by J. B. Leigh
“Where are you…?”
The line was dead. Brice collapsed back into his seat. Courtney was staring at him.
“What?” he yelled at her.
“Fuck you, Brice!” She got to her feet, and stormed out of the coffee shop.
Brice tried Jimmy’s number. This time he picked up.
“Brice. I was just coming to see you.”
“Never mind that now. That punk bitch has just called me. She admitted putting the panties in my car.”
“Hold on. Where are you? I’ll come over now. I have something to tell you, too.”
Chapter 38
Kerry didn’t go to university for the rest of the week. She’d asked Jimmy to tell Brice she needed space and time to think. She wasn’t worried about missing classes or lectures because she was up to speed, and would soon catch up on whatever she missed. She’d made a promise to herself that she would make a decision about Brice before she went back to university on Monday. As Saturday approached, she had become increasingly nervous about the planned meeting with her biological mother. She still hadn’t said anything about it to her mum.
Kerry was up just after six on Saturday morning; she'd barely slept. A million and one things were running through her mind: had she made the right decision to seek out her biological mother? What would she say when they met? How would they get on? Top of her list of questions was ‘why?'. Why had she been given up for adoption? She didn’t want to make it about blame or guilt—she simply needed to know.
She arrived at the museum ten minutes early. It was only then it occurred to her that neither of them knew what the other looked like. Would they instinctively recognise one another? She glanced up and down the busy street. Occasionally, she'd pick out a woman who she thought might be her mother. Every one of them walked by without a word.
“Kerry?
The woman who'd spoken wasn’t one of those Kerry had picked out.
“Dawn?”
The woman nodded; there were tears welling in her eyes. That sparked a similar reaction in Kerry.
“You can call me mum—but only if you want to,” Dawn said.
“Oh? I don't—err—”
“It's okay. Dawn's fine. If you'd prefer that.”
Kerry nodded.
“There’s a coffee shop in the museum,” Dawn said. “Would you like to go inside for a drink?”
“I’d like that very much.”
Kerry glanced around the coffee shop. She’d never been in there before—she’d never even set foot in the museum until then. It was a small museum which had exhibits from industries which had once been prevalent in the region, but which had now all but disappeared. Kerry had only just met Dawn, but already it felt like there was a bond between them. Or, was that just her imagination?
“Do you mind if I ask you some questions?” Kerry picked at a fingernail.
“Not at all. What would you like to know?”
“I guess I want to know… I mean… I wondered why…”
“Why I gave you up for adoption?”
Kerry nodded.
“Before I answer that, I want you to know it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was young—too young. I wasn’t promiscuous—I wouldn’t want you to think that, but I’d fallen pregnant with a man I barely knew. ”
“Peter Stafford.”
“Peter—yes. As soon as I discovered I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to keep you. Peter was delighted and, although we hadn't been together long, we decided to get married.”
“I don’t understand. If you both wanted a baby, why put me up for adoption?”
Dawn lowered her gaze, and for a long moment didn’t speak.
“Things didn’t work out between me and Peter.”
“What happened?”
“We'd split up before you were six months old. It’s complicated, but in the end, I knew someone else would give you a better life.”
“Why couldn’t you have raised me alone?”
“I wanted to. You have to believe that I wanted to. It just wasn’t possible.”
Kerry could see the pain in Dawn’s eyes and, although she wanted to know more, she didn’t feel she should push the subject any further for the moment. Instead, she allowed Dawn to ask the questions. Dawn wanted to know everything about Kerry's life. No detail was too trivial.
Two hours and three cups of coffee later, they left the museum. Dawn had to get back before her partner returned home. Kerry had university work to catch up on. They promised to meet again. Dawn didn’t want to tell her partner about Kerry—not yet anyway. They'd only been together for nine months—too soon for such a bombshell. She said that Kerry could phone during the hours of ten and three on weekdays. Dawn's partner would be out at work. They agreed to meet up again soon.
“Just one thing,” Kerry said, as they were about to go their separate ways. “Do you know where I can find my father?”
“I've no idea where Peter is. Sorry.”
“No last address? Relatives? Anything?”
“Sorry, no.”
Chapter 39
On Monday morning, when Brice arrived at the university's car park, he spotted Kerry waiting by the gate.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi. I’ll just park up. I won’t be a minute.”
Kerry followed him into the car park, and by the time he'd parked, she was waiting by the car door.
“I’m sorry I misjudged you,” she said.
“It doesn’t matter.” Brice climbed out of the car, and stood in front of her.
“It does. I should have believed you. I shouldn't…”
Brice bent forward and pressed his lips to hers. She slipped her arms around his waist, and they kissed.
“Thank goodness for that.” Jimmy was standing behind them. “I was fed up of looking at both of your miserable faces.”
Kerry leant her head against Brice’s shoulder. They were both smiling.
