by Laura Ziepe
‘So your mother told you what happened?’ he said, taking a sip of hot chocolate.
They were sitting in a local coffee shop.
‘She did. I didn’t know about the affair. Mum never told me about that part,’ she explained.
‘I won’t go into it now she’s told you. The truth is, your mother broke my heart, but I know I had a problem back then and I was too stubborn to admit it, even to myself, and I wouldn’t let her help me. I was depressed, but it was years and years before I realized it. It’s no excuse for not being present in your life though, Amber. I will forever be sorry for that. I should never have stopped trying to see you.’ His voice broke off and he swallowed hard. ‘I know I haven’t been a father to you, but if there’s any way we can ever have any kind of relationship then it would make me the happiest man alive. There isn’t a day gone by that I hadn’t thought about you and regretted my decision.’
Amber felt a flash of embarrassment that her father was wearing his heart on his sleeve. She moved about in her chair feeling discomfited. ‘Okay,’ she said finally. ‘I’d like to give it a try,’ she offered, shooting her father a friendly smile. ‘I’m not sure how I feel about you disappearing for good after Mum’s affair, but I’m willing to look past it for the time being. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try to give our relationship a go.’
Her father breathed a sigh of relief. ‘That’s all I wanted to hear,’ he said joyfully, his face transforming into a huge grin.
‘We have lots to catch up on,’ Amber said, a faint smile on her lips.
‘Tell me about yourself. Are you still close with Diane and her family? Is your mother still friends with her?’
‘Yes,’ Amber replied, unable to stop her first thoughts being of Jack. ‘We see them all the time. Jack is one of my best friends.’
‘That’s lovely,’ he beamed. ‘How is Jack? A lovely boy, that one. You were always close back then, even as young children.’
Amber forced a smile. ‘He’s great. He’s actually getting married,’ she told him as brightly as possible, though it pained her to say it.
‘Oh wow,’ her father responded, his gaze falling on her hands. ‘And you? Any sign of a husband on the horizon?’
Amber shook her head firmly. ‘No, not yet. I’m not sure I want to be married,’ she told him robustly. But something felt different when she said it out loud this time. Amber hadn’t ever been interested in marriage growing up, that much was true, she had never needed a man in her life to feel happy. But now she’d actually admitted that she was in love with Jack she questioned whether this changed things. Would she like to marry Jack? The thought of him being her husband didn’t scare her at all. In fact, when she thought of Jack marrying Natalya instead of her, it made her want to scream out loud and she wasn’t sure that just being Jack’s girlfriend would be enough for her. She wanted him forever and she wanted everyone to know that he was hers. Her heart ached that she’d never acknowledged her feelings before. It was hurtful to think of him with somebody else. Especially Natalya of all people.
Her father changed the subject and they spoke about what they’d both been up to through the years. Amber was pleased that it wasn’t too awkward between them; despite not seeing each other for so long and being virtual strangers, it certainly didn’t feel that way. Her father was easy to talk to and genuinely interested in everything she had to say.
‘I have a gift for you,’ he said, after a short while. ‘It’s an early Christmas present. Only something small,’ he told her, handing her a navy-blue box with a red ribbon on.
Amber felt a slight colour coming to her cheeks. A gift from her father was most unexpected and she stared at the box blankly.
‘Open it,’ her father encouraged her.
‘Thanks,’ she said, as her fingers untied the silky bow. ‘You really didn’t need to get me a gift.’
‘I have a lot of catching up to do,’ her father told her ashamedly. ‘I wanted to get it. I’m pretty sure I owe you years’ worth of gifts.’
Amber opened the box, a small gasp escaping her lips. It was a beautiful silver locket and as she opened it, there was tiny photo of her as a child, around four years old she guessed, with her father. She was smiling manically at the camera, oblivious that this man who she clearly loved beside her was going to be gone one day from her life. As she looked up, her father’s eyes were watery.
