An Impossible Secret

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by J. B. Leigh


  “I didn’t mean to… I had no idea… ”

  “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s just that…”

  “What?”

  “I’m not sure he’ll get over the rejection. Unless…” Jimmy hesitated.

  “What?”

  “If he was to ask again, would you agree to go out with him? Even if you don’t like him—maybe you could just go for a coffee—if only to restore his self-confidence.”

  “He won't ask.”

  “I’m thinking maybe he will. If he does, will you say yes?”

  “Of course.”

  “Great—thanks.”

  Jimmy rushed off before she had the chance to ask more questions. She never would have believed someone like Brice could be insecure. She hadn't intended to hurt his feelings.

  Jimmy seemed confident that Brice would ask her out again. Suddenly she had a spring in her step. While the idea of going out with Brice terrified her, it excited her even more.

  Chapter 12

  Kerry's mum found Lizzie in Kerry's bedroom.

  “I told you I didn’t want to see you again,” Kerry’s mum said. “Kerry doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

  “Says you.” Lizzie spat the words.

  “Says Kerry. She's much happier now she doesn’t have to put up with your bullshit.”

  “She’s wasting her time at university.”

  “It’s her life.”

  “You know it’s pointless. Why don’t you admit it? Psychology? What good is that going to do her?”

  “I’m not arguing with you. It’s got nothing to do with you. Kerry can make her own decisions.”

  “Bad ones.”

  “I want you out of here.”

  Lizzie wanted to grab Kerry’s mum by the throat, and squeeze the life out of her. She'd be doing everyone a favour. Kerry's mum had never been there for her daughter. Lizzie had always been the one who'd had Kerry’s back.

  “There’s a guy,” Lizzie said.

  “What do you mean?”

  The look on Kerry's mum’s face confirmed what Lizzie suspected. Kerry hadn’t told her.

  “Some arsehole has been chatting her up.”

  “Who? What’s his name?”

  “I thought you were close to Kerry. How come she hasn’t told you?” Lizzie taunted.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Brice. Stupid fucking name.”

  “Has she been seeing him?”

  “What do you think? Your little princess has turned into a whore.”

  “You’re a liar.”

  Lizzie grinned. She knew she’d hit a nerve.

  “Get away from me. I never want to see you again. Leave Kerry alone.”

  Chapter 13

  When Kerry woke on Saturday morning, she had an almighty headache. It was several minutes before she could summon up the strength to lift her head off the pillow. The sun was already high in the sky—what time was it? The owl clock, which she’d had since she was six years old, showed almost midday. She needed aspirin.

  “Kerry?” her mum called from downstairs.

  She didn’t answer. All her energy was focussed on making it to the bathroom. Her reflection told its own story. As she swallowed the second tablet, she heard footsteps on the stairs. She really didn’t need this.

  “Kerry?”

  “What?”

  “You look terrible.”

  “Thanks. I think I’ll go back to bed. I’ve got a migraine.”

  “When were you going to tell me about your boyfriend?”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “Don’t lie to me Kerry.”

  “I’m not lying.”

  “I knew this would happen.”

  “Nothing’s happened.”

  “So, who’s Brice?”

  Kerry hesitated. How could her mum know?

  “He’s just someone I spoke to in the library.”

  “Are you sleeping with him?”

  “What? Are you crazy? Of course I’m not. I’ve only ever spoken to him a couple of times.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. I’m going back to bed.” Kerry slammed the bedroom door closed behind her.

  She thought for a moment that her mum might follow her into the bedroom, so she was relieved to hear footsteps going downstairs. It had always been the same—Kerry had never been able to keep secrets from her mum. She had no privacy—no life of her own.

  She'd never imagined that Brice might be shy or insecure. She’d assumed he was brimming with self-confidence. It just proved what she already knew—humans were complex beings. It was one of the reasons she'd chosen to study psychology. She wanted to understand people better—starting with herself. Would he ask her out again? Jimmy had seemed confident he would. The weekend was going to drag even more than usual. She’d be on tenterhooks until she was back at university on Monday.

  Chapter 14

  “You’re a liar,” Brice said. He sometimes wondered why he wasted his time with Jimmy.

  “It’s the truth. Cross my heart.”

  “That’s not your heart. That's your stomach.”

  “Is it? Are you sure?” Jimmy wasn't great on anatomy. “Anyway, I’m not lying.”

  “When did you speak to her?” Brice demanded.

  “I told you. I bumped into her in the cafe.”

  “When?”

  “Friday.”

  “This is such bullshit.”

  “Okay. Don’t believe me. If you can live with yourself—knowing you’ve destroyed her.”

  Brice knew Jimmy was lying, and yet, there was a small part of him that wanted to believe.

  “Tell me again,” Brice said.

  “We got talking, and she said she wished she hadn’t said 'no' when you asked her out. That’s it.”

  “That’s all?”

  “I said to her: if Brice asked you out again—would you say yes? She said she would, but that you were never going to.”

