The Accidental Dragon

by Dakota Cassidy

Well, no. She didn’t understand. Was plane hopping like train spotting? “Plane hopping?”

  “None of that is relevant right now. You must listen to me, and listen well. I’ve done a horrible thing. So horrible, I can’t even begin to describe the torture I’ll endure because of it.”

  Her chest tightened. She would not pass out. Do not pass out. “What have you done?” Her voice quavered, making her angry at herself.

  “You must get me more of the er . . . spice. I need it immediately or I can’t tell you the pain we’ll all suffer!”

  His words startled her. She clung to the sheets and forced herself to ask, “We?” Was it going to be worse than sprouting wings? Because that had sucked big-time ass.

  “Yes—we! How soon can you get more?”

  “I don’t know if I can get more, Frank,” she whisper-yelled, afraid to tell him the spice hadn’t burned in the store at all. “I have to relocate the dealer, and it took almost a month to get it here to begin with. What’s so special about this spice that someone would torture you over it, Frank?”

  His sweet face fell, his jowls quaking as he began to fade in and out the way he had back at the store. “Oh, nooo, no, no, no! That’s not the answer I was hoping for. We’re all doomed!” he cried dramatically.

  “Frank!” she spewed his name in a harsh whisper. “What is this spice? What does it do? Why are we doomed if we don’t find more? Do you have any idea what this spice has done to me . . .” She stopped short, gripping the sheets. She’d let him see her cards before she was ready. Crap.

  His bushy eyebrows rose, his watery eyes glazed over. “What it’s done to you? You? Oh, no,” he groaned as though he were in pain. “It didn’t burn with the store?”

  She bit the inside of her cheek. “Well, the store did burn down because of it.” Which was the total truth.

  His face flickered in and out, becoming fuzzy, like an old movie on a television with rabbit ears. “What really happened to the spice? You must tell me now. Now,” he insisted.

  She pointed to the floor where Mick lay, softly snoring. “The very large man took it by mistake,” she said, wincing when she did.

  “He ingested it?”

  Tessa’s gaze was sheepish. “If I say yes, then what happens?”

  Frank clapped his hand to his heart, his fingers shooting straight through his ethereal form. “Things become bad. Very, very bad.”

  Tessa almost couldn’t breathe now. “Why, Frank? Why do things become bad?”

  “Because you’ve stolen something from someone who will kill you because of it.”

  Kill her? She went from afraid to very angry in two seconds flat. She wasn’t no thief and she wasn’t going to have Floaty Frank accuse her of such. “Excuse me? I didn’t steal anything. It was an accident. Mick didn’t do it on purpose. He took it because he thought it was aspirin. I didn’t steal anything!”

  “I can’t tell you how much I regret hearing that, Tessa,” he said, his voice becoming faraway.

  Tessa scooted farther back and sat on her knees to face his shimmering form. “Don’t you dare disappear on me, Frank! Who was this spice for, and why did they want to be a dragon?”

  His watery blue eyes flew open. “A dragon? The large man is now a dragon?”

  “Yes! And so am I! Now, who did you order that spice for, Frank?” she almost screamed before catching herself.

  Frank waffled, his image beginning the fade in, fade out of earlier. “Oh, dear. Those spices were dragon scales! This is awful, Tessa! So dreadfully awful. Hell will rain down on you all for this!”

  Dragon scales? She threw her finger up in the air, shaking it at him. “Frank, if you disappear, I’m going to hunt you down. Swear, I will! Why is it awful? It was a mistake, Frank. Nothing more. Now tell me who wants that spice, and how you know my brother’s name!”

  Frank began to drift away in plumes of colorful smoke. No, no, no! Her vestiges of fear turned to hot bolts of anger, shooting along her spine, spiking in her veins. “Frank! Don’t you dare disappear on meeee!” she roared, so loud, so long, she almost passed out.

  But passing out was the least of her worries.

  She was more worried about the big hole in her far wall.

  The big hole, now smoking and crackling, where her shoe closet used to be.

  A charred shoe fell out and dropped to the floor.

  No! Not the pink polka-dot ones. Damn. She’d just bought those shoes in anticipation of spring. They’d been such a deal, too, fun and flirty, and only $29.99.

