Waiting on the Sidelines

by Scott, Ginger

  “I know, you don’t have to tell me how she is, Sean. I know,” I said, putting my hand on his heart. He really was one of the good ones.

  “OK, but you have to know…you are all Reed asks about, Nolan. I just don’t want you thinking that he did this on purpose...”

  I smiled a little, but it was fake. The girls came outside just then, so our conversation ended. We piled into the truck and Sarah unzipped her duffel bag to reveal all the liquor she had stolen from her parents bar. They had parties frequently and were always ordering things in bulk. Sarah would slip a bottle here and there so they never noticed. I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, still a bit too nervous to walk on that wild side. I knew Sienna would be my partner in crime. Goody two shoes ‘til the end, her and I.

  The truck kicked up dust when Sean pulled a sharp right into the desert. It was about 20 minutes in on a hidden dirt road. But there it was. The picnic tables were already full of people. Bon fires were lit, headlights were on and radios were blasting.

  “Way to be late to your own party,” I yelled at Sarah over the noise.

  “Bullshit,” she said. “Party doesn’t start until I get here!” Sean stopped the truck and Sarah hollered as she stood up on the edge of the bed of the truck, holding a bottle of vodka in her hand.

  “Who’s drinking with me tonight?” she asked. It didn’t take long for a very built, very tall senior from the football team to help her from the truck and carry her over to a table for some making out and underage delinquency.

  I shook my head a little as I slid off the tailgate with Sienna. “Shall I grab you one of our usuals?” I asked. She just nodded and smiled. I headed to the front seat cooler to grab a couple of Diet Cokes.

  I was glad my hair was up. And as much as I thought it was a risky idea at first, I was also glad I listened to Sarah and wore one of her bikini tops with my cut-off shorts. It was really hot out.

  Sienna and I sat on the tailgate of Sean’s truck, swinging our feet back and forth. It was the first time in days that I felt almost normal. I wasn’t happy, but I also wasn’t sad. I let my mind go, looking behind me from time to time to see how Becky and Sean were getting on sitting on the hood of his truck, kissing and giggling. While I could easily resent their happiness, I couldn’t help but smile at it.

  Sarah came over to grab my hands and dragged me out to the middle of the camp ground to dance to one of our favorite songs. She had made me learn this simple hip-hop routine that the cheerleaders did during basketball games. It was a great Usher song, with a really strong base. I laughed as I slung my head back and looked up at the stars while we kicked and moved our hips. I was pretty sure I looked ridiculous, but she had promised me I didn’t when we practiced in her room earlier.

  Sienna had joined us now, which made me laugh even harder. For a girl who was so dang musical, she had absolutely no dancing ability. She kept looking at me and shrugging, asking if she was getting it right, which only made me laugh harder. I was having a good time with my friends, just what my soul needed, and then it ground to a stop.

  I could barely make out Reed’s frame, leaning against the hood of the black Mustang backed into the brush and low trees. He was staring at me, taking long drinks from his beer. A few empty bottles were lined up by his feet. How long he had been here, I didn’t know. My throat was closing up and breathing became difficult. I turned to Sarah with wide eyes as I backtracked on my feet and headed back toward the safety of Sean’s pickup bed. I was mumbling to myself, I know, but not really words…just short, panicked phrases speckled with the occasional ‘shit!’ I passed up the back of the truck and climbed into the cab instead, shutting the door and sinking down into the seat. I must have startled Becky and Sean because they both jumped and turned to look at me.

  Sean stood up on his hood and then jumped down on the ground and came over to my window. He rapped his knuckles on it gently, a silent plea for me to let him in. I did and slid over to the driver’s side. He closed the door, propped his leg sideways on the seat and turned to look at me.

  “I was hoping you wouldn’t run into him tonight, Noles, I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching his hand to hold my shaking shoulder.

  “I saw him,” I said, tilting my eyes up to look at him. “He’s drunk, isn’t he?”

  Sean turned and stared out the back window, looking right at the darkness where Reed was sitting. He inhaled deeply, pursing his lips tightly. He turned to me finally. “Yeah…he is.”

