by HJ Bellus
“Munchkin.” Amos sits by me hitting his shoulder with mine.
I just groan his way. It’s considered a welcome to an annoying brother.
“Any boys we need to scare away?” He asks.
I look up to Guy who’s settled across from me with a very pretty brunette sitting next to him.
I snort to answer his question. Amos is a jerk face, but a very protective one at that. He’s pretty much scared away any boy that looks cross-eyed at me. I’m pretty sure my sprinkle of acne and braces do the job just fine.
“Does your sister even talk?”
I crane my neck to see the blonde on the other side of Amos. Mae Robins, senior head cheerleader and most popular girl, sits perched on her elbows staring right back at me.
“Leave Hop alone,” Guy growls.
I sink right back into my lunch. Amos reaches down and puts my book right in front of me. I wonder why in the hell they decided to grace me with their presence today. I know for a fact they usually go off campus for lunch. I’ve heard the boys talking about the stuff that happens with the girls during lunchtime. It scarred me for life when they bragged about how far they each got their girl to go. It was never the same girl. They’re just young boys having fun.
And I want to be right in the center of it like I always have. I’ve been three steps behind, two years too young, and always just out of reach. I’ve tried to let Guy know how I feel, but all I get is a pat on the head and a genuine smile.
It all intensified after he moved in with us last year. His mom had never been in the picture and his dad was killed in a car accident a year ago. My parents refused to let Guy Webb go into the system. He had been and always will be a part of our family. Guy never showed if the death of his dad had been hard on him. I chalked it up to the fact that he was never close to him anyway.
“This food sucks.” The girl next to Guy lays her head on his shoulder.
Internally, I cheer when he pulls away and looks up to me. I finally find my voice. It’s squeaky and so unlike their purrs of affection.
“What are you guys doing here?”
“Wanted to eat with our little sis.” Amos shoves half of his serving of lasagna in his mouth.
“No, really.” I toss the sandwich in my bag not able to stomach the rest of it right now.
“It was Guy’s idea,” Amos shrugs.
I lock gazes with Guy again and a little smile dances on my face. He sends me a wink that melts my heart. It almost makes the desperate woman on his side fade away into the thin air.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
That one word holds so much more meaning than he’ll ever know. Guy swirls the salad on his tray while talking.
“Knew you had that speech today you were nervous about.”
“You did?” I ask.
“Yeah, just wanted to remind you that you’d kick ass.”
I giggle. “If I don’t pass out from embarrassment.”
“You got this, Hop.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it.
He has no idea what his touch does to me. I feel everything in it. A strange tingling sensation creeps up from the bottom of my spine. My cheeks flush with heat while my brain spins.
“Done here.” Amos throws his fork down on the tray. “We still have fifteen minutes of lunch.”
He waggles his eyebrows to Guy making the two girls squeal with excitement. Guy stands with his tray not looking back again. Everything swirling inside of me vanishes as soon as it appeared. He’s not mine. Never will be. I’m just Hop.
4
Molly
Headlights. Shit, it’s the last thing I want to see in this moment. If it’s Jayson I’m screwed. My right heel is aching with pain as I walk down the dirt road. I knew it was all a bad idea. My sophomore prom should’ve been a great night, but it was all wrong, starting with my date.
It was well-known since my boobs started to develop and braces came off that all the under classmates were after Amos’ little sister. I was like a goddamn trophy in the town. They seem to think if they had me then they were in with Amos and Guy, the two men who run the school.
The prom was lame and I knew the after party was a terrible idea, but I gave in. Actually, the only part of the night that was breathtaking was walking down the stairs in my home. Amos and Guy were in a full-blown wrestling match in the middle of the floor.
Guy caught a glimpse of me and froze. He froze when he saw me in my baby blue fitted gown. He didn’t even care that Amos put him in a headlock and squeezed on his head. I could see the appreciation in his eyes and the words on the edge of his lips.
He broke free from Amos and popped up to his feet. I would give anything for him to be the man I was walking to. I wanted to be his. The attraction over the years has only grown deeper and I’m starting to feel the same from him.
“You look gorgeous, Hop.”
I blush at his compliment and only nod.
“Mom, are you seriously letting Little Hop go out with that much boobage spilling over,” Amos hollers.
My mom enters the room in a bustle. She clutches her chest and awes at me.
“You look perfect, sweetie.”
Amos throws his hands on his hips and looks over to dad. “Seriously, Dad, you’re okay with this?”
My dad looks up to me, smiles, and then glances back to the newspaper in his lap. “Let her be, son.”
“This is bullshit. No one is taking my little sister out like this. There’s too much boob and not enough dress.”
“Screw off.” I send Amos the bird.
I don’t break eye contact with Guy. His stare eats me alive. I like it. It makes me feel powerful.
But then all too soon Jayson was there to pick me up. Amos and Guy decided not to go to their senior prom and instead were up for a night of partying. They’d convinced my mother they were going a couple towns over to volunteer at a charity event. I swear to God they could tell the woman they walk on water in their spare time and she’d believe them.
