Ludwig Rauscher—the Nazi officer—showed up too, and he bought three of my photographs. Turned out that, after all, I was fat enough. The only one who didn’t come was Mr. Akhtar—he’s too shy for this kind of event—but he made my black lace cocktail dress, and I looked spectacular in it.
“Honey! You look gorgeous in these pictures, but, again, when don’t you?” Madame told me, giving me a hug. She came to the opening on her way to the airport.
“I’m going back to Russia. People in New York don’t know how to have fun anymore. This is becoming a communist state.”
I gave her a deep hug, knowing I was going to miss her like crazy. People come into your life for a good reason, and then they leave your life for a good reason too. I feel like I earned my Ph.D. in life with her. Thanks to Madame, I now have an inner voice with a Russian accent that talks me out of all my self-deprecating moods. It always tells me, “There are no victims, only volunteers.” Wise words.
Naturally, Simon was there. My pictures gave him a push in the right direction, but it’s not like he doesn’t need to work in fashion anymore. He pays a big mortgage for that studio in Tribeca. Whenever he’s ready to live a more modest life, he might send fashion to hell, move to an old factory in Brooklyn, and take only photographs that make him happy. He’s not ready yet, but it’ll happen when it needs to happen. Every artist in history has worked for somebody: from the Catholic church to some big corporation that needs artwork for the lobby of an office building. He knows it and he’s at peace with that. I do have to say that he has stopped torturing himself, looks happier, and sleeps like a baby. Not bad for starters.
And what about me? Well, I’m doing great. After I left my agency, it merged with a bigger one. Bonnie was laid off, because the new agency had another Bonnie on staff and—fortunately—there’s only room for one in every corporation. These types of snakes don’t like to share the same cage. The Chicago Boss left the agency with a truckload of money, and opened a creative boutique that specializes in Latino advertising?—’cause everybody says that it’s where the future of the business is. Determined to “choose my boss,” I called him up and met him for a job interview, and he was thrilled to discover that I was Cuban. He brought me in as his creative director, and Mary Pringle as his executive assistant. Now I get to speak Spanish every day, I have co-workers who play merengue out loud all day long, and though it has its ups and downs, like every other job, I find every day a challenge and an adventure.
Some of the people at the party noticed that I was sporting a brand-new engagement ring. Yep, I was—and it has a big-ass diamond. Simon gave it to me. I’m not crazy about diamonds, but I had to accept it to keep Simon from suffering a serious heartbreak.
He wanted to get married right away, and though I’ve spent the last twenty-eight years of my life waiting for that proposal, I had to decline. I need to get to know him better, and I want him to get to know me better. I’m not in a hurry, because I don’t feel like I’m “investing time” in him. I’m living in the moment, and being in the moment for me means enjoying his company, and taking time to decide if the chemistry is right. Just like I do when we try a new perfume. So far, all I see in him rocks my world, and all he sees in me rocks his. So it will happen when it happens, not out of loneliness, not out of desperation, not out of fear of being alone: simply out of love. What a concept, huh?
In the meantime, I’m glad to inform you that I haven’t lost one pound. My body is changing, though, and that is the biggest mystery on earth: I love my legs, I love my ass, I love my boobs. I walk around feeling that everything fits and falls nicely into place—my clothes feel good on me, and my face glows when I look in the mirror. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing other than taking ballet and salsa classes, but, whatever I’m doing, I’m doing it for love—because I love myself—not because I’m punishing myself for being fat. Every time I hear a moron in the gym saying, “No pain, no gain,” I want to slap him. Every second of your life is “gain” if you just open your eyes, appreciate what you have, and are grateful for it.
Do you want to feel beautiful? Here’s my advice: learn to see yourself through the eyes of people who love you.
