by Helen Warner
Charlie looked up at her. ‘That sounds ominous,’ he said, trying to smile.
Martha exhaled. ‘I’m going home. Tomorrow.’
Charlie nodded but didn’t speak. After a second he reached out and took her hand in his. Martha glanced around nervously but no-one seemed to be paying them any attention.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, wanting to fill the silence between them.
‘No, don’t be sorry.’ Charlie gave her hand a squeeze. ‘I knew you would.’
Martha’s throat constricted and her eyes swam. ‘It’s . . . complicated, isn’t it?’
Charlie pursed his lips slightly. ‘The thing is, Martha,’ he began, fixing her with his dark-eyed stare, ‘I have feelings for you that have kind of taken me by surprise . . .’
Martha smiled sadly in recognition. ‘Me too.’
‘But whatever I feel for you, I also understand that you have to do the right thing by your children.’
‘And my marriage,’ Martha added, looking down.
Charlie shrugged. The meaning of the gesture was clear – he didn’t think Jamie deserved to have her do the right thing by him.
At that moment the waiter appeared, breaking the tension. ‘You order for me,’ Martha said, revelling in the old-fashioned ambiance and smiling at Charlie. ‘Let’s make the most of tonight.’
Charlie smiled back, before ordering quickly and decisively.
As the waiter departed, Martha continued, ‘I know what Jamie did is unforgivable and I’m not sure we can find our way through it. But for the sake of the children, I can’t give up on my marriage without at least trying to make it work.’
‘I know. And even though he doesn’t deserve you, I wouldn’t wish it on Jamie to be parted from his kids. I know how hard that is. I would have given anything to be a part of Felix’s daily life, for him as much as me.’ He paused and looked into the distance for a few seconds, as if remembering the pain of being parted from his child. ‘I suppose what I’m trying to say, Martha, is that I understand. I don’t want you to go but I also know that you have to.’
‘Thank you,’ Martha whispered, suddenly overtaken by sadness for what might have been. She and Charlie just clicked. They had from the start and she had no doubts that if she was to choose him over Jamie, it would work. She could so easily picture them pottering about at home together, going on holiday with all three children, and, most of all, she could imagine herself falling asleep in his arms every night.
They sat in silence for a few moments while the waiter brought the drinks and poured a glass of red wine for each of them.
‘I do believe that he’s really sorry for what he did,’ Martha said, as the waiter left them once again.
‘Are you trying to convince me or yourself?’ Charlie replied.
Martha smiled. ‘Maybe both.’
Charlie took a deep breath and picked up his glass of wine. ‘Well then, let’s drink to new beginnings with old partners . . .’
Martha picked up her glass and chinked it against his. ‘Do you think you and Liv might make another go of it?’ She felt slightly sick as she said the words.
‘No. I mean that it’s a new beginning for me with Liv because I’ve realised that I don’t love her any more. And I’ve only realised that since I met you.’
Their eyes locked and Martha felt her insides swim. ‘Don’t,’ she said quietly.
‘Sorry.’ Charlie held her gaze. ‘I know you have to go home. And although it kills me to admit it, I can’t help noticing the change in you since he arrived here . . .’
‘In what way?’
‘In your appearance, in your demeanour. Everything, really. It tells me all I need to know.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I’m sorry too. Let’ s just enjoy tonight and make the most of our last few hours together.’
‘Oh, don’t say that, Charlie!’ Martha cried. ‘It makes me feel awful. And anyway, we’ll still see each other back in the UK, won’t we?’
‘I don’t know if that’s such a good idea . . .’ Charlie finally looked away uncomfortably.
Martha thought she might cry. ‘You don’t want me to do your memoirs?’
‘It’s not that I don’t want you to,’ he said, and she could tell that he was choosing his words carefully. ‘It’s just that I’m not sure it’s such a good idea.’
Martha picked up her wine and took a long sip. Much as she hated the idea of not seeing him again, she also wondered if it might be fairer all round. Fairer on Charlie, fairer on her, and fairer on Jamie, not that he deserved it. But she had to give him a chance to make things right. She wasn’t sure if their marriage would ever recover, but she did know they didn’t stand a chance with Charlie hovering in the background. Once again, her eyes brimmed. ‘Maybe you’re right.’
