Don’t Forget to Remember Me

by Kahlen Aymes

  “Ryan! You’re not bailing are you, bro’?” Aaron said as he saw my movement. “We’re going out! Harris and Ellie are up for it!”

  I patted Julia’s left hand between both of my own. “Uh…” I began.

  My father looked at me in understanding. “Aaron, let them go. They’re tired. It’s been a busy weekend.”

  “I’ll make breakfast for everyone,” Julia said and instantly Aaron perked up.

  “Blueberry muffins?” Aaron asked, with an over-sized grin.

  “Sure,” she said, while she bent to kiss his cheek. “I’m proud of you, you know?”

  “Stop,” he teased with a grin. “You’re making me blush!”

  After we said goodnight, I took Julia’s hand and led her out of the restaurant. I didn’t have my car, so I had the valet hail a cab. We both had imbibed several glasses of wine during the course of the evening, and it was better that neither was driving and when Julia curled into me and leaned her head on my shoulder, her heavy lids closing almost before the car pulled away from the curb, it only got better. I gave the driver the address in a quiet voice and leaned my head back on the seat, my arm stretched across her legs and her arm wrapped around it.

  She sighed softly and I wasn’t sure if she was asleep or not. “I love you,” her soft words answered my thoughts.

  I turned my head and pressed my lips to her forehead. “I love you more.” She smelled so sweet. The perfume she’d worn ever since I’d given it to her on her birthday eight years earlier, coconut from her shampoo, wine and the scent of her skin. Ambrosia. I inhaled deeply, relishing and memorizing the moment.

  I carried her over the threshold, and pushed the door shut with my foot.

  “Hey. I can walk, baby,” she said sleepily.

  “Hush. This is tradition, right? I’ll take any excuse to have you in my arms, you know that.” I didn’t bother with the lights, the moonlight filtering through the windows allowing me to see. Julia’s breath came in even huffs against my neck, so soft and warm. Surely, she was on the verge of deep sleep.

  I released her knees, but kept my arm around her back, and her head lolled into my neck as I pulled down the covers on the bed. This would be the last night I would hold her in this bed, in this apartment, where we had found each other again.

  I sighed in regret. Even though we had so much to look forward to, there was a part of me that didn’t want to let go of these last few months. As painful as they’d been, they were so full of our love. After I’d accepted that she truly loved me despite the holes in her memory, we had some of our most precious times together and so many new memories to cherish and build on.

  I undressed her gently; lifting her and placing her in the bed. Her tired eyes opened slightly and she looked up at me, her hand reaching for me. “Come…” she requested in a sleepy whisper.

  “I will. Let’s get you out of these pretty scraps of lace.” I unhooked the clasp on her bra and gently pulled it from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor near her dress. Soon the skimpy panties followed and I felt a rush of desire as I looked at her. So perfect. I wanted to kiss her all over, but settled for a gentle kiss on her tummy and then one slightly longer one on her open mouth. Instantly, she responded, despite her sleepy state. Her hand curled around my neck into the hair at my nape, a move that completely aroused me. I touched her cheek as my mouth pulled reluctantly from hers. “Sleep, honey.”

  I stood as she moaned and rolled to her side while I quickly divested myself of my clothing. I glanced around the room in the soft glow of moonlight from the window. Everything was packed. The closet now empty, the picture of Julia gone from above the desk, the laptop already loaded into the trunk of her car. All that remained was the keyboard. My eyes fell on it and then on the bench as my mind touched on the first night I’d touched her after the accident. My breath rushed out. Utterly amazing, just like every moment that I touched her before or since. The source of my musings called to me.

  “Ryan, come…I miss you,” she murmured in her sleep.

  I went to the bed and slid in next to her. Instantly, our bodies entwined, her head resting in the crook of my neck and her arm dropping low on my waist as I gathered her close.

  “I’ll make lemon,” she whispered, so softly that I could barely hear the words.

  “Hmmm?” I said and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

  “Lemon. I’ll make lemon, too. I promise.”

  I smiled in the darkness. “I know, honey. Go to sleep, precious girl. I love you.”

