by Vikki Vaught
Jonathan’s face had lines of fear etched on it, and he had deep circles under his eyes. Kathryn wished there was something she could say to help him, but until Roderick and Allison were found, he would continue to worry. She couldn’t blame him. She knew the longer they were missing, the more likely it was that they had come to harm.
Leaning back against the cushions of the sofa, Jonathan wearily replied, “I haven’t eaten, but I’m not hungry. I’m too worried to eat anyway. I’m going upstairs, and I’ll get Hatton to rub some ointment on my knee and wrap it in cold compresses. Then I’ll try to get some sleep. You look exhausted too. I’m sure you didn’t get much rest on that couch last night. Thank you for taking care of Elaine for me. I’m sure that she’s worried sick.”
“Elaine is still battling her cold, so I’m sure she’ll sleep through the night. Please don’t worry about her on top of everything else. She asked me to wake her when you returned, but since you don’t have any news, it’s probably better to let her sleep.”
“How are the children? Have Frankford and Jane asked for their parents?”
“The children are fine. I spoke with Miss Mills and she has been keeping them busy. I told the children that Roderick and Allison were away visiting some friends, since they wanted to know why Allison didn’t visit them the night before.”
“I know I shouldn’t ask this, but can I just hold you for a minute?” Kathryn opened her arms to him, and Jonathan hugged her close. Overcome, he began to weep.
Kathryn held him close and rubbed his back in a soothing manner. After a few minutes, he stopped crying. “I’m sorry. I know it’s unmanly to cry, and I never do, but I’m just so scared. He’s not just my brother, he’s my best friend. If something has happened to them, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
She continued to rub his back, trying to comfort him. “Let me help you to your room. Here, lean on me, and we’ll get you upstairs.”
They finally made it to Jonathan’s room, and Hatton was there to help him. Kathryn kissed him on the cheek and told him if he needed her for anything to come and get her. Then she left him alone.
When Kathryn got to her room, the floodgates opened, and she cried until she had no more tears to cry. She knew in her heart that something terrible had happened to Roderick and Allison. She had sent Sarah to bed hours ago, so she twisted and turned, but finally she got herself out of her clothes. Thank goodness, she hadn’t worn a corset that day, or she would never have gotten it off. Once she was in her nightclothes, she went back to Jonathan’s room. She just couldn’t leave him all alone when she knew how much he was hurting.
Kathryn knocked on his door and heard him say, “Come in.” When she walked into the room, Jonathan was standing there naked except for a pair of loose sleeping trousers slung low on his hips. Taken aback, she couldn’t help noticing his amazing chest. Some of the very handsome models she had seen while she was at the Institute were nothing compared to Jonathan. He grabbed his dressing gown and quickly put it on as he asked, “Did you need me?”
Walking over to him, Kathryn looked into his eyes. “I wanted to make sure you’re all right. I know how worried you are about Roderick and Allison. I thought you might want some company until you can go to sleep.”
“Thank you, Kathryn, but I know that you have to be tired. Please go back to bed. I’ll be fine. I’m worried, but I’m so exhausted, I’m sure that I’ll be able to sleep.” Jonathan gently touched her arm and she turned to him. He pulled her into his arms and just held her.
Kathryn laid her head on his chest. “I want to be here with you. I know that if it were my brother or sister who had gone missing, I wouldn’t want to be alone. Let me just stay with you until you go to sleep.”
“All right, Kathryn, but I’ve got to lie down, because my knee is killing me. I just took some laudanum, so I should fall asleep quickly.” Jonathan crawled into bed, pulled the covers up, laid his head on his pillow, and then closed his eyes. Kathryn sat down in the chair by his bed, and soon she heard his breathing become slow and deep and knew he was asleep, but for some reason she didn’t want to leave him. She leaned her head back against the chair, closed her eyes, and fell fast asleep.
The first thing Jonathan saw when he opened his eyes was Kathryn’s beautiful face, all aglow in the soft lamp light. She had fallen asleep in the chair. Her head was back, her mouth was slightly open, and she was softly snoring. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and never let her go. He looked over at the clock and noticed it was five in the morning. It would be light soon, so he got up, went over to Kathryn, and gently shook her shoulder. She looked so peaceful, but she had to go back to her room before Hatton came to his room.