‘Like I said, it’s not much, but all I’ve ever had are photos of you and this one was my favourite,’ he said, sounding choked.
‘Thanks,’ Amber said holding the locket tightly. It was a thoughtful gift and she’d treasure it. She looked up at that point, startled when she spotted Jack walking into the coffee shop. ‘Jack!’ she called out.
Her father spun round too and Amber watched as Jack approached them with a concerned expression lining his face.
‘Amber, hi,’ he said, before glancing at her father curiously.
‘This is my dad,’ Amber said. Would the words always sound so strange when she said them out loud?
Jack held out his hand. ‘Nice to meet you.’
Amber frowned at Jack, wondering what on earth he was doing there as her father spoke. ‘Well, you’ve certainly grown since the last time I met you. Lovely to see you again, Jack. I was friends with your father when I was married to Amber’s mother. How is he?’
‘He’s well, thank you. I’ll tell him you said hello,’ Jack replied politely.
‘Do you want to join us?’ Amber was bewildered as to what he was doing there. Was something wrong?
‘Amber I need to go anyway,’ her father said, glancing at his watch. ‘Why don’t I buy you both a drink before I leave?’ he suggested kindly.
‘Thanks,’ Amber smiled. ‘I’ll come with you to get them.’
The barista took their order and Amber turned to her father. ‘Thanks again for the locket. It was really kind of you and I didn’t expect it.’
He hugged her. ‘Don’t be so silly. It was nothing. I was hoping to see you around Christmas time if you have any free days. Of course, I understand if you’re busy…’
‘I’d like that,’ Amber replied with a natural smile. ‘I’m certain there will be some days I have free before going back to work.’
‘Merry Christmas,’ he said cheerily, looking happy that she would meet him again. ‘I know this will be the best one I’ve had in years.’
Amber kissed her father goodbye, delighted that it didn’t feel uncomfortable between them as she’d feared it would. She had taken to him surprisingly well, despite the fact she resented him. She wondered if that feeling would ever leave her. She took the gingerbread lattes from the barista and walked over to where Jack was sitting, feeling slightly nervous about talking to him after their argument.
‘How come you’re here?’ she asked him, placing the mug in front of him. ‘Is it just a coincidence?’ she questioned.
‘My mum spoke to yours and told me you were meeting your dad here,’ he said looking grave. ‘I don’t know why I came. I guess I just wanted to check you were okay. I thought he might have gone by now and I don’t know, I was just a little worried I guess. I know how much of a big deal this must be to you.’
Amber fiddled with the sleeve of her jumper and twisted her fingers feeling unsettled that things were tense between them. ‘I thought you hated me after what happened,’ she confessed. ‘The things I said about Natalya. I know I upset you. I wasn’t sure you’d even care how I was.’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous,’ Jack scolded her sharply. ‘I’ll always care about you and you know that. I’ve known you forever; I knew how much it meant to you to have a father figure in your life and I just wondered if things had gone okay, that’s all. I didn’t want to encroach or anything.’
‘Okay, calm down,’ Amber’s eyes widened. Jack was definitely not over their row; he was never usually snappy with her. ‘Things actually went really well with my dad,’ she stated happily. ‘I didn’t expect it to, but ther
e’s a lot more to the story I never knew about, and my dad wants to get to know me. I know he hasn’t been around all these years, but it’s kind of difficult to say no. I feel like I’ve missed out and I owe it to myself to give him a chance.’
‘He’s the one that’s missed out,’ Jack reminded her protectively. ‘But I’m glad to see everything went well. I was concerned I was going to come here to see you in floods of tears or something.’
‘No, luckily not,’ Amber smiled at him fondly. He still had her back despite their cross words the other day. But did he just care so much because he saw her as a sister-type figure in his life? How would she know if there was more to it unless she finally came clean? ‘I’m sorry for what I said about Natalya.’
