by Stacey Ritz
“Mama, how are you doing?” Ronnie asked, changing the subject.
“Oh, I’m hanging in there. The house is pretty quiet…it’s just me now.” She shrugged her shoulders. “But you’ll be happy to know that I’ve finally turned that heap of yarn into a blanket. Coffee Tree Books is the bookstore in town…do you remember where the old movie theater used to be, just south of the college campus?”
They both nodded.
“When the movie theater moved, they turned the place into a quaint little bookshop. And anyway, they have knitting groups there once a week and I’ve been going. I’ve made a few friends, too.”
“That’s great, Mama.” Rainie smiled and Ronnie agreed.
“I may be about to turn sixty, but I’m getting back on my feet…or maybe, standing on my own two feet for the first time. I’m figuring it out.” Sarah-Jayne sat up taller in her chair and lifted her chin. “My life is far from over.” She let out a deep cough. “Goodness.” She said, shaking her head.
It was good to hear her perk up, with a new zest for life. Her eyes danced as she shared her news about the knitting classes. Rainie and Ronnie had never experienced their mama so light and free in their entire lives. It was refreshing to witness and for some reason, blanketed them both with a sense of ease.
“Do you plan on running any more 5K’s, Mama?” Rainie asked. “You sure kicked our butt’s when we ran at the beach.”
“I enjoyed that.” She smiled.
“Which part?” Ronnie asked playfully. “Beating us or running the 5K?”
“Both.”
“You’re not in bad shape.”
“Go ahead…” she motioned with her hand, “for a woman of my age?”
“No, that’s not what I was going to say at all. You’re not in bad shape, period. End of sentence. Like I said, you’re way faster than both of us.” Ronnie laughed.
“I am, aren’t I?”
They both nodded.
“Rainie, have you talked to Milo?” Ronnie asked, raising a single eyebrow, a crease forming across her forehead.
During the ten hour drive home from Corolla, Rainie found herself with a considerable amount of time to think. She tried listening to an audiobook, but couldn’t pay attention. She tried listening to the radio and singing along to the songs, but she still couldn’t focus. Her thoughts constantly wandered back to Milo. She missed him. She wanted to turn the Jeep around and drive back to him. She wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her waist. She wanted to feel his lips pressed against hers. She wanted to see his dimples when he smiled. She wanted to feel his eyes looking straight into hers. She wanted to hold his hand, to hear him laugh. She shook her head, trying to fend off the persistent ache in her chest. No, she had to return home. Her whole life was in Lexington. She had spent years burying the past. She wasn’t going to let one trip change who she was. She wasn’t going to completely change her life to see if she could make it work again with Milo, assuming that’s what he wanted. She had thought that’s what he’d wanted. That’s what she’d felt from him at the beach. Had she been wrong? Had he merely wanted to be friends? Oh, maybe she had read the situation all wrong. Maybe she’d been jealous of whoever Vanessa was for no reason at all.
Who was she kidding? She was jealous because she still loved him. He was her best friend. No matter how much distance she put between them, no matter how many years they’d been apart, he’d always known her better than anyone else. That’s the way it would always be. And she still loved him. She knew from the moment she’d seen him saving the baby ducks from the sewer grate. She had known it all along, despite her best attempts to forget him. She had never stopped loving him.
She hadn’t realized how distant she’d grown from her mama and sister until Ronnie’s voice interrupted her thoughts, pulling her back to reality, “Rainie?”
13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
HARRY / OPOSSUM
Harry was orphaned when h is mother was hit by a vehicle. He came to the sanctuary an d received life-saving care . He now freely roams the sanctuary grounds and is extremely content .
FACTS: Opossum’s are the only marsupials found North of Mexico. When an opossum experiences intense fear, they “play dead.” This response results in the opossum seizing up and staring blankly ahead. Often, their tongue will hang from their mouth and they will secrete a foul-smelling odor. They do not choose this behavior, rather, it is instinctual, serving as a safety mechanism. This comatose-like state that is triggered by stress can often save a n opossum’s life.