“Go away Jimmy,” Brice said, somewhat half-heartedly.
“Is that all the thanks I get for bringing you two back together?” Jimmy grinned.
“Thanks Jimmy,” Kerry said, and then nudged Brice in the ribs.
“Thanks,” Brice said in little more than a whisper.
“Sorry?” Jimmy cupped his ear. “What did you say, Brice?”
“I said thanks. Now sod off!”
Jimmy laughed. “I can take a hint.” And he did.
“Did you make any progress tracing your biological parents?” Brice asked.
“I’ve met my mother. Her name's Dawn.”
“Already? That was quick. How did it go?”
“Good. Very good.”
Kerry told Brice most, but not all the things she'd discussed with Dawn.
“Are you going to see her again?”
“Yes. She seemed keen.”
“What about your father?”
Kerry shrugged. “I asked Dawn about him, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me how to find him. I got the feeling she was hiding something.”
“Such as?”
“I’ve no idea. I could be wrong.”
“So, what happens now?”
“I’m not going to give up on finding my father. I’ll just have to do it alone.”
“You’re not alone. I’ll help.”
They kissed again.
Chapter 40
“Right! Where do we start?” Brice said.
It was the following Saturday, and he and Kerry were at his house. His mother had gone away for the weekend. She'd probably told him who she was going with, but he couldn't remember, and anyway, didn't care. Kerry wasn't nervous to be alone in the house with Brice. She trusted him, and knew he’d never try to rush her into anything.
“I suppose we should use the same system I used to find my mother,” Kerry said. “We just have to work our way through the P. Staffords in the phone book.”
“Where did you make the calls from last time?” Brice knew, only too well, Kerry didn’t have a land
line or mobile phone.
“From a pay phone.”
“That must have been a pain. It'll be easier working from here.”
“Won’t your mother mind me using her phone?”
“No. Besides, local calls cost next to nothing. If I use my mobile, we’ll get through the list in half the time.”
“You’re going to make calls too?”
“Unless you’d prefer I didn’t.
“No. I don’t mind.”
Kerry had photocopied the telephone directory pages for ‘Stafford’, and she'd highlighted all those with the initial ‘P’. There were two pages in all. She passed one to Brice, and placed the other on the table in front of her.
“Thanks for doing this,” she said. “It means a lot to me.”
“Glad to help.”
“I’m sorry I doubted you before.”
“It’s okay. I’d have probably done the same if I’d found a pair of men’s boxers in your handbag.”
“Funny you should say that…” She picked up her bag.
They laughed.
Kerry stroked his cheek with her finger. They were lost in each other’s eyes.
“I think I love you,” she said softly.
Brice took hold of her finger, and touched it to his lips. For the longest moment, neither of them moved.
“I suppose we’d better make a start,” Brice said. “You go first, so I can hear what you say.”
“Okay.” Kerry took a deep breath, and waited a moment until her heart had stopped racing.
“Oh hello, I’m trying to trace a Peter Stafford.” Kerry spoke into the phone as Brice watched on. “Okay, sorry to have bothered you.” She crossed through the first name on her list.
“That seems straightforward enough—even for me.” Brice called the first number on his list.
One hour later, and neither of them had struck gold. Brice had found two Peter Staffords—one in his nineties, the other only ten years of age.
“Time for a break,” Brice said. “What do you want to drink? We’ve got coke, lemonade… or I could make coffee.”
“I'm surprised you know how.”
“Cheeky sod.” Brice tapped her arm playfully. “I’ll have you know I’m something of an expert in the kitchen.”
“Does that mean you can make toast, and know how to boil an egg?”
“I’m used to making my own meals. I’ll show you at lunch time.”
“Colour me impressed.” Kerry decided not to admit she was something of a disaster when it came to cooking of any kind. “I’ll have lemonade, please”
“What are you thinking about?” Brice asked when he’d finished his coke.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s just that…” Kerry hesitated. “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us, but I don’t want to betray a friend’s trust.”
“Jimmy?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t want to ruin your friendship.”
“I doubt there’s anything you could tell me about Jimmy that would shock me. We’ve been through a lot together.”
She seemed unsure, but said, “He told me about your mother and father.”
It was obvious from Brice’s expression, he hadn’t expected that.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want any secrets between us. I didn’t want to have to pretend I didn’t know. We don’t have to talk about it—I just needed you to be aware I knew.”
Brice stood up and, for a moment, Kerry thought he was going to walk out. Instead, he began to slowly pace up and down the room. She wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the right words. After several minutes, he resumed his seat.
“Why did Jimmy tell you?”
“He thought it would convince me you'd never cheat on me with another girl. I shouldn’t have needed convincing. I should have trusted you.”
“If that’s what it took to stop me losing you, then I’m glad he did it. You had no reason to trust me before.”
