by Kahlen Aymes
I shook my head. “No, she’s awake and alert. I’m okay. I need to work. At least for a little while. Graduation won’t wait for me and Julia wouldn’t want me to blow it when I’m so close. She’d hand me my ass on a platter.” I knew that for a damn fact.
Dr. Clark chuckled in response. “She sounds like exactly what you need; someone as hard on you as you are on yourself, Matthews.”
“She can be hard on me, yeah, but oh so soft, too…depends on the situation.” I smiled and pushed back the curtain to face the screaming child and his parents.
My head and shoulder ached. Every time I moved pain shot through my torso like nothing I’d ever felt before. The scratching in my throat left the urge to cough, but I fought against it. The few times that I couldn’t help it, it hurt so damn bad I felt like screaming.
I looked around at the room. Typical hospital setting. A dry-erase board on the wall, opposite the bed; the nurses’ names written on it with the vital statistics which were updated hourly. The television on the bracket near the ceiling was too high to watch comfortably. To my right, two IV bags dripped silently. My left arm was in a sling and the tight bandages around my ribs constricted my breathing. Thankfully, the bed was elevated to prevent me from sliding down and there were pillows propped under my arms. I relaxed and my mind wandered. Where was everyone? Where were my parents and Ellie? Where was…he? My eyes filled with tears.
The whole situation was confusing and frightening; waking up with something gagging me, in pain, unable to move and not knowing where I was. It was all very unnerving.
There had been the angel face and that amazing voice crooning to me in low tones. He’d been holding me and begging me to wake up…dragging me out of the darkness. There were tears in his incredible blue eyes when he looked up at me. Deep blue with aquamarine circles around the pupils, fringed with lots of dark eyelashes. I couldn’t tear my own away as he told me to stop struggling and that I would be fine. Something in those eyes calmed me. I trusted those eyes.
I didn’t remember much after that; people bustling around, coughing and getting sleepy. When I woke, I was surrounded by my parents, Ellie and three others that I didn’t recognize, but no sign of the gorgeous man from before. My eyes searched the room. My mother reached for my hand and Ellie offered her a chair.
“Hello, Julia,” she said. “Are you looking for Ryan?”
“Who?” I asked. Ellie shot a glance at the attractive blonde man to her right and then at my parents.
“Ryan, honey,” Dad said.
“I sent him home to clean up.” The other man stepped forward and I could see the same kindness in his face and eyes…they were the same as the man who must be Ryan.
My mother looked at me with a big question in her eyes. “Do you remember Ryan, Julia?” Her voice was hesitant and quiet.
My mind had reeled and I shook my head. “Not unless he was the one who was with me when I woke up.”
“Yes,” the man who looked like him nodded and smiled.
“He’s quite handsome, isn’t he?” I asked timidly with a soft smile. I felt silly for saying it, it was so obvious.
Ellie laughed and cocked her head. “Yes. Quite. The nurses are constantly whispering and staring at him.” The devilish gleam in her eyes sparkled and the blonde man nudged her in the shoulder making her look his way.
Everyone got quiet and stared at me expectantly. I looked from one to another, hoping someone would tell me something.
“Who is he then? Are we friends?”
She glanced at the one they called Gabriel, and he shook his head ever so slightly.
“Yes. We’re all friends. We met in school,” Ellie explained as the door opened and the object of our discussion walked in, even more handsome than before, if that was possible. His hair was damp and his face clean-shaven; he came and took my hand when everyone had been ushered out. He was dressed in hospital scrubs with a stethoscope around his neck. So, he was a doctor, this Ryan, who Ellie said was my friend…
I closed my eyes, now alone in my room after my talk with Ryan, struggling to fill the missing holes of him. Surely, if he’d cried over me, I should know him. Gabriel and Dr. Brighton said that it’d probably all come back, but sitting here, without being able to remember, left me feeling lost.