She slowly opened her eyes and smiled up at him. “Is it morning yet?”
Jonathan gently stroked her cheek as he murmured, “Almost, sweetheart. You need to go back to your room. Hatton will be here any minute, and you don’t want him to find you here. Let me escort you to your room.”
Kathryn suddenly looked embarrassed as she stood up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. You don’t need to escort me. I’ll leave you now. Will you be leaving soon to continue your search?”
“I’m going to leave just as soon as you go to bed. Promise me that you’ll get some sleep. I may need you later, if anything…happens.” He hung his head and shuddered when he thought about what could have happened to Roderick and Allison.
“All right, Jonathan.” Kathryn rose up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before turning around and leaving his room. Jonathan watched as she went through the door and took a deep breath. What an incredible woman she was.
God, he loved her so much!
How he wished she could return his love.
At that moment, he knew he would give anything to win her love.
Hatton arrived just seconds after she left. He didn’t say anything, so Jonathan felt sure he didn’t see her. He went to the washstand and hurriedly washed as Hatton laid out his clothes. He didn’t bother to take time to shave. He knew that he probably looked horrible, but he had things that were more important on his mind.
Just as he opened the door, Ellsworth, the butler, was getting ready to knock on his door. “My lord, there are some men downstairs asking for you. They look like some of the local fishermen. Do you want to see them?”
“Where are they?”
“They are at the servants’ entrance, my lord.”
“I’ll go to them right away.” Jonathan’s heart was pounding, and his palms were sweating. He knew that these fishermen had news for him. When he saw them, he asked, “Have you found them?”
“Milord, we came straightaway. Two bodies have washed ashore. Do ye want t’ come and take a look?” one of the fishermen asked.
Jonathan felt ringing in his ears. His heart was beating so fast that it felt as if it would jump out of his chest. “Take me to them right away!”
They lead him down to the shore, and he saw two bodies lying on the sand. As he approached, he saw Roderick and Allison’s white faces and knew…they were dead.
“Oh God, no…no…not Roderick…not Allison…why…why,” he cried to the heavens. He threw himself down beside them and screamed. The pain was so intense that it tore through his chest. He felt someone touch him, and it was Hatton.
Hatton offered Jonathan his hand. “My lord, there’s nothing you can do for them. Let these men carry them up to the house. Come, let me help you up.”
Jonathan sat up, trembling from his outburst. He had to get a grip on his emotions. Elaine and the children would need him to be strong. There would be time later to give into his grief. He nodded his head, and then he let Hatton pull him up. He stood there as two men carefully picked Roderick up. Roderick was such a big man that they had a hard time carrying him. Hatton picked Allison up with great gentleness and care, and they slowly made their way up to the house.
Ellsworth opened the front door and showed the men where to lay Roderick in the dining room, and Hat
ton gently laid Allison down beside her husband. All the men removed their hats and lowered their heads as one of them said a prayer for their souls. Jonathan wanted to say something, but he had such a lump in his throat, he just could not. Ellsworth showed the men out. Everyone left Jonathan alone with his brother and Allison.
Jonathan stood there in a state of shock. Icy chills ran down his arms. He kept saying, “No…No…they can’t be dead…Oh God, please let this be a bad dream!” His voice filling the room with his anguish, he felt someone touch his arm, and he looked over. It was Kathryn, tears streaming down her face. She held her arms open and he fell into them. She held him in her arms for a long time as he cried out his grief. She didn’t try to console him, she just held him.
Pulling himself together, Jonathan stood straight and tall, then said, “I need to go get the doctor and the vicar. Will you stay with them until I return? I don’t want them…to be alone.”
“I’ll be right here with them. I won’t leave their sides. Go, do what you need to do.” With quiet dignity, Jonathan left the room.
Kathryn told Ellsworth to get Roderick’s valet and Allison’s maid and bring them to her. She quietly stood there waiting until they arrived. When they appeared, Allison’s maid was crying, and Roderick’s valet’s lip was trembling.