“I trust you now—completely.”
“I loved my dad.” Brice’s voice wavered.
“You don’t have to talk about it.”
“I want to.”
He said nothing more for several minutes. Kerry waited.
“My dad was a good man. I mean a really, really good man. He would help anyone, and always try to see the good in everyone—even my mother. I don’t know how or why my parents ever got together, but they did. You’ve seen my mother—she’s always been that way. She's selfish, self-centred, and cheated on him almost from day one. Dad tried to change her, and he turned a blind eye for as long as he could, but eventually he couldn’t take any more.”
“Why didn’t he just leave her?”
“I don’t think he could bear to leave me. In the end he did anyway, but by then his mind had been destroyed. I hate my mother, and all women like her.”
“Why do you still live with her?”
“I didn’t have any choice when I was young. Now? It’s financial—plain and simple. She pays all the bills—I finish uni with less debt. As soon as I’ve got my degree, and get a job, I’ll be gone, and she’ll never see me again. She can rot in Hell for all I care.”
“You won’t fall out with Jimmy for telling me, will you?”
“No. I won’t let him know you’ve told me. I’m glad it’s out in the open now. No more secrets between us—ever.”
“No more secrets,” Kerry said, but as she did, she couldn't look him in the eye.
Chapter 41
Brice was about to call the next name on his list when he caught a snippet of Kerry’s phone conversation.
“When? How? I'm so sorry.”
Brice tried to catch her eye, but she was too engrossed in the call to notice.
“I’d like that,” Kerry said. “Tomorrow? Yes. Thanks. Eleven will be fine.”
After she'd ended the call, Brice waited. Kerry seemed lost in her thoughts.
“Have you found him?”
“He’s dead.” She stared out of the window. “He died just over a year ago.”
Brice had so many questions, but sensed he should wait until Kerry was ready to say more.
“He was killed in Iraq.”
“Was he in the army?”
“No. He was an engineer working on a private contract. He was killed by a roadside bomb.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“That was his sister. I've arranged to meet her. She said her brother—my father, often talked about me.” Kerry could no longer hold back the tears. “Will you come with me tomorrow?”
“If you want me to.” Brice put an arm around her. “Wouldn’t you rather speak to her alone?”
“No. I’d like you to be there.”
Two hours later, Brice emerged from the kitchen.
“Did you make this?” Kerry stared at the meal he had just placed in front of her.
“What do you think I’ve been doing for the last couple of hours?”
Brice had refused to allow Kerry into the kitchen while he prepared dinner. He couldn’t work with an audience.
“Are you sure you didn’t get it delivered to the back door?”
“Cheek! Get it eaten. You can do the dishes.”
“Deal. Hmm, it’s delicious.”
“Thanks.”
“If the whole architect thing doesn’t work out, you could always become a chef.”
Kerry kept her word, and wouldn't let Brice help with the dishes. Afterwards, she made coffee for them both.
“There's something I want you to know,” Brice said.
“What?” His tone had made her suddenly nervous.
“It's hard to put it into words.”
“Just say it. Whatever it is.”
“We've got the house to ourselves. Most girls would probably expect me to have made a move.”
“I’m not most girls.”
“I know. I just don’t want you to think I’m not attracted to you or that I wouldn’t like you to s
tay the night. It’s just…”
“It’s okay. I’m not ready yet. Not quite. I love you, but it doesn’t mean we have to rush into anything.”
“I love you too,” he said.
It was the first time he’d said it, and she had no doubts he meant it. Kerry’s heart felt like it would explode—she'd never been so happy.
Chapter 42
“Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer me to wait in the car?” Brice glanced at the small, semi-detached house.
“No.” Kerry took his hand. “I want you by my side.”
“Okay. Let’s do it.”
A tall woman, with short dark hair, opened the door to them.
“You must be Kerry!” The woman took Kerry into her arms. Brice could only look on as both women dissolved into tears.
“I wish Peter could have been here to see you,” the woman said.
“This is Brice. I hope you don’t mind…”
“Not at all. Nice to meet you Brice. I'm Carol. Come in, won’t you.”
The living room looked like a toy store.
“Sorry about the mess. I asked a friend to take the kids for a few hours—it's the only way we're ever going to have a sensible conversation. Have a seat—if you can find one.”
Kerry moved a giant teddy bear off the sofa. Brice squeezed in beside her.
“I’m Peter’s big sister,” Carol said. “I can’t believe you’re here. Peter used to talk about you all of the time.”
Brice took hold of Kerry’s hand.
“He was always saying he hoped you’d come looking for him one day.” The words caught in Carol's throat. “It’s such a shame…”
“I wanted to come before, but I had to wait until I was eighteen.”
“I know, dear. It isn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault. I just wished he could have seen you—he loved you so much.”
“Did he talk much about the adoption?” Kerry said.