‘Good,’ Jack replied, his tone softening. ‘You were pretty harsh about her.’
Amber took a deep breath trying to build up courage. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was beating loudly in her ears. ‘It’s because I care about you, Jack, that’s all.’ She had no idea how to tell him. Where to start?
‘I care about you too, Amber, you know that; I just wasn’t expecting you to start telling me I’m marrying the wrong woman.’
‘You are though,’ Amber told him with certainty.
‘Let’s not go into all this again,’ Jack said, looking away, attempting to brush off the comment.
‘I have to,’ Amber told him in slow, heavy tones. ‘I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t say it.’
‘Say what, Amber?’ Jack questioned irritably. ‘I told you, let’s just leave it.’
Amber paused for a moment as Jack gave her a beady stare. ‘Why did you really come here today, Jack? Why would you bother putting yourself out and taking time out of your day to check that I was okay?’
His face creased in puzzlement. ‘You’re my friend. I wanted to check you on you. Why are you asking me that?’
‘Is that really it?’ Amber tried to sound calm, but her voice began to wobble a little. ‘Am I really just a friend?’
Jack looked stupefied again as he gazed at Amber with swivelling, inquisitive eyes. ‘I don’t understand what you’re saying…’
‘I’m telling you that I’m in love with you, Jack,’ Amber blurted out in shrilly tones, a wall of panic hitting her as she considered the consequences. She could see the light slowly dawning on his face as it changed to one of astonishment. ‘Don’t marry Natalya. And I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with you, but because she isn’t the right girl for you, but there, now you know. I love you, Jack. I probably always have.’ She giggled nervously. ‘I just haven’t been able to really see it until now.’
Jack’s face turned pale. ‘You love me?’ he repeated in shock.
‘Yes,’ Amber told him boldly. She looked away from him at the floor.
‘But all those years ago when I tried to kiss you, you pushed me away,’ he reminded her in confusion.
‘I was scared. You’ve always been my closest friend. We were young then too; just imagine how disastrous it would have been if we’d got together and then split up? I couldn’t have lost you then and I can’t lose you now.’ Her voice rose slightly in distress before she continued. ‘I’ve been afraid to tell you how I feel. I’m terrified that you don’t feel the same and I’ve now ruined our friendship. I know you’re getting married and it’s probably not fair to just drop this on you, but I have to. I can’t live with the regret that I didn’t at least try. I can’t move on until I’ve told you exactly how I feel. I’m in love with you, Jack.’
‘I really don’t know what to think, Amber. I don’t know what to say to you,’ Jack announced guiltily, his face blank.
Amber winced. He didn’t love her back or he would have said it. As she’d feared she’d put him in a difficult position and now she’d spoiled everything. How would they ever move on from this?
‘It’s okay, Jack. It’s not your fault if you don’t feel the same. I’m sorry to have told you like this. I don’t know when the right time would have been. It’s taken me too long to realize my true feeling until it’s too late—’
‘Natalya,’ he interjected.
‘Yes, I know you’re in love with Natalya,’ she said, her throat dry as she attempted to swallow.
‘No, Natalya is here. She’s just walked in behind you,’ he said with an anxious frown, standing up and waving her over.
Amber stood up too, intending on leaving. As much as she was mortified and heartbroken that Jack didn’t love her back, she was also glad she’d finally told him. She wanted to point at Natalya and say to Jack that it was no surprise he couldn’t even meet her for coffee without her showing up. Could he still not see? Maybe he didn’t care? Either way, it was time for her to go. She spun round to face Natalya’s suspicious, vexed gaze. ‘Hi, Natalya. I was just leaving.’
Natalya ignored the comment and looked at Jack with a hard glare. ‘I thought you were at your mum’s house?’ she accused him. ‘When I went there though she told me you were here.’
‘Yes,’ Jack said in a timid voice clearing his throat. ‘I just wanted to check that Amber was okay.’