A sharp edge of a rock connects with the pad of my foot and it’s the final straw to this disastrous night. I fall to the ground and hear the piece of my dress rip that Jayson had his paws all over earlier. The party was fine and I seemed to fit into the crowd sitting quietly on a stump until Jayson decided to kiss me. I let him kiss me for a bit, but when his hands began roaming, I pushed him away.
He was not impressed and advanced on me. He tore at my dress, pushing himself on me until I was on my back. His stare was vacant, but his intent was clear as day. I fought the fucker until he was off me and began running with the little bit of self-pride I had left in me.
Now remembering the smell of him on me makes me sick. I lean forward when my stomach twists in pain. Bile rises in the back of my throat as the contents of my stomach spill out. It could’ve been so much worse. But somehow I’m at rock bottom feeling the pain of it all. My family has raised me to be a strong woman and that asshole just tried to strip it all away.
I’m only three miles from home with no cellphone and aching feet. My soul is hurt and I don’t have it in me to go any further. The headlights near me, but I can’t muster the courage to get up and run.
A familiar roar of an engine fills the background. A door slams and then voices I know all too well.
“Jesus, Hop.” Guy is standing over me, reaching down for me.
“Don’t.” I curl up into a ball.
“Hop,” Amos calls out. He’s down on his knees looking into my face. “What in the hell happened?”
I throw my arms around my brother’s neck and sob. The tears flow and I have no control over them. He tries over and over to get me to tell him what happened. It takes a long time to finally get it out, but I do. He picks me up and slides me to the middle of his truck.
He roars the engine to life and flips a bitch on the dirt road.
“Where are we going?” I ask in a timid voice.
“I’m going to beat that mother fucker down,” Amos growls.
Guy
grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. I should be happy with the connection, but it makes me feel disgusted. I fight to not pull back and just remain calm during the rest of the drive. Both men leap from the truck when we pull up to the party. Amos’ headlights shine on the crowd remaining around the small bonfire.
“Don’t leave me.” I scramble towards Amos’ side of the truck.
He barks orders at another senior football player to stand watch by me. He doesn’t turn back as he strides over to the crowd with Guy at his side. The group separates leaving Guy and Amos to face Jayson. Guy steps in first, but Amos grabs his forearm.
His voice is loud and harsh. “This motherfucker is mine. He hurt my sister. Every asshole here better listen up right now because I have a message. If any of you ever hurt or think about hurting Molly Marshall, you’ll deal with me.”
Amos’ fist flies so quickly Jayson never sees it coming. The first connection sends him reeling backwards. Amos doesn’t stop until Jayson tumbles to the ground. Once he’s out, Amos pounces on him sending punch after punch until Guy finally has to pull him off.
The drive home is quiet. Guy helps me from the truck and begins to lead me up to the house.
He mumbles into my hair. “I’m so sorry, Hop.”
I shudder under his touch.
“Come on, sis.” Amos pulls me from Guy’s embrace.
He ushers me upstairs to the hallway between our two bedrooms. He guides me over to the bench in our bathroom and then I hear the shower turn on. I feel his fingers in my hair pulling out the bobby pins. He doesn’t say a word. His scolding words or jackass comments never come. It’s pure silence.
Amos leaves me to shower and cry. I scrub away the night. By the end of the shower I’m actually thankful. It could’ve all been so much worse in the end. Amos has piled some clothes on the counter for me. I dry off and slip into them. It’s quiet when I creep out into the hallway. There’s a flicker streaming from downstairs.
Amos steps out of his bedroom and ushers me down there. Guy has three big bowls of popcorn and an old western on the television. The boys hate them, actually, they despise them. Amos does nothing but non-stop bitch when Grandpa and I try to enjoy one.
He doesn’t say a word tonight when he tugs me into his side, covers me with a blanket, and hands me a bowl of popcorn. I’m transported back to the days of cowboy and princess fairytales without a care in the world.
I look up to Amos after long moments and whisper to him.
“Thank you.”
He spits a popcorn kernel from his mouth, which bounces off my forehead. He gives me a sly grin.
“Had to, Hop. It was too easy of a target, that big ol’ forehead and all.”
5
Molly
“Easy, Broker.” I pat my best friend’s neck working out some nerves of my own.
I really should listen to my own advice in this moment, but find it nearly impossible. It’s my last rodeo as a high school student. I’m sitting number two in the State in barrel racing and breakaway roping. So close, yet too far away for any type of victory. The damn story of my life.
One go left. One chance for me to make the rides of my life. There’s no room for error. It’s all on my shoulders because Broker gives me everything when he’s in the arena. It’s my brain that over thinks every reaction screwing it all up. I either turn him too sharp into a barrel and knock it over or throw my rope a second too soon watching it graze over the spin of the calf.
It doesn’t help matters that the State competition is being held in my hometown this year. Makes the pressure all the worse. I’m a Marshall. Generations before me are known for being the best of the best on horseback. Hell, even Amos’ reputation on the field and wrestling mats follows me into the arena. I have huge boots to fill.
“Breathe, Molly, breathe.”
I swing my leg up hooking the tip of my boot into the stirrup when I hear my name being called out. It’s my mother.
“Sweetie.”
