Montgomery Family 03 - Turned Around By Love

by Vikki Vaught

  Jonathan walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers. “All right, then I’ll come along. I’m going to get in bed now. Are you coming, or are you going to sit up a while?”

  With apprehension on her pretty face, Kathryn said, “No, I’m coming to bed.” Walking to the right side of the bed, Kathryn pulled back the covers and lay down beside him. Jonathan pulled her into his arms, kissed her cheek, and closed his eyes. Kathryn laid there for a few minutes all tensed up, but then he felt her body begin to relax. Soon her breathing grew steady, and he knew she had fallen asleep. That went better than he had expected. He thought she would object when he got into her bed, but she never said a word.

  Yes, he just needed to take it slow and easy.

  Let her get used to him being in bed with her every night.

  It might kill him before she finally gave in, but it would be well worth it. As he enjoyed the feel of her sweet body next to his, he slowly drifted off to sleep.

  Kathryn heard someone moaning as she woke up from a sound sleep. She realized it was Jonathan. He was thrashing about, and in the moonlight she could see that his face was slick with sweat. He was in the throes of a nightmare. Kathryn shook his shoulder, but he didn’t wake up. He started shouting, “No…No…Leave my leg alone!” She tried again to wake him up, but this time he grabbed her to him and cried out again, but he was still asleep. Kathryn let out a little scream.

  Kathryn started rubbing his chest and down his arms. She tried again to wake him up, but he continued to sleep. As she continued to massage his chest, he quieted down and quit thrashing around. His breathing evened out, and he became calm. She knew that the nightmare had passed. She continued lying there with her hand on his chest, gently stroking. She felt him roll toward her and pull her against him. At first Kathryn was scared, but then he began rubbing her back. It felt relaxing, and she slowly fell back to sleep.

  The next morning, when Kathryn woke up, she looked over at Jonathan to find he was still asleep. He looked much younger when he was sleeping. In fact, he looked quite a bit younger than when she first met him. The lines around his mouth and eyes were less pronounced, and he didn’t look as tired either. It was as if she was seeing him through different eyes.

  Had she changed, or had he?

  Jonathan’s arm was around her waist, and when she tried to lift it away, he pulled her against him. Now they were lying face to face on their sides. He started stroking her back, and then he opened his eyes. “Good morning. Did you sleep all right? You look very pretty this morning with your face all aglow. I like waking up with you beside me. I just realized that you’re the first woman I’ve ever slept with.”

  Kathryn looked startled. “How can I be the first woman you’ve ever slept with? You told me you weren’t a virgin, so I’m sure you’ve slept with quite a few women.”

  Jonathan grinned. “Oh, I’m definitely not a virgin, and you’re right, I’ve bedded quite a few women, but I never slept with any of them. To be blunt, once we were through having sex, I always left and went home to my own bed. I promise…you’re the first woman I’ve ever slept with.”

  “Why didn’t you want to stay with them all night?” Kathryn asked, finding this conversation fascinating.

  “After we finished having sex, I always felt restless. You know what I also just realized? I’ve never made love to a woman. All I’ve ever done is have sex with them. I realize now that there’s a big difference. Oh, I called it making love, but love never entered into it. It was always for sexual gratification. We haven’t had sex, but I do make love to you.”

  “Now you’re really confusing me. How have we made love?”

  “Kathryn, there are many ways to make love. When I hold you in my arms and kiss you, it feels different than when I was with other women, and I think it’s because I care so much about you.” He kissed her and said, “Do you know why it feels different?”

  “No, I still don’t understand why you say we’ve made love.” Still looking puzzled, she waited for him to explain what he meant.

  “I’ll try to explain. I’ve fallen…in love with you. When I kiss you, I make love to your mouth, and when I rub your back, I make love to your back. I never expected to fall in love, but you had me from the first moment that I laid eyes on you. Do you know why I don’t want a mistress?”

  Kathryn hesitated, but then said, “No.”

