Beth thought about Cornflower. She could now feel the depth of the pain that pushed her to take her own life. But what did she accomplish by killing herself? She was gone. She would never enjoy watching her daughter grow up. She will miss everything, Kelly’s graduations, proms, smiles and laughter. She’s gone and Tommy lives on to pick up the pieces of his life and move on. Well fuck that, she thought.
She thought about what to do when Andrew came over in the morning for breakfast. She knew he would come; after all he didn’t know she was at work. She intended to surprise him after work by waiting for him at his car. Instead she was the one who got a surprise.
Okay, pull it together Beth, she thought. No more tears. When he comes over I will act as if everything is hunky dory until I figure out how to handle him, she told herself.
Her phone chimed. Andrew’s smiling picture showed on the screen. She threw the phone against the wall, pressed her face into the pillow to catch her tears and drifted off to sleep.
Beth awoke an hour earlier than usual feeling as if she had not slept all night. She pulled herself off the bed and went to the shower. The hot water pounded her body and soothed her thoughts. She had a show to put on for Andrew this morning.
CHAPTER 22
Beth prepared a special breakfast for Andrew. She put fresh flowers from the garden in a vase on the table. He arrived after his morning run as usual.
“How’s my lovely lady this morning?” he asked brightly kissing her lightly on the lips.
“I’m as happy as an expectant bride can be,” she replied smiling at him as if he was the light of her life.
“Sweetie, you look a little tired. Did you sleep okay?” he asked.
“Not really. I was thinking about Cornflower last night. It made me kind of sad. I miss her, you know.”
“Of course you do. The two of you were close. And even after a rough night, you still fixed breakfast. You should have called me. We could have gone out for breakfast. I see you even picked flowers. They’re nice.”
“I’m alright. I love making breakfast for you and the flowers are a beautiful symbol of our love.” How dare him act as if nothing happened last night; not a sign of guilt, Beth thought as she studied Andrew.
“Always the romantic,” he said as Beth put the plates filled with sausage, pancakes and eggs on the table.
“That’s because I love you so much,” she said kissing his neck and filling his coffee cup.
She wasn’t sure how long she could keep this happy front up. Her hurt and anger were beginning to surface as she looked across the table at Andrew and saw him fucking that bitch and he was acting as if nothing happened.
“Andrew, I’m sorry, I need to get to work a little early today. Do you mind if we eat a little faster than usual? I really hate to rush out but I have a meeting this morning and I just couldn’t pass up seeing you before I went in.”
“No problem sweetie. I’m glad we had a little time together. I have a surprise for you this weekend.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll have to wait until this weekend,” he said reaching over and squeezing her hand.
Cheating bastard, she thought to herself as she rose from her chair to gather her things for work. Andrew stood and followed Beth to her car, put his arms around her and embraced her in a tight hug.
“Don’t work too hard today. Save some energy for this weekend.”
“I will,” she said thinking to herself, you will pay!
CHAPTER 23
Beth arrived to work feeling as if her world had crumbled in on itself. Today she wore the uniform of disappointment and hurt instead of her usual colorful scrubs announcing life is definitely worth caring about. Her presence at work today was a miserable chore instead of the usual labor of love it had been. She sat in the lounge waiting to receive the shift report exchanged between nurses about their patients. She tried to listen but couldn’t hear what was going on around her. Instead of information about patients, Beth heard whispers about her. She was such a dimwit for being the last to know that he was cheating behind her back. Everyone knew, she guessed; everyone but her. That’s why Betsy made that statement. She sat taller in her chair. Swept her hair back from her face and tried to be brave. It was just her imagination. No one knew. No one cared.
Beth looked around at the nurses who were paired off, a night shift nurse and a day shift nurse, intently talking about their patients; what diseases and illnesses they had, what medicines and treatments they were given over night and the plan ahead for the day. It was almost like a gossip session. Finally Lil waltzed into the report room dropping five charts on the table and after plunking herself into a chair noticed that all the nurses were done report as they gathered their things to leave.
“Beth, I’m so tired. I’m sorry I’m late. I was so busy last night. I’m so behind, I don’t know when I will be done. I don’t know how long I can stay up every night taking care of patients,” Lil complained.
She abruptly sat forward, questions riddling her face.
“Beth, what’s going on? You look like hell,” she said as she smoothed Beth’s usually bouncy wavy black hair now limp behind her ears away from her face to get a better look. Her heart clenched as she noted her best friend’s usually luminous blue eyes, now shown dim and lifeless.
Her body seemed to shrink in on itself as she digested the pain of a relationship gone awry.
Beth said not a word. Her head bowed and her shoulders slumped as her hands climbed to face to hide the tears. Lil now wide awake took in the pain gripping her friend, knelt in front of her and grasped Beth’s hands in her own.
“Beth, why didn’t you stay home? You are in no condition to work. I will call the supervisor and tell her you’re ill. You shouldn’t be here. You’re too upset.”
