by Lillie Vale
“Want me to get you some water?” I suggested, pointing to a cold-drink vendor who’d set up his cart nearby. I could see Chad farther away with Penny’s parents, buying hot dogs. Mrs. Wang caught me looking and waved. After a slightly guilty glance at Penny, I waved back.
Lucy shook her head and nestled into Lorcan’s chest. “No, thanks. I’m trying to remember I have more confidence than this,” she said with a laugh. “I don’t know how you did it last year, Babe.”
“I thought Penny won last year.” Lorcan glanced at me.
“Um, she won the previous year. Last year I won,” I explained. “But she just looked so crushed that I told the judges I was going to share it with my best friend.”
I hadn’t minded sharing my win—hadn’t she shared everything else in her life with me? Her mom, her boyfriend? She was generous. Maybe she’d been too generous for too long, though. That was when it had all turned sour.
“Oh, that was a nice thing to do,” said Lorcan. But the way he said it made me think he didn’t quite believe it. “Is Levi coming?”
Levi would be at the art center today. He’d offered to join me to cheer Lucy on, but I knew how motivated he was to work on his latest painting. “Nah, he had some work to do. He said he’d meet us later, though.”
Lorcan nodded. “Cool.”
Truthfully, I could do with the space. It hadn’t come up again, but the long-distance thing … I wasn’t sure it was going to work. Seeing Lucy and Lorcan together just cemented it further in my mind. They did everything together, whether it was sandcastle building or working at the fish fry. Those were things you couldn’t do through a computer screen. Skype was no substitute for the things I wanted—for the things I’d never had.
As much as I’d loved Elodie, it had burned when I’d seen other couples holding hands at the beach, kissing in the park, slinging their arms around each other as they made their way home at night, slightly tipsy. I’d wanted all those dumb little inside jokes and embarrassing pet names that everyone would make fun of us for, and I had wanted those things with her. And all she wanted was for us to be kept a secret. We wanted different things, and I was always the one folding. I couldn’t compromise again—my heart couldn’t take it. Not with him.
I glanced up at the stage. Penny was looking right at me. There was a hint of something on her face, something that gave me pause. It looked so much like sorrow that my knees threatened to buckle.
She slowly descended the stage. The crowd parted for her, all eyes focused on the spectacle in red she made as she strode in a straight line to where I stood. I didn’t dare move. Our eyes were still locked together.
“Hey, I’m going to head up there,” said Lucy, eyeing Penny’s progression with apprehension. “C’mon, Lorc. Four’s a crowd.”
They exchanged nods with Penny as they left. I almost wanted to tell them not to go, because I had no idea what she wanted to say to me. Part of me didn’t want to know.
“Did you tell Chad to break up with me?” was the first thing out of her mouth.
“What? No!”
Even though her nails had been painted a scarlet red, she gnawed on her thumbnail. “He sneaks off to see you, and comes back all … different. Then he says we need to talk about what’s next for us, and I just know that you said something to him.”
Oh my God, Chad. He always had the shittiest timing.
I swallowed. “He did come see me, but—”
“I knew it.” She screwed up her face. “God, you can’t stop, can you?” I hated that even her scowl was pretty.
“Penny, come on. That’s not fair and you know it,” I said. “You’re painting me as the villain, and I get it, okay? You want to punish me. But enough is enough. I apologized to you so many times, I asked you what you needed from me to make this right, but it feels like you just want to blame me for everything.”
Her face turned ashen. “Do you actually think you can turn Chad against me? Do you seriously think you’re the victim?” Her eyes snapped fire. “Are you forgetting that you kissed my boyfriend?”
“You were already broken up! And I wasn’t the one who initiated it!”
“Technicalities,” she shot back. “Do you want to know the truth? It wasn’t even the kiss that pissed me off, it was that you didn’t tell me. What kind of best friend does that?” She kept going. “If you think that makes me such a terrible person, then maybe you should think about how you would feel if it was me and Levi. Seriously. Think about me for once.”
