“I know.”
“It was very kind of Mr. Tremaine to let you stay here.”
“Yes.” It was. And I wouldn’t forget it. “He’s never here.”
Tension I didn’t even know Emery was carrying seemed to melt out of her. “Oh.”
Damn, but I wished I’d be sticking around to help her get over her timidity with men.
I wished I’d be sticking around, period.
Suddenly I found myself under Emery’s scrutiny. Her face fell. “You’ve been crying.”
Every damn day. I shrugged, feeling silly. “I can’t seem to stop.”
Then, to my surprise, she hugged me.
I immediately hugged her back, my face crumpling as she set off more tears with her kindness.
She held me until my crying subsided. “Let’s make some tea.”
Thankfully, Vaughn had partially stocked the kitchen, but I was running out of food, and I was getting sick of takeout. At some point I was going to have to make a run to the grocery store in town.
Once we had our mugs of tea, we settled on the porch.
“Wow,” Emery said again. “He’s right on the water.”
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Why doesn’t he stay here more often?”
“No clue.” If it were my house I’d stay there all the damn time. Of course, I’d have to redecorate.
We were silent awhile as we sipped our tea and enjoyed the view.
But I was only half enjoying the view. I needed to know—“Is Cooper okay?”
She gave me a strained smile. “I spoke to Iris this morning.”
“And?”
Emery winced. “She’s quite mad at you.”
“I know.” I tried to ignore the ache in my chest, remembering the way she’d looked at me the other morning. “Did she mention Cooper?”
My friend nodded. “He put someone in charge of the bar . . . he went on a fishing trip.”
“Fishing trip.” I was confused. “Cooper doesn’t fish.”
“I think he just needed to get away for a few days. Small town. Gossip—”
“Not wanting to run into me until I’m gone,” I whispered hoarsely.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, sweetie. It’s my own fault.”
“Bailey came to see me.”
The thought of my friend caused another deep ache inside me. “And?”
“She’s worried about you, Jessica, but she doesn’t feel like she can reach out to you without being shut out. Perhaps you should call her.”
“No.” I shook my head stubbornly. “It’s better this way.”
My phone started ringing inside the house and for a second we looked at each other before I was up on my feet and hurrying inside for it.
The anticipation I’d felt disappeared at the sight of the caller ID.
Matthew calling.
I had no intention of answering. If I answered, he’d know something was wrong, and when I told him what, he’d only be mad at me and try to convince me I was insane.
“Not Cooper?” Emery said softly from behind me.
I turned slowly around and gave her a sad shrug. “I don’t even know why I want it to be him. It’s not like it’ll change my mind.”
She sighed and gave me a look that made me tense.
“What?”
“Well . . . there are rumors . . .”
Fear shot through my blood. Had that bastard Devlin gotten his revenge on me for breaking up with Cooper instead of doing his bidding? “What . . . what kind of rumors?”
“Rumors . . . rumors that . . . rumors that you were cheating on Cooper with Vaughn.”
Oh. My. God.
“Are you kidding?” I growled.
“No. I’m sorry.”
“Because I’m staying here? They . . . idiots!” I threw up my hands in disbelief. And then something worse than the town of Hartwell’s stupidity occurred to me. “Does Cooper believe this?”
“No. Bailey said no. And she doesn’t, either.”
How can they still have faith in me after what I’ve done?
“So . . .” Emery shrugged. “What are your plans?”
Thankfully distracted by the question, I slumped down on the nearest chair. “I contacted an old professor of mine and he thinks there might be a position for me at a teaching hospital in Illinois. It’s not definite, but I think I’ll head out that way anyway. I know Chicago well. It’s as much a home to me as anywhere.”
Lie, lie, lie.
Hartwell is my home.
Emery gave me a sad smile. “I’ll miss you.”
That made me tear up all over again. “I’ll miss you, too.”
Later that night, I was sitting on Vaughn’s couch, sipping a glass of wine and staring dazedly at a movie on the television. All day I’d been plagued by thoughts I tried so hard to shut out. I couldn’t stop thinking about my sister. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much she’d like Cooper. He was everything that was rare in our lives growing up—supportive, kind, loving. Mostly I thought she’d have liked how safe he made me feel. He would have made her feel safe, too, I was sure of it. I thought she’d have been angry at me for leaving him.
No. I knew she’d have been angry at me for leaving him.
If Julia had overcome her depression, how differently might my life have gone? Maybe I wouldn’t have shut down so much about what had happened. Maybe I’d have been able to talk about the pain without feeling like I might genuinely die if I did.
If she’d lived, would I have gone down the same path without the grief weighing me down? Would I have still wanted to be a doctor?
Yes.
Tears burned in my throat as I imagined that life and I could clearly see myself practicing medicine.
It wasn’t just about penance.
“Shit,” I muttered.
Before I could think about my own stupidity over the past few weeks, the doorbell rang. My heart jumped in my chest as I looked at the clock on Vaughn’s mantel. It was nearly midnight. I placed my wineglass on the coffee table and got slowly to my feet, my heart racing harder when the doorbell rang again. Cautiously, I tiptoed out into the hall and put my eye to the spy hole in the door.