  Ryan shoved a muffin in his mouth and then stopped at my dazed expression. “What?” he mumbled. He could barely get the word out with his mouth so full.

  “What?” I asked incredulously. “Are you kidding me?”

  He grinned and quickly chewed and swallowed the offending culprit. “We’re almost there, babe. It’s been ages since we’ve eaten. I’m starving.” He reached out and tugged my hand to pull me closer so he could lean down and kiss me hard. “Besides, these are so good.”

  We were just getting into Manhattan and still had probably 40 minutes in the car before we arrived at our apartment. Ryan was driving and I’d been able to watch him for most of the trip. I couldn’t help but giggle as his hand rooted around in the bag for another muffin. I pulled it from him and reached in myself and handed it to him. “Try not to inhale it, hmmm?”

  Ryan nodded as he took it. This time he took a big bite, and then held it out to me. “Want some? My wife is an amazing cook. You won’t be sorry,” he added cheekily.

  He was dressed casually in ripped jeans and a white t-shirt. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of him. When I didn’t answer, he threw me a quick look. “Julia?”

  “No, thank you,” I said softly and then let my hand reach out and wrap around his right thigh, my fingers drawing patterns on the denim and poking through one of the holes to scratch the skin underneath, the light covering of hair was soft to the touch. “You are so damn sexy,” I almost growled at him. My body reacted just watching him munch away happily on the muffin. He finished it and grabbed the water bottle resting in the console and drained it before returning it to its original place.

  “Julia,” he murmured as his hand covered mine, pressing it more firmly into his leg and caressing my fingers in the process. “I’m glad we’re almost home.”

  “I’m sorry that I fell asleep last night. Not very bride-like of me.”

  “Honey, we were both exhausted. We have time and uh…” he hesitated, “well, do I get my present tonight?”

  I smirked, wondering if he was referring to the photographs or to making love.

  “Mmm…present? Was there something specific you wanted?” I was feeling frisky and my hand worked its way further up his thigh. When my hand reached my destination between his legs and I pressed into him, I could already feel his body hardening beneath my fingers. “Yum…I want to go down on you tonight. I’ll give you a massage, too, baby.”

  Ryan’s mouth fell open in surprise and his breath rushed out, his hips involuntarily lifted and pressed into my hand. A low groan emanated from his throat. “Julia, don’t make me have an accident.”

  I felt the heat pooling between my legs as my fingers curled around his length under his jeans. He was fully erect now, the large bulge straining against the confines of the zipper. I eased it down slowly, watching his face. He swallowed and closed his eyes for a split second.

  “Julia. Later, sweetheart.” He turned his face toward me. “I would love to let you continue, but there is something very precious in this car that I don’t want damaged.” His reached toward me and his fingers brushed down the line of my face. “Okay?”

  My heart thrummed in my chest as my hand stilled in his lap. I was so full of love and lust for this man that it was impossible to comprehend. “Okay,” I said reluctantly. “I just…I want to make you feel good.” Even I could hear the ache in my voice.

  “You’re not making this easy on me,” he groaned. “We have all night, bab
y.”

  I didn’t answer, just put my hand into the one he had offered and let it rest on my lap as our fingers threaded together. His hands were so big, with fine, long fingers of a piano player, a surgeon…and a very gifted lover. I closed my eyes letting myself drown in the sensations racing through my traitorous body.

  “What are you thinking about? My present?” he asked softly.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Uh…I didn’t think that was the track you’d be on tonight but, yes. I thought you might have forgotten.”

  “When do I get to see it?” The anxious look on his face was like a little boy at Christmas. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his flushed expression. His excitement was contagious.

  Ryan was in for a surprise. A big one. I dropped my head and bit my lip so he wouldn’t see the smile I tried to hide. “Mike had the photos delivered. They should be at the front desk, but we have to unload the car first, Ryan. The keyboard…”

  “Ah…already the slave-driver wife. I love it,” he laughed.

