by Janie Crouch
She just shook her head and looked over to the side. Ren stayed where he was, crouched down in front of her, unable to bear to put distance between them, afraid they’d never be close again.
Not that he could blame her.
“I would’ve told you, Natalie. I promise. I just ran out of time. We needed your help. Freihof has to be stopped before he can use those biological weapons.”
“And the lovemaking? Where did that fall in your great scheme? Since it seems like you planned everything down to the letter.”
The time for lies was over. “It was always a possibility if that would help me get closer to you, to get you to contact Freihof. He’s going to kill thousands of people if we don’t stop him. I was willing to do just about anything, including faking intimacy with the woman I thought might be in league with him.”
He moved slightly closer to her, not expecting her to respond. “But it didn’t take me long to figure out you weren’t working with him. The opposite—you were running from him. It didn’t take me long to see the brave, kind, smart woman you were. I made love to you purely for selfish reasons. Because I couldn’t stay away from you. I had to know how you felt, how you tasted.”
He touched her ankles—hell, he would stay here perched at her feet forever if it meant she would listen to him, forgive him, give them another chance—his heart swelling when she didn’t flinch away again.
“I did everything wrong with this case, Peaches. Everything I told you, all the stories, facts about my life, almost every single part of it was true. I wanted to get to know you, and I wanted you to know the real me.”
“Family farm?”
“True.”
“Special forces?”
He nodded. “Also true. These are all things I never should’ve been honest about in an undercover operation. If you’d been playing me, you would’ve known things about me—about my family—that could destroy me and them. But I couldn’t stop myself from telling you. Just like I couldn’t stop myself from asking about all of you. Not just the stuff that might possibly help us catch Freihof.”
“So plan B or Q, or whatever derivative you ended up at, was to ask me to out myself. To give up the tiniest bit of safety I’ve had for six years and rub the fact that I’m alive in his face. To be bait.”
“We will protect you. He won’t get anywhere near you. We just needed to get him to show up where we are ready, for him to go on the defensive.” He moved closer. “I would’ve asked you, Peaches. Begged you to help, if needed. Explained about the biological weapons and how many people he could kill indiscriminately.”
“I already knew Damien was a monster. Did I ever tell you about how one of his favorite games when I didn’t do something right, didn’t do something perfect, was to choke me until I stopped breathing and then revive me? Or leave me trapped in a cage while he left the house? Sometimes for days?”
She moved her legs away from his touch, but her voice held no emotion as she said the words. No anger. No fear. She should be screaming, railing, not sitting there in the chair like she was discussing the weather.
She was in shock. He needed to give her more time to adjust to what he was, who he was, what had happened. It was unreasonable to expect her to just be okay with it.
In many ways he wished she was furious at him, even hated him, screaming that she would never forgive him. That would be better than this despondency.
He put his hands on the outside of her chair, trapping her in his arms in the only way he knew how. “I’m sorry, Peaches. Sorry that I didn’t think there was any other way to do this. Sorry that you were too damn gorgeous and delicious for me to resist in that cabin, even though it broke every rule I’ve ever had. Sorry that I blindsided you with the press when we got here. But I knew, deep in my gut, that you would help us. That you would play the role you needed to in order to help us draw Freihof out. To save so many lives.”
She stared at him with those bruised blue eyes for long moments. “Yes, you’re right. I’ve always been the perfect puppet.”
“Natalie...”
She stood, and he stood with her. He wanted to pull her into his arms, to just hold her. Not that it would make everything okay or even bring her closer to forgiving him, but because she looked like she was about to crack into a million pieces.
“No.” She held a hand out, stopping him. “You can’t touch me. Not right now. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I understand.”
She gave a self-deprecating shake of her head. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be sorry.” She walked toward the door, turning back as she reached it.
“You were right, Ren. Your gut was right. I would’ve helped you draw Damien out. Maybe not at first, like when Brandon and Andrea came to talk to me. But once I understood the true scope of the situation, I would’ve helped.”
“I know,” he whispered, feeling his heart crack a little more in his chest.
“You’re a good man who had a job to do that I happened to be part of. I know that. You had to do what you had to do. Me included.”
He couldn’t help it—he was at her side of the room in seconds, arms trapping her once again as he brought his forehead to the side of her head. Breathed in her scent.
“Nothing about us was fake, Natalie. Not being able to keep my hands off you was the truest thing I’ve ever felt. I regret that I wasn’t able to be honest with you, but I’ll never regret the days we spent together in that cabin. Getting to know you. Getting to taste you. Getting to love you.”
He felt her suck in a shuddery breath, leaning into him just the slightest bit.
“Then I’ll tell you what I would’ve told you if we’d come at this problem together from the beginning. If I’d been working with you and had agreed to all this.”
“What?”
“I won’t blame you for what happens. And you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“When Damien finds me and takes me...” Her voice cracked. “Whatever it is he ends up doing to me, it’s not your fault.”