“I need both of you to go get fresh clothes to bury them in. Please hurry. I want them dressed before Lord Sutherland returns with the doctor and the vicar.” They left quickly, and Kathryn silently stood there watching over them until the maid and valet returned.
They soon returned with clothes and steaming water. The valet quickly washed and dressed Roderick as Kathryn stoically stood vigil. When he was through, he left the room. Kathryn watched as Allison’s maid cleansed her mistress for the last time. The maid cried when she saw the bruises on Allison’s body, but she went about her business, and soon Allison was dressed. Kathryn tenderly placed their hands on top of each other as if they were holding hands. The maid slowly left the room. Kathryn continued to stand vigil. The door opened and Jonathan was standing there with the doctor and the vicar.
Jonathan walked over to Kathryn, hugged her and said, “Thank you. I’ll take over from here. Elaine should be awake. Can you try to keep her upstairs until I can come…tell her? I know…it’s a lot to ask.”
“Whatever you need me to do. I’ll keep her upstairs until…you can come tell her.” After stroking his shoulder, she turned and left the room.
Jonathan looked at the vicar and asked, “How do I go about getting caskets for them? I’m not from around here so I don’t know where to get them.” Jonathan turned to the doctor. “Doctor, can you tell how they died?”
The doctor went over to Roderick and Allison and started examining them, while the vicar said, “My lord, I will take care of it for you. When do you want to have the service? I know many of their neighbors will want to attend. They were well loved by everyone.”
“I want the best caskets money can buy. Spare no expense. There is no family outside of my sister and myself—oh, and Lady Roderick’s aunt, Lady Milsom. I’ll be taking them back with me to St. John’s Wood, and they’ll be entombed in our family mausoleum. We can have the funeral service here just as soon as we can get the caskets. Thank you for your help. Please let me know when you have the caskets.” After the vicar left, he turned to the doctor and asked, “Could you tell what…killed them?”
The doctor shook his head. “They both have severe blows to the head. They could have died from the blows alone. The only way to know is if I check their lungs for water, but even then, it will be hard to tell for sure. It’s up to you, my lord.”
“I don’t want them disturbed. It doesn’t really matter how they died anyway. The fact is…they’re lost to me. Thank you for coming, Doctor. I’ll get Ellsworth to show you out.” Jonathan knew he had to go to his sister. He needed to be the one to tell her.
Oh God, how would he explain this to the children?
He went to the door, and Ellsworth was waiting there. “I need you to stay with my brother and Lady Roderick until Lady Kathryn comes back downstairs. I’ll send her right down. I’m going upstairs to tell…my sister.”
When he got to Elaine’s door, he knocked and Kathryn answered. He quietly asked, keeping his voice low so Elaine wouldn’t hear, “Will you go back downstairs and stay with Roderick and Allison until I can return?” She nodded her agreement, and then left the room. He looked over at Elaine. “I need to speak with you. Come here, Princess, and take a seat. I found Roderick and Allison. They’re downstairs in the dining room. Princess…they’re…they didn’t make it. I’m sorry.”
Elaine looked at him with shocked terror on her face. “No…No…it can’t be true. They…can’t be dead. Not Roderick…Not Allison. She was going to have a baby. Please tell me it’s not true!”
“Elaine, I know that it’s hard to accept, but it is true.”
Tears streamed down her sweet face. “Oh no, who will take care of Frankford and Jane? Do they know yet?”
“I’ve got to tell them just as soon as I know that you’re all right.”
Elaine turned her brave face to him, and with tears rolling down, she said, “I want to be with you when you tell them. They know me better than they know you. Let me just…catch my breath, and then we’ll go…tell them together. Who is with Roderick and Allison? I don’t want them to be alone.”
“Princess, Roderick and Allison are in the dining room, and Kathryn is with them. She won’t leave their side. I promise they won’t be alone.”
Elaine stood up, walked to her dressing table, and picked up her handkerchief. She wiped her eyes, then turned back to Jonathan, and with a tremulous voice, she said, “I’m ready.”
