Always Watching

by LS Sygnet

  “I know what this is about. I knew what would happen if you saw it in the paper. I wanted to explain it to you last night. It wasn’t what it looked like, Helen. I was helping her into her coat for God’s sake!”

  “Oh, when you left that message, you said it wasn’t important, didn’t matter. So which is it? Do you have any idea how it made me feel to see that picture? We were working a case, Johnny, digging for information on that son of a bitch you and your pal the governor saw fit to honor last night. And what do I see?” Moisture dripped from my chin onto his chest. “I see exactly how unimportant I really am.”

  I released his wrists and got up.

  “Helen, no. It’s not what you –”

  “Just get your things and go.” I turned away from him. “I don’t want to hear whatever story you’ve concocted now that I’ve arrested your latest conquest. Leave Devlin alone. He’s not part of this, not the cause, not my future. He’s a good friend who didn’t want to see me get hurt.”

  “Doc, please don’t do this. We can talk about this.”

  “Don’t call me that. I want you to leave. I’m …” I sighed heavily, wearily. “I’m tired, and I want to be alone.”

  Behind me, I heard the shift of objects, Johnny rising from the detritus of our relationship. More shuffling. Suits draping over an arm perhaps. Hangers clattered to the floor again. I felt the warmth of his body behind me.

  “You closed your case.”

  “Yes.”

  “Congratulations. Whether you realize it or not, you probably helped me with mine too.”

  I snorted. “Don’t forget to leave the key and the remote on your way out.”

  One hand rested lightly on my shoulder. I tensed and stepped away from it.

  “Will you at least tell me what happened? With the case, I mean. What led you to Melissa Sherman?”

  “You can read Dev and Crevan’s case notes. I’m not a cop anymore, remember?”

  I felt the heat of his hand caress my neck, no skin contact, just the warmth of proximity. I stiffened.

  “I didn’t go to the hospital. I didn’t race back here to stop you from proving that Sherman kidnapped somebody’s baby. I saw your face, Helen. I knew you believed the worst. I came here because I wanted to explain. I wanted… I want to tell you everything. I don’t care what Joe says or thinks. I never wanted a single… secret between us anyway.” His voice dipped low. “You know that, Helen.”

  “What I know is that this was the biggest mistake of my life.”

  One arm wrapped around my shoulders and dragged me back against him. I was startled by the tremor that rippled through him into me. The crushing grip grew until I gasped to catch my breath. Instinct kicked in. I was a millisecond from tossing him on the floor again.

  Until something wet drizzled down my neck. I froze. What was this? Tears? No, not possible. I reached for the hand clamped in a vice over my shoulder. At the first fraction of contact between my fingers and his, Johnny shuddered hard.

  “Helen …” he rasped.

  Instinct transformed into something else. I clasped his hand.

  “Please don’t do this. I love you. Don’t let a stupid fight and a horrible misunderstanding ruin us. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. I do trust you, more than anyone I’ve ever known. I always have.”

  The rhythm of speech increased, lowered tone, whispered nonsense floated into my ear with an urgency that hurt more than the death grip. I got the gist. At least I thought I did.

  Love. Need. Forever.

  All the while, a slow river flowed over my neck.

  “Johnny you’re hurting me. Let me go.”

  “I can’t. Please don’t ask me to walk away.”

  “A little less pressure.” I squeezed his hand. “It hurts. My shoulder.”

  He let go and twisted me by the waist until we were face to face. The crushing embrace returned, buried my head against his chest. Johnny’s heart slammed against my cheek.

  “Easy,” I hissed.

  The grip relaxed, but the motion of his hands began to shift, subtly at first, then with a distinct level of desperation. Up. Down. Gentle. Loving. He stroked my back and wept.

  “Hey,” I murmured.

  “Can we please fix this? Helen, I can’t lose you. I – nothing means anything to me without –”

  Words choked in his chest when I pulled away and peered up at him. Unbelievable. I’d never seen him this way before. My hand brushed away the tears from one cheek. “He cries.” Not a mocking judgment. This was true wonderment.

