Fighting to Save Us
Saved by Love Series
Sarah Stevens
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author
FIGHTING TO SAVE US
Sarah Stevens Copyright © 2019
Cover Designer:Melissa Gill Designs
Photographer: Lindee Robinson
Cover Models: Travis and Ali
Editor: Librum Artis Editorial Services
Formatting: Jamie Davis
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy.
To Llama,
I think of you every day.
Fly High.
Prologue
There was a time when I was happy; my friend Kat was responsible for that. Kat made me look at life differently. We shared an apartment after we graduated from high school. That was until James came into her life and they moved in together and had a little girl. I was thrilled for her but also a little sad for myself. A family of my own was something I wanted, although it felt like perhaps would never happen.
Then Max walked into my life. He is the definition of sexy, with his tall and lean frame, short hair, and steely gray eyes that look like a storm brewing, but he has a heart of gold. He is also one of the most feared bodyguards for the Milano family, but if he cares for you, he is just a giant teddy bear. I have come to call this trusted and loyal man a friend. He was assigned as Kat’s bodyguard for a time, and I grew to like him—maybe more than like. We hooked up a few times after Kat moved out. I was relieved to know that he would be staying in Maine and not returning to Boston with Jackson, his boss. Things seemed to be going great with everyone. Finally, I was happy.
Until that one day I went to the doctor and my life changed forever.
Six Months Ago
It’s a perfect winter day in Maine. The holidays are here, and the entire family has gathered to celebrate Christmas at my parents’ house. Kat and James came along with his brother, Jackson, from Boston. Max also came to my parents’ house, because since he became Kat's bodyguard last summer, he has become family. Kat's mom and stepfather joined us also.
We weren't always this close—a lot has happened in the last year. I think we have all come out better on the other end of things, a closer and a bigger family. The vibe is full-on holiday spirit, with the Christmas tree lit up, a fire going in the fireplace, and Christmas music streaming through the speakers.
The girls are in the kitchen baking cookies and chattering about the upcoming birth of Kat's baby girl.
"So, Kat, when will we get her name?" my mom asks.
"Not until she is here. That’s when we will announce her name to everyone."
"That isn't fair; we want to know. I'm her grandma, I should get to know," Kat's mom whines.
"I'm sorry, but it’s our secret to tell when she arrives," Kat says, a devious look on her face.
"Where are those cookies?" James hollers from the doorway. "We are hungry men out here."
Kat goes over to him, wraps her arms around his waist— the best she can with her belly in the way—looks up at him, and replies, "In a few minutes. We are almost done decorating them."
James kisses her forehead like he always does and holds her for a minute before retreating back to the guys. I stand there looking at them and dream about a day where I will have someone who will love me that fiercely. I've had no luck with any boy that has crossed my path. The last two guys I had an interest in were horror stories: one raped my best friend and the other pretended to be friends with us so he could sell us out to the mob. Not a great track record.
Our night goes by too fast; the cookies are all gone except what’s left for Santa, which we’ve left on the fireplace with a glass of milk. My mom insists that we still hold this one tradition in this house. I think it’s cute and humor her every year. My parents’ house is large, so we all stay the night so we can wake up Christmas morning and open presents together. I love this big family we now have, and soon we will have one more to add. I have a feeling we will all be focused on her next year.
The next morning, we all open presents and ooh and ahh over each other’s gifts. I sit back and watch for a few minutes, relishing the love that is in this room, though it makes me a little sad. I want a family of my own one day, but recent developments have made me all too aware that a family might not be in my future.
Once dinner has been served, as well as dessert, everyone starts gathering up their goodies to head home for the night. I stand at the door and say my goodbyes to each pair that leaves through the front door. Max and Jackson are the final two. I hug them both, but when Max hugs me, his hold is a little tighter than the rest.
He whispers into my ear, "Merry Christmas, Bren." When he pulls back, he sets a small box in my hand with a smirk and turns to leave.
