by E. L. Todd
“You used to tell me everything. Now I don’t even know you…”
She stilled but didn’t turn around. Then she walked away.
Chapter Eighteen
Skye
It was too hard to be around Cayson. Every time I looked at him, I thought about Jasmine. He was in a relationship and he was happy. There was no possibility I would ever be with him. I needed to move on but I was quickly realizing how hard that was.
I hated hurting him. The pissed look on his face went straight to my heart. I wanted to confess and just tell him the truth, hoping it would bring us closer together. But I knew the knowledge would just push him further away. So I kept it to myself, bottling it deep inside.
Any time the gang got together, I never joined them. I stayed in my apartment and entertained myself. I didn’t want to see Cayson and pretend everything was normal. And I couldn’t stand to see him with Jasmine. I hated watching him kiss her, touch her. The tenderness they shared made me want to gag. She was a very nice girl, someone I could probably be friends with, but I just couldn’t stop hating her. She didn’t deserve my hostility but I couldn’t help it.
Roland invited me over for movie night. We’re watching the old Godzilla movie and we’re going to make fun of it. Come over.
I have homework. Maybe next time.
How much homework could you possibly have? That’s all you ever do.
I didn’t respond. Hopefully, he would just leave me alone. When he didn’t send a message back, I knew I was in the clear. I curled up on the couch and watched TV, trying to find something to distract my mind. If I went to my brother’s, Cayson would be there. And he would probably bring his girlfriend along too.
Thirty minutes later, my lock turned and the front door opened.
“Doing homework my ass.” Roland came to the couch, glaring at me.
“I was just taking a break. And don’t just barge into my apartment.”
“Dad gave me a key for a reason.”
“Not to come over whenever the hell you want,” I snapped.
“That’s at my discretion.” He eyed my pajamas and unkempt hair. “Skye, what’s going on?”
“I’m just tired, okay?”
He sat on the couch beside me. “I’m starting to get worried…”
“Just because I don’t want to hang out with you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.”
“For three weeks straight?” he asked incredulously. “Come on. Something is up.”
“No, there isn’t.”
“Do you want me to call Dad?” he threatened. “Because I will.”
I glared at him. “That’s not funny.”
“Then tell me what’s up? You’ve been weird since Thanksgiving.”
“Roland, just leave me alone.” I was starting to grow frustrated. “I don’t want to hang out. I don’t want to do anything. Just go.” I sighed then leaned against the couch.
“Skye…what’s wrong?”
I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. “Roland, I asked you to leave.”
“How can I go when you’re like this? I’m worried about you.”
“Well, don’t be.”
“I know we aren’t extremely close but…I really wish you would tell me. I care about you. I love you…”
Now I felt like a bitch. My brother was being sweet to me for the first time and I was pushing him away. “I love you too, Roland. But I just want to be alone right now. It’s nothing personal.”
“Are you depressed over Zack?”
I tried not to laugh. “No.”
“Is it something else?”
“Roland, just go.” My voice sliced through the air. “Tell everyone I said hi and enjoy your movie.”
He sighed, finally giving up. “Okay. I hope you change your mind.”
I watched him, waiting for him to leave.
He finally left my couch and headed to the door. “I guess I’ll see you around…”
“Yeah.”
He walked out and locked the door behind him.
I stayed on the couch, basking in my own misery.
***
The next few days were spent in solitude. I avoided everyone as much as possible. I didn’t even go to work just because I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Maybe if I stayed this way long enough, my feelings for Cayson would go away. If I never saw him, it was bound to happen.
Right?
I picked a quiet spot in the library then put my things down. Just when I opened my textbook, I had visitors.
“Alright.” Roland came from behind the bookshelf, followed by everyone else except Cayson. “It’s time for an intervention.”
Slade smirked at me. “You’re going to tell us what the hell is up your ass.”
“You better be dying or something,” Trinity said.
They boxed me in so I couldn’t get out. Damn it.
Slade sat across from me. “So…what’s your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem,” I said quietly.
“Bullshit,” Roland said. “You’ve lost like ten pounds in the past month. And we all know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Why won’t you just talk to us?” Trinity said. “We’re family.”
I hated myself for hurting them. “It’s not you guys…”
“Then what is it?” Roland said. “We’re really worried about you, Skye. If this intervention doesn’t work, I’m calling Dad.”
That was a frightening threat.
“Come on,” Slade said. “Talk to us. You think we’re going to judge you or something? You got a bun in the oven?”
I glared at him. “No.”
“Then tell us,” Trinity said. “You’re seriously scaring us.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing I was backed into a wall. They knew something was up and I couldn’t keep hiding it. And it would be nice to talk to someone about it, especially the closest people to me. There were no secrets between us, and it felt odd to hoard one now. “Okay…you have to promise me you won’t say a word.”
“Done,” Slade blurted.