Jonathan and Elaine went up to the nursery. The children were eating breakfast as they entered their room. They got up and ran to Elaine, and then Frankford asked, “Where is Mama? She didn’t come see us again last night. She always tells us a story every night. Does she have a cold, like you do?”
Jonathan looked at their sweet faces, and his heart was ripped from his chest, yet again. This was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. He took a deep breath, to gain some composure, then said, “Frankford, Jane, you know that we love you. I…have something that I need to tell you. Children…your parents were out on the sea the day before yesterday during the bad storm. Their yacht went down in the storm. Frankford, Jane…your parents…died. I’m so sorry.”
Frankford and Jane looked at him and started crying. “My mama and papa are not dead,” Frankford shouted. “You’re lying!”
Jane just stood there and asked, “What does dead mean? Why is Frankford so mad? I want my mama,” Jane wailed.
Jonathan picked her up, hugged her close. “Your mama and papa went to heaven to be with God. They’re angels now. Do you know what angels are?”
“But that’s so far away. I want to go see them. Will you take me, Uncle Jonathan, please?” Jane asked.
“Darling, you’re right…heaven is far away, and we can’t go there.” Placing his hand over Jane’s little heart, Jonathan said, “Your mama and papa will always be with you, here in your heart. They didn’t want to go, but God called them home to be with him. I’ll take care of you now.” He hugged her close and kissed her sweet little cheek, wet with tears.
“I want my mama now! You go to heaven and get her. You tell God he can’t have her. She’s my mama, not his!”
Jonathan was at a loss for words. Jane was now crying inconsolably, and Frankford was yelling that he was a liar. He didn’t have a clue how to help these children. Elaine was crying again as she tried to explain to the children. He looked over at their governess, who was also softly crying, pleading with her to help, but to no avail.
How could he explain so that the children would understand?
Frankford yelled, “I want to see them now. Where are they? You can’t keep me from them. I won’t let you.”
Frankford ran from the room and Jonatha
n followed him down the stairs. He couldn’t keep up because of his bad knee. Finally, he made it down the stairs and found Frankford in the dining room staring at his parents, screaming at the top of his voice, “Wake up, Mama! Papa, wake up!” Frankford had tears rolling down his face.
Kathryn pulled him into her arms and cradled him against her breasts. “Darling, your mama and your papa need you to be a brave soldier. They’re in heaven watching you and loving you just as much as if they were here with you now. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but just know they didn’t want to leave you, but God needed them, and they had to go. We all love you, and we’ll take care of you, I promise. Don’t blame your Uncle Jonathan. He didn’t want them to go either. Look, he’s crying too. Shush, my darling, we’ll be right here with you.”
Frankford put his sturdy little arms around her neck, buried his face in her breasts and sobbed. Kathryn held him until he cried himself to sleep.
Jonathan looked at Kathryn with anguish in his eyes. “Oh Kathryn, what am I going to do? I don’t know anything about raising children. I didn’t know what to say to them. Little Jane was up there pleading with me to go to heaven and get her mother. Please help me!”
“I’ll help you anyway I can, all you have to do is ask. Why don’t you stay here with Roderick and Allison? I’ll take Frankford back to the nursery. Don’t worry, children are resilient. They’ll make it through this and so will you.” Then she left the room.
Jonathan refused to leave Roderick and Allison again until the vicar showed up with the caskets. Hatton and Roderick’s valet placed Roderick and Allison in their caskets. They held the funeral the next day, and all the neighbors and tenant farmers came to show their respect. Kathryn worked with the cook to prepare for the wake. Jonathan didn’t know what he would have done without Kathryn. Once everyone left, she organized everything for the trip the next day.
Jonathan sent word to Lady Milsom letting her know what had happened to her niece and Roderick. He hated to do it by mail, but she needed to know right away. They were taking Roderick and Allison back to St. John’s Wood for entombment next to Jonathan and Roderick’s father. He felt numb right now because he had pushed his feelings down deep inside so he could be strong for Elaine and the children, but he was dreading the entombment because he knew it would be the final goodbye.