I throw my boot back to the ground and turn to her. She does nothing for my nerves and stays away in moments like these. My father is always in the arena volunteering his help, which leaves me with my Grandpa. The only person on this Earth who has the power to ground me.
“Yeah, Mom.”
She’s smiling brightly. Odd. She’s typically a nervous wreck at these events. Her excitement is contagious and I can hardly handle it.
“I have a surprise for you. I wasn’t sure if it was going to happen, so I didn’t want to say a word.” She fiddles with her fingers. “Boys.”
She’s lost her damn mind. We should’ve let her pop an extra anxiety pill before this. Brenda Marshall is the epitome of the all-American mom. She works just as hard by the side of my dad on our family ranch, Beartooth, but she was always the perfect mom raising all of us. Warm chocolate chip cookies, president of the school parent teacher association, and the momma bear always there to protect her children is Brenda Marshall.
I have to blink once then twice. I shake out the confusion swimming in my head. Amos and Guy stand side-by-side with a dozen red roses in each of their hands. They’re dressed from head to toe in their Army dress blues.
“They wanted to surprise you.” I hear my mom.
My feet can’t move fast enough to spring into Amos’ arms. Oh, the ways of the world, how they’ve changed. We fought like hellions when we were little and now it’s just love and a bond that can never be broken. Amos spreads his arms wide open letting me jump right into his chest.
The tears roll down my face. I’ve missed these two men desperately since they enlisted in the army right after their senior year. Their visits have been few and far between. They’ve just returned from their first tour in Iraq. I’ve made it through my last two years of high school without them around. I’d hate to admit missing their obnoxious ways.
Amos sets me back down on my feet and I rush over to Guy letting him pick me up in an embracing hug.
“I’ve missed you, Hop.”
The tears are overwhelming making it hard to talk. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
He’ll never know how much meaning is behind those words. My heart still belongs to him and always will. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my heart will be his forever, but not vice versa. I’ve had a hope deep-down that when I turned eighteen it would be a game changer for us, but he was off fighting for his country.
I step back and smooth out his outfit feeling foolish and I let my tears drop on his shoulders and the dust on my clothes land on his. I do my best to smooth away the dirt on his prestigious uniform. The man has grown taller and broader since joining the Army. He’s a gorgeous and gentle giant. The last few pictures the boys sent home, Guy had a big beard and new tattoos. It sucked because we never had the chance to Skype on their deployment.
He grabs the top of my hand stopping my actions. Amos and my mother are having their own little hugging and bullshit session on the other side of Broker. I watch Guy bring my hand to his mouth in slow motion. It’s the first time I see the desire that matches mine reflecting back in his eyes.
He kisses the top of my hand and closes his eyes letting a little growl out.
“You’ve grown up, kid.”
Well, then there’s that.
He drops my hand, but doesn’t take a step back. My skin prickles as his eyes roam from my cowboy hat, crazy curls escaping it, and then lower over my now well-developed breasts and flat stomach.
“You’re bigger,” I say trying to keep the butterflies down in my stomach.
His deep chuckle makes me smile. It’s the one thing that’s the same from years past as well as his deep pools of rich whiskey colored eyes.
“Bet the boys are knocking down the door.”
I shrug.
“C’mon. What’s wrong, Hop?” He places his pointer finger under my chin forcing me to look up at him.
Screw it. It’s now or never. I’m graduating high school tomorrow and starting my life.
I refuse to remain stuck in a chapter of my own fairytale. “There is a guy.”
I take a step back fighting to summon up enough courage.
“He’s lucky,” Guy whispers.
“The thing is he doesn’t know. Has never noticed me even though my heart has been his forever.” I bite down on my bottom lip.
“Maybe the time was never right.”
“Maybe.” I shrug. “I think. Wait, I know I deserve him.”
“What if he doesn’t deserve you?”
“He does.” I take another step back hoisting my boot up into a stirrup. “I hope one day he realizes it.”
I hoist my other leg up over Broker when I hear Amos’ voice.
“Holy shit, Hop. When did you get boobs and an ass?”
I shake my head at the brother I know and giggle when Guy knocks him in the back of the head. It doesn’t stop Amos from starting in on his own rendition of Baby Got Back.
“Boy,” Grandpa growls joining the mix. He wraps his arms around Amos and then Guy. “You harassing my girl?”
“Always.” Amos smiles brightly. “I take my job of annoying big brother very seriously.”
He salutes me from the ground.
“Take your mother to the stands and let our Little Hop go win State.”
That simple statement rushes common sense right back into me focusing me on the goal ahead of me. All thoughts of Guy and what I just shared dissipate. I sit a little taller on the back of Broker and focus myself.
I don’t let the faces of the competition stare back at me. My goal is on two clean runs. I need to catch my calf in under four seconds and have a clean barrel run. It’s uncommon for a horse to be able to do both events. Most of the other girls have two to three different trained horses. But the difference between them and me is that I’ve been on the back of Broker for years now.
I learned to ride on him. Worked with him on the ranch and even grown old with him. He’s been my partner in crime and honestly my best friend. He knows everything about me and I do mean everything. He’s caught so many tears over the years and shared so many victories. I just need this last one.