  I nodded, but I really didn’t know what the hell to do. I promised Sean I wouldn’t sit in his truck and sulk, so he left me alone for a few minutes to gather up my thoughts and courage.

  Lights glimmered through the brush ahead of me and I knew it was another car coming to the party. When the dusty blue of the BMW came into view, I realized Tyler had made it after all. I wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea now, despite the fact that I invited him here under friendly conditions. My stomach turned a bit as I thought about drunken Reed. Time to suck it up, Nolan.

  When I left the comfort of Sean’s truck, I headed to the center of the campsite where Sarah and Sienna were still gathered with a few other girls. I whispered to Sienna that the friend I had invited was here, and she came over to greet him with me.

  Tyler was brushing back his longer blond hair with his hand and tucking it neatly under his plaid Hurley hat, looking around the crowded corners for someone he recognized. Looking for me, I thought. I caught the relief that washed over his face when he saw us walking up.

  “Hey, you made it,” I said as we came closer to him. He was wearing long red board shorts and a form-fitting white T-shirt. I knew what Sienna was signaling to me when she kicked my shin with her leg, trying to be subtle. Tyler could be classified as a ‘hottie.’ He wore everything just right. His light blue eyes were expressive and his hair was out of the pages of a magazine ad. His skin was super tan from his time at the pool and from diving, which also meant his physique was pretty spectacular, too.

  But as gorgeous as he was, he still wasn’t the best looking guy at the party. No, that title was held by the drunk heartbreaker lurking in the shadows. The one whose presence terrified me, and whose secret terrified me even more.

  “Thanks for inviting me; this is pretty awesome,” Tyler said, startling me back to the present. “We don’t do anything like this in Chandler. I mean, we party… but it’s usually in someone’s back yard.”

  We laughed a bit. I introduced him to Sienna and he shook her hand. Uncomfortable by his good looks, she giggled a little uncontrollably. It was cute to see my put-together, level-headed friend a little flustered.

  I brought Tyler over to the pickup truck and offered him a drink, a little excited that he just grabbed a bottle of water. I didn’t think I could handle more than Reed being drunk tonight. We all sat on the edge of the truck bed for a bit as I pointed out various people at the party to Tyler and explained to him the inner-workings of the football status circle in Coolidge. Who was in, who was out, why the cheerleaders were all drooling over certain seniors who were looking to sign huge contracts with Division I schools, why we were historically so good at football, how the entire town shuts down on Fridays. Pretty much everything except our amazing quarterback, and thoughtfully, he didn’t ask anything about it either.

  A good hour had passed with Sienna, Tyler and I making up conversations for the various people at the party. Sienna and I had a good time watching the various forward girls from our school come over and feign interest in us just so they could talk to Tyler. He was always polite, but was also sure to tell people that I had invited him here.

  Every so often I stole a glance to the black Mustang. Reed was still there. Still drinking. He was hanging out with a couple of the seniors on the team now, trying to keep up with rap lyrics to some song they were blasting. I didn’t recognize it, but every now and then it had the word ‘whore’ in it. I knew because all three of them would sing it loudly and start laughing.

  As the ni
ght grew longer, Reed and his drunken crew were getting louder and more obnoxious, but they still stayed in their corner. Sarah had finally dragged the three of us out into the center of the party. She said she wanted to dance more, but I think she wanted to show off some of her curvier moves for Tyler. Amazingly, he wasn’t interested. He was instead watching me…which, while it was nice to have positive attention after having my heart smashed, it also made me anxious, like a time bomb was waiting to go off.

  Sarah made Sean put on her favorite song again and made us do the dance routine that she had drilled into my mind. Sienna joined in to make me more comfortable and we were soon once again lost in the silly happiness of it. When the song ended, Tyler started clapping, I think to make me feel better about how embarrassed I was that Sarah was making me show him my poor dance skills.

  When my back was to him, though, his clapping was soon joined by someone else’s. I turned to see Reed clapping, with a bottle tucked in his arm so he could use both of his hands. His eyes were blood red, and his face was puffy. He had his cargo shorts on and a long-sleeved gray T. He was messy and unshaven. I had never seen him like this, and it made me feel sad.

