“Hardest fucking thing ever,” I told him honestly. “Now let’s get going I still have Veil crap and shopping with Riley before we decorate Miles’ house.” Asher nodded and got my shoes. I looked up at the climbing walls. Please don’t let me do anything too stupid. I had no clue who I was asking. I went and put on my shoes.
An hour and a half later Asher lowered me to the mats. Today was shitty already.
“Well, at least you got practice falling today.” Asher offered. I groaned. “Ally, you need to get some sleep.” I started taking off my harness.
“Yeah, I’ll get some tonight. I don’t have time to take a nap right now.” I growled at myself. Too much fucking stuff right now. “I need that link up asap.” I had to stop messing with the buckles. I took a breath and tried again. They unsnapped immediately this time. I stepped out of the harness and handed it to Asher.
“What’s the rush with the link?” He asked as we walked over to the benches so I could take my shoes off. I focused on that. I didn’t want to tell Asher, but with the way I felt I would if he pushed. “Ally?” I sighed and looked up at him.
“There is a very specific soul I need to be ready to move on,” I said in a deadpan voice. Then I went back to taking off the shoes. I put them on the bench and started to pull mine back on.
“Are you going to tell me who?” I shook my head as I tied my shoes. “Ally, I don’t think you should be driving right now.” I snorted at that. I didn’t have a choice.
“Is there coffee here?” He shook his head.
“Well, that’s where I’m headed now. Then I’m going to shower, get more coffee then go to Miles' house, then get even more coffee and meet Riley to shop for everyone.” I sighed already tired. “I don’t have another time to do it. Tomorrow we’re doing Dylan's cookies. Tonight's Miles’ house, and another project he’s helping me with then Veil work again.” I got up and grabbed my coat.
“Ally, I’m still worried about you driving,” Asher said stopping me from heading to the doors. I sighed.
“Can you leave work and drive me right now?”
“No.”
“Then don’t worry about it, cause there isn’t anything you can do.” I pointed out. “I’m headed straight out to grab more coffee and then after my shower, more coffee.” I looked at the clock on the wall. “But I need to go now.” I stepped around him and out the door. “See ya, Ash,” I called over my shoulder.
One cold shower and two small coffees with five espresso shots each and I was at Miles house. I walked in the front door, shut it and walked into the living room and dropped my coat on one of the couches.
“I’m back!” I shouted. Wow, even my shout sounded tired.
“Kitchen!” Miles shouted back. I walked into the hall and peeked my head in. Miles was at the breakfast counter, his hair still wet from his shower.
“Hey, I’m going to go get working.” I was about to walk off when he called for me.
“Lexie!” I stopped and turned back. Miles' eyes were wide as they ran over me. “Are you alright?” I rolled my eyes.
“I had two fucking ghosts at that bedroom door all night bitching at me and telling me to kill myself to link to the Veil immediately.” His eyebrows rose. “They left around dawn. I’m coffee fueled and don’t have time to stop right now.” I turned around and headed down the hall.
“Lexie.” Miles was using his lecture tone I moved faster. I didn’t have time today. His footsteps sped up. I gave up. The booger had longer legs and was faster. He moved in front of me forcing me to stop. “You need some sleep.” He pointed out adjusting his glasses.
“I know.”
“But you're not going to stop to get any sleep?” He guessed.
“You are correct, sir.” I shot back as I stepped around him and opened the conservatory door.
“You’re going to hurt yourself like this.” He pointed out.
“Okay, I’ll just stop and let Sophia rot out like Mary Summers.” I shot over my shoulder walking towards my meditation spot. It was harsh, but that was at stake here.
“She didn’t have any extra energy. That’s what you said.” He pointed out logically. I got to my chair and sat down.
“That was Saturday. Today is Monday, I haven’t seen her today.” I countered. “I’m not going to let the twins’ little sister end up like that.” Miles’ eyes ran over my face; he saw I wasn’t going to give on this.
“Alright.” Miles sat down on the bench to the right of me. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and cleared my mind.