  Brice shook his head. “So what do you expect me to do?”

  “Ask her out again, but you mustn’t let her know I’ve said anything or that will make her feel bad.”

  “And what if she says no again.”

  “She won’t—trust me.”

  ‘Trust me’—how many times had Brice heard those words from Jimmy? Too many. Just for once, he hoped he could rely on his friend.

  Chapter 15

  The weekend had been even more of a nightmare than usual. Not only had Kerry had a killer migraine for most of Saturday, she’d also had to put up with her mum’s constant interrogation. Kerry knew why her mum worried, but that didn’t make it any less painful.

  That morning, Kerry had taken much longer than usual on her choice of clothes. Her wardrobe was limited—she had neither the money nor the courage to be adventurous. Most of the time she wore jeans. When she did wear a skirt or dress—it was always knee length or longer. Today she was wearing her favourite dress—plain yellow—she’d bought it with her birthday money earlier in the year. Kerry’s only lecture had finished an hour ago. Since then, she’d been in her usual spot in the library. She was supposed to prepare notes for the following day’s lessons, but she couldn’t focus. What would she do when he walked in? If he asked her out, would she say yes? She wouldn’t get another chance. What if her courage deserted her?

  She checked her watch for the thousandth time. Five o'clock—he wouldn’t be coming now. Why were people so cruel? She'd never understand. Why would Jimmy have gone to so much trouble just to fool her into believing that Brice was interested in her? Jimmy had probably been watching her—laughing at her gullibility. She’d have to work all evening to catch up on the notes she should have made during the day.

  Kerry reached down to pick up her bag.

  “Hi.”

  She banged her head on the table as she looked up.

  “Are you okay?” Brice said.

  “It’s nothing.” Kerry touched her head.

 
; “I thought I might have missed you. Monday’s my busiest day. I had lectures this morning and afternoon.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “Were you just about to leave?” Brice asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Would you like to get coffee?”

  “Thanks. Yes.”

  Chapter 16

  “My car’s over there.” Brice pointed towards the car park. He was doing his best to ignore Jimmy, who he could see out of the corner of his eye.

  “Where are we going?” Kerry asked.

  “I don’t want to go to Toppers. It'll be full of the usual idiots. Is there anywhere you’d prefer to go?”

  “I don’t know anywhere. I can’t stay out too long. My mum will worry.”

  “Jump in. I'll make sure you aren't late back.”

  While Kerry was fastening her seat belt, Brice turned to his side, and gave Jimmy the finger. Jimmy just grinned and gave Brice a thumbs-up.

  Brice hated the way so many students, mostly girls, stared at Kerry as the car made its way down the drive to the main road. He was relieved that Kerry didn’t seem to notice them.

  “Do you drive?” he asked.

  “Me? No. It’s a nice car. Have you had it long?”

  “Six months. I worked last summer to pay for it.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Picked fruit. It almost broke my back.”

  Brice loved the way Kerry dressed. Her dress was plain and conservative. She looked so much prettier than the girls who seemed to go out of their way to dress (and act) like whores.

  Brice had only been to Lake View once before. It wasn’t the kind of place where they were likely to bump into other students. Fifteen miles from the university, the restaurant/coffee shop was on the outskirts of a small village. The origin of the name was something of a mystery because there wasn’t so much as a pond anywhere close by.

  “It’s nice here.” Kerry sipped her latte.

  “You said you live with your mum. Does that mean you went to school around here?”

  “Sort of. I was home-educated.”

  “That must have been great.”

  “Not really. I hated it. My mum isn’t the best of teachers. I’m pretty much self-taught.”

  “Why didn’t you go to regular school?”

  “It was my mum’s idea. She isn’t a fan of the education system.”

  “What about your father? Didn’t he have a say?”

  “It’s a little complicated.” Kerry hesitated. “I'm adopted. My adoptive father died when I was eight. My mum has raised me by herself since then.”

  “Do you know why you were adopted?”

  “I don’t even know who my biological parents were. My mum won’t talk about it.”

  “Wouldn't you like to know?”

  “Yes. Now I’m eighteen, I can make enquiries myself, but I’m a little worried about what I might discover.”

  “You should definitely do it. I’ll help if you like.”

  “Would you? Really?”

  Time flew by. Slowly but surely, Kerry seemed to come out of her shell. Brice’s offer of help had been genuine, but he’d been surprised at how keen she’d been to take him up on it.

  “If I can find out who my biological parents are, it'll help me to understand who I am.”

  “Don’t you think it’s your adoptive parents that shape the person you are?”

  “I’m not sure. It’s the whole nature/nurture argument.”

  Brice nodded. It was so refreshing to have a meaningful discussion for a change.

  “What time is it?” Kerry said, as she quickly checked her watch. “Oh god—I’m going to be late.”

  “Sorry.” Brice had lost track of the time. “Why don’t you give your mum a call?”