Trust me, I know about these things. After all, my name is Beauty.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To Myrna Duarte, Olga Anderson, Trina Bardusco, Diana Ristow, Juline Koken, Vienna Wilson, Carol Goldstein, Richard Segalman, Ayesha Ibrahim, Inmaculada Heredia, Albino Ferreras, Olga Merediz, Mariauxy Castillo, Helena Bethencourt, Helena Ibarra, Fanny Diaz, Kathy Sontag, Simon Mammon, Patrick Lynch, Mosé, Cisco, Nyna Kennedy, Chris Denniston, Daniel Merlo, Jose Luis Alonso, Caridad Martinez, John Reginald Sullivan, Evelyn Ayllon, Wilfredo Cisneros, Raul Flores, Kipton Davis, Debby Afraimi, Tatiana Acosta, Mister Mark, Lorre Powell, Craig Houser, Juan Herrera, Gerik Cionsky, Lawrence Grecco, Marcelo Lesson Lloyd Des Brisay, Gastón Alonso, Antonio Tijerino, Ray McKigney, Leyla Ahuile, and Millie Ferreira for their support and inspiration.
To Enrique Chediak, Kara Baker, Adrienne Avila, Maud Nadler, Fernando Ramirez, Beth de Guzman, Franzine LeFrak, Andrea Montejo, Tareth Mitch, Terry Zaroff-Evans, and The Fabulous Selina McLemore for their trust, support, and invaluable feedback.
To Rob Oliver and my Healing Singing friends, for helping me find my voice.
To Mike, Deb, Sterling and Dahlia Walter, and all my friends at ’SNice for putting up with me, and giving me a home and an office.
To Albino Ferreras Rodriguez—for teaching me to love books and foreign languages—and Teodora Garza—for her love and support, and for letting me grow to be the tree that God wants me to be.
To Yolanda Ferreras—my second mom—and Sara, Albino Nicolas, Asier, Borja Ignacio, Daniel, and Matías, for all the things they have taught me.
To my friends at Ty’s, Mary’s Off Jane, the Sweetheart bench, and Celebrate Touch, for reasons that will remain a mystery.
And, most of all, to my Saturday-morning friends. You know who you are, and in case I never told you, you saved my life. Thank you.
READING GROUP GUIDE
1. We live in a society that is increasingly obsessed with plastic surgery and the search for the perfect body. Because of this, B is surprised to discover that some men like overweight women exclusively. Do you think these men represent something positive, because they are celebrating women in different forms? Or is this just another way to objectify women? Is exclusively liking overweight women any different from exclusively liking thin women? Is it ever okay to judge someone on physical traits? Have you ever been judged in this way?
2. B talks about how, in ancient Greece, people saw life as a struggle to balance reason and passion. Do you think it is always a good idea to live by such a rule? Give an example from the book in which you think B balanced reason and passion well, and an example of when you think she didn’t. Can you think of particular moments in your life when you have allowed either one to take over?
3. When B changes her attitude, she feels that her physique changes as well. Have you ever had that sensation? Can you mention specific moments when being secure and in a positive state of mind made you feel more attractive?
4. Being the daughter of immigrants, B often talks about the life in Cuba that she never lived, and how she feels that both cultures have shaped her. Are you in touch with your family’s roots? Can you identify what impact your roots have had in your life? If not, do you know people who could relate to B’s feelings because of their own family background? How do you think they’d react to B’s story?
5. When B meets Simon, she doesn’t find him attractive at all, but little by little, as she gets to know him better, she finds him irresistible. When do you first notice the shift in her feelings for Simon? Do you think if B had met Simon earlier in the story she would have felt the same way about him? Why, or why not? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your feelings for someone changed after you got to know him or her? What do you think makes for a more passionate relationship: one that
builds slowly, like Simon and B’s, or one that starts with love at first sight?
6. B has a hard time relating to the unwritten rules of corporate America. Do you relate to her perception of life in a big company? If you were in her situation, how would you have handled working for a boss like Bonnie?
7. While listening to the song “Pena de los Amores,” B decides that she cannot ignore Simon; she needs to see him at least once again, so that no words are left unspoken. Can you relate to this experience? Did you ever walk away from a relationship without getting or giving closure? How did it feel?
8. One of Madame’s pieces of advice is “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Do you agree with this idea? What would be the impact of that principle if you applied it to your daily life? Would you be able to ignore other people’s opinions of you? Would you be able to keep your opinions to yourself? Is this always a good idea? What are some examples of situations, in the book and in real life, when following Madame’s advice would be helpful, or harmful?
