by Vikki Vaught
Their eyes met in the mirror, and Jonathan leaned down, brushed her hair to the side, exposed the nap of her neck, and kissed it. He began to slowly stroke her shoulders, and he heard her breath quicken. Pulling her up into his arms, he turned her around, and then kissed her deeply. When she parted her lips, he slid his tongue into the sweet cavity of her mouth. She tasted sweeter than cherries, and her luscious scent overwhelmed his senses.
Nibbling his way across her cheek to her earlobe, he gently sucked it into his mouth, and Kathryn gasped as his tongue licked her ear. Jonathan placed his hand on her breast and felt it swell as he rolled her nipple through her night rail.
“Darling, take off your night rail so I can see your gorgeous body. Have I told you what a delectable body you have?” She looked up at him, reached for her gown, and slowly pulled it up her body and over her head, letting it drop to the floor.
Jonathan felt his heart accelerate as she uncovered her delectable body. Her pert nipples were hard as pebbles, and he leaned down and captured one in his mouth, teasing it gently with his teeth and lips. Kathryn pushed his robe off his chest and began to run her delicate long fingers through his chest hair, which always drove him wild. She had no idea how that excited him.
“I love it when you do that.” Jonathan shrugged off his robe and it fell to the floor. Her eyes widened when she saw that he was completely naked. He’d always left his smalls on, but not tonight. He took her hand and pulled her over to the bed, and she sat down on the edge.
“Lie back.”
Kathryn lay back as he parted her lovely thighs, leaned over, and licked her core. His tongue caressed the moist pink folds exposed to him. As he gently sucked her bud of desire, he took his finger and circled her tight passage. Jonathan slowly, and gently, slid his middle finger inside her. He felt her muscles tighten. “Just relax. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Jonathan slid his finger in to his first joint and then stopped to give her a chance to accept him. When he felt her opening up for him, he pushed his finger the rest of the way in, then slowly drew it out, and then slid it back in. She gasped, but didn’t tighten up, so he continued. He breathed deeply of her clean, womanly scent, and he felt his cock grow hard as a rock. He leaned his head back down and licked her core as he stroked her with his finger.
Kathryn’s breathing grew shallow, and she was writhing under his head and hand. When he knew she was close to her release he stroked faster and sucked on her pretty little pearl, then he heard her whimper, and she let out a breathless scream as she fell over the edge into bliss. Jonathan looked up into her sweet face all aglow from her passion. She’d never looked more beautiful.
He pulled her up so she could look into his eyes, then he kissed her, took his shaft and rubbed it across her glistening wet nether lips, but he felt her stiffen up. “It’s all right, I’m not going to hurt you. Trust me, I’m going to just put the tip in. If it hurts, I’ll stop. I promise.” Jonathan pushed the tip of his shaft in. It felt like heaven.
Kathryn’s pretty face tightened up, and she cried, “No…No…I…can’t do this. Please don’t make me!”
He pulled out and gathered her in his arms. “Shush, it’s all right. I promised I would stop, didn’t I? You’re my sweet, brave girl for trying. I love you, sweetheart.” He gently rocked her until she stopped crying and trembling. It just about tore his heart in two, to see her like this.
Oh God, he hoped that bastard was burning in hell!
Even that was too good for him.
“I’m sorry, Jonathan, but it brought back the memories of him lying on top of me, forcing his manhood inside me. Oh God, I wish these memories would leave me!”
Jonathan continued to tenderly stroke her back. “It’s all right, we’ll get through this together. I love you enough that even if it never happens, I’ll still love you forever. I hope that someday you can return my love, because then I’ll have my deepest desire fulfilled.”
“Jonathan, I do…I’ve…fallen in love you. I really do want to be your wife in every sense of the word. Please continue to be patient with me. I’m not going to let that weasel ruin what I know will be beautiful.” She reached down and wrapped her hand around his shaft as she said, “Teach me how to pleasure you.”