I stand there in shock as I watch them retreat to their car. I look down at my hand and hesitantly open the lid, gasping at the sight of a round diamond attached to a delicate chain. I look up to try and catch them, but they have already pulled out of my parents’ driveway. Why would he give me such a beautiful, expensive gift like this? Slowly, still in shock at his gift, I close the front door and make my way back to the kitchen to help my mom clean up.
Chapter One
Bren
It has been six months since Christmas and the day Max gave me my diamond necklace. I wear it every day. Six months that I have kept my secret, gone to many doctor’s appointments, and lived a quiet life, separated as much as I can from the ones I love.
Max has asked me out on dates here and there, but I've turned him down every time. I'
ve thrown myself into my studies and even made sure to take an extra class this semester to make me seem busier. I avoid Kat, James, and Steph, their little girl, the best I can. I love them, but it’s painful to see what I’m missing.
Today I decide to go by The Java and grab a coffee before I go up to my apartment to study. When I walk through the door, Kat is standing there, holding Steph, with a huge smile on her face. James is behind the counter, and when he sees me, he immediately starts to make my usual drink.
“Throw an extra shot or two in there. I have a late night of studying to do.”
“You got it, Bren,” James replies.
Kat walks up to me, and I half-hug her since her arms are full. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself. Where have you been? I hardly see you anymore.”
“School is kicking my butt this semester. My life consists of school and homework.”
“I miss you, Bren. When can we get together and have some girl time?”
I hesitate with my response for a beat, but she catches it. “Well?”
“I don’t know, Kat, I feel like I have no time to breathe lately. I suppose after finals next week?”
“Bren, there is something else going on with you, I see it in your eyes. Talk to me.”
Saved by the coffee, James barks out my name, and I grab it quickly and wave over my shoulder. “I really have to run. I’m good, Kat. I will see you soon.”
I make my way to my apartment, and when I get the door closed behind me, I lean back and sink to the floor. I let go of the breath I was holding, letting the tears slide down my face. I hate that I have created this distance between Kat and myself. I hate that I can’t enjoy Steph like I imagined since the day I found out Kat was pregnant during our senior year of high school. I vowed to be there for her, to be by her side every step of the way. But I just can’t do it. I can’t be around her baby when I don’t know if I will ever be able to have one of my own. It hurts my heart too much.
Regaining my composure I rise from the floor, only to realize that I have no time to freshen up before I have to leave again. I have an appointment with my specialist in forty-five minutes. I quickly run to the bathroom and splash some water on my face, grab my purse and my lukewarm coffee, and walk back out the door.
I arrive at Dr. Gerrard’s office and check in with the receptionist, who gives me a sad smile. I take a seat and am finishing up the last of my cold coffee when I hear my name being called. Once again, I am met with a pity smile, this time from the nurse. I am directed straight to Dr. Gerrard’s office instead of an exam room.
“Take a seat; the doctor will be right with you, Bren.”
The clock on the wall is ticking loudly, driving me steadily crazier as the seconds pass. I get lost in my own head, thinking of all the things that could be said today. After what seems like hours, when in reality it is only minutes, the door opens, and I am greeted by Dr. Gerrard.
“Hi, Bren, how are you doing today?”
“I’m okay, hoping that I stay that way.”
As he rounds his desk and takes a seat, he asks, “Bren, are you sure you want to be here alone? Getting test results and making a plan can be a hard thing. We can wait for your mom or dad to join you.”
“Please just tell me what we are looking at and where we go from here. I’m good to handle it whatever it is. I know I have delayed finding out answers and more testing over and over again with rescheduled appointments. I wasn’t ready for the answers then.”
“Okay, well, with everything that we have looked at, you already know that we have spotted cancer on your right ovary. With the additional testing and biopsies we did last week, we have determined that it has stayed in that area. There hasn’t been any spreading to your cervix or uterus. My suggestion to you is that we go ahead with the original surgery plan to remove that ovary, the salpingo-oophorectomy, followed by chemotherapy to make sure all the cancer cells have been removed. Bren, that means that you will lose one ovary and one tube.”
I sit, listening to him talk, and a tear starts to slide down my face. “Will I ever be able to have a baby?”