  As Kathryn looked up at him, Jonathan answered her. “I’m ashamed to tell you this, but I think it will help you understand. A week or so after we met, I went to a brothel. I picked out a woman with bright red hair and long legs. She resembled you. While she was pleasuring me, I imagined that it was you. After I left there, I felt incredibly guilty. As if I’d betrayed you. I went back to the brothel one more time, and this time I picked out someone who looked nothing like you, but it didn’t matter. All I could think about was you. I again felt that same level of guilt when we finished having sex.”

  All this was fascinating to Kathryn. Lying there in his arms felt so pleasant as he stroked her back and arms. She felt no fear. Even though he was speaking of sex, she wasn’t uncomfortable. She actually found it flattering, and part of her was thrilled that he loved her.

  Jonathan stroked her back gently and kissed her cheek as he continued to explain. “So you see you’ve ruined me for all other women. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone else. I would rather live the rest of my life chaste with you than have to live without you. I hope and pray that someday, you’ll grow to love me as much as I love you, and when you do, I think you’ll change your mind about intimacy. But even if that never happens, I would still rather be with you.”

  “Jonathan, I don’t know what to say. I’ve never thought about falling in love because I knew how I felt about intimacy. I don’t know what to think about you loving me. I know that I care about you, but I don’t think I’m in love with you.”

  “That’s all right, darling. I didn’t expect you to say you love me, but I can’t help but hope that you will one day.”

  “I can’t promise you that I’ll ever be able to make love to you, but I will say this, you’re the only man that I will ever want to kiss me, and I do enjoy your kisses tremendously. I like it when you hold me in your arms, but I’m just not ready for anything else, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be. I’m sorry that I’ve ruined you for other women.” Then she looked up at him and added, “Well, actually, I’m not sorry. I don’t want you to be with another woman. I guess I’m very selfish.”

  Smiling down at her, Jonathan said, “No, my darling, you’re not selfish. I’m actually encouraged that you don’t want me to be with other women. I hated it when I thought you wanted that. I want you to promise me that you won’t worry about any of this. Let’s just enjoy being with each other, and we’ll just let nature take its course. Well, enough about this for now. I need to get up, go back to my room, and get my day started. What time do you want to leave for Bath?”

  Kathryn watched as Jonathan got out of bed. “I would like to be at Madame Bovary’s by eleven o’clock. Would that be acceptable to you?”

  “Yes, just meet me out front at ten o’clock, and we’ll leave then. Now kiss me and send me on my way.”

  And…that’s exactly what she did.

  Elaine chattered the entire time during the drive into Bath, so it was easy to see she was excited about getting a new wardrobe. When Kathryn and Elaine arrived at Madame Bovary’s, Jonathan left them there and went on to the Pump Room. Madame Bovary had a myriad of fashion plates for Elaine to choose from, specifically designed for young adolescent girls. Elaine had fun selecting the styles that would work best for her, and she was very receptive to all of Kathryn’s suggestions.

  Madame Bovary had a wealth of fabric swatches to choose from. Elaine picked out an adorable pale pink silk for a dinner gown with deep pink rose buds embroidered all over the bodice, and trails of them down the front of the gown. She picked out several day dresses, a new traveling dress, and another ri
ding habit in deep blue, which complimented her complexion.

  Jonathan returned for them at one o’clock, and they went to lunch at the White Hart Inn. After they finished a tasty meal of pork pasties, cheese, and crusty brown bread, they went to the duchess’s house.

  Abernathy told Kathryn that the gentlemen were in the study and the ladies were in the drawing room. Jonathan decided to go join Henry and Matthew. As Kathryn entered the drawing room she said, “Good afternoon, Mother. I hope you’re feeling well?”

  “I am feeling very well. How are you today? Are you enjoying your new home? I know Jonathan set up a room for you to use as your studio. Did it meet with your expectations?” her mother asked.

  “Everything is wonderful. I’m going to enjoy living in my new home. The studio is perfect.” Kathryn turned to Helen and Melody and asked, “Would you like to go for a walk with me? The weather is surprisingly mild.”

  Melody and Helen responded in unison, “We would love to go!”

