‘Well, that’s settled then,’ said Eileen. ‘I’ve managed to track down the war memorial from the Memorial Gardens, by the way. If you remember, the County Council removed it a few years ago, intending to restore it, and the project foundered. I’ve spoken to the lady in charge, and she’s put me on to the War Memorial Fund, which give grants to help restore memorials to their former glory. Apparently, we could get the memorial back and do a rededication ceremony if we so wish. But it is going to cost us a lot of money.’
‘Do you think we can get some money out of New Horizons?’ said Kezzie.
‘I doubt it,’ said Joel, who had already explored that avenue. ‘I think they have a very tight contract as to who they can and can’t support charity wise, but we could try and raise our profile a bit more by getting some famous garden people to visit the garden and exhibition, couldn’t we?’
‘Great idea,’ said Eileen. ‘Kezzie, you know about gardens, can you make that your priority?’
‘Thanks very much,’ Kezzie said to Joel slightly crossly, at the end of the meeting. ‘Any gardening contacts I have are via Richard. I can hardly go and ask him.’
‘Why not?’ said Joel, puzzled. ‘I know you’ve split up, but what’s the big deal about approaching him on a professional basis?’
‘Let’s just say that I am not Richard’s favourite person, right now,’ said Kezzie, ‘and I think he’d be very unlikely to help.’
‘Shame,’ said Joel, who still couldn’t quite see what the problem was. ‘We’ll have to find another way. Do you fancy a lift home?’
‘That would be great,’ said Kezzie. ‘Thanks.’
Lauren was working behind the bar at the Labourer’s Legs, and so, for the first time, was Troy. She’d been very nervous to start with, spilling drinks, and pouring duff pints, but as the evening wore on, she grew more relaxed in Troy’s presence. To her surprise, he didn’t try anything on and was gently solicitous with her all evening. He cracked jokes, helped her change the barrel, fended off the more leery of the pub goers, and in short made her session behind the bar far more interesting and fun than normal. He even noticed how much Sally took her for granted.
‘You should stand up to them,’ he said. ‘You’re too dedicated. They take advantage of your good nature.’
‘Yeah, well I need the job,’ said Lauren drily, and he had the grace to look embarrassed.
When they got rid of the last customer at 11.20, Troy persuaded her to sit down with a drink while he cleared up. As Lauren often didn’t get away beyond midnight, she let herself be persuaded. It felt relaxing to be sitting in a pub with Troy again. She was reminded of the early days in their relationship, when Troy seemed like the most exciting thing that had ever happened to her. She remembered the thrill of his presence, and the way just a touch of his hand used to send chills up her spine. Troy would come round and take her dancing at midnight, or get her out of bed to drive to the seaside, just for the day.
Those days had been heady and giddy with love and desire. She had never met anyone like Troy, and no one had ever made her feel the way he did. She was dizzy with love, and nothing else had mattered except being with him. The years of responsibility with the twins had changed her, she realized with a jolt. It was a long time since she’d done anything just for her. And she missed the freedom she had had. Despite her reservations about being with Troy, she felt easy in his company, and allowed him to buy her another spritzer, though she insisted that she had to be home for midnight.
‘I’ve got to get up in the morning, don’t forget,’ she said, taking a sip of her drink.
‘I could stay over and look after Sam for you,’ said Troy.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ said Lauren. ‘You don’t get back in that easy.’
‘It’s worth a try,’ said Troy with a grin, and Lauren looked away, feeling uncomfortable. It was all very well sitting here having a drink with him, but she didn’t want to encourage him.
‘Stop flirting with me,’ she said.
‘I’m not flirting,’ he said. ‘Why, do you want me to?’
‘No!’ said Lauren. ‘I’m happy as I am.’
‘Are you? Really?’ Troy leant over and touched her hand.
A tingle went up her spine. Dammit. She couldn’t believe he could still have that effect on her. She snatched her hand away.
‘I’m fine. More than fine. Blissfully happy in fact.’
‘Ah well, if you say so,’ said Troy in disbelieving tones.
