by Stacey Ritz
“What choice do I have if Andrew’s cheating on me?”
Rainie wondered what choice she had when it came to Milo. Her heart ached to be near him, but she knew the chances were slim that she’d ever see him again after dinner tonight. They’d been apart for fourteen years. There was nothing holding them together any more. They lived different lives in different cities.
“There’s always a choice, dear.” Sarah-Jayne answered. “Once you’ve had a chance to speak with Andrew and figure out the situation, you’ll choose to stay with him and try to make it work, or you’ll choose to separate. You’ll choose the choice you think is best for you…and I have no doubt you’ll make the right one.” She took another bite of her cake. “And Rainie, in your life you’ll choose too. You’ll choose between Cooper and Milo or you’ll choose to be on your own. Or you’ll choose some entirely different guy. We can’t control the circumstances we’re dealt in life, but we can always control our choices. Promise me you’ll remember that? Both of you…”
Rainie and Ronnie nodded solemnly, each focusing on their cake.
“Let’s try to forget about our pain, at least for the rest of the night.” Sarah-Jayne glanced at her husband’s urn. “We can’t change the past. What’s happened has happened.”
Rainie’s mind replayed her break up with Milo, all those years ago.
Ronnie couldn’t shake the woman’s voice from Andrew’s phone.
“We can’t forget the past, but we can learn from it. You know those books we’ve been toting around with us to the beach? We all picked books that have happily-ever-afters. Let’s be characters in our own books. Let’s write our own happily-ever-after’s.” Sarah-Jayne broke into a smile. “Rainie, remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books you used to read?”
Rainie nodded. “I loved those books.”
“Me too” Ronnie added.
“Well, what’s stopping us?”
“From what?” Ronnie questioned.
“From choosing our own adventures?”
“That sounds nice, Mama, but this is reality. Real life is full of pain and disappointment.”
Sarah-Jayne nodded eagerly. “Remember the characters in the books? They all face pain and obstacles. They face plenty of failures. But every time they fall, those characters find a way to stand back up. That’s what we have to do.”
Rainie took Ronnie’s plate when she finished her cake and stacked their plates together, placing them on the table in front of them.
“I want to clear the air on something. I didn’t know what else to do besides care for your dad. I loved him. I thought I could help him.”
“Mama, you don’t have to do this.” Rainie offered empathetically, reaching her arm toward her chair.
Sarah-Jayne shook her head. “No, I do. I want to. Your dad was in and out of jail. I tried to hide it, but you probably knew. And it makes me sick to my stomach that you had to hide in your room when he’d come home drunk and angry. That’s no kind of childhood. And I wished I’d been stronger. I wish I’d made a different choice for all of us. I should have put you girls first instead of him.” Her words ran together, moving faster by the second. “I thought I was making the right choice by staying. I promise I thought I was doing the right thing. I tried to leave him more times than I can count on two hands. But I was never successful. He’d tell me how much he needed me. He’d promise to change. He’d tell me he’d go to therapy. But they were all false promises, every time.” She shook her head, looking down at her pile of yarn again. “And I chose to believe those false promises every single time. I chose that…I wanted so desperately to believe him.”
“Oh, Mama.” Rainie whispered.
Sarah-Jayne held up a finger. “I wanted to protect you girls, but I wanted to save him, too. But I could never save him, as much as I tried, it was never enough. Never. He told me that addiction was in his blood. He blamed it on his D.N.A. But I’d told him he could beat it because he had a wonderful family. I always thought he would. I really did. But…I wasn’t enough.” A single tear trickled down her cheek. “I realize now, though, that I couldn’t save him because he never really wanted to save himself.”
“No one could save him, Mama. Like you said, he had to want to save himself before anyone could have helped him.” Rainie offered quiet assurances.
“You tried, Mama. We know you tried.” Ronnie added.
Nodding, Sarah-Jayne continued, her eyes wide and filled with heavy sorrow. “We were in love in the beginning. Both of you were born out of true love.” She sighed. “But I recognized your dad less and less every year that passed. He became a mere shadow of his former self.” She sat, quietly rocking for a minute before going on. “I’m so sorry for…well, everything. I’m sorry if you ever feared him. I’m sorry for the times I wasn’t available to be there for you. I’m …I’m so sorry. And I know sorry doesn’t begin to cover it. But it’s important to me that you know I am. I don’t blame either of you for leaving the house and never looking back. I hope I would have done the same in your shoes. I’m so incredibly proud of both of you, I want you to know that. I’m very proud.”
The three women sat, stunned beneath the weight of Sarah-Jayne’s words. The rhythmic ocean waves filled the silence between them.
“Well,” Rainie was the first to stand. She gathered all three plates, taking them to the kitchen sink. “if we’re going to write our own happily-ever-after’s, we’d better get started.”
Ronnie stood next, “I have the perfect idea. Let’s go shopping! Rainie, you need a new outfit for your dinner with Milo, anyway.”
“I’m in.” Rainie agreed.
“Me too.” Sarah-Jayne replied. “This yarn can wait until tomorrow.” She smiled.