I remembered Ellie and the first half of my freshman year at college, but then it was pretty much a blank. My dad left a newspaper on the tray over my bed and I could see that it was almost eight years later. He had some grey hair and my mother looked more tired than I remembered her. I wondered how I had changed as well. Ellie’s hair was longer, but she looked pretty much unchanged. Would I look old? I would be 26 now. And, then there were all of these people that I couldn’t remember at all. Tears slipped from my eyes in mourning over the loss. How could so much disappear just like that?
And Ryan…Ellie seemed hesitant to talk about him except to tell me we met at college. My heart was still thumping at his breathtaking good looks and I could still feel where his lips had burned into my forehead. I felt strangely drawn to him. His gentle teasing and the velvet softness in his tone when he spoke put me at ease.
Bringing my thoughts to the present, I looked down at the bed linens until a noise at the door startled me. Another new person walked into my room.
Okay, so is this a doctor or someone from the past? I didn’t feel anything special coming off of him. None of the familiarity or magnetism that I’d felt with Ryan. He walked closer and smiled.
“Hello, Julia.” His voice was deep and clinical. “I’m Dr. Moore.”
I sighed in relief. Not another forgotten person from the past. “Hi. Are you here for another test? I’m sort of tired right now.” The pain pill was starting to make me sleepy.
“No. Dr. Brighton and Dr. Matthews asked me to check in on you. I wanted to introduce myself since we may be spending time together.”
“Are you a physical therapist?” I wished he would just cut to the chase already. His methodical prodding wasn’t my style. “I’m having some difficulty moving my toes, but I can feel my feet. I’m supposed to be getting up for a walk, so it makes sense that you’d be…” He shook his head and so I stopped talking.
“I’m a psychologist.”
My deep intake of breath caused a sharp pain to shoot through the left side of my chest. “Why? Do they think I’m crazy?” I asked, wincing.
Dr. Moore shook his head. “Not at all, but, if there is no physical problem, they just thought talking a little might help you remember.”
I snorted unconsciously. I’m sure he found it insulting because his face tightened slightly. “Well, thank you, but I hit my head. Surely, that’s the reason I can’t remember, right? I have more than enough people to talk to. There are nine of them, at last count.”
“No one is insinuating that there is anything remotely wrong with you, Julia, but I’ve dealt with cases like this before. I’m only here to help.”
I regretted my snarkiness but, I was skeptical. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s all a little overwhelming.”
“Well, that’s why I’m here. You might feel more at ease talking to someone impartial. Your family and friends might be more emotional and you don’t need to take that on right now. You need to concentrate on what you need to do to heal, okay? Focus on yourself.”
“I’ll try.”
“So, Dr. Brighton will call after your MRI this afternoon and let me know the results, alright? I’ll stop in tomorrow and we’ll see how you’re doing.”
“Dr. Moore, on your other cases, how long did it take for them to remember?”
“I’ve only had two others like this. It took one about a month and the other one…well; he never did get his memory back completely.” My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open in surprise. “But, he’s built a new life and he’s perfectly happy now. He has new memories.”
His eyes dropped to my left wrist that I had closed my right one around. I couldn’t seem to stop touching
it and rubbed back and forth. My damned eyes welled again and threatened to spill over. I didn’t want to lose eight years of my life.
“Why are you doing that? Are you in pain?” Dr. Moore asked.
I stopped immediately and pulled my good hand away. “No. It doesn’t hurt. I guess I’m nervous or something. I’m sad that I can’t remember, and losing all that time, and people, hurts. I feel isolated.”
His eyes narrowed slightly but he smiled gently. “Is there anyone or anything in particular that makes you sad?”
I licked my lips nervously, not really sure how much I trusted this new doctor. “Uh…yes, I guess. I mean Ryan, Aaron and Jenna, mainly. Supposedly, we were all very close friends, so not knowing them is upsetting.”
Especially Ryan. I wanted to know everything about him and exactly what our relationship was.
“Well, you’ll probably remember them all in time, but it may not come back all at once. Do you remember your job or where you were living?”
I shook my head.