  Tessa gagged, spitting out the acrid taste on her tongue just before she tipped over from the weight of her wings and crashed to the floor, landing on top of Mick.

  * * *

  “TESSA! What the fuck is going on? Jesus Christ and a Wheat Thin, what’s all the racket about?” Nina banged on the door.

  Mick scooted out from under her, rubbing his eyes before he rose to crack the door.

  Nina stuck her eyeball to the seam in the door, a shaft of light pushing its way into the room. “What the fuck, dude? If you two are in here consummating your unrequited bullshit and you can’t keep it to a minimum, we’re gonna have a goddamn problem. And why do I smell smoke?” She pushed the door open all the way, shoving her way inside.

  Tessa lay facedown on the carpet, her wings flapping like the sail of a boat clapping in a breeze. She lifted her head, trying to push herself to her feet with no success.

  “Oh, fuuuck,” Nina said, planting her hands on her hips. She used one of her flannel footies to toe Tessa’s shoulder. “You set your GD house on fire, Mothra.”

  Tessa coughed, a puff of smoke streaming from her mouth. “Can I get a hand here?”

  Mick reached down to help but she swatted him away. “Not you!” She had to fight to keep from yelping so he wouldn’t lay hands on her. Not after the last reaction she’d had. “One . . . one of the ladies, please.” She couldn’t bear it if he touched her wings.

  Wanda poked her head in the door, her face covered in a green cream, her hair in rollers. “Nina, help me,” she ordered, pushing Mick out the door.

  Wanda slid her hands under Tessa’s body while Nina got behind her and readied herself to catch her. As Tessa tried to help them lift her, her wings suddenly didn’t feel like an extra appendage, but rather a part of her. Not as much a burden as an extension.

  Once upright, and with Wanda holding her hands, she rolled her shoulders, sensing her wings rolling with them. This time, they didn’t feel nearly as heavy.

  Wanda looked her in the eye, her green face cream in chunks. “Why can’t Mick touch your wings?”

  God, these women were like mind readers. Wait. Nina was a mind reader. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Nina cackled from behind. “I know! I know! Pick me, Miss Wanda,” she singsonged.

  “Nina,” Wanda chastised, giving her friend a stern look, the goopy face cream wrinkling at the corners of her eyes. “Don’t tease. It’s ugly and mean.”

  Nina leaned around Tessa’s right wing, pushing it out of the way to eyeball her. “It’s ’cus it makes your lady parts tingly, right?”

  “Nina! Hush, would you? Don’t poke at her. It’s cruel and rude to poke at the client.”

  Tessa lowered her eyes to the floor and grated a sigh. Why lie? It wasn’t as if Nina couldn’t probe her mind to find out if she really wanted to. God. The shame of all this. Her deepest secret lust revealed for all to see. “Yes.”

  Wanda’s eyes went sympathetic and warm. She patted Tessa’s hand. “Aw, honey. I know this is uncomfortable for you, and Nina doesn’t make it any easier, but it’s a clue, and those are always good to have.”

  “To what?”

  “In how to deal with these changes. Now we know Mick is off-limits to you when your wings are out to play. We’ll remember that in the future.”

  How humiliating. “Why is this happening?” she asked, knowing it was pointless but asking anyway.

  “I don’t know, Tessa. I wish I ha
d an answer. What made your wings come out anyhow? What made you breathe fire to begin with?”

  Frank! How could she have forgotten about her encounter with Frank? “I was upset.”

  “About?”

  “Frank,” she said on a cough, clearing her throat.

  “Frank?”

  She nodded as Wanda steadied her. “Frank was here.”

  “And you didn’t fucking call us? Dude, that’s what we’re here for!” Nina said.

  “I didn’t have time to call you. He just appeared out of nowhere again.”

  “Appeared?”

  “Yes. Sort of hovering over my bed, all shimmery and fading in and out just like he did at the store.”

  Nina and Wanda gave each other that look that said they were communicating something they didn’t want her to know before Wanda asked, “And what did Frank say?”

  As she relayed to Wanda and Nina her conversation with Frank, she refused to stop until she was done so as not to allow how insane all of it sounded to keep her from telling them everything.