“And Mama, I’ll stay the full week. I need this time away to think. It’s a choice, right?”
Sarah-Jayne winked at her daughter, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. “Everything’s a choice.”
“Well then, right now I choose shopping with my mama and sister.” Ronnie leaned her head to her mom’s shoulder.
Rainie rinsed the dishes in the sink and added them to the dishwasher. If life was all about choices, she thought quietly, then she would choose to keep the dinner conversation light and easy tonight with Milo. She couldn’t wait to see his dimples again. She longed to hear his laugh and to feel his big brown eyes looking into hers.
If life is about choices, Rainie reasoned, then choices are what make you who you are. Rainie planned to think long and hard about exactly who she wanted to be. Until now, she’d been trying her best to escape her past and to create a life all her own. And until now, she’d done that. But being in Corolla with her mama and sister, running into Milo…she could no longer escape her past. Instead, she was facing it. Now she had to decide what that meant for her future. She hadn’t expected time away from the sanctuary to change her, although it felt as if it was doing that very thing. She’d been certain of so many things before she’d arrived to the beach. And now? Now she didn’t feel certain of anything.
“Ready to go?” Ronnie shook her sisters’ shoulders. “Lost in the clouds, sis?”
“I’m ready. Let me grab a pair of shoes.”
“Meet us outside!”
Rainie slid on her sneakers and met the two women at the front of the house. Ronnie stood in the middle, linking arms with each of them. “This is the start of something new…for all of us.” She looked head. “I can feel it.”
7
CHAPTER SEVEN
PEGGY & SAM / PIGS
Peggy and Sam were rescued together. A semi-truck carrying pigs to slaughter crashed and Peggy and Sam escaped. It saved their life. Days later, they were rescued and came to live permanently at the sanctuary. They are always together; playing in the mud, enjoying meals and sleeping.
FACTS: Pigs are one of the smartest animals on the planet. They are very social animals and for m close bonds with each other and with other species. Pigs love to cuddle . They also have long
memories, remembering things for years.
Dinner with Milo hadn’t ended with a kiss as Rainie had hoped. He had walked her to the door, lingering before they called it a night. At dinner, he’d chosen the asiago tortellini alfredo while she’d enjoyed the eggplant parmigiana sandwich. Over breadsticks they’d stayed on safe topics; weather, siblings, his surf lesson and her shopping excursion earlier that day. When the main course was served, they ate in silence before diving into conversation again. Milo spoke first.
“About earlier…” he cleared his throat, looking her in the eyes with tenderness.
“I’m sorry about that.” Rainie shook her head, not wanting to talk about Cooper and not wanting the conversation to turn awkward.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Rainie. Really.”
Rainie nodded.
“I had a good time.” He smiled easily and Rainie appreciated his poised demeanor. She’d always loved that about him.
“I did too.” She grinned, recalling the kiss and the way he’d wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. Fourteen years apart and he could still instantly sweep her off her feet.
After a few minutes, Milo added, “You look happy.”
“You too.”
Both nodded simultaneously.
Rainie was happy with her work. She was happy with the person she was becoming. She was happy to be reuniting with Ronnie and her mama, and now Milo. She had many reasons to be grateful.
Conversation flowed smoothly after confronting the events of the day. They glided from one topic to the next with ease; Rainie’s sanctuary, Milo’s veterinary practice, his family, her family, the book she was reading to the last book he’d read. She asked him about his running and he asked about some of her wildlife rehabilitation and release projects. Cooper’s name was never mentioned, and for that, Rainie was relieved. It wasn’t until she returned to the beach house that night that he entered her mind.
As Rainie closed the front door behind her, she found Ronnie uploading her latest beach photos to her laptop for editing. Rainie peered over her shoulder, enthralled with the images her sister had captured. “They’re beautiful.”
“Thanks, I’m pretty happy with them.” Ronnie finished clicking the mouse before turning to look up at Rainie. “So…how was it?” She asked excitedly.
“The date?”
“Yes, of course, the date!”
Rainie blushed. “It was good.” Despite Milo’s recent departure, she already wanted to see him again. A part of her still wished she was that little girl who loaded her little sister up in the red wagon, hopped on her bike and rode to Milo’s house.
“Seriously. Good? That’s all I get?” Ronnie rolled her eyes.
“What else do you want me to say?” Rainie pulled out a chair from the dining table to sit next to her.
“Is he seeing anyone back home?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t know for sure?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t want to talk about Cooper.” She winced. “It wasn’t fair to ask about his love life back home.”
“Well, my advice is to make sure he doesn’t have a wife.” Ronnie raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips together.
“He doesn’t.”
“Good.” She nodded curtly.
“Still no word from Andrew?”
She shook her head and turned her attention back to the computer, watching as the last of her images completed their upload.
The ringing of a phone shook them both from their thoughts. Both looked at their devices in unison. It was Raine’s phone who’d come to life.
“I’ve got to take this.” She patted Ronnie on the shoulders as she stood. “See you in the morning.” She said as she headed toward her room. Ronnie waved her away and focused on the images before her.
“Cooper?” Rainie answered.
“Did you get my text?” His voice was flat.