“No Lil, I’ll be fine. I need to work. I don’t want to sit home alone. I’m okay. I just didn’t sleep well. I was thinking about Cornflower last night. I just miss her so much. Things didn’t have to be like this.”
“You can come home with me,” Lil offered.
“No, I can’t. I need to stay. Come on give the gossip on your patients.”
Lil told Beth everything she knew about the patients she was handing over to her. When she was done she peered at her friend with worry. Lil slid to the edge of her chair, close to Beth to prevent eavesdropping.
“One more thing Beth, the patient in 301, I get a really odd feeling when I’m in her room. I can’t put my finger on what it is but it gets up under my skin.”
“Mrs. Gabriella Greene?” Beth asked dubiously.
“Yes, her,” Lil whispered. “This morning she called me in and said the staff was too loud last night and kept her awake. She seemed really angry. I can’t believe it was just because people were talking. Anyway, she asked me if I would allow her sister to visit to bring her something she needed desperately. My goodness, what could she need at four in the morning?”
“Well,” Beth prodded. “Did you let her come?”
“Of course I did. I told her Midtown University Hospital has open visiting hours. She could come anytime she wanted. Well at five A.M. an odd woman showed up.”
“Odd?” Beth said inquisitively.
“Yes, you have to see her to understand. Beth, her skin was black, shining, beautiful. I’ve never seen someone that dark skinned. Her hair was a flaming red, so thick and full and curly, it looked like the weight would topple her. She was so beautiful but her eyes, they were a steel blue and they didn’t look at you; it felt as if she was looking into my soul. I had to avert my eyes from her glare.”
Did you see what Mrs. Greene needed that was so important at five in the morning,” Beth asked.
“The only thing she had was a damned book in her hand. She didn’t even have a purse,” Lil answered.
“Did she stay long?”
“Nope, she blew out as fast as she blew in. I checked on Mrs. Greene a little while after the woman left and she was fast asleep.”
“No book in sight.”
“Lil I have to get started with my patient rounds,” Beth said standing and gathering her report papers and her pen.
“Alright, I have to finish my night’s work so I can go to bed and get up and do this all over again.”
Lil stood, smiled at her friend and gave her a long, tight hug.
“Everything will be alright. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle,” Lil whispered in Beth’s ear.
Lil loosened her embrace as Beth stepped out of it and turned to leave.
“Hurry up and get out of here Lil. Drive safely. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Beth began her patient rounds checking on her favorite patient, Mrs. Greene first.
“Good morning Mrs. Greene,” Beth said. “How are you? I hear you didn’t sleep well last night.”
“I’m feeling good. My doctor said I can go home today. What about you nurse Beth? You don’t seem your happy self today? You seem to be weighted down by something.”
“Oh, Mrs. Greene, I’m fine. I didn’t get as much sleep as I usually do but it’s okay.”
“Nurse Beth, sit down, spend a little time with me. I want to share something with you.”
“Alright, I always have time for my favorite patient,” she said taking a seat next to the bed.”
“Last night,” Mrs. Greene began, “I wasn’t able to sleep. Two nurses were outside my door having an argument.”
“Really,” Beth said. “That’s unfortunate. They disturbed your sleep?”
“They disturbed much more than that. You’re my favorite nurse. Not only that, I really like you. You have a good heart.”
Beth sat quietly and listened intently as Mrs. Greene continued.
“They were arguing about keeping a secret about a well respected doctor.”
Beth’s eyes widened and she sat up straighter as she began to see where the conversation was headed.
“Nurse Beth. I’m an old woman. But I am a wise woman. I see the hurt you’re hiding. It’s in your eyes. Your eyes reveal everything. You saw him and it almost destroyed you. You have a strength you don’t know about.”
Beth clasped her hands in her lap and began to rub them together as if they were freezing. Her eyes focused on Mrs. Greene as the reality of what she was saying took over her.
“Sometimes men are like animals. They hunt, they conquer, they devour, never believing they will be caught. Nurse Beth, it’s just a fact of life that all men cheat.”
“No, no,” the words strangled from Beth’s mouth as tears began to escape.
“Yes, they do. It’s something we women have to deal with. The sooner we learn to deal with it, the happier we are.”
“No, I can’t believe that. All men don’t cheat.”
“They do and we live with it. I have something I want to give you.”
“Mrs. Greene, we’re not allowed to accept gifts.”
“Don’t think of it as a gift. I want you to read this book. When you’re done, return it to me.”
“A book?”
“Yes, read it to the end. When you are done return it to me. You have my address,” she said as she opened the bedside drawer and took out a book and held it out to Beth.
“Oh Mrs. Greene, this book is beautiful.”
“It’s a book written by no one. It’s trimmed in real gold. Read it. See if it speaks to you. Read it to the end.”
Beth accepted the book and rubbed her hand over it. It was the most beautiful book she had ever seen.
“Nurse Beth, you’re feeling poorly today. You should take care of yourself. Before you can care for anyone else, you have to care for yourself. Mistakes are made when we are in emotional pain. Take the advice of a wise old woman. Go home. Read the book.”
