“Why don’t you buck up and go to her?” Smith again suggested.
Yeah, cause that’d be considered the reasonable thing to do.
“I won’t beg for a woman,” he ground out.
“But you’ll drive yourself insane over one?” Smith cocked a brow. “Instead of going to her, fixing your fucked up head, and maybe end up spending every night balls deep inside of her—if you two can get over yourselves? That makes sense.”
“I hate you.”
“Take a number, Derk.” Smith put his weapon away and stared back out the window. “I’m not in the mood to put a bullet into your head.” He paused. “Today, anyway.”
Derk slowly placed his pistol into the back of his jeans. “As if you could get the jump on me.”
“In the state you’re in. It’s a given of when, not if.”
Derk ran a hand through his hair. Fuck if Smith wasn’t right. He was a total basket case. For good measure and much needed release, he put his fist into the dashboard of his truck.
Smith chuckled. “Feel better.”
“No.”
His buddy shook his head.
“Let’s go. He’s not here.” Derk started the truck and left the middle-class neighborhood. They’d be back again tomorrow. But until then, he needed to find out if there was an opportunity to get back into Mac’s bed. Because this crazy mind-shit was for the birds.
21
Mackenzie glanced at the time on her phone. She was really growing tired of missing the last bus. Her options for a ride were slim. Kayla left for her family's house early this afternoon. If she called Grant, he might get the wrong idea. Derk was definitely a no. Only one option left. She pulled up the web browser app and looked for taxi companies to drive her the couple miles to her apartment.
After three unsuccessful calls to companies that wanted more money than she'd made in tips to drive out and pick her up, Mackenzie broke down. She hadn't allowed herself to let out all her frustration, heartbreak, disappointment, and shame over the screwed up world her life had become. Head buried in her hands, she released all those pent up emotions. She'd been stupid, wavering, and desperate when she met her husband, not having had any stability in her life. A horrible combo that led to an ill decision in marrying him. Look where all of her dreadful choices left her. On a bench after two in the morning, with no ride home. She was so sick of being left behind, a second class citizen. She wanted so much more in life. She wanted to live, not just get by.
She heard boots crunch in the gravel behind her but didn't bother to look up. Why should she? Her luck was so awful, whoever it was would end up being a horror movie ax murderer with a dull weapon.
A familiar scent wrapped around her as a pair of strong arms took hold of her and hauled her into his muscular body.
"Shhhh, Mac," Derk soothed.
She buried her head into his chest and released a cathartic sob. Her hands grasped his black tee. When he kissed the top of her head, she crawled into his lap, her need to be held overwhelming.
"Did he hurt you?" Derk asked.
What? "What?"
"Did he hurt you? Did your boyfriend hurt you?"
"Boyfriend?" She hiccupped.
"Yes, the asswipe I saw you with," he said, though she heard his barely contained restraint.
"Do you mean Grant?"
Derk huffed. "He even has a douche bag name."
She shook her head. "He's not my boyfriend, and no he hasn't done anything to hurt me."
"Are you sleeping with him?"
"No," she whispered. "I couldn't."
Derk lifted her head off his chest to look her in the eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I couldn't sleep with him." She closed her eyes and debated on whether or not she should voice her honesty. Every damn decision she made over the years had been wrong. No matter if she thought it was right, they always turned out not. If she admitted the truth to Derk, where would it lead? A crystal ball would be quite helpful.
"Why, Mac?" he demanded.
If she took the leap, would Derk catch her? And if he caught her, would he ever drop her?
"Why?" he breathed, he lowered his head, his mouth brushed against hers.
Every reasonable part of her brain screamed to push away. Every part of her heart wanted to pull him close. Really, she needed to seek professional help for this split personality shit.
"You," she quietly admitted.
He claimed her mouth in a kiss so hard, so deep, so passionate she knew she'd be bruised in the morning. But she’d made the choice, time to live with the consequences. His strong arms pulled her tight against his body. At that moment, Derk owned her. No matter what he asked for from her, he could have.
Breaking the kiss, leaving them both breathless, Derk looked her in the eyes. "Come home with me."
"Why are you here?"
"I couldn't fuckin' take it any longer, Mac. I need to be inside you. I need you in my bed. I fuckin' need you. Period."
She furrowed her brows. "You only want me for sex."
Sighing, he leaned his forehead against hers. "I wish it was that simple. Come home with me."
"What does that mean?" Why couldn’t men elaborate? Was it a malfunction in their brains?
"It means I want you in my house, in my bed, despite my better judgment. It means me not having you for the past two weeks has messed with me, and I'm sick of it. Just get into my truck Mac and make us both feel a hell of a lot better," he said, his tone growing exasperated.
"But‒"
"Really, M? You're gonna argue? Is this what you do, woman? You're sitting out here at two a.m., bawling your eyes out, with no one to call. I'm the only one to show up here for you, and you're arguing?" He cocked a brow. "Knock it off."
She blinked, shocked.
"Are you getting in my truck or what?"
"You're an ass."