Rainie winced.
“Never mind.” He said, before she answered. “How are things going?”
“Good.” She nodded, closing her bedroom door behind her.
“Good.”
“How are things going back home?”
“Good. Fine.”
“Good.”
The word good was beginning to frustrate her. Rainie had learned tonight that when there was something that needed to be said and it was ignored, situations became stifling. Unless the air was cleared, their struggling conversation would only continue to flounder.
“Good weather?”
“Lots of sunshine.” Rainie said cheerfully, although she realized the conversation was going nowhere.
“Good.” He replied disinterested. She wanted to scream at that word. Good. “You’re so lucky to be on vacation at the beach.”
Rainie rolled her eyes. He was going there again? She wasn’t on vacation. How many times did she have to tell him? “It’s beautiful here.” She said instead, not wanting to argue.
“I bet. Way better than Kentucky scenery, huh?”
“Well, I don’t know. Just…different.”
“Different is good.”
“It can be.” She shrugged, silently begging him to stop saying good.
“Okay, well…let me know when you’re heading back. We can have dinner.”
“Okay, I will.”
“Oh, I almost forgot. I sold that huge property on Hall Street today. I’m getting a fat commission check for this one!” She could hear him rubbing his hands together.
“Nice job, Cooper.” She grinned, knowing how giddy sales made him. And Hall Street was a property he’d been excited about selling for months.
“I’ll take you to a really nice dinner when you get back. Anywhere you want.”
“It’s a plan.” She said, making sure she didn’t use the word good again.
He talked more about the sale and how he’d strategically driven up the price, assuring himself the highest commission possible. They said goodnight without ever mentioning Cooper’s I love you text and without noting that Rainie had ran into her high school sweetheart, or rather, the person her little sister swore was Rainie’s soulmate. As she hung up from the call, Rainie saw that her screen showed several new texts. Her heart raced, hoping to hear from Milo. Instead, it was a text from her mom.
“Since you’ve both decided you’re staying for the week, are you okay with spreading your father’s ashes at the end of the week?” It was the first text she’d ever received from her mom. Ronnie had mentioned that Sarah-Jayne had gone to bed earlier that evening, tired from the day. She said she’d taken her pile of yarn with her, determined to try again to acquire the new skill.
Ronnie had replied to the text saying, “I’d like that.”
Rainie typed her response. “Me too.”
After brushing her teeth and changing into pajamas that consisted of a tattered navy blue T-shirt and a pair of red and white plaid boxer shorts, Rainie climbed into bed, looking at her phone once more before placing her head on the pillow.
“I miss you.” She texted Milo, pressing send.
A moment later she received a new text. “I miss you.” The response echoed her words. Only, the text was from Cooper.
〜
“Confession.” Ronnie laughed as they sprawled out on their beach towels beneath the sun. “I used to take your porcelain dolls out of their boxes and play with them when you were in school or when you went to Milo’s without me.” She bit her lower lip and used her index finger to pull her sunglasses down the ridge of her nose, looking directly at her sister.
“Those were collector’s items!” Rainie flicked a handful of sand at her sister.
“Well, they were toys to me, and they were a lot of fun.” She smirked. “Did you ever wind up selling them, anyway?”
Rainie shook her head. She’d forgotten about her porcelain dolls. She was sure Ronnie hadn’t been the only one in her family using her dolls for their own personal gain. After the loss of her coin collecti
on and her summer earnings, she had a pretty good idea of where her porcelain dolls must have ended up. “Any more confessions I should know about?”
Ronnie pretended to think. “Hmm…I don’t think so. Not right now.” She laughed, pushing her sunglasses back over her eyes.
“Good to know.” Rainie turned to face her. “Do you remember when you used to poke my nose over and over for now apparent reason?”
“Who, me?” Ronnie placed her hand on her chest, acting surprised.
Rainie rolled her eyes. “Do you seriously not remember?”
Placing her finger on Rainie’s nose she said, “What do you think?”
Rainie shook her head and opened her mouth, trying to bite Ronnie’s finger.
“Alligator mouth!” The two sisters laughed, reenacting a customary scene from their past.
Sarah-Jayne sat beneath an oversized beach umbrella a few feet away, shaking her head with a smile as she peered over top of her book, watching her grown daughters. “Hey, you two…” Rainie and Ronnie turned on their beach towels to look at Sarah-Jayne.
“Since you have so much energy…one day when I run a 5K, maybe you could run it with me?”
Rainie raised her eyebrows. “One day?”
Sarah-Jayne continued, standing to spread her own towel out in the sunny sand to join them. “And one day I hope to actually learn to arm knit a blanket.” She shook her head while slathering sunscreen on her face and shoulders. “I was up half of the night trying to learn how to cast on. The best thing I ended up making last night was one big knot.” She threw her arms in the air. “But one day I’m going to figure it out.”
“What’s with this one day thing?” Rainie asked.
Sarah-Jayne’s forehead crinkled as she pushed her hair from her face and looked at Rainie. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve noticed, ever since we’ve been here…you say ‘one day’ you’d like to…” She used her hand to draw a blank line in the air.