  “Wooooooo whooooo, yeah baby!” Reed slurred. Sean was walking up behind him, trying to grab his arms to get him to stop clapping, hushing him. He was embarrassing himself. “No, Sean. That was something. We should celebrate it, woooooooo! Come on everyone, give them a round of applause. Our girls can dance, woooooooo!”

  I turned to Sienna, my eyes tearing up a little and I just grabbed her hand. I was so uncomfortable from the attention he was drawing. I wanted him to stop, but he wasn’t going to.

  “That’s right…our girls can dance. Let’s celebrate!” he flung his head back gulping a half-bottle of beer at once, then throwing the bottle off into the brush behind him. He spun around on his heels, falling backwards a little and taking a minute to right his balance.

  “Reed, come on man. Let me get you home,” Sean said, trying to get his friend to stop.

  “I’m fine, Sean. Come on, let’s celebrate,” he said, walking over to one of the seniors he was hanging out with, grabbing his bottle of hard liquor. He raised it over his head. “Let’s toast. Let’s toast. Have you heard? I’m going to be a daddy! Woooooooooo, fuckin’ A! That’s right, wooooooo!”

  He took a big drink, wiping his mouth across his sleeve when he was done, holding my gaze the entire time. I was frozen, and couldn’t help the single tear I let slide down my cheek. “That’s right, Nolan. I knocked Tatum up…” he slowly walked closer to me, and the smell of him was making me sick. He tilted his chin up, turned sideways to take another drink, and kept his eyes on me. “So whatcha gonna do about that, huh? How does that fit into your perfect world?”

  His eyes flared a bit. He took two fingers and pushed them into my chest, pushing me off balance a little. This pissed Sarah off, who broke our gaze when she yelled at him: “Stay the fuck away from her, Reed. Knock this shit off. You’re drunk, and you’re being an asshole!”

  Reed just started laughing as he turned around in a slow circle, taking in the crowd of onlookers, who were several dozen now.

  “Reed?” I said so quietly I wasn’t sure it was out loud. It was enough to jolt him to turn right back into my face, the stink of the alcohol on his breath stinging my eyes.

  “Nooooooo-laaaaaan,” he said in a mean spirited tone, raising his eyebrows and mocking me, but for what who knew.

  Suddenly Tyler was between us, and he was pushing me back. “Hey, man. Don’t talk to her like that,” he defended.

  Reed stared at him blankly for a few uncomfortable seconds, and everyone stood silent, wondering if he was going to cry or throw a punch at Tyler’s face. Instead he started laughing, laughing so hard that he had to bend over and hold his knees to catch his breath. He started coughing a little when he grabbed Tyler’s shoulder to brace himself.

  “This guy…” he started, pointing at Tyler with his thumb and looking at me, but not with clear focus. “You fuckin’ this guy now? First Sean, now him. Skipped me, huh?”

  I don’t know how many milliseconds passed exactly, but I’m sure it was very few. My hand flew to his face so hard I knocked the spit from his lips and sent his head tottering to its side and he stumbled to one knee to get his balance. My face was wet with emotion, but my eyes were full of anger. I just stared at him and watched him try to get up. I didn’t dare say a word. I said all I needed to when my palm made contact with his face. I may have loved Reed, but right now I hated him.

  We all watched in silence as he struggled to his feet, checking for blood on his lip with the back of his hand. He laughed a sinister sound as he walked backwards to the shadows again, still looking at me. There was nothing in his eyes. I wasn’t even sure if he would remember this. But I would.

  Sean gathered him up and drove him home, Sarah, Sienna and Becky went along, riding in the back. Tyler offered to drive me home, and despite my uneasiness with ever letting anyone see where I lived, I let him.

  “You ok?” he said, putting the car in park in my driveway.

  I just shook my head in disbelief, staring out his front window, then I turned to him still wet-faced and red from crying. “No. So completely not OK.”