‘I do say so,’ said Lauren. ‘And even if I weren’t, it wouldn’t mean I’d be coming back to you.’
‘Shame,’ said Troy.
‘Cut it out,’ said Lauren. ‘I’m pleased you’re back, for the girls’ sake. I’m grateful for your help tonight, but you and me – it’s just not going to happen. So get used to it.’
‘If you say so,’ Troy said again.
‘I do,’ said Lauren firmly. ‘And now I’m going home. Be seeing you.’
She got up, annoyed that she’d been so rattled by him. Because he was right. Tonight, being with Troy had reminded her of why she had fallen for him in the first place. Feelings she thought long dead were resurfacing. She couldn’t afford them to, and nor was she going to let them. Getting back with Troy was a foolish pipe dream and she would never let it happen.
Kezzie hesitated as Joel drew up outside her cottage.
‘Have you got time – would you like to come in for coffee?’
Joel looked at his watch.
‘I promise no dope this time,’ she said.
‘Oh go on, just a quick one,’ he said. ‘I’ve got Claire’s mum sitting tonight, so I don’t want to be late for her.’
‘Do you see a lot of Claire’s parents?’ said Kezzie, as she opened the front door and led him into the kitchen.
‘Not as much as I’d like,’ said Joel, taking his coat off, and slinging it over a chair. ‘They’ve been great. They live about an hour away, and they come over when they can. My mum’s got Parkinson’s, so unfortunately she can’t help me as much as she’d like; it’s been brilliant having the back-up.’
Kezzie turned on the kettle, and grabbed two cups from the cupboard. ‘You don’t take sugar do you?’
Joel shook his head.
‘It must be really hard for them,’ Kezzie continued. ‘I mean, I’m not saying it’s been easy for you, but losing a child – that must be terrible.’
‘I know,’ said Joel. ‘So it makes me really happy to see how much pleasure Marion gets when she’s with Sam. He’s kept us all going really.’
He looked so sad when he said this that Kezzie instinctively leant over and touched his arm.
‘It will get better, eventually,’ she said, knowing she was mouthing platitudes.
‘Will it?’ Joel looked bleak. ‘There are days when I think I’ll never get over losing Claire. And then I think I deserve that.’
‘What makes you say that?’ Kezzie was shocked.
Joel leant against the kitchen table with his head in his hands.
‘The truth is, Kezzie, and I’ve never told anyone this – not even Lauren – I’m a fraud. Everyone feels sorry for me, the poor widower, bringing up his son alone. But I don’t really deserve their pity.’
Kezzie gave Joel his coffee, and sat down next to him, putting a consoling arm round his shoulder.
‘Don’t be daft,’ she said, ‘of course you do. You’re coping really well with a rotten situation.’
‘I deserve it,’ said Joel.
‘No one deserves something like this to happen to them,’ said Kezzie firmly, squeezing his arm.
‘No?’ said Joel. ‘I was a lousy husband to Claire, and a useless dad to Sam. There isn’t a day goes by when I wish I’d done things differently.’
‘What did you do that was so bad?’
‘I wasn’t there for Claire when she needed me,’ said Joel. ‘I can see that now. But at the time I thought Claire wasn’t interested. She was so wrapped up in
the baby it was as if I didn’t exist. It’s pathetic for a grown man to admit, but I was jealous.’ He laughed hollowly. ‘How crap is that. Being jealous of a baby?’
‘Isn’t that quite common?’ said Kezzie. ‘I know Richard said the same when his daughter was born, but he got over it and you would have. You didn’t know Claire was going to die.’
‘But she did die, and every day I’m left with this terrible guilt, that I let her down and she never really knew how much I loved – love her.’
He looked so desolate Kezzie leant over and pecked him on the cheek. The poor bloke. What an awful thing to happen to anyone.
‘You’re way too hard on yourself,’ she said. ‘From where I’m sitting, you’re doing a great job with Sam. And I can’t imagine you being such a bastard as all that. Sounds a bit like Claire wasn’t always sympathetic to your needs.’
‘I’ve never thought of it like that before,’ said Joel.