Jonathan looked into her sincere little face, tenderly smiled at her, and nodded. “Squeeze my shaft.” He guided her hand up and down his cock. As he drew close to his release, he groaned, and then kissed her ravenously as he shot his seed over her belly. He held her tightly as his breathing returned to normal, and his heartbeat slowed down. Jonathan went over to the basin, wet a cloth, then brought it back to the bed, and gently cleaned her belly.
“My sweet, wonderful girl. Thank you.” He picked her up in his arms, and pulling back the covers, he laid her down, then slid into bed beside her and gathered her into his arms. He tenderly kissed her temple. “Go to sleep, my love.” He lay there and tried not to let this disappoint him. Kathryn had told him she loved him.
Those were the sweetest words, yet bittersweet, because even though she loved him, she couldn’t give herself to him. Jonathan felt rage building in him against the bastard who did this to her.
Oh God, how were they going to make it through this?
He knew he had pushed her a little too far tonight, but God, he wanted her so badly.
He wasn’t sure he could keep this up much longer. Maybe it would be better if he left her alone for a while. Eventually, he dropped off to sleep, holding his beloved wife in his arms.
Kathryn woke up to the sounds of moaning and crying. She felt Jonathan’s chest under her head, and his heart was thundering in his chest. He was clammy and shaking all over, and then he shouted, “Never…leave my leg alone! Help me, Roderick! Don’t let them cut my leg off,” Kathryn gently stroked his chest, and then he grabbed her to him. The sudden movement surprised Kathryn, causing her to scream, and he woke up. He looked at her with terror in his eyes. “Oh God, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
Kathryn gently smiled. “It’s all right. You can’t help your dreams. You didn’t hurt me, it just scared me a little when you grabbed me, but I’m fine. I know what it’s like to have nightmares. I had one last week. I’ll go months and not have a nightmare, and then all of a sudden, they’ll start up again. The one last week was quite disturbing, because I found myself in the library when I woke up. I haven’t done any sleepwalking in several years. One thing that I’ve learned is that I can’t control them. All I can do is live through them. I know they can’t hurt me.”
“I know you’re right, and that I can’t control them. I used to drink myself into oblivion, but I know that isn’t an option for me anymore. What I just realized was having you beside me made it less horrific when I woke up. The next time you have a nightmare, wake me up— especially if you’ve been sleepwalking. I can just imagine how frightening that would be. I want you to be able to depend on me to help you through it. Don’t try to deal with it on your own, all right? I wonder what could have caused your nightmare again. I’m going to get up and get myself some water. Do you want any?”
“I’m not sure what triggered that dream or the sleepwalking, but I promise that if it happens again, I’ll wake you up. Thank you for offering me the water, but I’m fine. You’ll come back to bed, won’t you?”
“Yes, right after I drink some water.” Jonathan came back to bed after he drank his water, and they lay there in each other’s arms until they fell back to sleep.
The next morning when Kathryn woke up, Jonathan was already gone. She lay there thinking back over what had happened last night. Rage rose up in her when she thought of what her uncle had done to her.
Why couldn’t she let it go?
She desperately loved Jonathan and wanted to let him make love to her fully, but every time he tried to take their love to completion, she would get the terrible images in her mind of what her uncle had done to her, and she felt as if she were suffocating. Feeling so
helpless, she started crying. As the tears coursed down her cheeks, she prayed, “Lord, help me with this. I know you don’t want me to be tormented. You have sent a wonderful man in my life, and I deserve to have a full, loving relationship with him. Help me overcome my fears so I can be a true wife to Jonathan. Lord, I place this in your hands. In your son’s precious name I pray.”
When she finished her prayer, she felt much better and rose from her bed more determined than ever to overcome her fears.
Kathryn stayed on schedule and finished the portrait on Friday. Lord and Lady Ralston were thrilled with it. They told her they would be recommending her to all their friends. Kathryn was pleased with the way it turned out, but her best work so far, in her opinion, was the portrait of Roderick and Allison. When she got to Helen’s, she went looking for Jonathan so she could tell him that she was finished with the portrait. She found him at the stables with Matthew.
