Kiss

by Francine Pascal

  Another guy in a booth two away from hers had a good smile. Nice teeth. A little crooked. His eyes were nice, too. Not like Sam's, of course. Not turn-your-world-over nice. Besides, he was wearing one of those big, fancy metal watches. She hated those.

  She slid her drink around in its little puddle on the glass table. The volume in the place notched up even higher. She turned to the entrance and saw another cluster of people packing themselves in. Her eyes froze. Oh, wow. There. That guy was beautiful, Gaia thought distantly. Tall, perfectly built. He had gorgeous red-brown-blond hair, neither wavy nor curly but somewhere in between. Just like Sam,her mind informed her dreamily.

  Holy shit. Gaia sat up very straight. He wasn't like Sam. He was Sam. Her mind raced. Her heartbeat quickened. Goose bumps sprouted on her arms. Almost like fear. But not fear. Something else.

  Gaia's eyes darted to the faces of Sam's nearest companions.

  Clunk. Down slid her hopes.

  Yes, indeed. The good-news, bad-news duo. Hateful Heather was in her usual spot right there beside him. Why shouldn't Sam and Heather make an appearance on this night from hell? How could it be otherwise?

  Gaia averted her gaze. She pointed her face at the tabletop. She really didn't want them to see her. A word from Heather might just throw her over the edge.

  Suddenly she felt terribly conspicuous in the booth by herself. Where were Mary and all her friends? Why couldn t they park their damn butts in the booth for five minutes and stop having so much fun? Grrrr.

  Gaia rested her face in her hand, using her fingers to cover up almost the entire part of her face that Sam and Heather could feasibly see from their angle. She would just stay like that until they got busy dancing or went to the back, and then she'd leave. She'd head for the bus station. Fine.

  Oh, no. She couldn't actually look up to confirm her suspicion, but she had a terrible feeling that the group, which included her favorite couple, was heading straight toward her booth. There was definitely a shadow moving in. No. Go! Go!

  "Excuse me? Would you mind if we shared your booth?" It wasn't a voice she recognized. Could she get away with not looking up?

  "Excuse me!"

  Go away, she urged silently.

  "Excuse me!"

  All right, that was annoying. She snapped her head up just as Heather and Sam registered the reality of whom they were about to share a booth with.

  Who looked least happy? Sam? Heather? Gaia? Hard to say.

  Gaia thought she gave a mean look, but Heather's was better.

  Gaia shot to her feet. "All yours. I was just going."

  Six pairs of eyes stuck on Gaia as she fumbled to put on her parka. It seemed to take two hours. First it was inside out. Then she couldn't get her hand through the sleeve. As she grabbed for her bag, she knocked over her drink and spritzed the group with watery vodka and dead tonic. Why couldn t she keep her beverages to herself?

  She couldn't bring herself to look at Sam. This wasn't happening.

  "Gaia, wait." It was Mary, suddenly positioning herself as a bulwark between Gaia and the booth stealers. "Where are you going?"

  "I -- I gotta go. Now."

  Mary looked around. She took in the presence of Heather. A light dawned in her eyes. "Hey, if it isn't the charming Ms. Gannis. Gosh, I remember the last time we were all at a party together. You were riding quite the welcome wagon that night."

  Heather was silent.

  Mary gave Gaia a confident smile and spoke loudly enough for Heather's benefit. "Don't worry, Gaia. If Heather treats you like that again, I'll smack her."

  Heather looked stunned. A couple of Heather's friends seemed to think Mary was kidding around. Gaia didn't look at Sam to gauge his reaction.

  Mary attached herself to Gaia by the hand, and Gaia let herself be pulled toward a waiting group that, for the moment at least, could pass as friends.

  "Bitch," Mary mumbled to Gaia, not letting go of her hand. "Let's get out of here."

  Gaia felt like crying as she bobbed along after Mary. Nobody ever took care of her like that. Gaia was so taken aback, she didn't know how to feel.

  Following the electrified red hair, she experienced a rush of real warmth in spite of the stiff, late-autumn breeze.

  Maybe there was a reason to stay in New York for a while longer.

  Poison

  HEATHER FELT LIKE SHE WAS CHEWING on a lemon. She couldn't seem to get the sour taste out of her mouth or remove the pinched expression from her face.