“Well, don’t fret so much, okay? So, I’ll see you tomorrow. Try to rest as much as you can.”
He left me alone and I closed my eyes. The medicine was making me sleepy. So sleepy. The nurse came in to take my blood pressure, but when she closed the blinds and left, I drifted off to sleep in the quiet room.
*****
The room was darker. The sun had changed position and was casting long shadows from the window. That meant I’d slept for hours and probably missed my walk with Ryan. I wasn’t really sure why he intrigued me, other than how gorgeous he was. Even though I had no memory of him, I found myself looking forward to seeing him. My heart sped up at the thought. I yawned and brought my right hand to my mouth as I glanced around the room.
There wasn’t much furniture in the room, save the bed, one recliner and another small chair. I turned my head and stopped. Ryan was asleep in the big chair, his head lolled to one side and one hand was tucked under his chin, a thick lock of hair falling over his forehead.
An unknown number of moments ticked by as I lay watching him sleep just listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing. I didn’t want to wake him. He’d looked so tired before and from what I could see, he needed rest.
The door began to open slowly, Ellie and Harris walking in. I put a finger to my lips to shush them then pointed to Ryan’s sleeping form. They came quietly to the edge of my bed and Harris bent to kiss my cheek.
“What time is it?” I whispered.
Harris was quite good-looking and it was apparent in the way he was always touching Ellie that they were lovers. She deserved to have someone love her like that.
“Four thirty,” Ellie answered softly.
“Looks like Ryan is finally getting some rest. He needs it,” Harris murmured.
“Yes, he looked tired earlier.”
“He hasn’t slept in…” Ellie stopped and glanced at Harris. “Well, he’s been concerned for you.”
I nodded. It was evident in his actions, his tone of voice and his very presence. “We must be good friends. I wish I could remember…” my throat constricted slightly.
Ellie put her hand on mine. “Oh, honey, you will. We were all great friends. Have you seen Aaron and Jen?”
“Yeah, they stopped in earlier. It was somewhat awkward, but they seem very nice. Aaron is funny. Jen smacked him when he made me laugh.” I smiled.
“Sounds like them, yeah,” Harris answered and then nodded at Ryan. “How long has he been out?”
“I don’t know. I was asleep for a while, too. He was there when I woke up.”
A knock at the door signaled Jenna and another nurse coming in. “Hey,” she said. She used her foot to do something to the bottom of the bed. “Time for the MRI, babes.”
The other nurse, Kari, smiled at me. “Let’s get your vitals before we scoot you out of here.” She placed a blood pressure cuff around my right arm and shoved a paper thermometer in my mouth.
“You guys gonna let sleeping beauty over there sleep?” Jenna asked Ellie and Harris.
“Well, he hasn’t slept in days, so probably.” Ellie nodded.
“He’ll be furious if he isn’t told what’s going on with Julia. Wake his ass up.”
Kari finished the blood pressure reading and took the thermometer out of my mouth, just as Ryan stirred in the chair.
“Yeah. Wake my ass up.” The nurse blocked most of my view, but I could tell he was running his hands through his hair and rubbing his face sleepily. “Jen, Aaron said you finished at four, so are you just here for the scenery?”
“Nice, dickhead. I’m here to keep Julia company during her test. See, Ryan? I get to go with her and you can’t.”
“Pretty soon you’ll start chanting Na Na Nuh Boo Boo, right?” he said sarcastically.
“Hey, whatever it takes to get a rise out of you,” she shot back and started to move the bed, pulling the foot of it toward the door, while Kari hooked the IV bags on the side railing and took her place to push at the head.
“Uh, pretty sure getting a rise out of me isn’t your responsibility,” Ryan teased.
Jen rolled her eyes and I blushed. “See what an obnoxious jerk he can be? I don’t know how you put up with him.”
Ryan was on his feet and came to the side of the bed, holding up his hand for Jenna to stop. “Hey, did you sleep okay?” His blue eyes were sparkling and he flashed a big smile.
“Not as well as you did, apparently.” I smiled back.
