you the fireplace poker she made.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Yup. I lucked out with her. What about you and Andy?”
“What about us?”
He gives me a ‘dude, please’ look.
I smile. “She’s pretty fucking awesome.”
“And she can deal with the crazy Mercy clan?”
I grimace. “I’ve been trying to compartmentalize, to be honest. I can barely deal with them myself.”
“I hear that. Remember my crazy cousin Tony?”
“The one who head-butted a state trooper and pissed on the front seat of the patrol car while the guy was unconscious? Yeah, he’s pretty hard to forget.”
He snorts. “Yeah. Guess we’ve all got some genes we’d rather stay hidden in the pool.”
I clink my beer bottle against his. “And some skeletons in the closet.”
“Does she know about when we were younger?”
I nod. “She knew some of it, growing up on the periphery of the races.”
“And she hasn’t run away yet?”
“Nope.”
Garth stands and hands the baby to me again. Her tiny, fragile warmth makes something protective uncurl in my chest. She’s so helpless and small, so full of potential. Life has barely begun for her—the possibilities of the things she can do are endless. Especially with parents like Garth and Kristen.
He grabs his spatula. “Sounds like a keeper to me.”
I follow him to the BBQ where he takes foil packets off the grill and stacks them o
n a plate he hands to me before dealing with the steaks.
“Kristen jokes, but she knows everything about me as well—crazy family and all. It’s nice to not have to hide anything, isn’t it?”
I nod, guilt gnawing at my guts.
I DROP ANDY OFF WITH a kiss and a promise to call tomorrow. Garth’s words echo through me, multiplying the guilt, making it impossible to stay over at her place.
Hell, I can’t even take her to mine because she’d be exposed to my asshole family members who see her as the enemy target to be taken out by any means necessary.
I’m one of those means.
I came back and got into things I shouldn’t have for noble reasons—saving my brother. Okay, maybe they’re noble-adjacent. Andy will probably forgive me for the shit I did for Samson, but what about the whole ‘seduce and distract’ angle?
She can never find out about it. That’s all.
Luke’s door is open and the light’s on, so I push inside as I knock, disbelief making me take three steps forward to get a better look because I damn sure don’t believe my eyes. “What the fuck is going on here?”
Luke scrambles to hide the crushed pills and the paraphernalia. He sniffs deeply—he’s already snorted some. “Nothing.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Rage, scalding and complete, overtakes me in ways it hasn’t since I was a stupid kid.
Luke sniffs again, knocking powder from his nose with his thumb. “Whatever.”
“No, Luke. No, no, there’s no ‘whatever’ here. We’ve been out busting our asses to save yours, and you’re here doing drugs? You’re still on probation, for fuck’s sake!”
“Yeah. ‘Busting your asses.’ Where were you this week?”
“At a race.”
“And last night and tonight?”
My eye twitches.
He laughs. “Oh, that’s right. Out with your fake girlfriend. Tell me again how you’re suffering for the cause, bro, because I really don’t see it from here. Busting your ass. Please. Busting your nut more like.”
“I’ve paid off most of what you owe, in case you’ve forgotten.”
He sobers. “I know you have, and I’m grateful. But don’t act like going out racing and fucking a tight piece of ass like Andy Perris is a hardship.”
The only reason I don’t punch him is because his nose is still taped up. And because I’m trying to cling to being a better person. “Don’t call her that. I’ll kick your ass myself.”
“I mean, I know I’m high, but what? Are you telling me you fell in love with the chick you’re supposed to be fucking over?”
“Yeah, I guess I did.”
His eyes widen. “Wow. When Dad finds out—”
I lean in closer. “Dad’s not going to find out, Luke. Neither is Kingsley.”
“You think you can hide something like this?”
“Yup. Because I only have to hide it until your debt’s gone. And then so am I.”
He nods angrily. “Of course. You’ll just ride off into the sunset again and forget all about us. Well, have a great life, Matt. Call me in another six years.”
He pulls the pills back out, and I snatch them away and throw the bottle at the wall. The lid flies off and pills scatter everywhere.
“No. Whether or not I stay or go has nothing to do with you hitting the self-destruct button. You don’t get to do this on my watch. You don’t get to use me as an excuse for this shit.” Standing beside the bed, I tower over him. “Yeah, we had a raw fucking deal growing up with these assholes as our role models. But there comes a point when you have to take responsibility and realize there is no easy way out. That you are the one in control of what happens to you in your life, starting with one choice you make today.”
“What choice?” His jaw clenches, but his tone’s softer. I’m getting through to him.
“Not to do this shit.” I gesture at the rolled up bill and the powder on the mirror on the bed beside him. “I’ve been where you are right now, and yeah, it’s different for everyone, but changing your life? Getting out of this shit? It starts with one choice at a time, not major things happening that magically take all your problems away. There will never be a perfect day, a perfect sign that now’s the time to quit. If you really want out, doing these pills is the worst thing you could do.”