  Sam sat down next to her, stiff as a two-by-four, saying nothing.

  That was the best strategy. They would just let this pass and get on with their night. No need to talk about it.

  "Who is that girl?" Sam's friend Christian Pavel wanted to know.

  "You mean Mary Moss? The redhead?" Heather heard her friend Jonathan Singer respond.

  "No, the blond one."

  Heather waited numbly for the conversation to be over. She tried to think of some effective way to change tracks.

  "That's Gaia Moore," Jonathan said flatly.

  "She's unbelievable," Christian said.

  Every person at the table waited in uncomfortable suspense to hear the precise way in which Christian Pavel found Gaia Moore unbelievable.

  "She's gorgeous. A total goddess. Do you know her? Can you introduce me?"

  No one said a word. Heather's mouth was drawn up like a twist tie. She felt like crushing all ten of Christian's toes under the table.

  Sam cleared his throat. "H-H-Have you all seen this band before?" he asked the group gallantly, putting a wooden arm around Heather's shoulders.

  Conversation resumed. Heather watched Gaia's back disappear through the door. She wished she could give Gaia a poisonous cloak.

  Then again, Gaia's phlegm-colored jacket was pretty poisonous as it was.

  Lustful Looks

  SAM SAT IN THE BOOTH, AS CROSS and sullen as a sleep-deprived toddler. Too sullen to drink. Or dance. Or make small talk.

  He was annoyed at Heather for being his girlfriend. He was annoyed at Christian for looking lustfully at Gaia. (That was hisdepartment.) He was annoyed at Gaia for a whole list of things:

  1. Not being his girlfriend;

  2. Looking so spectacularly beautiful;

  3. Ruining his life;

  4. Ruining his relationship;

  5. Not meeting his eyes for a single second tonight;

  6. Not being his girlfriend.

  Mostly he was annoyed at himself. For blundering deeper into the thing with Heather. For being so goddamned stiff and awkward tonight. For not talking honestly with Heather about what was really going on. For having blown a perfectly good chance to do so.

  For still staring at the door fully forty-five minutes after Gaia had walked through it.

  My Dear Gaia,

  Having seen you so recently (though you did not see me), my pain at being apart from you is only stronger. You have grown into a formidable woman, Gaia, as your mother and I knew you would. Your strength and intensity still astound me. I see now that you have the spirit to fight fiercely for your life, and that is a great comfort to me.

  My other comfort is the knowledge that at last you have a good home with my kind old friend George. It's a safe place. I trust George will do his very best by you. I'm glad to know you'll have Thanksgiving there, with someone who truly cares for you.

  Each year at Thanksgiving, I write to tell you that you are my reason for thanks, my reason for living. Each year, with my heart full of hope, I pray that next year we'll spend this holiday together. And though realism chips away at my hope, I'm still praying.

  Know that I love you, Gaia. That you are always in my heart.

  Tom Moore signed the letter and thought about Katia. Twice a year he allowed himself to cry for her, and this was one of those times.

  When he was done, he walked to the file cabinet. The top drawer was stuffed full of letters like this one. He found the manila folder labeled Thanksgiving Letters and dropped it in.<
br />
  He dug his hand in the pocket of his corduroy trousers and felt the penny that lay in the bottom. Perhaps, with luck, this would be the last time he would need to write to Gaia on Thanksgiving.

  fun, for a change

  Gaia clutched the stretchy plastic in her fist as they rose under a cloud of helium, higher and higher.

  The Good Uncle

  WHATTHE DEVILWENT ON THERE tonight?" Loki's voice thundered.

  Ella stood before him, heavy with a strange mixture of shame, pride, and frustration. Her jaw throbbed, and her tongue felt like it belonged to somebody else. "We fought. She punched me. She left." Ella didn't bother to mention the part where she got out her gun and went after Gaia, fully intending to blow her brains out. Luckily that part didn't appear on the surveillance tape.

  "Stupid woman, have you lost your mind?"

  Ella cupped her jaw tenderly. There would be no sympathy from him. That was certain. "The girl hit me."

  "I would have hit you, too, the way you carried on," Loki said sharply.

  Ella held her painful tongue. It was as expected.