GUÍA PARA GRUPOS DE LECTURA
1. Vivimos en una sociedad que está cada vez más y más obsesionada con la cirujía plástica y la búsqueda del cuerpo perfecto. A causa de ésto, B se sorprende al descubrir que a algunos hombres sólo les gustan las gorditas. ¿Cree usted que la actitud de estos hombres es positiva porque celebra la diversidad de la figura femenina? ¿O cree usted que ésta es simplemente otra manera de ver a la mujer como un objeto? ¿Hay alguna diferencia entre los que sólo aprecian a las gorditas y los que sólo aprecian a las flacas? ¿Cree usted que hay momentos en la vida en los que es justo juzgar a una persona por su apariencia física? ¿Se ha sentido usted alguna vez juzgado de esta manera?
2. B dice que en la antigua Grecia, la gente pensaba que el mayor reto de nuestras vidas es mantaner el balance entre la razón y la pasión. ¿Cree usted que ésta es una manera útil de enfrentar la vida? ¿Podría dar un ejemplo del libro en cual usted cree que B logra equilibrar las dos, y un ejemplo en cual usted cree que ella no lo logró? ¿Puede recordar momentos de su propia vida en los que usted permitió que la razón o la pasión lo dominaran?
3. Cuando B cambia su actitud, ella siente que su físico cambia también. ¿Ha tenido usted esta sensación? ¿Puede mencionar momentos en los que usted se sintió más atractivo (a) porque se sentía seguro de sí mismo?
4. Siendo hija de inmigrantes, B habla a menudo de la vida en Cuba que ella nunca vivió, y de cómo ambas culturas la han formado. ¿Conoce usted las raices de su familia? ¿Puede identificar el impacto que estas raices han tenido en su vida? Si ese no es el caso, ¿conoce usted a alguien que pueda identificarse con esos sentimientos de B que son consecuencia del origen de su familia? ¿Comó cree usted que esta persona reaccionaría al leer esta novela?
5. Cuando B conoce a Simon, no le parece que es guapo, pero poco a poco, al conocerlo mejor, lo encuentra irresistible. ¿Cuándo notó usted por primera vez el cambio en los sentimientos de B hacia Simon? ¿Cree usted que si B hubiera conocido a Simon más temprano en la historia hubiera sido capaz de desarrollar los mismos sentimientos hacia él? Explique por qué sí o por qué no. ¿Ha estado usted alguna vez en una situación en la que sus sentimientos hacia alguien cambiaron después de conocer mejor a esa persona? ¿Qué tipo de relación es más apasionada: la que crece lentamente como la de Simon y B, o la que empieza con amor a primera vista?
6. B tiene problemas en asimilar las reglas implícitas de la América corporativa. ¿Está usted de acuerdo con la percepción de B acerca de la experiencia de trabajar en una gran empresa? Si usted estuviera en la misma situación de B, ¿comó haría para trabajar con una jefa como Bonnie?
7. Cuando B escucha la canción “Pena de los Amores,” decide que no puede ignorar a Simon; necesita verlo por lo menos una vez más para cerrar ese capítulo de su vida. ¿Puede usted identificarse con esta experiencia? ¿Ha tenido usted alguna vez una relación en la que no tuvo la oportunidad de cerrar ese capítulo? ¿Comó fue esa experiencia?
8. Uno de los consejos de Madame es, “Lo que otras personas opinan de ti, no es tu problema.” ¿Está Ud. de acuerdo con ese precepto? ¿Cual sería el impacto de esta regla si usted la aplicara a su vida diaria? ¿Podría usted ignorar las opiniones de los demás hacia su persona? ¿Podría usted guardar sus opiniones sobre los demás para sí mismo? ¿Es ésta una manera positiva de vivir la vida? Enumere ejemplos del libro y de la vida real en los que seguir el consejo de Madame sería o no sería útil.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alberto Ferreras is a New York City—based writer, filmmaker, and performance artist. He has directed and produced the critically acclaimed Habla series for HBO, and his independent film work has been presented all over the world, including the prestigious Berlin Film Festival. As a performance artist he is known for playing “Doctor Truth,” a character who makes himself available in public spaces to answer any question with complete honesty.
Bas in Beauty is his first novel.
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