  “I don’t have a phone.”

  “You can borrow mine.”

  “We don't have a phone in the house.”

  “Did you mean what you said about helping me to find my adoptive parents?” Kerry said, as they got close to her home.

  “Definitely. It’ll be interesting. How about next weekend?”

  “That would be great.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “Just drop me on this corner. That'll be fine,” she said.

  “I can take you to the door.”

  “No, honestly. Here will be fine.”

  Brice watched Kerry walk down the road. He considered following at a distance to see exactly where she lived, but thought that would probably score a ten on the creepy scale.

  Chapter 17

  “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”

  Just as Kerry had expected, her mum was waiting for her at the door.

  “Sorry I’m late. We lost track of time.”

  “We?”

  “I was with Brice.”

  “I thought you weren’t seeing anyone.”

  “It's the first time he’s taken me out. We went for coffee.”

  “Where?”

  “A place called Lake View. It's out of town. That's why I'm later back than I'd intended to be.”

  “I’ve never heard of it.”

  “It’s nice. Brice is going to help me trace my biological parents.”

  Her mum turned away. Kerry followed her into the kitchen.

  “Dinner’s spoiled. You’ll have to make do with sandwiches.”

  “That's fine.”

  Kerry could always tell when her mum was angry by the way she banged the crockery and cutlery on the work surface.

  “Nothing good can come of it,” her mum said. “Raking over the past can only cause heartache.”

  “I need to know who my parents are. I need to know who I am.”

  “You already know who you are. You’re my daughter. Isn’t that good enough?”

  There was no reasoning with her mum when she was in that mood. Kerry ate her sandwiches, and then went up to her room. The wasted hours in the library meant she had a lot of work to catch up on, but it had been worth it. She’d enjoyed every minute with Brice. He was kind, considerate and great fun. When she was with him, she felt different—in a good way. She couldn’t begin to put it into words, but she knew she wanted to experience that feeling again and again.

  Chapter 18

  Brice much preferred classwork to lectures. In class, he had an opportunity to practice for the career he hoped one day to pursue. The work he did was very basic, but it was still much more interesting than any lecture.

  Several times, he’d almost fallen to sleep during a lecture. He particularly disliked Dr Moore who was, without a shadow of a doubt, the most boring man on planet Earth. Brice had been trying to keep his eyes open for the last thirty-five minutes, but was fighting a losing battle.

  “Brice!”

  The hushed voice startled him.

  He looked around to see Jimmy standing at the far end of the row of seats.

  “What?” Brice mouthed.

  Jimmy beckoned him to come over.

  Brice ignored the disgruntled looks of those he squeezed past as he made his way to the end of the row.

  “What’s up? This had better be good.”

  They were in the corridor outside the lecture theatre.

  “Your car.”

  “What about it? Don't tell me it's been nicked.”

  There had been a spate of car thefts from the university car park over the last six months.

  “No. It’s still there.”

  “What then?”

  “Someone’s keyed it.”

  “Shit!” Brice pushed past Jimmy, and took the stairs two at a time. Jimmy followed a few paces behind.

  “Bastard!” Brice slid his finger along the scratch which ran across the rear door, driver’s door, and front wing.

  “Who do you reckon did it?” Jimmy knew how much the car meant to Brice.

  “Weston.”

  “He’s still on crutches. I can’t see him doing this.”

  “Who else then? Monty?”

/>   “Could be.” Jimmy looked around. “Look!”

  The university had installed CCTV after the recent car thefts. A number of cameras were mounted high on lamp posts around the car park.

  “You’ll have to report the incident to the police,” the woman said.

  Brice and Jimmy were in the university’s security office.

  “I just want to see the CCTV.”

  “Impossible. Data Protection Act.”

  “This is bullshit,” Jimmy said.

  “Those are the rules. Once you’ve reported the incident, the police can request to view the CCTV.”

  “Will I get to see it then?”

  “Unlikely, but that'll be up to the police.”

  “I just want to know who keyed my car.”

  “Sorry. Nothing I can do.”

  “I’m screwed,” Brice said, as they made their way to the car park. “There’s no chance the police will follow up a keying.”

  “There might be another way to see the CCTV,” Jimmy said.

  “What?”

  “Leave it with me.” Jimmy set off back towards the main building. “Later.”

  Chapter 19

  “He doesn’t like you,” Lizzie said. “Look in the mirror. Why would a guy like that give you a second glance? He's just using you. You have to forget about him. No one will love you—not the way I do.”

  The bedroom door flew open.

  “Lizzie?” Kerry's mum said. “I've told you I never want to see you again.”

  “It doesn’t matter what you want.” Lizzie sneered. “Kerry wants me here.”

  “You’re wrong,” Kerry's mum said.

  “How would you know? Have you asked her?”

  “I’m her mum. I know my daughter.”

  “You know nothing about Kerry.”

  “I want you out of here now!”

  “Did you know she was screwing that guy—Brice.”

 

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