  “For you? Absolutely.” More huge droplets rushed toward the floor. “Don’t do this, Helen. Didn’t we mean enough to at least talk before you throw me out of your life?” Air shuddered into his lungs.

  That paddle and red rubber ball I saw in my mind’s eye started flailing again. My emotions were pummeled. Inexplicably. My mind started screaming, this is not me. I’m the ice queen. Something hurts, I walk away and don’t look back. What on earth is happening to me?

  There was no denying the truth. His gaze was my Achilles’ heel. Him, spider, irresistible web. Me, juicy insect with a love for living dangerously. Fly too close to the sticky threads and there would be no escape.

  “Tell me that keeping Joe’s stupid secret hasn’t ruined us. I can’t bear to think –”

  “Shh,” my fingers covered his lips.

  Johnny groaned. “Helen, I love you.”

  “Tell me one thing.”

  “Anything,” he mumbled before nibbling softly at my fingers.

  “Were you getting close to Sherman’s wife because Joe suspected that he was involved in something incredibly illegal while he was alive?”

  Shock registered in Johnny’s eyes. “Do I want to know how you could’ve possibly figured that out?”

  I thumbed the remnants of moisture from his cheeks. “You’re gonna have to hear it sooner or later. What I’d like to know is what you and Joe suspected.”

  “Illegal campaign contributions,” he said. “Sherman supported Joe like crazy until a few months ago. It was suggested that the right thing to do was lock Jerry Lowe up at Dunhaven and let him live there until the psychiatrists deemed him to no longer be a threat to society. You can imagine how Joe reacted to that.”

  “Lowe again? My God, will that man never stop cropping up in our lives?”

  Johnny’s arms tightened again. “Our lives, as in separate and not together anymore?”

  “I meant in the sense of Darkwater Bay. Who was the alternate that Sherman decided to support when Collangelo balked at the idea and refused to be the puppet Sherman demanded?”

  “A state senator,” Johnny’s fear morphed into a frown. “Terrell Sanderfield. He’s a –”

  “The one Devlin told me is so dead set against the existence of OSI, one rumored to be courted heavily by Danny Datello to replace Collangelo in the next election. Shit. It is all linked.” I twisted out of Johnny’s embrace and started pacing.

  “Helen, what the hell are you talking about?”

  “That baby we rescued this morning, she was none other than the daughter of Celeste and Danny Datello. Tell me it’s a coincidence that Melissa Sherman is the woman who stole her.”

  “I wouldn’t bet against you. What does an infant abduction have to do with the governor’s race?”

  “He fooled me. Son of a …”

  “Who fooled you?”

  “Datello!”

  “Helen, tell me you didn’t go talk to him.”

  “Devlin was with me, and yes, I talked to him. I had no choice. His daughter was missing. I needed to know if he had anything to do with it.”

  “You thought he didn’t, and now you think he did?”

  I buried my face in my hands. “I don’t know. I’m so tired, I can’t think straight.”

  He stepped into my path. “Do you want to be alone?”

  My nose was suddenly a snot drizzling furnace.

  “Baby…”

  “Johnny, I’m overwr
ought right now.”

  “Then let’s fix us before we talk about the rest of this bullshit.” He clasped my hand, not tugging me away, more like a gentle coax toward the bedroom. “C’mon.”

  “Johnny –”

  “Do you really want me to leave?” The wounded eyes shot straight through an abused gut.

  It wrenched a hole in my earlier resolve. Walls. Crumbling. Big heaping pile of ash in the wake of his hope and fear and pain.

  “You don’t have to go,” I whispered.

  Johnny reeled me in and planted light kisses on my temple. “You want a glass of wine to settle your nerves?”

  I bolted out of his arms and ran to the bathroom. The knot that had been twisting for hours came up in the form of pure acid. I gagged. I coughed. I hurled so hard that it felt like my stomach would come up any second.

  Johnny knelt beside me with a cool cloth. He pressed it to the back of my neck. “Still?”

  “Mm-hmm. Unfortunately this mess hasn’t done a whole lot to improve my condition,” I rasped.

  I wilted over the toilet seat and moaned my misery.