  “So you’re sure he said Hell was going to rain down on all of us?” Wanda pressed, her eyes watching Tessa’s.

  “Yes. Those were his exact words. Every last one.”

  “Marty!” Nina bellowed. “Get Darnell on the fucking phone. We got Hell trouble.”

  More worry sprouted. She was almost afraid to ask, but she couldn’t seem to remember. “Who’s Darnell again?”

  “A demon friend. A good demon friend. One we can trust,” Wanda reassured her as though she’d just recommended her favorite investment banker. “No need to worry.”

  “You trust demons?” Tessa shook her head, her wings rocking with her. “Do you guys have a book with all this information in it? Because I feel like I didn’t study for this test. How are demons trustworthy?” She’d been taught everything to the contrary. Demons were spawns of Satan who wormed into your soul and turned it black.

  Which made sense if Nina knew this Darnell. But was Nina’s soul black?

  Or was that all just a front?

  “I know it’s a lot to get used to, Tessa. But all the things the two of you are witnessing are now second nature to us, and sometimes we forget this is a lot to soak up in a twenty-four-hour period. I realize it’s rather like throwing you in the deep end of a pool, but sometimes, in cases like this where things begin to happen rather quickly, there just isn’t a choice.” Wise Wanda. So kind. So patient. Tessa didn’t know how to feel about these women.

  She gazed up at Wanda and gulped, clinging to her hands. “I know you’re only trying to help, but I’m really scared right now. I’m maybe even more afraid of the demon than I am of Nina.” She didn’t even have to look at Nina to know the vampire was rolling her eyes.

  “Darnell’s a pussycat. I promise, he’s like a big teddy bear wrapped up in high-top sneakers and warm hugs.” Wanda handed her over to Nina. “Hold on to her while I go find Marty and see what’s up with Darnell.”

  Nina grabbed her hands from Wanda and walked Tessa backward until she was upright.

  Tessa let her hands go slack, fighting not to pull away as her palms grew increasingly sweaty.

  “Knock it off, chicken-shit. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

  Tessa was most afraid of Nina when she had to be alone with her. The others were less abrasive, less in your face. Just less everything. “Pinky swear?”

  Nina rolled her eyes, her lips thinning. “I already changed out of my killing clothes for the night. You’re safe.”

  Tessa took a deep breath, scanning Nina from head to toe. Maybe she could make friends with her. How many people could say they had a vampire for a friend? “I like your pajamas. It says something about a woman who’s willing to wear Elmo flannels to bed.”

  “My fucking kid likes Elmo. I wear ’em for my kid because it makes her smile.”

  Her kid. Would she ever get used to the way Nina’s child had come to be? Maybe if she tried to get to know her, personalize her, she wouldn’t be so afraid of her. Still, her hands trembled when she asked, “How old is your baby?”

  Nina’s face went light again, her eyes shiny and happy. “In human years she’s pushin’ two.”

  Happy. Nina was happy. She liked happy Nina. “Human years?”

  “Yeah. But in vampire years she’s still crawling.”

  “Right. Because vampires age slowly.”

  “Yeah, but she’s also half genie. So her dad and I keep wondering if that shit won’t turn the vampire half of her on its ass.”

  “You have a husband?” Oh. Had that been surprise in her voice? Yikes. The angry look on Nina’s face said yes. Tessa scrunched her eyes shut to prepare for the onslaught of bad language and threats.

  “Yeah. I have a husband, or in vampire-ese, a soul mate.”

  She popped her eyes back open. “What’s his name?”

  “Vlad the Impaler.”

  Shut the front door. “No effin’ way! Are you really married to Vlad the Impaler?”

  “No, numbnuts. My husband’s name is Greg.”

  “You act like I asked you an impossible question. How should I know if Vlad isn’t still running around? After everything’s that’s happened today, anything is possible, right?”

  “Yeah. Anything’s possible. You talk a lot. You’re almost as mouthy as Marty.”

  “Does that bother you? That I’m trying to get to know you?”

  “I’m hopin’ we don’t have to stick around long enough to get to know each other.”

  Boo on the vampire. “Wow. That’s sort of mean. You can never have too many friends, you know.”