I reeled back, tears stinging. Hurt surged through me. I couldn’t believe she’d gone there. I’d always done what she asked me, even if I didn’t want to. Her accusation was unfair, and she knew it. She damn well knew it. The way Penny was looking at me, not an ounce of remorse on her face, I wondered if she hated me that much. If there was no hope left for us.
The fanfare began, and the pageant contestants all began to take their places in front of their decked-out clamshells. For the longest moment, Penny didn’t move. It was as if she was waiting for me to say something. Maybe it would have fueled her wrath if I tried to defend myself, if I unsheathed my own claws in return.
“Hey, Babe. You okay?” Lorcan appeared beside me. He eyed Penny, then said quietly, “I think they want you onstage.”
Her eyes flicked between me and him, amusement registering on her face. “Unbelievable. You’ve already lined up a replacement for us,” she said. There was an edge to her voice that hadn’t been there before. “I guess that makes you Chad 2.0.”
“I think you should go,” Lorcan said firmly.
Penny sucked in her cheeks, then turned and stalked toward the stage. She looked less regal now, but her eyes still singed with fire. Even all the way up there, I could feel her contempt.
When she’d said we weren’t friends anymore, I didn’t think that meant we were enemies. I could only give half my attention to the pageant. I clapped and smiled at the right moments, but I couldn’t unsee the look of sorrow on Penny’s face. If I focused too hard on it, it morphed into her rage. Neither was an image I wanted to remember.
“Babe!” Lorcan clapped me on the shoulder. “She won!”
Dazed, I blearily tried to focus on Lucy. She’d stepped forward to accept her crown and was giggling and waving shyly at the crowd. I waited until she saw me before I flashed her a thumbs-up. I knew she could do it.
Unable to stop myself, I slid my gaze to Penny. She wasn’t looking at Lucy with jealousy, as I’d thought. She was looking at me with the same look of sorrow she’d worn before. She didn’t mask her expression before I saw it, though. Her eyes widened when she realized I’d spotted her. The veneer slipped over her face again, sneering and hard. She was back to being all sharp angles and cutting eyes. But it didn’t matter, though, because I had seen. She still cared about me, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
I tore my eyes away as another cheer for Lucy went up. Tom and Ralph were front and center, encouraging the crowd to get louder. I joined in, clapping and whistling. By the time all the fanfare died down and Lucy posed for the newspaper photographer, confident and radiant, I scanned the beach for Penny. Whatever had happened with Chad, I needed her to know I would never willingly hurt her—not like she’d accused me of.
But none of the faces in the crowd were hers.
fifteen
For the next few days, Lucy wore her crown to work every day. The tips in our tip jar doubled.
“Hey, Babe. Busy day?”
I recognized that voice. Turning, smile in place, I prepared to answer, but then I caught sight of Elodie behind Levi. Looking at her instead of him, I nodded. “Lucy’s becoming a bit of a celebrity. Ha. What’s up?”
My eyes tried to read the expression on Elodie’s face. She seemed uncomfortable in my presence but had mustered a smile that looked forced. A twang of guilt went through me.
He didn’t know so many people in Oar’s Rest, and he seemed to have hit it off with her since their first meeting at Busy’s. And I knew that she
was a huge fan of his. There was no reason they shouldn’t be friends. Another reason I couldn’t tell him about her. And after my friendship with Penny turned so rocky, I didn’t really want to risk telling him there was yet another girl we both knew who I had history with.
Elodie renewed her smile my way, but I couldn’t return it. My brain was in overdrive, drawing a conclusion about the fact they’d walked in together. A few days ago she’d been at the lighthouse saying she wanted me back, and now she was hanging all over Levi? Okay, so she wasn’t exactly all over him, but they were standing awfully close. They made a beautiful couple. They looked like they belonged together, and I had the sudden, paranoid thought that she could be attracted to Levi.
My mouth went dry. My Levi. I tamped down the budding jealousy. Just because he and Elodie were friends didn’t mean anything was taken away from me. I mean, it was totally possible they’d met along the way and just happened to both be coming to the same destination, but …
Elodie adjusted her hat. It was one of those ridiculous felt hats with a wide brim and a thick band of ribbon, the kind that people wore in high fashion magazines and not in real life. Her brown hair looked full and light, pointing to a professional blowout and not a wash-and-go like mine.