  “You’re too weak to walk to the bed. Come here.”

  I let him pull me against his chest. Johnny scooped me up off the floor and carried me to the bed. In minutes, he had me stripped down to my tank and underwear, under the covers and pillowed against his chest. One hand sifted gently through my hair.

  “Better?”

  The bone deep exhaustion sucked me into oblivion before I could form an answer. I hoped when I woke that the past day was nothing more than a nightmare. A horrible, soul draining fugue of the subconscious.

  Chapter 12

  A low rumble dragged me out of the darkness. There was nothing soothing about it. Anger, stubbornness: these were the emotions that clearly sifted through my weary mind. My hand fumbled beside me on the bed. Cold.

  One eye popped open. Had it been a nightmare?

  Johnny’s voice echoed through the house with unmistakable ire. The words were indistinct. Now what?

  I flipped back the covers and stumbled out of bed. A crescendo of bile crested in the back of my throat. Not good. Extremely not good. I sucked air through my nose into lungs and exhaled slowly through my mouth. The wave abated.

  The house was bright, still daylight, a remarkably sunny day for this city. I fisted one eye to remove the sticky crust and padded toward the sound of Johnny’s voice. The words became clearer with every step.

  “… moot point, since the case is solved, wouldn’t you say? And my people found no evidence of his involvement whatsoever.”

  “This is far from over, Commander Orion. When we come in to work a case, full cooperation is not optional. It is compulsory.”

  “Johnny?” I squinted at the hulking form blocking the front door to my house.

  His neck twisted.

  “Doc, what are you doing out of bed?”

  Another pair of eyes raked over me. Shit. I’m barely dressed. Using Johnny as a shield somehow seemed more dignified than scurrying away to hide. I plastered myself against him and peeked around for a look at our visitor.

  Black suit. Crisp white shirt. Dull blue necktie. It screamed only one thing to me, coupled with the reminder that cooperation is compulsory. FBI. So agent whatshisname was still hanging around. Johnny-come-lately arrived way too late.

  “What’s going on?” I mumbled.

  “Nothing, Helen. Go back to bed.”

  The agent’s eyes widened. “Helen. As in Dr. Helen Eriksson?”

  I nodded. “And you are?”

  “Special Agent Alfred Preston, FBI.”

  “Hmm, field office in Montgomery, right?” My words garbled out around a bone cracking yawn. “The case is solved, Agent Preston. Baby is back in mother’s arms. Guilty parties in custody. There’s nothing for the bureau to do here.”

  “Pardon me for disagreeing,” he sneered. “But the FBI doesn’t believe that this case is wrapped up with a neat little bow so easily or quickly. We need to talk to Danny Datello.”

  “He’s in custody at the county jail,” Johnny said. “And my people ascertained that he was not involved in this case, had no contact with anyone other than his attorney yesterday after his court appearance, and certainly no contact during the time in question.”

  “Doesn’t mean he couldn’t have plotted this kidnapping long ago,” Preston said. “I need to talk to him. You realize we don’t really require an excuse or authorization from you.”

  My fingers crept into the pocket of Johnny’s jacket and fumbled for his phone. “No, but you won’t be able to see him outside the presence of counsel, and I think it’s a pretty safe bet that he won’t have a word to say to you.”

  “Oh, he’ll talk,” Preston said. “You got him to speak to you yesterday. Or was that because it was a family conference?”

  Johnny’s back stiffened. “If you want to see him, go through the normal channels. Request a meeting through his attorney, sir. I can’t help you.”

  “No, you won’t help me,” Preston said.

  My finger poised over the send button, ready to call David Levine and ask why the FBI was so certain that Datello would kidnap his own daughter when our evidence pointed toward a level of corruption that was probably unrelated to him at all.

  Probably. Truth was, I had doubts, but would be damned if the FBI hung around while I figured out what, if any, Datello’s link to human trafficking might be. Instead of using my connections at Quantico, I paused.

  “Agent Preston, if you have any evidence that points to Datello’s involvement in his daughter’s kidnapping, perhaps the best way to facilitate compulsory cooperation here would be to share what you know. Give a little, get a little. Are you familiar with that concept?”