I dropped fast today, maybe it was because I was tired and didn’t resist but I was at my center almost instantly. I looked around the white plain and didn’t waste time. I thought of the Veil, and I was shot across the plain to the link pathway I had started yesterday. The bridge was still there. Yay. Now let’s get the fuck to work. I don’t know what it was about today, but I changed my tactic. I pressed my palms together and pushed forward like a blade. My arms spread the fabric of this world for me. It still hurt and felt like knives on every nerve in my body. But I was moving faster. I was getting as much as I could safely do today, and quite frankly the fabric of the world needed to get the fuck out of my way. After I thought that the resistance became lighter, the pain a bit less. It still hurt more than anything in my life. But it was a bit less. I pushed and stepped until I first felt like I should stop. I pulled back my vision swimming. I was taking deep breaths as I looked out at how much distance I had left. Fuck. I still had a long way to cross. I wanted to push forward but I couldn’t. I didn’t want a repeat of yesterday. Even though the nap would be nice. Okay, time to get out. I was yanked back and thrown up.
My head was throbbing, my nose pouring when I came back. Just the usual. I pinched my nose closed and waited for my head to stop throbbing. My body was shaking, but not nearly as bad as yesterday. Okay, I could do this. Couple times a day, I’d have that bridge built in no time. I checked the time on my phone. I had thirty minutes to recover, get coffee, change my shirt and meet Riley. Okay. I could do this. I looked up. Miles, Zeke, and Isaac were watching me. Shit. Miles had ratted me out. I glared at him. He shrugged. I guess I didn’t give him a choice. Miles handed me tissues. I held them to my nose.
“Red, you’re white as a fucking ghost,” Isaac announced.
“What’s new?” I countered. Isaac snorted. Zeke was frowning at me.
“You need some sleep, Lexie.” He was using his ‘do what I say’ voice. Yeah, no, not today. Don’t have time sorry. I snickered at myself. I pulled the tissues back and saw that the nosebleed was slowing.
“What I need is a clean shirt, a small coffee with five espresso shots and to get going,” I said honestly. I got to my feet and went still as the world tilted. I waited it out with my eyes closed, my hand on the chair for balance. When it passed, I opened my eyes. Miles was next to me his face concerned. “I’m good. Gotta go.” I weaved between the guys and headed for the master bedroom, I had a shirt there still. The guys followed like giant wardens.
“Lexie! How long has it been since you slept?” Isaac asked me.
“Over forty-eight hours now, not counting the three and half of unconscious time.” I shot back as I walked down the long hallway to the other side of the house.
“That’s not good Lexie, your barriers-” Zeke began. I interrupted by shaking my wrist above my head.
“Not a problem right now.” I took the tissue off my face. It stopped. Yay. I walked into the bedroom and went to the bag I left there. I opened it and found a black shirt.
“You can’t be driving like this.” Miles tried again. I chuckled at that. I don’t know why, but I did. I walked into the bathroom and began washing the blood off my face. “You’re going to get someone killed, if not you.” Miles' voice was calm and soothing. I tried to ignore it as I dried my face with a towel then looked in the mirror. The guys were right. I was pale as a fucking ghost. Huh. I never thought I could get any whiter. The bags under my eyes were dark. And as a red
head, they always looked worse. They were a mix of brown, pink and a little red that almost looked like faded bruises. Yeah, I looked like shit. Who cares?
“Guys I'm fine, I’ll be picking up more coffee, and I’ll get lots of sleep tonight. Right now, I don’t have time.” I told them honestly. I didn’t think they were in the bathroom with me, so I just pulled my shirt off.
“Whoa.”
“Shit!”
“Lexie!” Zeke barked. I was already pulling my other shirt on.
“Didn’t think you followed me in here,” I said honestly. “Besides, I’m wearing a bra.” I grabbed my bloody shirt and went to walk past them. Miles’ back was still turned Isaac’s eyes were closed, and Zeke just looked pissed. Zeke grabbed my arm and yanked me to a halt. His blue eyes were on fire as he glared at me. It didn’t really work today.
“You need sleep.” He said again in his deep, gravelly voice.