His teeth ground in his jaw. “Not. Going. To. Happen.”
Now she turned completely to him, stepped closer and rested her forehead on his chest.
“You trust your gut. It’s what makes you a good agent. Made you a good solider. Your gut told you this plan was going to work and I was going to help you.”
He kept his arms braced on the wall even though her head was touching his chest. He knew she didn’t want to be pulled to him. “Yes. I trust my gut.”
“I trust my gut, too. And my gut says that Damien is going to find me and he’s going to kill me.”
Chapter Twenty
“By now Freihof will have seen the footage of Natalie. Our best estimates based on where he was last seen in South Carolina are that he will be here in twenty-four to thirty hours,” Brandon Han said. A big chunk of the Omega Critical Response team—including Brandon’s wife, Andrea, Steve Drackett, Lillian Muir and Aston Fitzgerald—were all sitting around the kitchen table of the safe house on the outskirts of Westwater.
These were the people who had faced down Freihof in the past, who had, or very nearly had, lost everything to him. The ones who were most invested in catching him.
“So we give him twelve hours tops before we’re on red alert,” Fitzgerald shot back. “Because we all know that Freihof is always at least one step ahead of where we think he is.”
Ren was listening to the team but his eyes were on Natalie. He’d tried to talk her into sleeping. Even had Andrea try. Natalie had rested for about twenty minutes, but had been up wandering around the house for the last half hour.
“We have law enforcement at every major airport looking for him. Hopefully he is so desperate to get to her quickly that he’ll decide air travel is worth the risk,” Steve said. “We’ve also got all smaller regio
nal airports on alert. If anyone files a sudden flight plan to any of the airports within a hundred and fifty miles of here, we’ll get a notification. But our guess is he’ll probably drive, rather than risk detection.”
“I’ll still be ready with my sniper rifle by dawn,” Ashton, one of the best marksmen in the country, assured them. Freihof had dared to bring Ashton’s beautiful toddler daughter into this bloody fight, a fact Ashton wouldn’t be forgetting any time before ever.
Natalie walked to another window, looking out it, her arms wrapped protectively around her middle. No amount of words had been able to convince her that they weren’t going to let Freihof get to her.
Brandon looked in Natalie’s direction also. “We’ll do one more press interview with Natalie in the morning. Just to make doubly sure she’s seen, then we’ll get her to Omega HQ for safety.”
She had to be able to hear them, but nothing changed about her demeanor to indicate that she was listening at all. She just walked over to the door and stood looking at it. Then began to gently rock herself back and forth, just like she had...
Damn. Ren was out of his chair and over to her in an instant, her face confirming what he’d feared. She hadn’t been just wandering around the house. She was panicking over the door and window locks like she had in the cabin.
Her face was devoid of color. Her nails had dug into the skin at her elbows until they were bloody. She was staring at the locks on the windows.
He had done this to her. By selfishly using the time they had to be physically close to her rather than prepare her for what was coming—this battle with Freihof—he’d tossed her back into this fight with no warning and no mental weapons.
“Natalie.”
She didn’t blink. He gently pried her hands from her arms. “Peaches.”
She finally looked at him. Explaining to her again that they weren’t going to let Freihof get to her wouldn’t help. Instead, he drew her closer to the window.
“C’mon. I’ll check the locks with you, okay?”
“I already know they’re locked. But I can’t stop checking. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t...”
He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her forward. “Sometimes we fight our demons. Sometimes we just learn to live with them. Either way, it’s okay.” They stepped forward and tried the lock of the first window together.
When they made it over to the second, he stopped her. “We’ll finish checking all the locks, but before that, I want to give you something. Maybe it will help you feel better.”
He pulled out the tiny piece of equipment Steve had given him. It was flat and not much larger than a dime, sticky on one side.
“This is a tracking device. Omega Sector agents often use something similar when they’re on undercover missions. I’d like you to keep it on even when you get to Omega HQ tomorrow. That way I’ll always be able to tell where you are.”
“Will you be able to hear what I’m saying?”
He swallowed a smile at her natural inquisitive nature overtaking her fear for just a moment. “No, location only. It’s not a communication device, so you can’t hear me and vice versa.”
“Where do I put it?”
He gently lifted her beautiful mane of blond hair from her shoulder and placed it behind her ear. “We’ve discovered this is the least obtrusive place for an agent to put it. If it becomes unsticky, just get it wet to reactivate the adhesive.”
“Okay.”
He reluctantly let her hair fall and moved his hand away from her neck with one more soft caress.
“And I have a phone for you, too.” He handed her the little red device. “It doesn’t have any bells or whistles, but you can use it to call me anytime once you get to Omega. Anytime. For any reason. It’s going to be okay.”
She tried to smile, but all the fear was back. “I know you believe that. I hope I’ll be able to believe it soon, as well.” She glanced back at the windows, tension once again strumming through her lithe body, and he knew her need to check them had returned.