“I don’t know anything else. I quit after the first time they jumped me, but I feel like such shit,” his voice cracks on the last word.
“I’m not blaming you for taking something for the pain, hell—”
“Not physical. I’m worthless. I don’t want this anymore. It’s like being on a fucking treadmill with the end hanging off a cliff. One tiny slip and my ass is going all the way down. Never mind rock bottom, I’m facing a fucking cavern.”
“So take a big leap sideways and get off the treadmill.” I sit next to him. “Once this debt is gone, you’ve got a fresh start. Don’t waste it by diving back into running drugs. Those guys, Samson, Santos, they’ll be your best buddies again once you’re square, but not because they like you. They want you to get hooked again to repeat the cycle because if you’re in their debt, they own you, but next time it won’t be runs, it will be something worse to pay them off. What if they had you rob or kill someone? You think they’re above that?”
He swallows. “I know they’re not.”
“Take the fresh start and get the hell out of here.”
He stubbornly raises his chin. “I’m not running away.”
“It’s not running away, Luke. It’s escaping a shitty option as fast as you can. It’s the smart thing to do. I know, because I did it once.”
“And you’re doing okay—or you were, until I brought you back.”
I can’t let him use this guilt as a bludgeon. “If you hadn’t, I’d never have met Andy.”
He squints. “She means that much to you?”
“She does. I’d do anything for her. I’d do anything for you, too, you know. You’re not worthless.”
He sighs. “I really think you mean that.”
“Don’t sound too happy about it.”
The ghost of a smile grazes his lips. “I’ll try to quit this shit. But I need your help.”
“Anything you need, I’m here. I fucked up by leaving the way I did, but I didn’t know any better.”
“It’s okay. You’re right, I can’t use that as an excuse. You’re here now and that’s what matters.”
I raise my eyebrow. “So, do we hug now?”
“Fuck no.” He laughs at my attempt at levity. “Save that shit for Andy.”
“You won’t tell those assholes about her and me?”
He shakes his head. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
Fuck it. I do hug him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Andy
I check the carb for a warp in the mounting base, finding none.
Matt going home last night instead of sleeping over was better for my work schedule. And if I repeat that enough times, maybe my libido will get the message. I needed to catch up on sleep and some work around here and if he’d stayed over, chances are we’d still be in bed not sleeping.
Last night’s experience idles in my mind while I disassemble the carburetor. It was so nice meeting his friends. Kristen was cool—an artist like Matt, but working in metals. How bad ass is that? She makes all kinds of things to sell: old fashioned wall hangings that hold candles in front of a small mirror, pokers and fireplace tools, ornate sculptures with thin ribbons of iron bent and folded intricately around each other. If I can figure out a way to use her skills to make a concept bike, I’m definitely going to do it.
Something medieval and dramatic. Motorcycles are Iron Horses, after all.
Seeing Matt with those kids was too enticing, like a glimpse into a possible future. Someday, not anytime soon; I’m not jumping the gun. It was the first time I’ve ever pictured something like that for myself. It was nice. Garth and Kristen make the white picket fence appealing, like y
ou can still be yourself and have kids without losing yourself to the role of parent. They have kids and they’re still Garth and Kristen.
Maybe if I’d met more parents my age I’d have realized it can be like that.
“I’m here to fondle your wrenches. Bend over.”
I snort and pull my face from the carburetor I’m up close and personal with. “Chug-a-lug. What’s up?”
Chug holds up a white paper bag, wearing less makeup than usual and a slightly rumpled dress. “Breakfast sandwiches and a walk of shame. But if you’re busy with a carb...?”
“Excellent! No, you caught me before the chem dip. Let me wash up and you can give me all the dirty details.”
“I’ll put the coffees on.”
I head to the sink and scrub up, getting my cheeks in the chair as the second coffee’s brewed. “Do tell. Was this date with the lawyer whose car you fixed?”
“Yes. She’s so assertive and take charge, took me out for dinner and dancing. But um,” she blows out a sigh. “How much information is too much?”
I bite my sandwich, bacon and egg with no cheese. “We’ve pretty much talked about it all, haven’t we? It’s a little late for disclaimers now.”
She nods and takes a gulp of coffee. “Okay. She likes to be bossed around. Told what to do.”
“In bed?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. So you—”
“Order her around. Like a Dominant.”
Would I like that with Matt? To be honest, I’m not sure if it’s not really my thing. I’d be okay with him wanting to tie me up—or tying him up. Okay, I can definitely see the potential for being the dominant one. “Are you into that?”
She blushes “I’ve never done it before! But it was so sexy.”
“Then when are you seeing her again?”
“This weekend.” She finishes her sandwich. “I’m not sure where to take her, though. It’s my turn to choose the place.”
“Beer and monster trucks!”
She snorts. “Yeah right. I’ll think of something.”
“It’s not what you’re doing, it’s who you’re doing it with.”
Begging For Mercy Page 16