“I mean it. You can’t say anything to Cayson.”
Trinity’s eyes widened. “Why?”
“I don’t want him to know,” I said simply. “So you can’t tell him.”
Roland was practically at the edge of his seat. “What is it?”
I couldn’t believe I was going to admit this out loud.
“You’re killing us, Skye.” Trinity hit her fist on the table. “Just tell us.”
I felt like a horrible person for saying it out loud. “I…lately I’ve been…it’s just—”
“You got into to Harvard,” Slade snapped. “You can make better sentences than that.”
“I’m in love with Cayson,” I blurted. God, it felt good to get that off my chest.
Trinity covered her face and gasped.
Roland broke out in a smile.
Slade jumped on the table and started dancing. “Yes! Finally! Yes!”
Everyone in the library looked over at us, watching Slade.
Trinity pulled on his jeans. “Get down! You’re going to get us in trouble.”
Slade jumped back down. “Hallelujah. I thought this day would never come.”
“And I almost gave up,” Roland said.
What the hell were they talking about? “Sorry?”
“You seriously don’t know that Cayson has been in love with you since…forever?” Trinity said. “He’s been hooked on you for years.”
“Pretty much since he saw you in a swimsuit after your tits came in,” Slade said.
“You think he just waits on you hand and foot because he’s bored?” Roland asked. “I’m your brother and I don’t even look after you like that.”
I couldn’t process this. “What?”
Trinity shook her head. “Lady, I’ve told you this at least a hundred times. This shouldn’t be surprising.”
Slade laughed. “She really had no idea. That’
s hilarious.”
“Cayson was in love with me?” I asked.
“No. He is in love with you,” Slade said. “Now go find him and tell him what’s up.”
I couldn’t do that. “He has a girlfriend.”
“No,” Slade said. “She’s a glorified fuck buddy. She doesn’t mean shit to him.”
“He took her to Thanksgiving,” I argued.
“Because she had nowhere else to go,” Roland snapped.
“It’s the truth,” Slade said. “Go talk to him.”
“Maybe she was just someone to spend time with but it’s clear their relationship is different now.” My hand shook slightly, unable to believe that Cayson felt the same way I did…at one point in time. “It’s pretty obvious they care a lot about each other. I can’t intervene.”
“Maybe they do but that doesn’t matter,” Trinity said. “He’s been in love with you forever. He’d dump her in a heartbeat.”
“And that would be wrong,” I said. “She’s totally hung up on him.”
“Too bad, so sad,” Slade barked. “Cayson made it clear he was just dating her to get over you. It’s not like it’ll catch her by surprise.”
I know what I saw. Cayson treated her with tenderness and respect. It was more than just a fling, more than just a friends-with-benefits relationship. “I don’t think he feels the same way anymore…” I remembered our last conversation and how angry he was.
“Yes, he does,” Slade said. “I promise you. Just talk to him.”
“No.” I packed up my things. “I love Cayson but I’m not going to break up his relationship with Jasmine. I’m not selfish. I’ll have to wait until it ends and hope for the best or…just move on.”
Roland groaned. “You’re killing me here.”
“Don’t say a word to him,” I said firmly. “You guys promised.”
Slade looked like he might hit me in the face. “You’re so close. You’re just going to give up now?”
I turned away. “I’m not giving up. Maybe one day our timing will be better. Jasmine is a nice girl and I feel horrible declaring my love for him when he already belongs to her. I feel like an adulteress.”
“We get that,” Roland said. “And if this were any other relationship, we would agree. But we all know for a fact Jasmine doesn’t mean anything to him.”
“I might believe you if he didn’t take her to Thanksgiving…” I couldn’t erase the sight of them together from my mind.
Trinity growled. “I’m about to smack some sense into your thick skull, Skye. This is stupid. He loves you and you love him. There’s absolutely no reason for you two not to be together.”
“I wish things were different…but they aren’t.” I gave them a sad look before I walked off. “And I accept that.”
***
When I got home, I climbed under my covers and lay in bed. I thought about what my family had told me. Cayson used to be in love with me. When I thought about our past, how well we clicked and how he did everything for me, I couldn’t fathom how I never noticed it. His eyes always lit up when I walked into a room. He listened to every word I said and remembered it. He knew how to make me laugh, make me feel alive.
How did I not notice? If I had, he would be mine right now. I felt so stupid. I wasted all that time when I could have been with him. Now he was with Jasmine, a pretty girl with a perfect body. I could never compete with that.
Overcome with grief, I pulled the blankets over my head and tried to disappear.
Chapter Nineteen
Cayson
I sat on the couch and typed up my lab report. My notebook was covered in acid and god knew what else. Turning in a fresh piece of paper was necessary. When my door burst open, I was distracted.
“Dude, we need to talk.” Slade slammed the door and walked inside.