Charlie reached out and took her hand again, stroking her skin softly with his thumb. He didn’t speak but his eyes spoke volumes, reflecting her own sadness in their depths.
‘So this is goodbye?’
He nodded slowly. ‘I wish it wasn’t. But I think we both know it’s the only way.’
She felt suddenly choked. The thought of going back home scared her. While she was in LA, everything seemed so far removed from her everyday life that she could pretend none of the terribleness had happened. But she knew that running away wasn’t the answer. It was time to go home, back to reality. She took another sip of her wine and blinked hard. ‘Life is hard, isn’t it?’
Charlie nodded. ‘Love is harder.’
Chapter 33
Liv was waiting by the gates as the car slid up the driveway.
‘Thanks so much!’ Jamie said to the driver, handing him a bundle of notes by way of a tip before he flung the door open and lifted Felix out.
‘Thank you, sir. No problem, sir,’ replied the driver, now firmly back in polite mode, as Jamie climbed out after Felix and closed the door of the Rolls Royce behind him. He watched the car silently, as it turned and glided back through the remote-control gates.
Liv looked at Jamie and Felix for a second, before running towards them and scooping Felix up in her arms. ‘Oh my God!’ she cried, burying her face in his neck. ‘I was so, so scared! Don’t ever do that to me again!’
Jamie watched them awkwardly, suddenly realising that he should have gone back to the hotel in the car. Now he was stuck up here with no way of getting back.
As if reading his mind, Liv looked up at him. ‘Thank you so much. I can’t tell you how grateful I am. Let me get you a drink or something. Then we can call a cab to take you back. Come in,’ she added, already heading through the giant doorway into the hall.
Jamie followed, aware that he could smell alcohol fumes on Liv and that she was walking unsteadily, although he thought charitably that maybe that was down to her carrying Felix. He gazed around him as he walked, distracted by the size and scale of the house. It was vast, yet tasteful and pristine. No broken shelves or endless pairs of shoes, trainers and flip-flops kicked off in this hallway. It was stunning. But it wasn’t homely.
Liv put Felix down in a large squashy armchair and kissed the top of his head. The boy curled up and put his thumb into his mouth, his eyelids already drooping shut. Liv watched him for a minute, then sighed deeply and shook her head before turning towards Jamie.
‘I have never been more frightened in my life,’ she said, her huge violet eyes brimming dangerously. ‘Thank you so much for bringing him home safely.’ She stopped speaking abruptly and put the palm of her hand against her chest, as if to steady her racing heart.
‘I was happy to help,’ Jamie noticed that she was swaying quite alarmingly. Probably down to a mixture of alcohol and shock, he decided.
‘So,’ she said, putting her hands on her hips and flushing with embarrassment. ‘Listen, I’m really sorry, but I didn’t get your name . . .’
‘Jamie.’
‘Jamie,’ she nodded to herself, still looking embarrassed. ‘Well, Jamie, I’m sorry to have put you in th
at position . . .’
‘It’s fine,’ he said, waving his hand dismissively. ‘Would you mind calling me a cab?’ He was suddenly anxious to get away. ‘I should have gone back in the house car. I’m an idiot!’
‘Of course!’ Liv picked up her phone and scrolled through her contacts list before pressing a number.
‘It’ll be about twenty minutes,’ she said apologetically, after she hung up. ‘Let me get you a drink while you wait. Would you like a glass of wine?’
‘Um, sure,’ Jamie followed Liv into the open-plan kitchen and taking a seat at the island in the middle, where there were two empty wine bottles and another that was half empty. He wasn’t sure she needed any more booze.
She took a glass out of a cupboard and sloshed some wine into it, before refilling her own and perching opposite him. ‘So, you’re Martha’s husband,’ she said, her eyes glittering slightly.
Jamie took a sip of wine, enjoying the cold, dry sensation as it hit his throat. ‘Yup,’ he said, thinking how surreal it was to be sitting opposite a woman he had watched on the big screen at the cinema, sharing a drink with her. He wondered how much Liv knew about the situation.
‘You’ve been a naughty boy, I gather,’ she added, answering his unasked question.