  I chuckled as his fingers closed more tightly around mine and pulled my hand up for a kiss. Ryan parked in the space reserved for me. I’d have to arrange for another one so Ryan’s car could join mine. “I can’t wait! You were so beautiful. I’ll never forget a single moment of that day, Julia.” His tone turned serious.

  “Me, either. We really are married, right?” I teased.

  He nodded as he shut the car off and turned, his hand coming up to slide over my jaw and cheekbone then to the back of my head in a loving caress. I took a deep breath as his open mouth closed hotly over mine. He tasted so good and we kissed over and over again, our mouths moving and tasting, until I finally pulled away and rested my forehead on his cheek.

  “Welcome home,” I whispered and brushed my mouth along his strong jaw. His beard was scruffy, a full day had passed since he’d shaved and I rubbed my nose through it. “Let’s go.”

  Ryan loaded me up with my overnight bag and three pillows before reaching into the backseat to pull out the keyboard. “Let’s leave the rest until tomorrow.”

  “Yes. You won’t need clothes tonight, baby.” I punched the up button on the elevator.

  “Or any night, I hope.”

  We were both laughing when we finally got to the apartment and I put the key in the door and pushed it open. Is it possible to be this happy? I thought I would burst with it.

  “Julia, wait.” My head shot up in question. “Stay here.”

  Ryan went in and set the keyboard on the couch cushions, then came back and took the bag and pillows from me before throwing them inside the door. He whisked me up in his arms again and I squealed in surprise.

  “Babe. What are you doing?”

  “I’m carrying my bride over the threshold.”

  “Again? You did it at the hotel and at your apartment in Boston already.”

  “Yes and I’m going to do it in every new place we live, forever. Get used to it.”

  “You’re crazy!” I dipped my head and bit into the muscle between his shoulder and his neck. Not enough to hurt, but definitely enough for him to feel. Within seconds, his mouth was on mine in a slow kiss and then, just as suddenly, he set me on my feet and was rushing toward the door. “Where are you going?” I called.

  “To get the pictures! I’ll be right back. Love you!”

  I stood there stunned, staring at the open door, now devoid of him. I gathered up the bag and the pillows from where he had unceremoniously dumped them and carried them into the bedroom. I found the bridal trousseau that Ellie provided, two pieces; one bridal white, long and elegant, the other black as night, sheer and short.

  I hesitated a second and then stripped off my clothes and ran into the bathroom and started the shower. I piled my hair in a haphazard bun at the top of my head, and jumped under the water to rinse off, quickly soaping my body. Within five minutes I was standing in front of the mirror, dressed in the gorgeous black chemise. Sheer over the torso with lace over the breasts and a matching lace thong, the sides slit up to my hips. I pulled some of the hair out of the bun, creating messy tendrils and quickly put some lip gloss on my lips.

  “Julia! I’m not waiting to open this! I can’t stand it,” Ryan called from the other side of the door. I wanted to see his reaction, but remain out of sight, so I opened the door and watched his reflection in the mirror.

  He was silent, barely moving, as he looked at the photos. He was holding the one of me in my gown and veil on the steps of one of the buildings on the Medical School campus. I didn’t even know the name of the hall, but Mike suggested it, in true fashion photog form. It was a brilliant idea and I knew Ryan would love it. I’d only seen emailed prints when Mike sent the digital proofs so wasn’t sure how he’d cropped them.

  Ryan was frozen, mesmerized by what he saw. He moved to another, which I assumed was a close up of my face with my bouquet and he gasped. “Julia…” he breathed and reached out to touch the photograph in front of him. “Holy fuck!” He sat down on the bed and my heart fluttered when he got to the sexy pictures in the lingerie. Mike was a pro at setting the stage and from Ryan’s reaction, he’d hit the mark. “If these weren’t so damn amazing, I’d beat the piss out of that little bastard,” he said softly, almost to himself.

  I decided it was time to show him the live version and turned into the open doorway. “I can’t wait to see the ones of both of us together and of my handsome groom.”