“I know. I’ll get some tonight.” I said mimicking him. I yanked my arm out of his hand and walked out of the bathroom I dropped my shirt into my bag and headed out into the hallway. Zeke moved to block me.
“You are not driving,” Zeke said it like it was a fact. I glared at him.
“Then invent the self-driving car.” I shot back still mocking his voice; he blinked, and I was around him heading to the kitchen. I went to Miles’ one cup coffee thing and hit the button for espresso. The guys were talking in the hall like old biddies at a swap meet. I snickered at the image. I went to the freezer pulled out some ice and dumped that into the mug. By the time it was ready, it was lukewarm. I shot that back quick then went to the sink and washed my cup. I was headed back to the living room for my coat when Isaac stepped in front of me.
“Sorry Red, I can’t let you,” Isaac said smiling. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You really want to do this?” I asked seriously. Isaac raised an eyebrow at me and smirked. He figured he’d win. In a fair fight, yeah. But I don’t fight fair. Zeke was on the phone with someone, and I didn’t really care who, I had things to do.
“You think you can take me, Red?” Isaac asked his voice cocky. I checked my phone for the time. I had fifteen minutes. To get past Isaac, I needed two. I reached out, snagged his ear and pulled him down to my height.
“Oh fuck, fuck. Red damn it! That’s cheating!” Isaac was shouting, his face grimacing in pain. Miles who was standing to my left started laughing.
“You are a head taller than me, and outweigh me by around fifty pounds.” I pointed out. “You bet your ass I’m gonna cheat.” I pointed out calmly. Zeke was chuckling now. Isaac was still cursing. “Are you going to move now?”
“Yes! Yes! Fuck Red!” Isaac shouted. I pulled him to the side and let go. He straightened, his hand going to his ear as he backed out of range. But I was already picking up my coat and heading for the door. Big feet moved over the floorboards. Oh, come on. Zeke jumped in front of the door, his hands out.
“You’re not driving.” He said again. I wanted to scream.
“I need to get this shopping done today, Ash’s is time sensitive, and so is Miles' so move it Tough Guy or I’ll call your girlfriend and apologize to her for kicking you in the balls.” I was tired of this, and I needed more coffee.
“Lexie, I’m not saying you're not going.” Zeke’s voice was more patient than I had ever heard before.
“You can’t drive me, we’re buying your presents, and I’m still buying everyone else's.” I pointed out. There was a knock on the door. I’d never seen Zeke’s face looked so relieved. Zeke opened the door, and Riley walked in. Her eyes went wide when she saw me.
“Wow, you do look like shit,” Riley said. I snickered. No one said hello anymore. “I’m driving you bitch, let’s go.” I raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Miles. I pointed at him, then pointed at Riley. Miles let Riley know where he lived. Miles shrugged as he stepped closer, his emerald eyes running over my face.
“I don’t mind Riley knowing if you don’t drive today,” Miles explained to me gently. I sighed.
“You really didn’t have to do that Miles.” I groaned feeling awful, guilt slamming into me hard. He snorted at me.
“Yes, I really did, Lexie,” Miles said calmly. “I don't want you driving. This fixes it.” I must be scaring him. Shit. I sighed.
“I’m sorry,” I told him tiredly. He gave me a half grin.
“I’m not.”
“Great, now let’s get going before the stupid mall gets even more packed today,” Riley suggested. I sighed then turned to follow Riley out the door.
“I need coffee.”
Another small coffee with five espresso shots and we were at the mall in Northridge with Riley. We had already taken care of most of our lists. The cheery Christmas music though was threatening my sanity.
“Okay, Ash’s will be ready in half an hour. Who’s left?” I asked Riley.
“Zeke, what did he say he wanted?” Riley asked tucking her list into her pocket. I gave her a small smile.
“He wants wool socks.” Riley eyed me. “He works in the garage all the time, and there isn’t a heater in there.”
“Okay, that makes sense,” Riley admitted. “Do you know what size?”
“14 ½.”
“Okay, wool socks it is.” We headed into another department store, this one had some industrial and construction workers’ clothes along with the everyday stuff. We were combing the racks for Zeke’s size when Riley caught my attention.