“I think that is great advice Mrs. Greene.”
Mrs. Greene put her hand on Beth’s and squeezed, “Please call me Gabriella.”
“Thank you Gabriella. I will take your advice and please call me Beth.”
“Beth, read it to the end.”
CHAPTER 24
Beth decided to leave work early to take care of her emotional turmoil. She put her key in the door to open it but it flung open before she could turn it.
“Beth honey what are you doing home so early?” her mother asked. I was just heading out to the church to help your father with some things but if you need me, I can stay home with you.”
“I wasn’t feeling well today. Do you have a few minutes for a cup of tea and a chat?” Beth asked.
“Of course honey,” she answered turning to walk toward the kitchen. “I’ll put the kettle on for the tea.”
Beth sat at the table and rested her chin on her hand asking, “What would you do if daddy cheated on you?”
“Honey, where is this coming from? Has something happened between you and Andrew?”
“No, just something I overheard. It’s like men cheat all the time. And women have to spend their time making sure they are virgins until they get married. Why?”
“Beth the society’s view of men and women when it comes down to sex is contorted. Men are viewed as viral and just having another notch in their belt whereas women are viewed as loose and whores.”
“That doesn’t seem fair,” Beth said.
“That’s just the way it is,” her mother said nonchalantly.
“Well why should I be untouched when I marry if he has been out having sex with other women?”
“Beth where is all of this coming from?”
“I’m just worried about whether or not Andrew will be faithful to me when we are married.”
“Beth, honey you have listened to your father’s sermons. You have to enclose your marriage in a fortress armed with love, trust, honesty, respect and most of all forgiveness. None of us are perfect. Someone may one day befall a weakness. That’s when forgiveness comes in. If your marriage is strong, you will be able to forgive.”
“Would you be able to forgive daddy for a misstep?”
“Your father and I have been together a long time. Our marriage is strong. I believe I could forgive a misstep if he was honest with me and forgiveness is what he really wanted.”
“I’m just so afraid. Look what happened to Cornflower,” Beth said.
“Cornflower let herself be consumed with the pain. She didn’t give herself or Tommy a fighting chance. They probably could have worked it out,” her mother responded placing the cups on the table with tea bags and filling them with hot water from the kettle. “I know you and Andrew haven’t set a date yet; maybe you should wait until you know each other better.”
Beth blew into her cup and sipped. “Andrew is taking me out this weekend so we can set a date. I was thinking maybe in a year.”
“I think that is a great idea and if you decide to move it up you always have that option.”
“I think I need to take a nap. I’m really tired. I haven’t been sleeping well; so many nights thinking about Cornflower.”
“You were so close to her. It will get better. Give it time. Go on upstairs and get some rest.”
Beth stood and went over to hug her mother. “Thanks for staying with me. I needed that chat.”
Beth took the book given to her by Gabriella and put it in the drawer and headed for the shower.
She was hoping a hot shower would ease her tension.
Beth changed into shorts and a T-shirt and lounged across her bed. She saw an image of the golden book in her head. She felt a fierce desire within herself to reach for it. She sat up and opened her bedside table drawer to peer at the book that was demanding her attention. It was a beautiful book she thought to herself as she lifted it from the drawer. She slid her hand over the flowery golden designs on the cover. They felt warm as tingles traveled through her finger tips. She noticed there was no lettering on the cover of the golden book. She opened it looking for a title. THE DEED TO LOVE, she read. Author No One.
No One, she thought
to herself. I’ve heard of Anonymous, but No One; how odd, she thought. She flipped to the next page and read, How special you are to have received the gift of this book. Read my story of love and embrace the deed with caution.
With caution? Beth thought to herself as she flipped the page and lay across the bed and began to read the book which piqued her interest.
The room was romantically dim with only hints of light spewing from the candles dressing the walls. Classical music hummed in the air. Dancing feet lightly tapped at the Maple floor. Theron’s eyes beheld a young divine woman from across the room. Golden hues flickered over Creamy skin with wisps of softly flowing chestnut curls drizzling around her oval face flowing to her bare shoulders. Her eyes saw only the table which was shared with no one but herself. Theron’s gaze held her alluring beauty in secret as he studied her and admired her as a piece of fine art. Her face rose and her brown eyes circled in gold looked past Theron and her ruby pouty lips beckoned to him. Theron longed to touch them with his; to finger them and feel her lips and tongue devour each of his finger tips. He looked closer and thought he saw one lone tear slide from her eye, down her cheek and melt into the cloth adorning the table.
Theron’s heart ached for her. Why was such a magnificent specimen of a woman shedding tears at such a romantic place? Her sadness enticed him, called to him.
The phone on the bedside table rang.
“Hello, what is it?” Beth said exasperated.
“Hello to you too,” Lil said. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, I’m sorry Lil. I was just engrossed with Theron.”
“Who is Theron?”
“The book that Mrs. Greene had.”
“Oh, she gave it to you? Why?”
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