  Nina’s nostrils flared. “When you have Marty and Wanda for friends, you definitely can have too many friends. One more like ’em, and I’m liable to walk out into the sunlight tied up in garlic and shower with holy water.”

  “You don’t really mean that, and I know you don’t.”

  “How the fuck do you know what I mean?”

  “Because I see the way you all work with one another. That doesn’t happen if you’re not friends. Good friends.”

  “Okay, so we’re friends, yappy. So what?”

  “And you’re sure you don’t want another one? Because I’m a super good friend.”

  “I’m all full up on super good friends.”

  “You really are mean, and I say that with tons of respect because my brain doesn’t always get to my mouth to stop me from saying something I’m pretty sure will get me into trouble.”

  Nina bobbed her head. “I really am—mean, that is.”

  “Do you want to know anything about me?”

  “I want to know what will shut you the fuck up before I have to go about finding out what shuts you the fuck up.”

  Why did she need this woman to like her? Why did she want to push her so far she might react and suck her soul right out of her? Because she wanted to know what made someone so unhindered by society’s idea of appropriate behavior tick. “You would hurt me? I’m not sure I believe that.”

  Nina looked down at her, her eyes glittering. “Want me to show you?”

  “No. No demonstration needed. I take that back. I believe.”

  Nina nodded, the dark curtain of her hair falling forward on her shoulders.

  “You have amazing hair. It’s so shiny. What kind of conditioner do you use?”

  “The blood of yappy humans.”

  “I’m not a human anymore. I’m a dragon. Rawr.” She giggled.

  “Okay. The blood of yappy dragons.” She flashed her teeth at Tessa and hissed. “Rawr.”

  Tessa was in the process of leaning back in fear when a new face appeared. Like, appeared.

  Out of nowhere, right behind Nina.

  Jesus.

  “Nina, you beatin’ down the new girl?” a warm, syrupy voice asked.

  Nina’s face lit up again, all wreathed in smiles and welcoming eyes. She was even more beautiful when she smiled. “Darnell, my man! Good to see ya, buddy!”

  A lar
ge hand the size of a bear paw thumped Nina on the back. “You, too. How’s my Charlie? Sho miss my snuggle bug.”

  “Missin’ her Uncle Darnell. You know she loves you. She hasn’t seen you in a month. Where ya been? You missed the last damn barbecue Marty had. Jesus, I could’ve used you for touch football. You know how pissy those ass-sniffin’ werewolves get about a chick takin’ ’em down.”

  Tessa was fascinated. Fascinated by the fact that demons and vampires and werewolves were friends. Fascinated by the idea they barbecued and played football. Fascinated that they chatted like old friends rather than sat around and plotted the end of the world.

  “Dang, I’m sorry I missed that. I had some business to take care of is all. But you know I’m down with the next shindig. Wouldn’t miss it.

  “You must be Miss Tessa,” he said on a grin, his wide smile full of white teeth.

  “I am.” She pulled a hand away from Nina’s grasp to offer it to Darnell, who grabbed onto it and shook it. His touch brought with it a strange peace. As though when he was in the room, everything was going to be all right.

  He rocked back on his heels, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets. “Pleasure, fo’ sure. I hear you have some troubles, Miss Tessa. I’m gonna see if I can’t help ya.”

  “I would really appreciate it. Because these”—she hitched her jaw at her wings—“are a lot.”

  “I like yer wings,” he commented, chuckling. “They’re right fine. Just right for a pretty lady like you.”

  Tessa’s eyes captured his, warm and brown. “Thank you. So what do demons do? I mean, here on earth?”

  “We stay outta trouble. I know all the stuff you been told about us, but some of us just got caught up in somethin’ we can’t get out of is all.” He shrugged his shoulders and grinned again, boyish and sweet.

  “Caught up in?”

  Nina squeezed her hands, her eyebrows furrowing. “Jesus, you’re like a dog with a bone, dude. Shut it with all the lame-ass questions, would you?”

  “’S’all right, Nina. She’s just curious.” Darnell patted Tessa on the shoulder. “How ’bout we talk later? I’ll tell ya everything I know ’bout Hell. For now, let’s just focus on findin’ out what’s goin’ on with this disappearing dude, okay?”