“So, why haven’t you slept in two days?” Riley asked her voice distracted. I snorted. Because ghosts are assholes lately and I have nightmares that will turn your hair white.
“Nightmares one night and two seizures last night.” I went for the half lie. I found a pair in his size. “Ah-ha! I got a pair. How many did you want?”
“Three at least, he’ll probably layer them,” Riley said still looking.
We spent the next hour looking through the wool socks, and in the end, we found four pairs in his size. We were thrilled. While we were there, I made a point to pick up my gift for Zeke. They were cold weather mechanic’s gloves, specifically designed to be easy to work in and keep his hands warm. Riley and I high fived. We headed back out and picked up Asher’s present. I hoped he didn’t hate it. It was the only thing I could think of. We were heading out when Riley pulled me to a stop at the food court.
“Have you eaten today?” Riley asked. I had to stop and think about it. Shit.
“No actually. Fuck. Let’s eat.” Riley laughed at me. I ended up getting orange chicken with veggies and rice. Riley got some pizza from another place.
“Okay, if you don’t want to answer this, don’t.” Riley began I put some chicken in my mouth and chewed as I waited. “What’s it like living with seizures?” I gave her a big smile as I swallowed my bite.
“So fucking fun,” I said sarcastically. Riley laughed. “It’s basically preparing every day, to deal with bloody noses, puking, and possible brain damage.” Well, when I thought about it like that, it sucked. “At least no day is boring.” Riley didn’t laugh.
“That really sucks Lexie.” She said sweetly. I liked Riley. I nodded.
“Pretty much.” I agreed.
“So, how do the guys fit in?” She asked. I grew tense expecting a Trisha question. “When you go down, they all fall out of contact with everyone. I mean, Zeke even canceled a date yesterday.” Then she seemed to realize how she sounded. “Which I don’t care about, I’m just wondering… well. You seem to play it off like it’s nothing. But the guys, they act like you're almost dying each time. I guess what I’m asking is, which is the right reaction?” I sighed and thought about it. I know I made light of my ghost issues, but what other choice did I have? It’s not like I can flip a switch and turn this shit off.
“Okay. Let me explain it this way.” I began. “This is my everyday life. I have no choice. It’s going to happen, and I’m going to have to deal with it. So, I make jokes, and make fun of it.” I took a deep breath an
d admitted to Riley what I’d never admitted to anyone else. “Because deep down, I know any seizure I have can turn into a three. My worst level, brain damaging level. I could become a vegetable or just die.” I swallowed hard. “With this kind of disorder, if I go to the hospital, the doctors will kill me. Simply because it’s so rare that they don’t know how to handle it or even recognize it.” Riley’s eyes went wide. “Because of that, I have to have people around me who end up dropping everything because I’m having a seizure. They end up having to take care of me and watch me until I wake up.” I snorted my chest growing tight as those dark thoughts came out of their corner. “I disrupt their lives, their relationships and any kind of normal around me.” I hated it. I really fucking hated it. I pretended that I was okay with it, that I could handle it. But deep down, I hated that I needed this much fucking help. I didn’t realize I was crying till a tear hit my hand.
“Lexie...” Riley’s face looked, I don’t know, full of sympathy? I grabbed my napkin and wiped my face off and tried to push my emotions back behind that door where they belonged. “Those guys care about you.” I scoffed as I wiped my face again.
“Yeah, and I care about them, but what does that get them? Their lives disrupted, constant worry and Lexie kits everywhere.” I said quietly. My chest ached.
“Lexie, they get you. And if they didn’t think the price was worth it, they would have bailed already.” Riley pointed out. She had a point. But I still had that nagging doubt in the back of my head. Maybe I should just wear my beads the rest of my life? Wait. What the fuck? I sighed deeply. My brain was fried. I knew that the guys didn’t want to leave me. You're just fucking tired, and you know what happens when you get like this. You get depressed and all gloomy. I wasn’t crying anymore. I shook my head.
“Sorry, you're right. I’m just exhausted, and when that happens... actual thought goes out the window.” I admitted to her. Riley just smiled.
When the Dead Come a Knockin' Page 32