"You're absolutely right. But I can't get past you, M. And right now I don't want to. Fucking come home with me and get into my bed. You want to cry? Cry on my chest while I hold you naked in my bed. You want to scream? Scream while naked in my bed. You want to laugh. Laugh while naked in my bed." He grinned. "In fact, I'd love to see you laugh. Those tits will jiggle nicely."
She smacked him. "Pig."
He grabbed the nape of her neck and held her in place. "M," he said softly, gently. Showing a side that Mackenzie was positive no one else got to see, he said, "I'm asking for you to come home with me."
First, he didn’t ask her anything. But, when put like that, she understood what he meant. Derk didn't beg a woman. Probably never had to. They gave. He took.
"Yes," she said, because at that moment, her heart won out over her head. Again. Boy, she was stupid.
***
When they stepped through the front door of Derk’s home, he didn’t waste a second. He pinned her up against the door and took her mouth in a blazing kiss that had her mind going blank. They were all hands, tongues, and mouths as they stripped each other of their clothing. Derk’s expert fingers toyed with her breasts, kneading and plucking away at her nipples. Nudging her chest into the palm of his hands, her desperation for his expert touch melted away any internal monologue that consistently questioned.
When he donned the condom, she didn’t know. How had she missed that?
Derk lifted her and in one swift thrust, he impaled her.
“Mac,” he grunted and claimed her mouth in another toe curling kiss.
His hands squeezed her ass as he pounded into her. Mackenzie’s back hit against the metal door, but she didn’t notice or care. Derk’s powerful body claimed hers, and she willingly gave herself over.
“Fuck, Mac, tell me you’re mine.”
She wanted to. She wanted to blurt it from her lips and tie herself to him. She wanted to fully give her heart to him but something held her back. That inner voice returned with the order, “get answers first.”
When she didn’t reply, Derk seemingly dropped the subject.
He t
ook one of her breasts into his mouth, as if trying to inhale all of her body. They moved simultaneously in a perfect rhythm, completely in-sync with each other. He hoisted her up higher and ground deeper. Her orgasm hit her suddenly, crashing over her. Her body clenched around Derk and yanked him further into her. Her name rumbled from his chest, rattled off every hallway surface as he came.
Derk’s head feel to the crook of her neck. Her lungs screamed for air. His body still connected to hers, he carried her upstairs to his bedroom.
“You’re staying the night, M. Every fucking night, you’re with me,” he said, his voice unrelenting, not to be trifled.
What he didn’t realize was that if he didn’t answer her many questions, their time together would be over. No matter how much it’d hurt her.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Again.
22
There was nothing sexier than Mac sexually spent, sprawled out over his body. Derk couldn’t get enough of the woman. Four in the morning, they’d been going at it off and on like rabbits for a couple hours. His body had an endless supply of lovin’ for her.
“How old are you?” M asked, her voice tired.
Unwillingly he slid her off his body and pulled the blankets over them. He wrapped an arm around her flat stomach and lightly stroked her satin skin. “Thirty-five.”
“You know a lot about me.” She glanced over her shoulder, those big blue eyes assessing him.
He brushed her beautiful auburn hair out of the way to get a good look at her. He wanted to see the reactions that came over her features. “I do.” He kissed her neck. “But not the intimate details. The dirty stories that’ll get me hot for you.”
“Derk, ” she admonished.
“Bet you have a car load of them. Gingers are wild girls.”
“Not this one,” she countered.
“You’re with me, sweetheart. ‘Fraid to tell you, you’re officially part of the bad girl club now.”
She turned in his arms. “Tell me what you do for a living.”
He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t go into details about his life. A world where he maimed and murdered. A world that would one day put him in hell for eternity. An inevitability that never entered his thoughts. He couldn’t control what happened to him when he left this life, only what occurred while he was alive. And since he could sleep with himself at night, he had no issues.
“Mac−”
“I saw all the guns and money,” she paused, her eyes scanning his, “in your drawers.”
What the fuck? Was she snooping through his shit?
“I was looking for a tee shirt when I couldn’t find mine and came across them. What do you do, Derk?” her voice wavered, and her eyes glassed over with tears she blinked back.
“Shhh,” he said, his gut clenching.
Well, wasn’t that feeling new? He didn’t like seeing Mac upset.
“You do illegal work, don’t you?”
He sighed, resigned. How could he explain without putting her in danger of knowing too much? “I do freelance work for wealthy businessmen. Though I do a lot of work for a man named Derrick Murphy. He’s a very powerful man with many powerful connections. I do things like find information for him online or help escort his wife to places and functions.”
Her brows slid together as she frowned. “You’re a bodyguard.”
Derk huffed. “No. Not even close.”
Mackenzie reached up and ran a light finger down the center of his chest, her feather touch felt like it left a burn in its wake. Torching him to his core. Fuck him.
“Please, Derk, you need to explain,” she said softly. “If you don’t, tonight will be our last night together. I can’t get involved with someone who’s into illegal activities. I can’t go through another relationship where I get hurt.”
“Mac, first, I won’t allow anything to happen to you. Ever. I’ll protect you above anything and everything,” he said and meant it. Never in his life had he spoken those words to a woman. But with M, he’d take a damn bullet for the woman. Another first. She had him in knots and he despised the feeling.