“Well, it’s a relief. I can sleep now that you’re better. Our parents are around somewhere. I’ll find them so they’ll be here when you come back.”
I was struck by his eyes and I nodded slightly. “Okay.” My eyes locked on his imploringly, hoping he could read the question lurking there. What about you?
“I’ll be here, too. Maybe we can get in that walk after all?” he said softly.
“I’d like that.”
“Back off, Casanova. We have business to attend to,” Jenna said shortly.
Ryan shot her a dirty look before she pulled me out into the hallway and winked at me. “He’s always getting his panties in a bunch, that one.”
“Yeah, he told me I always called him a—”
“Moody ass,” we both said in unison and she nodded.
“Understatement of the century!”
*****
Later that night as I picked at my dinner of grilled chicken and mashed potatoes, my parents and Ryan’s, along with Ellie, Harris and Ryan, were all there, sitting around me. Ryan was hovering around at the foot of the bed, and my mother was sitting on the edge.
“Eat up, honey. You need to regain your strength.”
“Uh, have you tasted this, Mom? You eat it,” I said in disgust and shoved the tray at her. “I’m not dying; I don’t have a heart condition, so why do I have to eat this crap?”
“I’m sure it isn’t that bad,” Marin said as she took my fork and took a bite. Her face crumpled and she grabbed a napkin and spit out the food into it. “Ugh.”
My head cocked to one side. “Exactly.”
Ryan smiled and took out his cell phone, punching something in to it. I watched him, wondering what he was doing. He didn’t put the phone to his ear, but shoved it back into his pocket. I raised my eyebrow but he only smirked.
“Julia, we need to talk about what’s going to happen now,” Gabriel said in a serious tone. “Dr. Brighton feels if we can get you walking and eating, you should be able to go home in a day or two. We’ve been talking and wondered what you would like to do?”
I looked at the many expectant faces turned toward me and wasn’t sure what to say. “I guess…I don’t know what the options are.”
“Well, you can come home with me to San Francisco, or go with your mother to Kansas City, as soon as you’re well enough to travel. Ellie has offered to take you back to New York and stay with you for a while.” Dad was concerned and my mother’s face echoed his expression.
“Why are we doing t
his?” Ryan interrupted. “Julia is not going to go to New York right now.” He sounded angry and looked agitated. “There shouldn’t even be any discussion about this. Her doctors are here in Boston and I’m…” he stopped. “Well, there are three of us here with medical training. Who could take better care of her? We can toggle our shifts so that someone is always with her. I’ve already discussed this with Aaron and Jen, so can we move on, please?”
My mouth dropped open. It sounded like he already had it planned.
“Ryan,” Gabriel admonished. He looked at his son and then back to me. “Julia, I know you don’t remember them, so would you feel comfortable doing that? We understand, if not.”
“Uh…” Ryan began. “Julia, I really think this is the best solution.”
“Ryan. Enough,” Gabriel said sternly. “Julia?”
I looked from my parents, to Ryan then Gabriel.
Ellie stepped forward and took my hand. “We’ll support you with whatever you want to do.”
“Fuck!” Ryan muttered and shoved his hands in his pockets before leaning up against the wall and staring at me.
Why is he so upset?
Elyse went to her son and put her hand on his arm. “Ryan, calm down. This is just a discussion.”
“I thought you’d be on my side,” he said under his breath, never taking his eyes off of me.
I opened my mouth to speak but struggled with what to say; overwhelmed with everything and amazed at the level of devotion being shown on my behalf. The blue fire in Ryan’s eyes kept my attention. His jaw set, the muscle in it working overtime.
“I hadn’t thought about it, but I appreciate your willingness to help me.”
“Julia, we all love you,” Elyse said softly.
I looked at my parents, wondering if they would be upset if I chose to stay in Boston. Truthfully, I knew that Ryan would take care of me and I should be with him. I didn’t understand why I felt that way; I just knew it was so. Maybe it was the gravity of his response or his conviction, but whatever it was, it was real.