  "Absurd self-indulgence," he spat, pacing across the soft, honey-colored herringbone floorboards. Last month he had a vast loft above the Hudson River. Tonight she'd been ordered to meet him in a starkly modern apartment building on Central Park South. He'd only be there so long as he kept perfect anonymity. Then he'd relocate again. "Why I put up with you, I do not know."

  Ella remained quiet. He'd get bored of the tirade eventually. The greatest mistake would be to attempt to defend herself. That would only inject a surge of energy into the project. Where Loki was concerned, what the world gained in a terrorist, it had lost in a lawyer.

  His angry voice faded into a dull roar. Ella stared out the large picture windows, waiting for him to be done. Three-quarters of a mile uptown, the enormous helium balloons for the Thanksgiving Day parade were rising to life from the lawns of the Museum of Natural History on Seventy-seventh Street. Long ago, in her other life, she'd gone with friends to watch.

  That was before Ella had been "discovered." Well before Gaia had come into their lives, a much more perfect fulfillment of Ella's early promise. Ella felt a wave ofnausea climbing her chest.

  "Ella!"

  She turned to him. Oh. He was finished, then. He'd asked her a question of the nonrhetorical variety. "I'm sorry?"

  "You are sorry. A truly sorry creature. I asked you why you were caught with your arm in Gaia's coat."

  "I was planting the tracking device," Ella replied.

  "And were you able to complete that onerous task?" His voice was laced with sarcasm.

  "I was."

  "Fine. And I gather you've chosen someone to perform the job?"

  "Yes." Ella fiercely hoped he would not ask who that was.

  "Well, then. With any luck we'll be done with Tom shortly." He smiled the least cheerful smile Ella had ever witnessed. "That should be fun. And then the real plans begin."

  A Big, Red M&M

  "SO WHO DO YOU LIKE?" MARY asked. "Clifford, the big red dog? Random Rugrat? Snoopy?"

  The night was misty. The octagonal stones around the beautiful, castlelike Museum of Natural History were slick with yellow and brown leaves. Gaia and Mary were still clutching hands like kindergarten best friends, running through the crowds, watching the enormous balloons come to life.

  "Spiderman is cool," Gaia observed, gazing at the balloon reaching four stories into the sky. A net above them kept the balloons on good behavior until the parade began in the morning.

  "Spiderman is already up, up, and away," Mary said somewhat breathlessly, pulling Gaia along. "We need to pick one that's only partway blown up."

  "We do?" Gaia asked.

  Mary raised her eyebrows mischievously. "We do."

  Gaia caught up even with her. "What exactly are you planning?"

  "Something fun. You'll see." She glanced over at Gaia. "You scared?"

  "Uh-uh," Gaia replied.

  "Here." Mary yanked her to a stop. "These ones are good. Shhh. Stay still a minute."

  The ones Mary was referring to were huge ponds of half-inflated plastic, one red, the other green. Gaia couldn't tell what they were.

  Mary looked around. "Okay, follow me. Move quickly, before anybody sees us."

  Gaia nodded, intensely curious.

  Mary paused in thought. "Hang on. Which one? Red or green?"

  "I don't care," Gaia said.

  "Pick!" Mary ordered.

  Gaia rolled her eyes. "They're the same. It doesn't matter. I don't even know what we're doing."

  Mary was still glaring at her expectantly.

  "All right, fine. Red," Gaia said.

  "Go," Mary hissed.

  She darted around the growing balloon to the side that was closest to the museum fence and used the fence for a boost. She transferred her weight from the fence to the balloon, clamored up the soft, loose plastic, then rolled down into the sagging middle. Gaia followed close behind. When they settled in the middle, they had to cling to the plastic to keep from rolling on top of each other.

  "This is cozy," Mary said, laughter in her voice.

  "I still don't know what we're doing," Gaia said.

  "Shhh. Stay still. We have to keep quiet."

  Mary's excitement was contagious. "Why?" Gaia asked.

  "'Cause the last time I did this, I got arrested," Mary explained happily.

  "Oh," Gaia said.

  "Scared yet?" Mary asked.

  "Not yet," Gaia replied.

  Gaia heard the rush of helium into the balloon get louder.

  "Cool," Mary whispered. "They're turning it up."