Jamie took another gulp of wine and met her eye. ‘I’m not proud of that.’ He was annoyed that this stranger knew his intimate business.
Liv looked away, as if she sensed that she had said something she shouldn’t.
‘I love my wife,’ Jamie added, not sure why he felt the need to justify himself.
Liv shook her head, causing her golden hair to pool around her shoulders. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not in a position to judge,’ she slurred. She had drunk her whole glass of wine in just a couple of minutes. ‘I did exactly the same as you.’
Jamie could feel his hackles rising. ‘No, it wasn’t the same. I felt nothing for . . . for her. There’s no way I would have left Martha for her.’
‘Some might say that’s worse,’ Liv shot back. ‘I fell in love with Danny. What’s your excuse if you felt nothing for the other woman?’
Jamie closed his eyes and let his shoulders drop. ‘I don’t have an excuse,’ he said, in a voice that was almost a whisper. ‘There is no excuse for what I did.’ He opened his eyes to find Liv watching him in silence. ‘I love my wife,’ he repeated.
Liv blinked slowly. ‘I think you might have some competition,’ she said, and Jamie wondered if he detected a note of pique.
‘They’re just friends,’ he shrugged.
She pursed her lips and Jamie felt a spike of anger that she seemed to know more than him about his own marital situation. ‘Why are you looking at me like that? Do you know something I don’t?’
She sighed. ‘I know that I haven’t seen Charlie this way with anyone. Since me. Maybe not even with me.’
A shiver of fear passed over Jamie. ‘Well I’m not prepared to let her go so easily,’ he said, feeling suddenly defiant.
Liv bit her lip and stared into the distance with a forlorn expression on her face. ‘She’s a lucky woman, having two men fighting over her.’
Jamie took another swig of wine and realised that he had almost demolished the whole glass too.
Liv slid off her stool and moved unsteadily to the fridge, where she retrieved a fresh bottle of wine and deftly twisted the lid open.
‘No, I’m fine . . .’ Jamie started to say as Liv began to pour it into both their glasses, but he had quickly realised that where Liv and booze were concerned, resistance was futile.
‘She’s a very beautiful woman, your wife,’ Liv said, and again Jamie wondered if he detected a note of bitterness in her voice. Liv herself was stunning, with large lilac-blue eyes, long golden hair and a very sexy, full mouth, but she wasn’t as unusual or as exotic-looking as Martha. He also thought that maybe her flawless, unlined complexion wasn’t entirely natural and that her pout had had a bit of assistance.
‘Yes, she’s beautiful,’ he agreed. ‘I’m a very lucky man.’
She nodded. ‘I really hope you guys can work it out. It’s obvious how much you love her but it’s the guilt that’s the real killer. It never leaves you.’
Jamie suddenly wanted to cry. He had such a mountain to climb that it seemed impossible. Hopeless.
Liv reached across and took his hand, causing him to look up in surprise. ‘I think you’ll make it,’ she said, with a smile so sad that it only made Jamie feel worse.
He drained his glass and stood up. ‘My cab will be here any minute. I’d better go out and wait for it.’
Liv’s eyes widened in alarm. ‘Listen, Jamie,’ she said, as her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘You won’t . . . mention any of this to Charlie, will you?’
Jamie looked down at her pleading expression and the desperation in her eyes. ‘I think Charlie Simmons is the last person I’d be mentioning anything to.’
‘Thank you so much!’ she said, following him down the hallway.
He opened the front door and stepped out. ‘But listen,’ he turned around to face her. ‘You need to sort yourself out, you know that, don’t you? Getting so drunk that you pass out when you’re looking after a small child is no good.’
Liv physically shrank back at his words and Jamie immediately felt sorry for her. She seemed so lost and not much more than a child herself. ‘I know.’ She bit her lip and looked contrite. She pulled her cardigan more tightly around herself and stared at her bare feet. ‘It won’t happen again.’
‘I promise not to mention anything to Charlie if you promise to get some help.’
Liv frowned. ‘Help?’
‘I think you know what sort of help I mean.’
‘I’m not that bad!’ she said, trying to shrug and laugh at the same time.
‘You’re not that good, either,’ Jamie said. ‘Promise you’ll get help?’