  The arrogance exuded more than a little chagrin. “As you well know, it’s policy to make sure that kidnapping is not a matter of custodial interference.”

  “And you think that Datello had his daughter removed from Saint Mary’s so that what exactly? He could raise her somewhere unknown to the woman he loves when he beats the murder and attempted murder charges against him in court next week?”

  Johnny’s arm curled around me for a quick hug. It was his version of a smirk without yanking the scowl off his face.

  “I simply want to sit down with the man for a few minutes, Dr. Eriksson. What’s the harm in that? It’ll help me close the case from our perspective and get out of your hair faster.”

  I didn’t buy it, but my curiosity was piqued enough to offer a compromise. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll facilitate the conversation on one condition.”

  He eyed me with frank suspicion. “The FBI does not negotiate, doctor.”

  “You will if you want to chat with him.” I shrugged one shoulder. “We may be a little on the estranged side, but then again, that was before I rescued his daughter from her kidnappers today. Family ties and all that.”

  Johnny almost choked. He stared at me with unbridled amusement.

  “What’s your condition?”

  “You cannot talk to him alone. Someone from OSI is present for this chat, preferably me.”

  “Am I mistaken, or did you not retire from law enforcement two months ago?”

  My hand slid around Johnny’s waist in a slow caress. “We’ve got a consulting arrangement on a case by case basis. Do you doubt it? Open your eyes, Agent Preston. The man in charge of the most powerful branch of law enforcement in this state answered my door when you came calling, and well, I’m not exactly dressed for business.”

  His eyes gave me another once over, lingering a little too long on my legs. Made my skin crawl, but I didn’t back down.

  “All right. You can be there – but not in the room when I question him. I’d prefer a neutral party, say personnel from your jail for instance.”

  “Deal,” I said. “Give me a couple hours and I’ll meet you over there.”

  “No deal, Dr. Eriksson. I understand that another child was found dead in Darkwater
Bay last night. You’ll meet me at the medical examiner’s office first. I believe that will expedite the questions I have for Dr. Winslow about this girl’s cause of death. Two hours.” He eye raped me a third time. “Don’t be late.”

  Johnny slammed the door in his face and turned to me. “Are you out of your mind? And what’s this about a child being found dead last night?”

  I scrubbed one hand over my face. “Maybe it would be easier if you went out to OSI and got the official report from Devlin and Crevan.”

  Fingers bisected my arms. “I would not like to get anything from Detective Mackenzie right now or anytime in the future,” he growled. “Or was I mistaken that the son of a bitch was hitting on you? Again.”

  “You still haven’t learned the difference between comfort and lust.”

  At the spark of anger in my eyes, Johnny backed down. “Yes, I get the difference. I’m sorry. Tempers were running high this morning.”

  The grip on my arms evolved into a caress.

  “Johnny, there are so many things that we need to talk about. Unfortunately, this isn’t the right time.”

  “I only need one answer, Helen,” he said softly.

  “I still love you, and I’m sorry for the things I said today. Sometimes, when something hurts as much as the past few hours did, I go into self-protection mode. I shouldn’t have been vicious and tried to push you away like that, but the picture was pretty damning. On top of that, you showed up and tried to protect Melissa Sherman this morning.”

  “All I wanted was answers. And I didn’t want the tiny inroads I made at that stupid party undone because somebody jumped the gun with her.” He paused and cupped my chin. “While I’m delighted that you still love me and that you’re as sorry about this morning as I am, that isn’t the answer I wanted to hear.”

  He swept me off my feet and carried me back to the bedroom. Johnny put me on the bed, the edge and knelt in front of me. “I know I’ve probably fucked this up completely, Helen. But I wasn’t just trying to convince you not to throw me out when I asked. I do love you. I think I always have. When I think about not being with you… ” hard swallow, “I guess I get a little crazy. Don’t you know yet how much I need you? It hasn’t lessened from the moment I met you. I feel it more every day. Being away from you for a single night just about killed me. I can’t imagine that forever would be long enough with you.”