‘Well, you should,’ said Kezzie, sipping her coffee. ‘I’ve had friends with baby brain, and they go off the planet for months, obsessed with the way their little darlings are behaving. It’s infuriating for a friend, so I can imagine how frustrating it is for a partner. Point is they get over it and Claire would have done. You were just unlucky, that’s all.’
‘I suppose you’re right.’ Joel toyed with the cup in his hands. He only looked half convinced.
‘I am,’ said Kezzie. ‘Do you think Claire would really want you to go through the rest of your life moping? What’s done is done. Learn by it and move on.’
Joel looked up at her and smiled, as if something had suddenly dawned on him.
‘You are amazing, Kezzie,’ he said. ‘I’ve never known anyone like you.’
She felt a little thrill when he said that. It felt like a long time since a man had paid her a compliment and she was flattered. She gave him a quick hug as a thank you, and then pulled away, feeling shy and awkward, but Joel pulled her back. It was a long time since she’d been held by anyone and it felt warm and comforting, and right. The months of aching empty loneliness seemed to fade away as she looked up into Joel’s eyes. She was aware of the stubble where he hadn’t shaved, and the heavy musky scent of him. She had the sudden heady feeling that she wanted him very badly. So when he leant over and brushed his lips against hers it seemed natural to respond, and suddenly they were kissing with a passion that she’d forgotten she was capable of.
For a few moments Kezzie was lost in the kiss, without thinking about the consequences, but as she withdrew, panting slightly, it dawned on her this was a mistake.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Not that it wasn’t nice. Or that Joel wasn’t lovely, because both were true. Joel was the first man she’d kissed since Richard, and it was good to know that all the parts were still in working order. But it couldn’t work between them. They were too different. Kissing Joel was a big mistake.
Joel must have clearly thought the same, because he broke away from her abruptly.
‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,’ he said. He grabbed his coat and rushed out of the house, leaving Kezzie spinning.
Chapter Sixteen
Kezzie timed her arrival at work the next day for after Joel had left. She felt on the whole it would be better to ignore the events of the night before. It had been stupid and naive of her to invite him in for coffee, but she’d come to think of him as a mate, and really hadn’t factored on him thinking of her differently. It was just loneliness and boredom that had led them both to cling to one another. Much as she liked Joel she didn’t think they were right for each other. And she doubted that he was thinking of her as anything other than one of his many conquests. From what Lauren had told her, Joel had spent the last year going out with half the women in the village, and she was probably just the latest.
‘Way too much baggage,’ she said out loud, as she wheeled a laden barrow down the path.
Now that Kezzie had gone through all Edward’s designs, she had been able to work out her own, and today she planned to peg it out, so that she could finally start planting out the pattern that she’d designed on graph paper. The garden wouldn’t be properly established for the Summer Fest, it would take several years for that, but at least people would be able to get a flavour of what Edward’s garden had looked like.
It was a windy warm spring day. The daffodils, which had popped up unexpectedly in the corners of the borders, were looking slightly flattened, and the buds on the fruit trees, which clustered around the bottom of Joel’s garden, were looking slightly frazzled. But the birds were singing lustily; Kezzie had already identified a cuckoo and there was evidence that blue tits were nesting in the oak tree she’d climbed up the first time she’d seen the garden. Spring was definitely in the air, and putting aside her confused emotions about Joel, Kezzie felt a thrill of excitement that she could start working on and reproducing Edward’s garden.
Kezzie had followed Edward’s basic design of interweaving ivy and rosemary, with a heart shape in the middle incorporating the letters E and L. In the four corners she’d also replicated the shapes of crossover hearts, the middle of which was for the flowers that Edward had planted for each of his children: agapanthus, snowdrops, white carnations and peonies. For Lily and Edward she’d combined blue hyacinths (constancy – which she felt was appropriate for Edward) and white lilies (purity – for Lily). She also wanted to plant a pink rose bush to symbolize their married love. Round the borders she planned to plant forget me nots and gloxinia, just as Edward had done, but for now she had planted heartsease, so at least there was some colour.