Standing outside was an abstract version of Cooper.
My breath caught.
Hands trembling, I unlocked the door and pulled it open to find Cooper glowering down at me. Joy rushed through me at the sight of him.
I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing there, but the words were silenced as he pressed his mouth down on mine without missing a beat, wrapped an arm around my waist, and pushed us both inside. Shocked, I grabbed on to his shoulders for balance.
And then, like always, the taste of his drugging kisses overpowered me and I was kissing him back before I could stop myself.
I suddenly found my feet off the ground as Cooper lifted me onto the sideboard in Vaughn’s hallway. He pressed himself between my legs and I wrapped them around his hips, arching into him and his hard, desperate kisses.
He broke the kiss, pulling back only to grab the hem of my nightdress in his hands and start tugging it upward.
“Wait,” I said, out of breath. “What are you doing? Why are you here? I thought you were fishing.”
His fingers tightened in the fabric, and there was something dangerous in his eyes as he said, his voice gruff, “All I could think about was the fact that when we last fucked I didn’t know it was going to be the last time. So I came back.”
A shot of pain lanced across my chest. “To punish me?”
He gave a sharp shake of his head. “To give us one last time, Doc.” He began to yank on my shirt again. “You know you want it.”
I did.
As stupid as I knew it was, as much as I
knew it would only hurt even more in the end, I lifted my arms so he could take off my nightdress. My bra was quick to follow.
I shivered, my nipples turning to hard pebbles, drawing Cooper’s attention. He cupped my breasts and I arched my back on a sigh as he kneaded them, his touch sending sparks down my belly and between my legs.
“Now I get to remember you like this,” he said.
I saw the anger, the ice and the accusation, in his eyes and closed mine against it.
All I wanted was to feel how good it was between us. I didn’t want reality to intrude.
“Open your eyes, Jessica,” he growled.
They immediately snapped open for him.
His were narrowed on me. “Don’t you fucking shut me out for this. Not for this.”
“Not for this,” I promised softly.
Cooper wrapped his fingers up in a handful of my hair and pulled gently, arching my neck and back to lift my breasts closer to his mouth. He bent his head and closed his hot mouth around my right nipple.
I whimpered as my lower belly rippled with pleasure. He sucked hard, sending a sharp streak of desire to my core, and then he licked the swollen nipple before moving on to the other.
Needing to feel him against me, I began tugging on Cooper’s jacket. He stepped back from me and hurriedly removed it. He whipped his T-shirt off over his head, throwing it by my nightdress on the floor. As soon as he stepped toward me I grabbed on to him, yanking him back to me, our kisses growing frantic with need. With one hand I caressed his strong back, with the other his hard chest before sliding it down over his abs. At the feel of his abs rippling under my touch, arousal throbbed in my breasts and between my legs.
Cooper pulled back from my kisses, sliding his hand along my inner thigh. “Will I find you wet? Do I still have that from you, Jess?”
I looked directly into his hurt, hungry eyes and whispered, “Always.”
Pain flared in his gaze and suddenly he was kissing and biting at my mouth, his fingers bruising as he gripped my thighs in his hands. All I could do was hold on for the ride.
As he pressed hot kisses against my jaw and my neck, his tongue flicking against my skin as he did so, I rubbed my thumbs over his nipples, scored my nails lightly down his stomach, and panted with excitement when his fingers curled in the fabric of my panties. I stopped touching him only to brace my hands on the sideboard at either side of my hips so I could lift my bottom to allow Cooper to pull them off.
Once they were gone he gripped the backs of my knees in his hands and wrapped my legs around him so his jeans-covered erection pushed between the folds of my sex, brushing my clit in a way that made me lose my mind. I tried to press harder against his erection, my fingers digging into the muscles of his back.
Cooper groaned against my mouth and I was vaguely aware of the sound of him yanking his zipper down. And then he pulled me to the edge of the sideboard. I immediately put my hands at either side of my hips to brace myself.
I recognized the harsh passion on Cooper’s face and I knew—
I cried out as he slammed inside me.
“You’ve always been mine, Jess,” Cooper said, his voice guttural with desire and emotion. “Remember that.”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, but I wouldn’t stop this for anything. He was right. Always his. And I’d always want him. I arched into his deep strokes, the orgasm building in me, my arousal only increasing at the way he was watching me as he thrust inside me.
His grip on my legs became almost biting as his thrusts came faster. “Come for me, Jess. Come hard on me, beautiful.”
And just like that the tension he’d built in me cracked. I tensed, frozen for a second, and then it all shattered apart. My cries filled the room as I shuddered against him. He continued to pump into me, my inner muscles squeezing around him, until finally he stiffened. Cooper was staring deep into my eyes as he gritted his teeth. “Jess.” His hips jerked against me, and I felt his release inside me.
I was holding on to his forearms as the heat slowly died and the lust gave way to reality.
We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, until finally Cooper pulled out of me and away from me.