“Let’s finish double-checking the locks. Maybe then you can get some rest.”
“I’ve already double-checked them,” she whispered. “It will just get worse from here. I can’t help it. I move from lock to lock, rechecking them even though I know I’ve already made certain they’re secure.”
He wanted to take her into his arms more than he wanted his next breath, but knew she would resist. Knew fighting him would just add to her burden.
“Can I help with anything?” Andrea stepped up next to them and asked.
“Do we have any sticky notes? Or even just paper and tape?” he asked her. “Natalie uses them to keep track of what locks she’s checked.”
Her face crumpled. “It’s stupid, I know.”
Andrea touched her on the arm. “Actually, it’s a pretty smart coping mechanism that helps you keep situational OCD under control. Did a psychiatrist suggest it to you?”
“No, I came up with it on my own.”
Andrea smiled. “Then I think it’s even smarter. Let me see what I can find, then I’ll help.”
Ren turned around and found the rest of the team there.
“We’ll all help,” Steve said.
Natalie just stared at them. “B-but I’m your enemy,” she finally stuttered.
“No, you’re not.” Ren kept his arm wrapped around her. “You’ve lost more than all of us at Damien’s hands. And you’re never going to fight him alone again. Now you’ve got a family who will fight with you.”
“Let’s get those locks checked,” Steve said. “Because that’s how family gets through things. Together.”
* * *
NATALIE FINALLY FELL asleep on the couch with the lights on and everyone sitting and talking around her.
That was fine with Ren; he was going to have trouble letting her out of his sight until Freihof was caught. Even once she was at Omega HQ it wouldn’t be easy for him.
Everyone had moved the conversation into the kitchen to give Natalie some quiet. Ren had stayed. Watching her from the chair next to the couch, wishing he had the right to scoop her up in his arms and hold her while she slept.
“I would say you’ve got it bad, brother, but I think you already know that.” Steve, one of Ren’s oldest friends and colleagues, took the chair across from him.
“That doesn’t mean she’s going to forgive me for what I did.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But at least at the end of the day, she’ll be safe.”
Ren nodded. If she couldn’t forgive him, couldn’t trust him again, he’d have to find a way to live with that. But Steve was right. At least he would know she was safe.
“I just got a call from Homeland.”
Ren rolled his eyes. “Knew that was coming.”
“We’ll fight it. All of us. Everybody knows things happen in the field that are unexpected. You have to make decisions on the fly and sometimes—”
“I’m out, Steve.” There wasn’t any point in anyone taking a political bullet for him.
“Is that what you want?”
Ren shrugged again. “It’s what I need. I’ve been under too long.”
Steve studied him for a long minute. “Got other plans? Hell, Ren, you basically started Omega. It’s been your baby all these years.”
“Might be time to have a different kind of baby. I do believe you know a little something about that.”
“Don’t force me to get out pictures. My son is three months old now and I have at least one for every day of his existence.” Steve chuckled before turning serious. “What will you do?”
“Go back to Montana, I think. I miss it. It wasn’t until I was talking in such detail to Natalie about the farm that I realized how much.”
Ashton stuck his head in from the kitchen. “You guys, we’ve got problems. This town isn’
t really equipped for the number of people we brought here with all the press, not to mention gawkers. There’s a fight at the one bar in town and a fire has broken out at the hotel. Locals are asking for assistance.”
Ren shot a look at Steve. “I’m not leaving Natalie.”
“I’ll send Brandon, Lillian and Ashton. This may be just what it seems like, too many people in a town with not enough amenities. But it doesn’t change our overall mission. Freihof is the priority.”
Ren looked over at Andrea, who wouldn’t be going, and she just shrugged. “I’m not like Lillian in a fight—I’m more of a liability. And it would split Brandon’s focus. He worries about me.”
When the team left it was Ren’s turn to pace from window to window—sidearm in hand. Dividing and conquering was definitely one of Freihof’s MOs. Fire was, too.
But Ren would stand guard over Natalie while she slept. The magnitude of the fact that she trusted him enough, at least subconsciously, to sleep was not lost on him. Her brain had accepted that it was okay to shut down, that Ren wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
And it was one hundred percent correct.
A couple hours later, looking a little worse for wear, the team returned. Yes, there had been fighting. Yes, also a fire. But nothing that suggested there was any further nefarious intent behind them.
Ren still didn’t sleep. Even with the tracking device on her he wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep until he knew Natalie was safely within the fortitude of Omega HQ’s walls. Nobody got in there.
He hated to wake her up a few hours later, knowing she needed the rest, and her body, which she’d abused so badly saving his life, needed to heal. But it was time. They were doing one last press conference before she was taken to Omega. After that, an agent of her general build and coloring would stay here for a few days to see if Freihof took the bait.
Ren didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Freihof was more cautious than they gave him credit for. If he didn’t come after Natalie—or who he thought was Natalie—over the next few days. If he decided to bide his time, wait for their guard to drop.