  “Julia, these are…” he stopped when he looked up and saw me standing there. “Just…gorgeous.” His eyes were filling with tears. It never ceased to amaze me how sensitive and loving he was. “I’m…” he put his hand over his heart, “overwhelmed. You are so fucking beautiful. And, look at you right here in front of me.” I moved toward him and put my hand to his face. “Incredible. I’m so…in love with you.”

  “Ryan,” His name tumbled from my mouth like a prayer as I moved closer to him, ever so slowly. “I love you and I’m yours. You’re welcome to look at me for the rest of your life.” I stood in front of him waiting as his eyes roamed over me, the outfit leaving little to the imagination. Finally, he reached for me, his hands hovering over me, barely touching but lighting me on fire, his eyes blazing.

  “Like I said, not long enough.” His mouth found the nerve at the base of my neck and opened hotly over my skin, sucking and nipping as he dragged his lips over me. I closed my eyes as his fingers began to work their magic on my body. “I want more than forever. I want to devour you; to dissolve right into you. My one and only love.”

  I gave myself over to Ryan and he gave himself over to me…anything and everything. Over and over again, we got lost in each other and it was heaven. For the rest of our lives it would be heaven.

  ~14~

  I rolled over on the couch and stared out at the twinkling lights of Manhattan. The apartment was dark, the full moon was shining brightly through the windows, its light falling in angles over the furniture and floors. Our music played on the iPod and I sucked in a huge sigh as it filled the room. Missing Ryan was a constant ache. We worked like dogs and on the odd night he arrived home on time, inevitably, I’d be stuck at the office. Newton’s Law. A irony of it stung like fire and I blinked angrily in protest of the tears that tried to form in my eyes.

  We’d been married three months. Ryan easily passed his boards but the hours that residents put in were ridiculous. There were times I didn’t set eyes on my husband for 36 hours. His keyboard sat next to my art table, everything cramped in the small room. We’d looked for an apartment in Lower Manhattan closer to St. Vincent’s, but the rent was so outrageous, we couldn’t justify it. Ryan insisted we save our money for a nice house once his residency was finished. I hated that the subway meant another two hours apart every damn day.

  I reminded myself to concentrate on the time we were together. It was wonderful and amazing, but never seemed like enough. My phone buzzed and I reached for it on the coffee table. It was my mother.

  “Hi, Mom.”
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  “Hey, how’s my baby girl?” she said happily. “Sorry for calling so late. I forgot about the time difference until just this minute.”

  “It’s fine. I’m just waiting up for Ryan.” My voice was flat. “What are you doing?” In the time since my wedding, my parents were in touch and I secretly hoped that they would get back together.

  “Oh, not much. Just cleaning up the house. Your dad’s coming for a visit.”

  “Holy shit! Really?” I sat up in my excitement and smiled happily. “I was hoping but…when did you decide this?”

  “Just, I don’t know, Julia.” She sounded flustered. “We’ve just been talking more and I realize how much I miss him.”

  I leaned back on the couch and propped my feet up on the coffee table. “I’m glad you’re finally talking. This is good. I’m happy for you. I never felt that Daddy ever got over you.”

  “I know. He told me. I feel silly, like I’m back in college or something. It’s stupid.” She chuckled nervously.

  “No, it isn’t. I think it’s great.”

  “The wedding pictures! Oh, my God, they are gorgeous! Everyone looks so beautiful. That photographer is just wonderful!”

  I flushed with pleasure. “Yes, he’s great. One of the best I’ve worked with. We have a shoot tomorrow for the September issue, in fact. Meredith has me working on a project for The New Yorker, too. It’s a feature on an AIDS benefit that’s being held at the Met in November. I’m exhausted.”

  “Why isn’t Ryan home?”

  “Still working, but dinner is cold and I’m sitting here in the dark. Business as usual.” My fingers tugged at the hem of my shirt as I shrugged. “I just…miss the shit out of him.”

  “I know, honey. I’m sure he misses you, too. How is it though…I mean, otherwise?” Her tone filled with laughter.

  I flushed at the pictures her words conjured and almost giggled. “Mom. You’re not asking me about the sex, are you?” I teased. “Because if so, it’s open season and I might have to interrogate you after this weekend with Dad.”