As Kathryn approached him, Jonathan turned to her with a bright smile on his handsome face and asked, “How did it go this morning? Were you able to finish their portrait?”
She smiled. “Yes, I finished it. Lord and Lady Ralston loved the portrait, and they said they would be recommending me to all their friends. What have you been doing this morning?”
“Matthew and I just returned from a ride on the beach. I must say, even though I don’t like to be out on the sea, it’s very pleasant to ride along the shore. I’ll miss it when we leave on Monday. What do you have planned for this afternoon?”
“Since it’s such a nice day, I thought that I would take the children for a walk after luncheon.”
“Well, I hope you have an enjoyable afternoon. I would love to come with you, but you know that I can’t walk long distances. Well, I need to rub down this horse and give him some oats, so I’ll see you at luncheon.” Kathryn gave him a smile as she turned around and went back to the house.
After luncheon, Kathryn took Elaine, Frankford, and Jane for a walk in the woods behind the house. They had a pleasant walk, and the children got to run off some of their excess energy. As they walked along, she said to Elaine, “I want you to know that I appreciate all you do for the children. You have really helped to keep them entertained. I know that you’ve been bored, but just think—when we get back home, Jonathan is going to enroll you in Mrs. Manning’s School for Young Ladies. Are you excited?”
“Oh yes, I’m looking forward to it very much. I can’t wait for the holidays to be over with so I can start. Do you know why I decided that I wanted to go to school? It’s because of the conversation I had with Gregory. He told me about his sister, Margaret, and how much she enjoyed school. You know, he was very nice and polite to me, and a perfect gentleman. I know that you don’t like him, but I don’t think you’ve given yourself a chance to know him.”
“I can understand how you might find it flattering for a young man to pay you attention, but Helen told me things that make me very leery of him. Besides, you’re entirely too young to be developing a tendre for him.”
“I know I’m young. I’m not going to fall in love with him. I just wanted to be his friend. Helen and Matthew haven’t seen him in almost three years, and even I know there’s a big difference between eighteen and twenty-one. He’s been here for almost two weeks, and I haven’t seen any wild behavior.”
Elaine had a very valid point. “You’re right, there is a big difference in three years at that age, and I haven’t seen any wild behavior either. I don’t object to you being friends; just don’t go anywhere alone with him. He did promise your brother that he would leave you alone. Enough about this, you have so much to look forward to. I just know you’re going to love finishing school.”
“I agree. I’m sure that some of the other girls will be making their come outs when I do, so I’ll have friends when I go to London in two years for mine.”
“I would have liked to have gone to school, but my parents refused to send me. At least I did get to go to the Art Institute, thanks to Henry and Melody. Well, it’s time to gather the children and head back to the house. The sky is darkening, and it looks like we’re going to have a storm. Let’s hurry.” They made it back to the house just as the rain started. Kathryn hoped that Jonathan didn’t get caught out in it since he had gone over to one of Matthew’s tenant farms that afternoon.
Once Kathryn left the children in the schoolroom, she went to her room to freshen up for tea. At four o’clock, she joined Helen in the drawing room, but the men weren’t there. “Have Jonathan and Matthew returned yet? I certainly hope so, because this is a very bad storm.”
“No, they haven’t come back yet. I imagine that they’ll probably stay at the Miller’s place until this storm passes. That’s what Matthew usually does. Did you finish the portrait this morning?”
“Well, I won’t worry since you’re sure they aren’t out in this weather. I did finish, and as much as I love to paint, I’m ready to take a short break. My next commission is for Susan and her husband. I’m supposed to do their portrait after the holidays. Since they live in Kent, which isn’t too terribly far from Sanderford Park, it just makes sense to go there after we leave the park. Are you sure you and Matthew won’t come? It won’t seem the same without you.”