‘Which I am,’ Amber added quickly as she put her coat on. ‘I’m going now, so he’s all yours. Goodbye, Jack,’ Amber managed to say, before swiftly walking to the exit.
When Amber reached the safety of her car she breathed out slowly. Then tears formed in her eyes and she sobbed. Had she now lost Jack for good? What was she going to do now?
Chapter 30
‘You look amazing,’ Grace complimented Rachel as she admired her long electric-blue gown. They’d both had their hair done for the ball and Rachel had opted for a messy side bun with several loose braids intertwined. Her floor-length dress was backless, showing off her creamy, smooth skin and she looked stunning.
‘Thanks,’ Rachel replied gratefully. ‘So do you. I love your black dress,’ she told her. ‘It must have cost a fortune.’
Grace smiled thinking about Simon who had generously purchased it for her. She laughed good-naturedly. ‘It’s a shame we don’t have any men to go with tonight, isn’t it? All this effort and we have no dates.’
Rachel looked uneasy suddenly. ‘Yes, I know. It’s a shame, but never mind.’
‘Have you spoken to Amber?’ Grace enquired.
‘Yes, we’re meeting her there. She’s still upset about Jack of course and I had to encourage her to come out, but I think she’d putting on a brave face so we’ll have to cheer her up.’
‘Yes, the poor thing. I wonder what will happen between her and Jack now? I really hope it doesn’t ruin their friendship; it would be such a shame.’
Rachel nodded in agreement before Grace’s phone beeped, signalling that she had a text message. Her heart sank when she saw it was only from her sister finalising Christmas day plans. She hadn’t spoken to Simon since their shopping trip when he’d left her in a mood, and the truth was that Grace was worried about him. About them. She was afraid he was going to give up on her. She wished he was going to the ball tonight more than anything; it really wasn’t going to be the same without him and he was right, why was she so afraid to tell people she was giving him another chance? She wanted him there. As much as she knew she would have an amazing night with just the girls, she felt guilty that she wasn’t inviting him knowing that all her colleagues were taking their other halves. Would Amber and Rachel really mind if he came along? She was torn between just leaving things, or sending him a last-minute message in the hope that he could join her. Even if it was for just some of the evening so she could spend some quality time with her friends; was it really a big deal if she broke the pact? It was most unlike her to ever be disloyal to Rachel and Amber, but Grace wanted her marriage to work and she knew her friends would understand that. He wasn’t just some random man she’d started dating; he was her husband. Simon had been trying really hard too, she had to give him that. He’d been making such an effort that she couldn’t imagine him just switching back to the man he was when she’
d left him.
As Rachel applied more lipstick while they waited for the taxi, Grace made up her mind and quickly tapped a message into her phone to Simon. He probably wouldn’t be able to make it anyway.
Simon, if it’s not too late, please come to the ball? I do want people to know about us. I want to take you back, move on and give things another go. Tonight won’t be the same without you and I can’t imagine Christmas without you either. I just hope this message isn’t too late? Xx
‘Are you texting Amber?’ Rachel asked, intruding on Grace’s worried thoughts that Simon wouldn’t want to go now or had most likely made other plans. ‘Tell her we’ll meet her by the bar if you are. We can’t have her getting stuck with some of the dull work lot.’
‘Yes, I’ll tell her,’ Grace lied, before hitting the send button on her phone to Simon. She really liked living with Rachel and had to admit she would miss her, but Grace also couldn’t wait to have Simon back in her life everyday where he belonged. She was excited about their future together. She quickly wrote a message to Amber to tell her where to meet them and then looked out of the window when the taxi sounded his horn.
Fifteen minutes later and they were walking inside the venue, which Tidemans had decorated beautifully. It seemed that no expense had been spared with white twinkling fairy lights covering little artificial trees, a large Christmas tree in the corner of the dance floor, little figurines to decorate the bar area and even a set of three brightly-lit reindeer by the entrance.