“Coffee,” Levi said. “My usual, please.”
“A caramel macchiato for me,” Elodie put in, giving me the full force of her megawatt smile.
“I’ll get that for you,” I said, wiping my hands on my apron. “Here or to go?”
“Here,” said Levi.
As Levi and Elodie made their way to his usual corner, I stifled the twist in my gut by using a clean, damp rag to give the table a vicious once-over. The heat evaporated the light sheen of water within seconds. I joined Lucy behind the counter.
“Please don’t look at me like that,” I said, pouring milk into a small pitcher before placing it under the machine’s nozzle.
With grim determination, I jabbed another button on the machine to get a double shot streaming into the white cup. With my free hand, I started the steaming process. The nozzle that descended into the pitcher began to whir, steaming the contents to a fluffy froth. Timing was everything in making a macchiato the right way.
“When did those two become friends?” asked Lucy.
I glanced up. Elodie said something to Levi that made him laugh. She never even had to try, never even had to demand attention. It just gravitated toward her like it was her birthright. In her bohemian top and high-waisted denim shorts, she looked like the picture of summer itself.
“They’re both mentoring at the art center.” I gave Lucy a wry smile before tipping the milk froth onto the top of the coffee. The trick was to steam the milk enough so that what I poured was all froth and not hot milk, which would dilute the espresso and move us into cappuccino territory.
“I’ll take it over,” she said.
“Thanks.” I was grateful.
The door swung open again, bringing with it John Martin and some of his friends. “Hey, Elodie!” a few of them called out, surrounding the table.
As Elodie began the introductions, John stepped up to the counter. He swung his eyes over me with appreciation. “Looking good, Babe.”
I rolled my eyes. He hadn’t outgrown his high-school-dude bro-ness. “Thanks. What can I get you?”
John passed along his friends’ drink orders, and Lucy and I got to work.
While I popped on the covers, I caught snatches of their table’s conversation. Two of the guys had bent over Levi’s shoulders, pointing out something on an iPad. “And if we take this road, we can shave off ten minutes,” Cary said.
“Where are you headed?” I asked, working free a take-out cup carrier from the stack with the tips of my nails.
“You know the Stephen King house in Bangor?” John fished out his wallet and handed me a twenty-dollar bill. “We’re driving up to see it. My cousin from out of town is a big fan, so we’re doing the nerdy tourist stuff.”
“I figured you weren’t the fanboy in the bunch,” Lucy teased, handing John a small clump of napkins. “And here’s your straws.”
While I counted out John’s change, I couldn’t help looking back at the occupied table where Levi was laughing and joking with Elodie and her friends. “Will you all fit in the car?” I asked lightly, trying to affect an uninterested tone. But inside, I was trying not to seethe. Hadn’t I offered to take Levi there when he told me he loved Stephen King?
“We’re taking two cars. There’s room if you two wanna come,” said John.
“We’re working until closing time,” Lucy said regretfully, sighing. “I wish, though. Sounds like fun. Ordering any food for the road?”
“Nah, we’ll grab some lunch in Bangor. It’ll be cool.” John shrugged. “Maybe another time, yeah?” He tilted his head toward the door. “Let’s head out,” he said to his friends.
As everyone ambled toward the exit, John smiled. “Thanks, Babe.”
“No problem,” I said, speaking to John even though my eyes were zeroed in on Levi. He’d gotten up with the others and was approaching the counter.
Elodie came up behind him, reaching for her purse, but Levi waved her off. “Nah, I’ve got it,” he said, shooting me a crooked smile as he put a five-dollar bill on the counter.
He was paying for her now?
Seething inside, I returned his change in unsmiling, stoic silence.
“Babe, please tell Levi he has to come with us,” said Elodie in a wheedling tone. “Cary and John are making a whole day of it, and this guy refuses to come.”