The drive was quiet and beautiful; the scenes ranged from country homes nestled down long gravel lanes to a doe with her two speckled fawn grazing by her side. It was a ninety-minute drive and Rainie hadn’t bothered to turn on the radio, preferring instead to take in the scenery. She’d done the drive twice in the last two months, although she hadn’t told a soul. Her thoughts wandered to Cooper McCarty as she drove. She pictured him rubbing the stubble on his chin, his eyes smiling back at her as he talked. When she’d come back from Corolla, she’d waited a day before telling Cooper. When they met for dinner at Tony’s of Lexington the next evening, she’d looked him in the eyes and said, “Cooper, I want to break up.”
His eyes had widened and he leaned in closer, taking her hand from across the table. “Rainie, what is this about? We were fine before you went to Corolla.”
“Exactly.” She’s told him, squeezing his hand once and then letting go. “We were fine. We were just fine. And fine is…fine. But fine isn’t good.”
He squinted his eyes and furrowed his brow, confused. “What’s wrong with fine?”
“Everything.” She’s whispered looking away, although she hadn’t been sure he’d heard her. She’d felt terrible. She hadn’t wanted to break his heart. He’d been nothing but kind to her. But she’d been reminded that there was something better than fine out there and she hadn’t wanted to settle. She’d decided by that time, that she’d rather take the risk of being alone than make the decision to be okay with fine.
“I thought things were going well with us?” He’d asked a few minutes later. They’d both stopped touching their food by that point, preoccupied by the silent conversation that existed between their words.
“They were, Cooper.”
“Then, what?”
“Then, nothing.”
“This isn’t nothing. Breaking up, isn’t nothing. Is it something I did? Something I said?”
She shook her head. She felt awful breaking his heart. She wanted to give him an explanation but she didn’t know what more to say.
That’s when Cooper grew angry. It was the first time she’d seen him indignant and it only served to solidify her decision to end their relationship. His face grew red and his eyes narrowed on hers.
“I thought we were going to build a life together. I thought you wanted more from life than living on that…that farm. Don’t you want more?”
Rainie knew that to Cooper, more meant money; a fancy house, expensive cars and other material things. She didn’t want more things. She didn’t need a lavish home or extravagant cars. She didn’t need it and she didn’t want it. She was happy with her life and she loved her work at the farm sanctuary. She was proud of what she’d built and the lives, both human and animal, that she had touched. She couldn’t imagine a life without the sanctuary. The more Cooper’s words soaked in, the more frustrated she grew. Rainie clenched her fists on her lap. He’d asked, don’t you want more? She knew now, that the answer was both yes and no. No to the way he’d meant it. Yes to the way she thought of it. More to her didn’t mean status and things. More to her meant a deeper connection. It meant a true friendship. It meant understanding. It meant something words couldn’t fully describe. And it meant more than she had with Cooper.
Rainie met Cooper’s eyes from across the candlelit table. He looked at her, his eyes wide and wanting. She looked at him, seeing straight past his act. He was angry and throwing a toddler-like tantrum, the fit of
a child who hadn’t gotten his way. “Cooper, I’m so sorry.” She told him, meaning it. She wanted to tell him she wanted more from life, but not the same more he was referring to, but instead, she said, “I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy…with you.”
She nodded. “And I want to be happy.”
“You are happy, with me.”
This time she shook her head. “I think you’re a nice guy, Cooper. It’s just not going to work out.”
Cooper threw his hands in the air, sending his fork flying to the ground.
“I can’t win?” he asked, incredulous.
Rainie wanted to tell him that she wasn’t a prize. He wasn’t here to win her. But she knew it was no use. She paid her half of the bill and stood.
“What? You’re leaving? Just like that?” His voice raised.
“Cooper,” she whispered, leaning toward him. “There’s nothing more to say and I don’t want to make a scene.” Her eyes wandered around the room, but his didn’t follow. Instead, his focus stayed trained on her.