  "They?"

  "The inflators," Mary said.

  "Is that a word?" Gaia asked.

  Mary's giggle came out like a snort. "I think so."

  Gaia felt the helium filling the space under them. They were rising appreciably."Now what?" she whispered.

  "We wait," Mary said. She reached for Gaia's hand and held it again. Gaia was so unaccustomed to physical contact (apart from punching people) that it felt weird to her. Weird, but nice, too.

  As the minutes passed, the plastic began to fill and grow around them. Soon the thin, rubbery plastic was puffing up all around them, becoming more and more taut.

  "What is this balloon, anyway?" Gaia asked.

  Mary lifted her head and looked behind her. "Judging from the green one next door, I think it's an M&M."

  "An M&M?"

  "Yeah, look." Mary rolled partly onto her side and pointed at the green twin.

  "We're on a giant red M&M?" Gaia realized she was getting punchy because for some reason, this seemed hilarious.

  "Okay. This is where it starts to get fun." Mary's face was flushed with anticipation. "Hold on tight, okay? I think we've got a facial feature of some kind here."

  It was thrilling. Gaia clutched the stretchy plastic in her fist as they rose under a cloud of helium, higher and higher. She was amazed nobody had seen them yet. She twisted her head and saw the buildings above. The ritzy apartment buildings on one side, the museum on the other. They were rising faster now, above the streetlights, nearing the tops of the trees. Closer and closer to the gauzy, dark purple night sky. She looked ahead to the ever improving view of Central Park with its dark carpet of trees and the twinkly lights along Fifth Avenue.

  Gaia felt her own breath swelling inside her chest. It was magical. "Beautiful," she whispered to Mary.

  Mary squeezed her hand.

  Gaia tried to stamp this feeling, these sights, into her brain so she could remember them later, when she needed to convince herself there was happiness in the world.

  "Oh, shit!" Mary suddenly cried, puncturing Gaia's reverie. Mary yanked her hand from Gaia's, pinching wildly at the plastic of the balloon to steady herself. "I'm losing it, Gaia!"

  The plastic had grown so taut under their hands, it was hard to keep holding. Mary's grip was slipping fast.

  Gaia turned to her n
ew friend, expecting to see fear in the girl's eyes. Instead she saw wide-eyed thrill.

  "Gaiaaaa!" Mary was yelling. "Eeeeeee! This is where it gets really fun! When I say go, let go!"

  A laugh erupted from Gaia's throat. This was crazy. It was fun.

  "Go!" Mary screamed.

  "Ahhhhhhhhh!" The two girls' voices mingled in a scream as they slid on their stomachs all the way down the growing mountain of balloon and landed hard on the ground.

  They lay there for a moment in a tangled clump.

  "Are you okay?" Mary asked, pushing her hair out of her face, trying to organize her limbs.

  "Okay? That was awesome!" Gaia jumped to her feet and pulled her friend beside her. "Let's do it again."

  Mary laughed and swatted Gaia on the shoulder. "I knew we were gonna get along."

  Extra Love

  TWO HOURS LATER GAIA LAY BESIDE Mary on the grassy part of Strawberry Fields and watched the first light of sun spread across the sky. The air felt damp and surprisingly mild.

  Gaia fell in love with the place on first sight. She loved the curving pathways and the odd accumulation of humanity gathered on the handsome benches. She loved the white-and-black mosaic that said "Imagine" in the middle.

  "This is my favorite place," Mary said, grabbing the sentiment right from Gaia's mind.

  "I see why." Gaia turned her head to see Mary's face.

  Mary yawned and raised her arms, stretching long fingers toward the sky. Gaia caught the yawn from her.

  "Hey, Mary?"

  "Yeah."

  "Thanks for inviting me along on this night. It's been great."

  Mary turned to her and smiled. "It wouldn't have been great without you."

  Gaia must have been very tired because she was saying things she would never normally say. She was forgetting to censor her feelings and words, forgetting what the consequences could be. "And thanks a lot for looking after me at that bar."

  "No prob," Mary said to the sky. "I always take care of my friends."

  Gaia thought for a few moments. "Why is that?" she asked. Her voice was so quiet, she wasn't sure it would carry to Mary, two feet away.