  Kathryn asked Elaine, “Which would you rather do? Go on a walk with us or spend time with the children?”

  Elaine answered, “I’d rather spend time with the children.”

  Kathryn, Helen, and Melody went with Elaine to the schoolroom, and the children were overjoyed to see Elaine. Mary Elizabeth and Angela immediately wanted her to join them for tea, and the boys wanted her to read to them. They left Elaine with the children and went outside for their walk.

  Once the ladies were in the park, Kathryn turned to Helen and Melody. “I have something of a dilemma, and I need your advice. Jonathan told me that he’s in love with me this morning. I’m not sure that I want him to be in love with me. It makes me feel a higher level of guilt over marrying him, since I can’t see myself returning his regard. I can tell by the way he talks that he thinks that I’ll eventually change my mind about intimacy, but I don’t see that happening. What should I do? I care deeply for him, but this is all a little frightening for me.”

  Helen spoke up. “Kathryn, I think it’s wonderful that Jonathan’s in love with you. I know how you feel about intimacy, but I think that over time, as you grow to trust Jonathan, you’ll change your mind and want to ah…be with him. Let me ask you something. I assume he’s kissed you several times. Do you enjoy his kisses?”

  “Yes, he’s kissed me quite a few times over the last couple of days, and I have enjoyed them. He’s also insisted that we share a bed each night. At first, I didn’t want to, but he convinced me that it would help us grow closer to each other. I didn’t think that I would be able to relax enough to fall asleep, but I’ve actually slept quite peacefully. He makes it all seem so natural that I find it hard to object.” Kathryn sat down on the park bench, leaving room for Melody and Helen to join her.

  They sat down and then Melody shared her thoughts on the matter. “I think that it’s very smart of Jonathan to insist on sharing a bed, and it’s a promising sign that you’ve been able to sleep so soundly. It shows that you already trust him. I believe that trust is essential in a loving relationship. I think Jonathan’s behavior warrants your trust in him.”

  Kathryn looked around at the fall leaves on the ground as she replied, “I do trust him. While he obviously desires me, he hasn’t acted on that desire. When he kisses me, I can feel him keeping tight control of his passion. I find myself wanting to respond to him, and it surprises me, but I think I’ve actually felt desire from his kisses. I get a warm, tingly sensation when he kisses me, and I find it extremely pleasant.”

  Helen nodded. “That’s definitely desire you’re feeling. That’s very promising Kathryn. Has he touched you?”

  “Well, he has rubbed my back and stroked my arms, and I felt the same sensations as I did when he kissed me. I find myself wondering what it would feel like…if he touched me more intimately. I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t be talking about all this, but I’m so confused. I really want your help.” Kathryn blushed as she told them this.

  Melody excitedly replied, “Sweetheart, we love you, and yes, it’s a bit uncomfortable to talk about these things, but if it will help you, it’s worth a little discomfort. Kathryn I think all of this is very promising. I have a few suggestions for you. This is what you need to do. The next time he kisses you and touches you, make sure you respond by letting him know you’re enjoying his touch. Moan or sigh deeply, and he’ll know that you’re responsive.”

  Kathryn thought about this for a moment, and then said, “I think that I can do that. I’ve already wanted to, but I’ve suppressed it because I didn’t want him to try other things, but now I think I’m ready to experience more. Thank you so much for your advice. It’s embarrassing to talk about all this, but I really do want your advice. I’m glad you’re staying for a few more days so I’ll be able to continue to talk with you.”

  Helen hugged Kathryn. “All I’ll add is…you may already be falling in love with Jonathan. Knowing you the way I do, you wouldn’t be responding to his kisses and touches unless you were emotionally attached to him.”

  “You may be right, but I’m so afraid. Oh, this all so confusing!”

  “Don’t be afraid of love as I was. I denied my feelings for Matthew for months, and even after I realized that I did love him, I still waited several more months before I told him. Life’s too short to spend months pondering over this. None of us knows how long we have on this earth. Just look at what happened to Jonathan’s brother and his wife.”