“Rainie, don’t do this!” His voice grew louder and his hand reached out and gripped tightly around her arm.
Their waiter appeared a moment later, clearing his throat. “Excuse me,” he said politely. “Is there a problem here?”
As Cooper turned his attention to the waiter, his grip loosened and Rainie pulled her arm away. “Thank you,” she mouthed silently to the waiter. And then, turning to Cooper she said, “We’re done.” Rainie turned to leave. They’d driven separately, as she’d known the conversation she had planned to have with Cooper that night, although she hadn’t known he’d react in this manner. She tried to focus on the click of her boots against the marble floors as she made her way to the exit, but Cooper’s shouts at the waiter overpowered her muted clicks.
She heard him yelling, “What are my coworkers going to think? And my parents? I actually told them I was serious about you and now I’m going to look like a total fool!”
She tried her best to ignore him, understanding that he was upset not at the loss of their relationship, but at the temporary dent he thought it would make on his social status. When she reached the exit, she pushed the glass door open with vigor, drawing in a deep breath of fresh air. She made her way to her Jeep and never looked back.
“In a half a mile, turn left onto Bluecreek Road.” The friendly G.P.S. voice interrupted her thoughts. She rolled down the windows of the Jeep, taking in the fresh air and feeling the wind eagerly lift her hair from her neck. Although she’d been here twice in the last two months, she hadn’t gone to this particular location, until now. The single-story building was made of red and brown brick. There was a porch on its front that boasted a welcome sign stenciled on an old piece of barnwood in white block letters. A wreath with a single white bow hung on the front door. Rainie’s stomach twisted into knots as she parked and turned off the engine. Everything was silent, too silent. She sat up tall, checked herself using the rearview mirror and then stepped out of the Jeep, letting her boots hit the cement. She couldn’t believe she was really here.
Her eyes widened as she took in her surroundings. Rainie walked up the steps and opened the front door, hearing the jingle of bells above her head as the door pushed open. She knelt to the ground, smiling as she entered. Greeted by a slew of wet noses, she eagerly petted each dog that surrounded her. The first, a small Chihuahua who barked relentlessly from excitement. Another, a German Shepherd who towered over the pack. And two others looked to be Labrador Retriever mixes of some kind.
“Mitsy, Angel, Harry, Barney…come along.” Their guardian curtly called after the jubilant pack of canines.
Rainie looked up, “Oh, they’re fine. I love animals.” She smiled and stood as the lady nodded and exited through the door, the dogs nearly pulling her over with their combined zeal.
“How can I help you?” The voice came from behind the counter.
“Oh, I…” Rainie was suddenly at a loss for words.
“Who are you here to pick up, dear?” The older woman smiled back at her.
“Hi.” Rainie started over, walking up to the counter. “I actually…I was wondering, is Milo here?” Her voice came out quieter than she’d expected. She placed her hand on her throat wondering if she was getting a cold.
“Dr. Rivers is finishing up his last appointment before lunch. Can I help you with something?” She offered kindly.
Rainie felt her face grow warm. “I…well…I…I wanted to see if Milo…I mean Dr. Rivers was…” She waved her hand. “If it’s okay with you, I’ll wait here,” she pointed to the wooden benches lining the waiting room walls. “I need to ask him something…when he’s available.” She smiled.
“Of course, honey.” The woman answered with a nod. “I’ll send him out as soon as he’s finished.”
“Thank you.” Rainie took a seat and folded her hands in her lap.