“Yes, just come right in,” I said sarcastically. I put my computer down then stood up.
“If you care that much, just lock your door.”
“Or just knock.”
He walked into my bedroom and took a look around.
“What the hell are you doing?”
He came back. “Is Jasmine here?”
“No.”
“Is she coming over?”
“No. What’s this about?”
He was squirmy, barely able to stand in one spot. “I need to tell you something but I can’t actually tell you.”
“Goodie…”
“So you need to guess.”
“Why can’t you just tell me?”
“Because I promised not to. Now focus, man. This is important.”
“But not important enough for you to actually tell me?”
“Don’t be a smartass. Now is not the time.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed. This should be good.
“Okay…” He rubbed his hands together. “Let me think.”
“That’s a first,” I said sarcastically.
“Okay.” He clapped his hands. “I got it.”
I stared him down.
“Okay, so…you and Jasmine are doing it, right?”
“Yes…”
“Who else would you like to do it with?” His eyes were wide and about to fall out of his head.
“Like a threesome?”
He growled. “No. Who else do you have a thing for?”
“Um…Skye.”
“Yes! Good!”
I was so confused.
He rubbed his chin. “Okay…so you know how Jasmine is head-over-heels for you?”
I couldn’t follow his thought process. “I guess…”
“Okay, maybe that other person we mentioned feels the same way.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“What?”
He made a circle with his fingers then shoved his other fingers through it, making a very crude gesture. “What if the other person wanted to do this with you?”
I gripped my skull. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You know how Uncle Sean and Aunt Scarlet are like soul mates and shit?”
Seriously, I’m going to hit him.
“What if that’s you and Skye?”
“But it’s not…”
“But what if it is.” He was hopping on his feet.
I had enough of this. “Slade, just get out.”
“No! You’re so close.”
“I’m seriously going to strangle you.”
“Skye is in love with you!”
I flinched. “What?”
He sighed. “I promised her I wouldn’t tell you but fuck it. You need to know.”
“Wait…what?”
“She just told us few hours ago.”
“She actually said those words?” My heart was racing. Suddenly, my palms were sweaty.
“Yes! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“No…you’ve been making crude gestures and talking about threesomes.”
“Whatever. Now you know. Go to Skye and talk to her.”
“You’re sure you heard her right?” I found it hard to believe.
“Yes, Trinity and Roland heard it too. That’s why she’s been acting weird lately. It’s because she can’t stand to see you with Jasmine.”
That would explain a lot…but was it too good to be true? “Slade, are you sure you didn’t just misinterpret what she said?”
“No! I know I’m not the smartest guy in the world but give me some credit.”
I couldn’t process this. It was my greatest dream. Could it actually be true? “I…I just find it hard to believe.”
“I heard it with my own eyes.”
“You mean ears?”
“Whatever! Go to her, dude.”
I gripped my skull then paced the room. Could this really be happening? She was the woman of my dreams, the person I wanted since I could remember. She finally felt the same way? What had changed? “How long?”
“I don’t know. But she felt this way before Thanksgiving.”
“Slad
e, you have to be absolutely sure. Because if I go over there and talk to her, I’m going to make an idiot out of myself if you’re wrong.”
“Dude, I’m not.” He looked me straight in the eye.
I paced the room again, feeling the panic.
“Dude, what are you waiting around for?”
I grabbed my phone and my keys.
Slade smiled. “Go get her and fuck her brains out!”
That was the furthest thing from my mind. “I have to take care of something first.”
“What? Do you really need to go to the store right now?” He fished his hand in his pocket. “You need condoms? I got plenty.” He tossed them at me.
“No. I’m going to break up with Jasmine.”
“Right this second? Can’t it wait? You’ve been in love with this girl for like five years and now you can actually have her.”
“But I can’t do anything if I have a girlfriend. I may not love Jasmine but I respect her. I’m not talking to Skye until I break it off.”
Slade rolled his eyes. “Well, hurry up and get it over with.”
I walked out the door then looked at him. “Are you coming?”
“You want me to be there when you break up with Jasmine?”
“No. I want you to get out of my damn apartment.”
“Oh.” He walked into my kitchen then grabbed a beer. “Alright. I’m out.”
I shut the door then locked it.
“Good luck, man.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Without waiting for him, I ran to my car and took off.
***
“What a nice surprise.” Jasmine opened the door, the sparkle in her eyes.
“Hey.” I was dreading this. I hated breaking up with people. It sucked. If I weren’t such a coward, I would just text her.
She caught the sadness in my eyes. “Everything okay?”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure.” She stepped aside and let me walk in.
I looked at her, steeling my nerve. I didn’t want to hurt her but I had to.
“What is it, Cayson?”
I took a deep breath before I started. “Jasmine, I’m not going to sugarcoat this. I promised I would always be honest with you and I’m upholding that vow.”