Liv’s eyes darted from side to side as she tried to weigh up her options. Then, realising she didn’t have much choice, she nodded. ‘I promise.’
‘Good,’ Jamie said. ‘I can hear a car,’ he added, indicating towards the road beyond the gates. ‘That must be my cab.’
‘Good,’ Jamie said. ‘I can hear a car,’ he added, indicating towards the road beyond the gates. ‘That must be my cab.’
Just as he finished speaking, the gates swished open and both Liv and Jamie looked up in surprise as Charlie’s Range Rover pulled in.
‘Oh shit,’ muttered Liv.
‘Oh shit,’ echoed Jamie.
Charlie got out of the car and walked towards them, frowning. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ He eyed Jamie coldly.
‘Charlie!’ Liv yelped. ‘I asked him to come. I, uh, I thought I heard an intruder and you weren’t answering your phone.’
Charlie immediately felt for his phone and pulled it out of the inside pocket of his jacket. ‘Ah,’ he said, as he peered at the screen, which Jamie knew would show dozens of missed calls from Liv. ‘Sorry, we were in a restaurant and they don’t like you using mobiles . . .’
Liv waved away his protestations. ‘It’s fine!’ She glanced for a split second at Jamie, as if to confirm that he would back up her story. ‘Like I said, Jamie came and had a good look around. If there was anyone here, they’ve gone now.’
Charlie’s eyes narrowed and for a moment Jamie thought he had clocked that she was lying, but eventually he smiled stiffly. ‘Well, thanks for that. But I’m home now, so you can go.’
‘I will,’ Jamie said, enjoying Charlie’s discomfort. He was always so composed and full of himself, with the sort of confidence that only fame and money can bring. Jamie enjoyed seeing him out of his comfort zone for once. ‘Just as soon as my cab gets here.’
Charlie tutted and rubbed his forehead. ‘I’ll run you back. Liv, cancel the cab.’ As he spoke, he turned back towards his car and climbed in without waiting for Jamie to answer.
Jamie looked at Liv but she nodded towards the car. ‘Take the lift. The cab could b
e ages anyway.’
‘OK,’ Jamie agreed, still reluctant to be alone in a car with his arch rival. ‘Well, goodbye then . . .’
Liv smiled and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.
Jamie smiled back and turned towards the car, which Charlie was revving impatiently. He climbed into the passenger seat and was just about to do up his seatbelt when the car shot backwards, throwing him forward violently.
‘Oh, sorry.’ Charlie’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Jamie surreptitiously rubbed his neck and clicked his seatbelt into place. Neither of them spoke for several minutes as Charlie manoeuvred the car around the twisting, dark roads.
‘So, do you want to tell me what you were really doing there?’ Charlie said finally, glancing slyly towards Jamie.
Jamie’s skin prickled with indignation. Charlie was acting as if he had been up to no good, when little did Charlie know it but Jamie had just done him the biggest favour of his life. ‘Do you want to tell me what you were doing with my wife?’ he shot back.
In the dim light of the car, he saw Charlie’s Adam’s apple rise and fall as he swallowed. ‘We were having a meal. That’s all.’
‘Glad to hear it,’ Jamie said. ‘Because if you were doing anything else I—’
‘If we were doing anything else it would damn well serve you right!’ Charlie spat, interrupting Jamie.
Jamie had no answer because Charlie was right. ‘Look,’ he said, trying to sound more conciliatory. ‘I love Martha . . .’
Charlie opened his mouth with a retort but Jamie put his hand up before he could speak. ‘I know what you’re going to say. I fucked up. But I won’t make the same mistake again. I want to make it up to her – and to our kids.’ He glanced sideways at Charlie to see if he had picked up on his mention of the children and was irritated to see a slight smirk of satisfaction on his face. ‘So I guess what I’m saying is . . . leave her alone.’
Charlie didn’t answer for a long time, and Jamie thought he might be going to stay silent for the rest of the journey. But as they stopped at the intersection just up from the hotel, he finally spoke. ‘I’ll leave her alone for now. We had already decided that that would be best and anyway, I’m going to be spending a lot of time here over the next few months. But I swear to God, if you let her down again, all bets are off and, next time, I promise you, she’ll choose me.’