She had sent exactly one text to Milo since she’d left Corolla. She’d written, “I miss you.” And he’d replied within thirty minutes, writing, “I miss you, too.” She’d wanted to say goodbye to Milo in Corolla. Well, if she was being honest, she’d never wanted to say goodbye. But when she’d left, she’d left in such a hurry. She’d felt something with Milo that she’d hadn’t felt since she had left him when they were eighteen. All of those years had passed and there it was, that undeniable feeling, that invisible string that held them together. She had tried to forget that feeling. She had told herself she’d only been a child and she hadn’t known what she’d really felt and after a handful of years, she had begun to believe herself. But seeing Milo at the beach was a slap in the face. What she had felt with him all those years ago had been real and the feeling came boomeranging back, nearly knocking her over with its force. She’d been overwhelmed with the feelings that came flooding back to her at the beach. And then there was Cooper. She had known she needed to end her relationship with him. Not to mention, she’d been apprehensive about leaving the sanctuary to go to the shore. She had known Rebecca would be capable in her absence but she had been anxious to return to the animals. And while reuniting with Ronnie and her mama had gone well in Corolla, it had still been staggering. Although they’d spent years apart, their reconciliation stirred up a lot of memories. And then there was her dad’s ashes. Rainie shook her head at the memory, placing her hand across her heart. It had all been too much for her to bear collectively. Any one of the situations were overwhelming on their own, but together, she’d craved introspection. She’d needed solitary time in order to gain a sense of clarity on everything. If she had said a proper goodbye to Milo in Corolla, she would have been afraid she’d never leave his side. And she had needed to find lucidity first.
Two doors sat in front of Rainie. She crossed her legs and fumbled with her fingernails as she waited. One door was open and she could see inside of the empty exam room. The other door was closed. She gulped, knowing Milo stood behind it. Would he be happy to see her? He hadn’t tried to call after their text exchange. She hadn’t known if that was out of respect, after all, she’d made a pretty clear statement with the way she’d left Corolla or if it was because he hadn’t wanted to call. Then again, she thought, he had texted her back and said he’d missed her. Could you miss a person you didn’t want to see again? Rainie’s head spun with questions.
A moment later, the door burst open and a couple who looked to be in their late twenties sauntered out carrying two cat carriers; one containing a large white long-haired cat and the other holding a petite short-haired bright eyed calico. “Have a good weekend,” Milo called after them as they made their way to the front desk to pay the bill.
“Thank you, Dr. Rivers.”
She watched his familiar smile, the dimples on either side of his cheeks froze in place when his eyes scanned the waiting room and he found her. Rainie smiled back.
Milo took a step forward, standing in the open doorway as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, or rather, who he was seeing. “
Rainie?” His eyes danced.
Rainie stood and took a step toward him. His white lab coat showed his name, Dr. Milo Rivers, embroidered in navy blue across the right breast pocket. A stethoscope hung loosely around his neck. “Dr. Milo Rivers.” She said softly, her eyes locked on his.
“Rainie Lynn Amburger.” He answered back, stepping toward her. His arms opened wide, welcoming her and she fell easily into his warm embrace. “Are we referring to each other by our full names now?” He chuckled easily.
Rainie wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. Her head leaned against his chest. They stood entangled until the bell at the top of the door sounded, startling them as his clients left with their two cats in tow. The receptionist stood from behind her desk, “Dr. Rivers, I’m heading out to lunch.” Rainie watched as she winked at Milo. “It looks like you’ve got things under control here.”
Milo nodded. “Thanks, Leslie.” He said as she disappeared.
Rainie pulled back and met Milo’s eyes once again.
“Will you be my lunch date?”
“Of course.” He winked.
“I want to take you somewhere.” She tugged at his hand, their eyes still lingering on each other.
She heard a bark from behind Milo and watched as the black three-legged dog came eagerly charging toward her. “Hey, Pickles!” She bent to her knees, greeting him. Buddy licked her face and jumped, basking in the glow of her attention. After a minute she stood, “Buddy can come, too.”
“He’d love that.” Milo smiled.
“I’ll drive.” Rainie tugged at Milo’s hand again. She opened the back door of the Jeep and Buddy jumped in, sitting politely in the back seat. With the windows down, he stuck his head into the fresh air, enjoying the breeze as she drove out of the parking lot.
Milo looked at his phone. “Sorry…it will just be a minute. I have to take this…work.” He apologetically raised his eyebrows.