I watched, frozen, as he zipped his jeans up and bent to pick up his clothes. Without looking at me he pulled on his T-shirt and shrugged into his jacket.
The tears that had pricked my eyes earlier began to cloud my vision as he strode to the door and yanked it open. But before he moved to leave he stopped, his back still to me, and said, voice hoarse, “One last time will never be enough. For either of us.”
And then he left me.
Sometime around three o’clock I eventually cried myself to sleep.
The next day I had no choice but to make the grocery run I’d been dreading, since I was out of essentials like toilet paper and food. I put a ball cap on to hide my face, hoping to disappear among the tourists after parking on the west end of Main Street. Inside the grocery store I kept my head down as I walked through the aisles, hoping and praying with each step that I wasn’t going to bump into anyone I knew. Like Cooper Lawson.
The cashier, Annie, recognized me because I’d been in the store a lot with Cooper over the past few weeks, and anyone with Cooper seemed to become famous in Hartwell.
“Thought you left.” She had her eyebrows raised at me.
“Soon,” I muttered, hurrying to pay for my stuff.
I was practically fleeing for my car, my heart pounding as I loaded the last shopping bag into my trunk. Hurrying, I pushed the cart back under the awning outside the store and as I turned to head back to my car I smacked straight into Catriona Lawson.
“Cat.” I’m pretty sure I went a pale, ghostly color at the sight of her.
Those blue eyes, just like Cooper’s, narrowed on me. “You had the better idea when you were hiding out at Tremaine’s place.”
“I needed food,” I said dumbly, looking away.
“Oh, my God, look at you,” she snapped, drawing my startled gaze back to her. “You’ve lost weight, you look like shit, and you’re acting like a victim. Lots to be proud of there, Jessica, considering you’re the one that broke my brother’s heart.” She gestured behind her.
Panic had me looking over her shoulder, my gaze zeroing in on Cooper. He was parked a few spots up from me, leaning against his truck, talking to Sadie Thomas. Sadie was leaning into him, laughing up into his face. He wasn’t pushing her away like the last time.
My heart twisted in my chest as though the bitch had shoved her fist in there and squeezed.
Cooper stared down at Sadie, expressionless. He was so handsome. I remembered the anguish in his eyes, the anguish he couldn’t hide behind his desire the previous night. I should have pushed him away, instead of giving in to what we both wanted. I’d only hurt and confused him more.
“What?” Cat brought my gaze back to her. “You don’t want him but you don’t want anyone else to have him?”
“It’s not like that,” I muttered, moving to go around her.
Cat blocked my path. “I started to trust you. That you weren’t going to hurt him. You know, I don’t even think Dana was the one who hurt him last time. That marriage was ending. Nah. It was Jack who hurt my brother.”
I had to agree. I was also confused about where she was going with this.
“But you . . .” She laughed bitterly. “Oh, you’ve shredded him.”
Pull out my heart, why don’t you, and stomp on it.
I didn’t need to hear this!
“It’s for his own good,” I said, my voice stern in the hopes his sister would get out of my face. “Believe me.”
She shook her head, looking so disappointed in me I could add it to the ever-growing list of things to self-flagellate about. “How dare you decide that for him.”
“Cat—”
�
�No.” She shoved a hand up between us to shut me up. “He told me you’re hiding something, something you’re obviously ashamed of. But you know what you should really be ashamed of? How much of a coward you are right now. And how little you’ve actually gotten to know my brother . . . because if you knew him, you’d have a lot more faith in him than you do.”
“No, he would never understand.” I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself.
Cat huffed and glanced over her shoulder at Sadie and Cooper. Sadie was touching his arm now, tilting her head in her flirty way, giving him her come-hither eyes. “As far as she’s concerned, he’s fair game.”
I got a sudden unwelcome image of him kissing her . . . touching her . . . and it felt like poison sliding down my throat.
“Not now, but at some point”—she turned back around to give me a hard look—“he will be fair game. Have you really thought about that?”
I squeezed my eyes closed. “Cat.”
“Jesus, Jessica, look at how much pain you’re in. Will Cooper knowing the truth about you be any worse than how you already feel?”
My eyes flew open at that, her words reverberating around and around my head.
Will Cooper knowing the truth about you be any worse than how you already feel?
Will Cooper knowing the truth about you be any worse than how you already feel?
WILL COOPER KNOWING THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU BE ANY WORSE THAN HOW YOU ALREADY FEEL?
I flinched away from her, needing space, needing to think. “I have to go.”
This time she didn’t stop me, but as I moved to my car my eyes were drawn to Cooper, despite not wanting to see another woman flirting with him.
As I opened my car door, he seemed to sense me, his head jerking in my direction, those blue, blue eyes focusing in on me.
His whole body tensed.
And then he pushed away from his truck as if he were going to come to me.
Will Cooper knowing the truth about you be any worse than how you already feel?
I didn’t know!
I didn’t know, but I couldn’t figure that out in the ten seconds it would take him to get to me. Fumbling with my car door, I practically threw myself in, started the car, and reversed back so fast my wheels spun.
The One Real Thing (Hart's Boardwalk) Page 31