  We both took a deep breath and sat there still. I wanted to try to gather myself together enough before I went inside. Tyler didn’t hurry me, and he didn’t talk. I was finally ready, but then a terrible thought hit me – I was working Reed’s shift on Monday.

  “Oooooooh crap,” I turned to him. “I’m working the afternoon Monday.”

  I just stared at him, sort of hoping he would convince me to call in sick. “It’s ok, I’ll work extra. I’ll be there, too. Since I’ll be in early, I’ll make sure the rotation paper puts you on opposite ends all day.”

  “Ok,” was all I could muster.

  He just looked at me with sympathy. I sucked in my lips, took a deep breath and then thanked him for the ride. I got out of the car and dug out my key to get inside. I was halfway up the drive when I heard Tyler’s window roll down and he called me back.

  “Hey, what’s your number,” he said. I must have made a weird face because he added quickly “oh, I’m not hitting on you. That would be creepy. I just want to send you mine, just in case. If you need anything, ok?”

  I smiled and then gave him my number. My phone buzzed with a text from him right away, so I knew I had his, too.

  “I’m sorry tonight sucked, Nolan. But thank you for inviting me. I’m glad I was here,…for you,” he smiled softly, a little sympathy to it.

  “Me, too,” I said. And I went inside and somehow found sleep.

  16. Getting By

  Monday’s shift was barely tolerable. Reed showed up late for work, so I didn’t have to see him at station assignments. When he did finally show up, he looked even more tired than he had the weeks before. I was sure he had slept through most of the weekend and had probably gotten sick the second Sean got him home.

  I didn’t ask Sarah, Sienna or Sean about that night. I didn’t want to relive it any more than I already was every time I had a moment alone. And I didn’t want to hear anything that would make me feel bad for Reed.

  He and Tatum were having a baby. The weight of that gave me a near heart attack. And the situation had turned Reed into this horrible, mean monster. I knew he was just attacking everything, trying to tear others down with him, just like his brother had always taught him to do. But the words he said to me couldn’t be forgiven. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through, knowing his future was over, the future he had wanted so badly for both himself and his father. Regardless, I had no part of that, and he had no right to cast any blame my way.

  I spent my breaks with Tyler again, and he was back to distracting me and not mentioning Reed at all. I waited in the locker room until Penny told me the coast was clear. I gathered up my things and headed out to the parking lot. Tyler was still there pulling his diving suit and bag from his trunk when he
stopped me.

  “So…you made it,” he smiled softly.

  “Yeah, uh…thanks for taking on the extra work. It helped,” I was honest. I don’t know what I would have done without Tyler’s distraction. “Thanks again.”

  Before I got to my car, Tyler ran over and tapped on my trunk to get my attention. “Hey, didn’t mean to scare you,” he smiled. “Was just thinking…you maybe want to hang out for a bit while I dive then grab some dinner? Still not a date, I swear.”

  Despite what he said, I got the impression it was still a date in his mind. But, honestly, the continued distraction sounded more inviting than the warning bells in my mind that told me not to jump into something so fast.

  “OK, yeah…let me just call home and leave a message for my dad. He worries,” I smiled. Tyler grinned and gave me a wink before he headed back inside.

  I promised my dad I’d be home by 7 guaranteeing I wouldn’t be out with Tyler too long. I sat on the bleachers and watched as he and a couple of other guys from his team stretched. The other two were good, but Tyler was just a hint better. His precision was shocking. His first dive was a little more plain, just a simple tuck and straight into the water. But the more he did, the more complex they seemed to get. Twists, rolls, backwards; each time he entered the water with such a small splash that if I wasn’t looking I would never know the massive movements that were made before he was submerged.

  He was toweling off when he came over to sit by me when he was done. I clapped a little like he had done for my silly dance in the desert. “Very impressive,” I said, smiling, blushing a little when I noticed his hard muscles and very small suit.

  “Thanks. I’ve been doing it since I was 8, so I hope I at least have some of those down now,” he said, raising one side of his mouth for a half grin. “I’m starving. You have time to eat?”

  I looked at my watch. It was 6, but I could probably do something quick. “Maybe a quick bite. Sandwiches or something?” I asked.