“I want to say yes, but with chemo, and the loss of the one ovary and tube, your likelihood of conception is certainly going to be compromised. I recommend you harvest some eggs to freeze before we move forward. I also want to encourage you to talk to someone. This is not an easy time for you. You are going to need help, especially if you elect surgery. I can’t make you to tell anyone, but I want you to know that I think it is a good idea. We have been working together for six months now, and I know you haven’t told your family. It was hard enough to get you in here for additional biopsies. This can be a death sentence and your avoiding the end result isn’t helping you any. I think it’s now time.”
“I will think about it and decide what I want to do. What if I don’t opt for surgery? What happens then?”
“The longer you wait to take action, the better chance there is of it spreading, and in that case, you could lose your ability to ever have a child of your own. With all the delayed testing you’re lucky you aren’t in a worse situation, Bren.”
“Thank you, I will give you a call soon to let you know what I’ve decided.”
We say our goodbyes, and I walk out of the office and to my car. When the car door closes, I break down; I can’t control my fear and grief any longer.
Chapter Two
Max
Six months since Christmas, and six months since I gave Bren the diamond necklace. I have repeatedly asked her out on a real date—I want to take her out and treat her the way she should have always been treated—but she pleads that she’s busy. She is a smart, beautiful girl with sexy-as-hell eyes and long, curly, dark-brown hair. I’ve liked her from the moment she scowled at me when I first came to Portland to be Kat’s bodyguard. She is a total firecracker and protective of the ones she loves. I have seen a change in her personality the past six months, though; she’s been distant from everyone, and she avoids looking at Steph, even though during the pregnancy she often seemed more excited about the baby than Kat was. I wish she would let me in, let me see the old Bren, who had a sparkle in her eye and a love for life. I hardly see her anymore, and when I do it is in passing at The Java, or on her way out of the building where we both live. She blames it on school, but I see it in her eyes—something is wrong.
Jackson knew I needed a change in my life when he sent me here. He is like a brother to me, and he knows what I have been through in the past when I lived in New York. When I came to Portland, I had a twenty-four-hours-a-day job protecting Kat. I screwed that up when she was taken by Jace and Trent. Luckily for me, no one blamed me for that. These people have become my family this past year, and I am more grateful than anyone would ever imagine. New York wasn’t good to me—I needed out, I needed a break. So now that I no longer have an all-day job—Jackson kept me here for when I am needed, and he pays me to be on call—I have been taking classes at the university. I’m not nearly as busy as Bren is, but I like this new life away from all the hurt and loss I dealt with before coming here. My hands stay cleaner here too, and that is a blessing for my mental state. Being involved with the Family has its perks, but also its downfalls.
I had a late class tonight, so on my way up to my apartment I stopped at The Java for a refuel. When I hit the stairs in the front of the building, I see Bren enter from the back stairs. She looks like she has been crying, and it hurts my heart to see her that way. She catches me looking at her, bows her head, and tries to rush past me. I grab her gently by the wrist and pull her toward me.
“Bren, what’s wrong? Please look at me.”
She slowly raises her eyes to meet mine; her eyes are bloodshot and there are tear streaks on her beautiful face.
“I’m fine, please let me go. I have a lot of school work to get done.”
“Bren, you’re not fine. I see it in your face. Please talk to me,” I beg.
“I can’t.” That is all she says as she pulls out of my
grasp and moves up the stairs. I stand there for a moment, no idea what to do, and then I hear her door open and close. At this point, I am beyond concerned for her, and I need to know what is going on. I want to know what hurts her so badly that she looks the way she did tonight. In that moment, I vow to myself I will find out what is going on, even if it kills me.
Chapter Three
Bren
A week has gone by since I saw Dr. Gerrard and Max. I wish I had never run into Max that night. I wish he had never seen the pain I was going through. If things were different for me, I would jump at the chance to be with him. But things aren’t different, and I need to talk to my mom.
I have to stop ignoring this situation like I have tried to over the past six months and deal with the hand that has been dealt to me. As I walk down to my car, I call my mom to make sure she is home, and, when she lets me know she is, I drive over there. I don’t even know if I can get the words out when I get there or if I will see her and break down sobbing again like I have done most nights this week.
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