He ran a hand down his face as his mind raced. What did he tell her? What could he trust her with? What could he say that wouldn’t have her hop out of his bed and leave him, essentially putting him through another mind fuck? God, this woman managed to turn his world upside down in the matter of a short six weeks. How the hell had he let that happen?
He sighed and closed his eyes. “Like I said, I do extensive work for Mr. Murphy, in fact, I can introduce you to him this weekend. He’s having a small get together to try and bring his wife out of a depression. Her father recently passed away, and she’s taking it extremely hard.”
“Oh, that’s so sad,” Mackenzie said sympathetically.
“You’ll like Mrs. Murphy, she’s terrific. A great woman, strong as hell. In a way, you remind me of her.”
“I do?”
He opened his eyes and stared down at her. “Yeah, you’re mentally strong, independent, and know what you want.”
“I’ll argue that point.”
“So will I.” He gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.
“Do you sell drugs?”
“No.” He didn’t. Drug dealers were small fries for his skill level.
“Do you steal?”
“No.” He only collected what belonged to whoever hired him out.
“Do you beat people up?”
“Only men who owe money. Men who know they owe money and have tried to scam their bosses out of what they borrowed.”
“You’re a loan shark.”
He burst out laughing. “No, honey, loan sharks are minor punks.”
Her eyes grew wide as saucers. “If you’re saying those type of men are nothing, then what exactly do you do?”
She bolted out of bed, her warmth gone with the chilled room air whipping around his skin. He didn’t like it.
Mackenzie paced around the bedroom, scanning for her clothing.
“Mac, get back into bed.” He wasn’t playing around any longer. This game needed to end.
“You….you…” she stammered.
“You have no idea what I do because I haven’t told you shit. I don’t sell guns, drugs, or women. I don’t loan money. I work for successful businessmen who are savvy and you don’t mess with them. Do we live by our own rules? Yes. Do we uphold the law? Not even close. But there’s one thing I can tell you. We take care of our own. Those we’re close to, we protect fiercely. We’re a tight knit group, Mac. We’re a large family. Smith, my partner, is my best friend. I can count on that man to have my back no matter the situation. Mr. Murphy, if I ever needed anything, he’d be there in a heartbeat. Mrs. Murphy would give me blood if I needed it. Every family has their dark secrets. But as opposed to most families, we don’t turn our backs on each. What it means is that we stick together through thick and thin,” he said, becoming a bit irritated with the fact she wanted him to admit to something he could never confess to her.
“How do you earn your money?”
He raked a hand through his hair, climbed out of bed, and pulled on his jeans. “I’m really tired on the inquisition, Mac. Never in my life have I answered to anyone.” He liked Mackenzie, really he did, but enough was enough. “We’re done here. You can come with me on Saturday to the Murphy home and meet the people I work for and see for yourself what kind of man I am.”
“I’m pretty sure I already know,” she spat as she found her jeans.
“And what’s that?” he challenged, stalking up to her.
“A shady character who can’t be truthful to anyone, including someone who he’s sleeping with.”
He got into her space. “Oh, Mac, I’m not just sleeping with you, sweetheart. You belong to me now.” He leaned down and whispered into her ear, “There’s no running from me because I’ll come after you and it won’t be pretty if I’m forced to.”
“Are you threatening me?” she whispered, her voice cracking as if frightened.
He didn’t want to scare her. He didn’t want her to fear him, but he wasn’t lying. The hardcore truth was he couldn’t and wouldn’t let her go.
“Only making you a promise, babe.” He took the pants out of her hands and whipped them across the room.
“Take me home.”
“No.”
“Take me home, Derk.”
He shook his head. “Not happening.”
“Take me home to think about this. Please don’t hold me hostage.” She bit her bottom lip when it started to quiver.
Fuck, what the hell did he do now? He didn’t want her to leave and possibly never see her again. Though it didn’t matter, he’d never allow that to happen. But he didn’t want her to feel like a prisoner.
“M.” He reached up to stroke her cheek, but she flinched. He took a hard, retreated step. “Don’t tell me that within the matter of minutes you now think I’d physically harm you?” he growled.
“I…I don’t know what to think,” she whispered.
Derk knew then he had to take her home. If she felt unsafe with him, he couldn’t force her to stay. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Get dressed,” he ground out. “I’ll take you home.”
If he hadn’t been staring at her, he would have missed the flash of hurt and disappointment cross over those beautiful features.
Derk may have agreed to take her home but that didn’t mean he’d agreed to leave her.
23
Mackenzie couldn’t keep up her second guessing. She couldn’t keep crying over what decisions she should or shouldn’t make about Derk. It’d been three days since he’d brought her home. And two days since she last heard from him. The day after she left, he’d tried calling her and even showed up at the bar to try to speak with her. Luckily Cards had been packed and she couldn’t be cornered. But avoidance hadn’t given her answers. And neither had Derk. His evasiveness about what he did for a living left her reeling inside and out.
Kayla strolled into the living room, iPad in hand, and plopped down on the sofa. “All right, let’s see what answers we can find out. I’m tired of watching you mope around. You’re a real Debbie Downer, Mackenz.”
Dangerous Love Page 11