“I know I’m going to hate not going, but I’ve been so sick from this child, I can’t even think about taking such a long trip. I’m thrilled about the baby, but the timing could have been better. Kathryn, how is everything with Jonathan? You’ve been so busy that we haven’t had a chance to talk.” Helen reached over and took a biscuit from the plate on the table.
“Helen, I can’t seem to overcome my fear. Jonathan is very understanding, but I know this is so hard on him. I want to make love, but whenever we try to…you know…I get images of what my uncle did to me. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
As Kathryn sat there crying, Helen put her arm around her. “Honey, I’m so sorry, but I hate that you’re letting that horrible man have power over your life. It’s bad enough that he did those things to you, now he’s ruining your chance at happiness as well. Please, try to put it behind you so you can have a full marriage.”
With determination in her voice she said, “I know you’re right. I never looked at it that way! I am giving him power, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m glad we talked. That’s the most helpful thing you’ve said to me. I refuse to let that awful man ruin my life any longer. I love Jonathan, and I want to make love with him. I know he would never hurt me.”
Helen patted her hand. “Good for you. I know you can do this. I’m going upstairs to dress for dinner. I’m sure Matthew and Jonathan will be home soon. See you in a bit.”
After Elaine left Kathryn and the children, she wandered down to the music room. She went through some of the sheet music, but didn’t find anything to interest her. She sat there and just picked at the keyboard. She was pleased Jonathan had agreed to allow her to go to school. She knew that she would enjoy it.
She heard footsteps and looked up. Gregory was standing there, just inside the door. He pulled the door closed and walked over to her. “Did your brother give you a hard time about going riding with me?”
“A little bit, but I told him that he’d been ignoring me, which made him feel guilty. I brought up going to school, and he’s agreed to send me after the holidays. He also made me promise not to see you alone. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to see you.” She looked up at him and smiled as she added, “I think you’re nice. You treat me like a grown up. Jonathan is so old-fashioned, and he treats me like a child.”
“You’re definitely not a child. I wish you were a couple of years older. I’d really like to get to know you better. Your brother has a good reason for mistrusting me. I’ve been wild my entire life. The navy has given purpose to my life, and I’m finally growing up. I’m going to succeed, and I’ll have my own ship in a few years. Then I’ll prove to my brother that I’m not the wastrel he’s always thought me to be. If I give you my addres
s, will you write to me? I know you’re leaving on Monday. Can I have…another kiss? This will be the last time we’ll have a chance to see each other alone.”
“I’d like for you to kiss me. I’ll write you. I’ll be having my come out in a couple of years. Maybe I’ll see you again then. I’ll be eighteen in two years, so maybe we can get to know each other better then.”
Gregory pulled her into his arms and gently kissed her. When she responded, he deepened the kiss and pulled her closer. Elaine felt a tingly sensation run through her body as he brushed his tongue across her lips. She gasped, and he slid his tongue into her mouth.
Elaine tentatively put her tongue in his mouth, and he groaned, then broke their kiss. “We have to stop. I could go on kissing you, because it feels so good, but it wouldn’t be right. I promised your brother I’d leave you alone. In two years, I’ll come looking for you. I hope you’ll write, and I’ll write back. I’m going to leave you now. I don’t want you to get into any more trouble because of me.” He hugged her close, playfully kissed the tip of her nose, then let her go, and walked out of the room.
Elaine watched him leave and wished desperately that she was two years older now.
Chapter 24
Late November 1823
After Kathryn took the children back to the schoolroom, she decided she would take a short nap so she wouldn’t be tired tonight. She was going to make love with her husband if it was the last thing she did. Kathryn knew Helen was right, and she wasn’t going to let her uncle have power over her any longer.
When Kathryn got up from her nap, she rang for Sarah and had her prepare her a bath. Kathryn had picked up some lavender-scented soap and bathing salts when she had been in town the other day. After she washed her hair, she leaned back in the tub and thought about Jonathan.