Words stuttered on my tongue. I couldn’t move my suddenly dry lips. My eyes flicked to Levi. If he said yes, if he left with Elodie … I would crumple. Swift, merciless realization made me open my eyes to what was happening right in front of me. Something I couldn’t do and that Levi could. Was this what a long-distance relationship would be like? One of us always being left out of things the other person enjoyed, and trying to fake being happy for them anyway?
I couldn’t do this, I knew it in my bones. I wanted what Lucy and Lorcan had. I wanted a hand to hold, a face to cup, an ear to whisper into. I didn’t want a relationship with someone who wasn’t there in the way I needed him to be there. I didn’t want to be jealous of all the people who could see and do things with him every day. Couples did it successfully every day, but it wasn’t for me. If I didn’t want Levi to leave with them now, how okay would I be with something like this happening all the time?
“They’re getting in the car,” said Elodie. She touched Levi’s wrist. “We better hustle.”
Levi shook his head, alternating his weight from foot to foot. “Thank Cary for inviting me, but honestly, I’m just swamped today.”
Elodie pouted.
“Seriously!” Levi said with a laugh. “And, um, I have a friend who promised she’d take me.”
Elodie put a hand on her hip. “Who else do you know here? Not Penny—she’d never be into something like this.”
“Oh, um, it’s Babe, actually,” said Levi, glancing at me.
“Babe?” Elodie stared at me, saucerlike eyes stunned. “I didn’t know you two were…”
Levi reached across the counter to take my hand. “Yeah, you know that girl I told you I was sort of seeing?” He shot me a shy look.
“Babe,” said Elodie. Her exhale seemed to rattle her whole body. “Right. Yeah. I should have guessed.” Her mouth worked itself into a wooden smile.
We all turned toward the door when the car ignitions started in the parking lot.
“I think they’re leaving,” said Lucy, pointing at the window.
Elodie swallowed. “Thanks for the coffee, Levi. I’ll see you at the center.” With one last, inscrutable look my way, she flew out the door toward her waiting friends.
Lucy, Levi, and I watched as two sedans made their way to the main road.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, even though I was secretly thrilled he did. “You would have had fun with
them.”
“I’d rather have fun with you,” Levi said with a shrug. “And we can make plans to go to Bangor whenever.” He surprised me by cupping my cheek in front of Lucy. “Honestly, it wouldn’t matter that much to me even if we didn’t go.” His thumb idly caressed the bottom of my jaw. “I’m fine right here.”
From the corner of my eye, I noticed Lucy quietly slipping away. I leaned forward so we could meet halfway across the counter, and pecked Levi’s lips. “You’re sweet,” I murmured, gently butting his nose with mine.
“Sweet on you,” he said, and it was so corny that I dissolved into giggles. But not before I kissed him soundly.
sixteen
The next morning, I woke up to an iMessage from Chad saying he’d broken up with Penny overnight. My fingers flew over the keyboard: Why?????
The response came immediately. You were right.
I didn’t want to crow. I didn’t feel victorious. Nothing about it felt good.
The sun scorched my back as I made the short jog to the pier, where the last stragglers of Penny’s never-ending party were leaving. Their red, bleary eyes avoided meeting my face, although I got a couple of “Hey, Babe” mumbles and tired nods. Like a line of ants, they all trailed from Penny’s houseboat.
I cringed at the heavy, musty smell of weed. “Penny?” I picked my way over a pile of clothes and flattened cans of beer. “You decent?”
I couldn’t give up on my friendship with Penny, despite her anger and accusations at the pageant a few days ago. I would give it another try. It wasn’t hard to guess why she’d erupted that day. Seeing me there with Lucy and Lorcan must have made her realize that I wasn’t as alone as she thought I would be without her. This time, she was the one who didn’t have me or Chad. I hoped that revelation would make her more open to talking things out with me.
The galley kitchen was speckled with red sauce, and the empty jar of Ragu and random pieces of spaghetti on the floor made me think someone had had a late-night craving for pasta.
“Penny?” I called out again, rapping on her bedroom door. No answer. I pressed my ear against the wood and listened, but there were no signs of life. I put my hand on the doorknob and gave it a firm turn. The door squeaked open, and I poked my head in, scanning the bed and the beanbags.