Kezzie had been glad to discover that Lily and Edward had finally managed to have children. It was clear from Lily’s diaries the pain that being childless had caused. Though Kezzie had never had any desire to have children of her own, it would have taken a heart of stone not to have felt the pain of Lily’s loss.
As she worked, Kezzie took photographs to chart her progress. Once she’d got the plants in, the garden would really take shape. Kezzie smiled, pleased at her hard work. It had been a labour of love to get this far, but she knew it would be worth it.
Despite the wind, the work soon made her warm, and she quickly shed her fleece. After several gloomy days the sun had managed to put in a pale appearance, despite the clouds scudding fast across it. It was probably as pale as she was. Richard had always teased her about being a pale ghost, (which with her dark hair and fair skin was not surprising), putting it down to all her night-time gardening activities.
Richard. Kezzie sat back on her haunches. If anything, last night had proved to her how far she had to go with Project Get Over Richard. It had been nice kissing Joel, and he wasn’t at all unattractive, but he wasn’t Richard, and as soon as she’d kissed Joel, Kezzie realized how much she was missing Richard – still. Richard was someone she couldn’t forget in a hurry.
When they’d first met she’d thought he was a terrible snob – but she soon realized that what appeared to be diffidence was actually shyness. Once she got to know him she’d discovered that despite a tendency to stuffiness, he had a great sense of fun, and was also immensely kind.
Kezzie sighed, and dug her fork into the ground, and carried on turning over the soil. Richard was in her past. She needed to accept it and get over him. Joel wasn’t the right person to do that with, clearly, but waiting for Richard to come back to her wasn’t an option either. Spring. Time for a fresh start for the garden. And for her.
‘You don’t have to do this,’ Lauren protested for the hundredth time.
‘I know,’ said Troy. ‘I want to.’
Having discovered that Lauren’s lack of car meant she never got to a supermarket, but relied on daily shopping in Heartsease, Troy had insisted he take her to the new out of town supermarket, three miles away.
Lauren protested at first – she did actually like buying locally – but it wasn’t cheap. And a trip to the supermarket meant an opportunity to stock up on some necessities.
She’d ask
ed Joel if she could borrow Sam’s car seat, and once the girls were at school, she loaded Sam into Troy’s car and off they went. She felt slightly nervous. This was one of the few times she and Troy had been properly alone, – Sam didn’t really count – since he’d moved to Heartsease, and she was conscious that too long in his company awoke familiar and unwelcome feelings.
‘So how are you finding it here?’ said Lauren, more out of a desire to fill any awkward silence, than because she really wanted to know.
‘Do you know, I’m loving it,’ said Troy. ‘I’ve always felt so rootless before, but I like Heartsease. I could really see myself here in twenty years’ time.’
‘What, you?’ said Lauren, laughing. ‘I thought you were the eternal wanderer. Wherever I lay my hat and all that.’
‘Yes, well. Wandering can lose its charm,’ said Troy. ‘I’ve learnt my lesson there.’
‘What happened to your last girlfriend?’ Lauren couldn’t help but ask. Troy was the kind of guy who was never on his own for very long. She was quite surprised he hadn’t hooked up with someone in Heartsease already, given that she’d made it clear that she wasn’t having him back.
‘Lisa? We drifted apart,’ mumbled Troy.
‘You mean you got bored and ditched her,’ said Lauren.
‘No, actually,’ Troy looked faintly embarrassed. ‘She ditched me. For … for a toyboy. Can you believe that?’
Lauren burst out laughing.
‘Now that’s what I call poetic justice. Don’t worry, studmuffin, I’m sure there are plenty of people who’ll be foolish enough to fall for your charms. Just please don’t break the heart of anyone I know.’
‘I wasn’t planning to,’ said Troy. ‘The thing is, what with Lisa ditching me and Dad showing up at the same time, I began to realize what I was missing.’
‘Oh, and what’s that?’ Lauren said lightly, as she put two packets of Coco Pops in her trolley and tickled Sam’s chin.
‘You,’ said Troy simply. ‘I’ve realized I’ve been missing you.’
Summer Season Page 16