  The ladies returned to the house and joined everyone for tea. As Kathryn traveled back to St. John’s Wood, she thought about her conversation with Helen and Melody and decided she would try to do as they suggested. She trusted Jonathan enough to know that if she became uncomfortable he would stop if she asked him to.

  Elaine talked the entire way home about all her new gowns and how she couldn’t wait to wear them. Kathryn was glad she had gotten Jonathan’s approval for Elaine to have her gowns made by Madame Bovary, and she felt he would be pleased with the result. Jonathan laughed and teased Elaine about her gowns, and the trip passed quickly.

  Chapter 18

  When Kathryn arrived back at the house, she went to the schoolroom to visit with Frankford and Jane. She spent an hour reading to them and then went to her room to get ready for dinner. While she was at Madame Bovary’s, she had picked up a new dinner gown she had ordered.

  Once she was dressed and Sarah finished arranging her hair, she looked in her cheval mirror. As she smoothed down the bodice of the gown, she noticed how the décolletage showed her breasts to advantage. The deep gold silk felt marvelous against her skin and, it complemented her natural creamy complexion. She knew she looked her best tonight, and hoped Jonathan would think she looked attractive.

  When she descended the stairs, Jonathan was waiting for her. His eyes glowed with appreciation. “Darling, you look incredibly lovely tonight. Is that a new gown?”

  As he escorted her into the dining room she replied, “I picked it up today while I was at Madame Bovary’s with Elaine. I ordered it two weeks ago. I’m pleased you like it. Jonathan, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you see the dresses that Elaine ordered. They’re perfect for her, and they don’t make her look too mature. It was a challenge to pick out gowns that were appropriate, but Madame Bovary had quite a few designs that worked perfectly for her.”

  Jonathan helped Kathryn take her seat, and then he sat down adjacent to her. “I appreciate you helping Elaine. I realize she’s growing up, but I don’t want her looking too mature. I know that there are unscrupulous men out there who would love to get their hands on her. I just want to protect her.”

  Kathryn picked up her napkin and spread it on her lap. “I love that you’re so protective of her. I wish my parents had been more aware of what was happening to me when I was a young girl. They were always gone, and Nelson and Henry were quite a few years older than Helen and I, so they were away at school most of the time. I was too ashamed to tell anyone what was happening, but I think that a more involved
parent would have realized that something was wrong.”

  Once the footmen had served the quail and left the room, Jonathan replied, “I agree with you. That’s why I watch over Elaine so closely. I know she’s very impetuous and could be easily led astray. I’m relieved that you’re going to be there with me when she has her come out. I was counting on Allison to bring her out, but I know you’ll do a marvelous job. You’re even more aware of the dangers that accomplished rakes can be to an innocent young girl than she would have been. Now that we’re finished with our dinner, do you want to go upstairs to our sitting room and read, or go to the music room?”

  “Why don’t we go to the music room? I enjoy hearing you play. I find it quite soothing. I just wish I had taken my music lessons more seriously now that I’m older, but I was so wrapped up in my art that I found them a bother. Of course, I do enjoy singing, and I have a passable soprano voice.”

  “I didn’t realize you could sing. I’ll play some pieces that you know, and you can sing for me. I would enjoy that tremendously.” Jonathan had quite a few pieces of music she knew. After spending some time in the music room, they went upstairs together.

  When they entered their sitting room, Jonathan told Kathryn he would join her shortly. Kathryn went to her bedchamber, and Sarah helped her get ready for bed. She had Sarah leave her hair loose instead of in her usual braid. She knew Jonathan loved her hair and would enjoy seeing it down again. She also chose to wear a matching silk night rail and robe instead of her heavy cotton gowns.

  Kathryn decided she would get into bed and wait for Jonathan to join her. Soon she heard him knock and enter her room. She held her breath for a moment as he came into view. He must have taken a quick bath, because his hair was still damp, and she could smell sandalwood soap, which was very enticing. He had on his dark blue silk banyan, and he didn’t have a nightshirt on under it. When he noticed her hair loose, his eyes darkened with desire, and it caused those marvelous sensations to run through her body.