He wanted to say no, he wanted to make her talk to him, but she was so sweet, so lovely, all he could do was nod and get into bed behind her. He placed his arms around her waist and she rested hers on top of his, pressing him tight into her.
Jay closed his eyes and inhaled the sweet scent of her jasmine lotion and fruity shampoo. He was powerless to stop wanting her, to stop holding her like this.
He loved the feel of her in his arms, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed in and out. Jay pressed chaste kisses on her back, loving the way she shivered in his arms because the kisses tickled.
He held her like this for a few minutes, or an hour, or a day. However long, it was simultaneously too long and yet not long enough before she finally turned in his arms to look at him. She looked like she was ready to talk, and Jay was desperate to know what she had to say but also terrified.
Chapter 39: Marty
To say Jay’s shower revelation shocked her would be the understatement of the year. In fact, it was so unexpected and so delightfully surreal that Marty was stunned for a bit, needing time to process her feelings.
Her feelings were simple enough. She loved Jay back. A lot.
Beyond that, however, she was slightly petrified to have fallen in love so quickly, with this grown, capable man. A man who was way further ahead than she was in terms of life and career goals.
That fact alone is what scared her. The idea that Jay might be ready for something she wasn’t able to give just yet. They had briefly discussed children in a casual way, and Marty knew Jay wanted to be a father. The problem was Marty was nowhere near ready to be a mother.
For the first time since she started crushing on him, she felt the consequences of their age difference.
After she snuggled him in bed for a bit, she was no closer to having a better understanding of the situation, and she figured it wasn’t fair to keep him in the dark after he bared himself like that for her. It was only right that she do the same.
And so, that’s how she found herself looking into Jay’s lovely golden eyes, a slight frown on his face. Marty hated his frown, and she ran her finger between his eyebrows to gently smooth away the creases that were forming due to his stress.
“Jay. I’m so sorry.”
His frown deepened before opened his mouth to talk. Marty cut him off.
“No, let me finish. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything when you said those sweet things. To be honest, you shocked the shit out of me. If I was a less awkward person, I would have told you this in that moment: I love you too. Like, I really do, okay? I’m not just saying that because you said it. I’ve loved you for a while.”
Marty could feel the tension deflate from Jay as he smiled the biggest smile at her. Her heart melted a bit just seeing the intense joy and relief on his face.
“You do?” he asked, like a hopeful little boy.
“I do,” she confirmed, “but... I have some... reservations, I guess?”
Jay frowned again, some of his earlier tension returning.
Marty continued.
“That was part of the reason I went all catatonic on you. I just need to know — you’re not ready for kids yet, right? Because if you are, or you think you’ll be in like 5 years or fewer, we probably shouldn’t do this, right? Get involved? Sorry, this is terribly unsexy. But I want us to be on the same page with each other so we can minimize hurt, you know? And I want to be honest with you and let you know that, while I do eventually want children, I’m nowhere near being ready for them. And I’d rather you know that now than find out much later.”
Marty held her breath as Jay stared at her. She was telling the truth and part of her hated herself for putting it out there like that. She wished she had been more selfish and just enjoyed this thing with him for longer.
Instead, she dropped this bomb that could ruin everything.
Jay cleared his throat. “Oh... okay then.”
“Okay then?”
He nodded.
“Yes, okay then. McFly, I do want kids. And I don’t want to be like a super old dad. But neither of those things matter if I don’t find the right woman to have kids with. So, while I want them, I don’t want them at the expense of being with you. Because you’re the right woman. What’s the alternative? We stop seeing each other and then I find somebody else to mother my kids? How’s that gonna work, when I’m desperately in love with you, hmm?”
His tone was a little playful though Marty knew he was serious.
“Desperately?” she whispered, cursing herself for being so awkward.
“Uh-huh. Desperately indeed. So, I am sorry to say but, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
And with that, Marty burst into tears.
She buried her face into the crook of Jay’s neck, loving the feel of his arms around her and his manly strength supporting her. He stroked her hair, giving her gentle kisses along her temple.
“Shh. You okay? Did I say something wrong?”
Marty shook her head and hiccupped. “I’m sorry I’m just... I’m dumb. I... there’s been a lot of emotions the past few weeks and it’s all coming out now and also I’m getting my period so I’m even more of a baby and I’m sorry but I won’t be able to have sex for a few days because of aforementioned period and I feel bad for that but also like, why did that bitch Eve have to eat the damn apple ya know? Could have saved us all a world of pain and—”
“McFly. You’re... you’re kinda scaring me.” Jay gave her a quizzical look as Marty stared up at him in a daze.
She blinked.
“I’m sorry. God, can I just go to sleep for a week?”
He pulled her close again and shook his head. “Nope, I won’t allow it. I’m sorry.” He paused as if considering something significant.
Marty stiffened as she held her breath. “Just spit it out, what do you want to say?”
Another pause before he spoke up again.
“I’m not sure why you think you being on your period would make me want you any less. If it’s something where you don’t feel comfortable being intimate during that time, I completely understand and respect that. But if you’re just trying to let me off the hook, I must tell you that’s not necessary.”
“Huh? It’s not?”
He shook his head, slightly amused. “What kind of boys have you been with, huh? Shit, wait. Don’t answer that.” He looked mad at himself for even bringing it up.
“Point is, it would take a lot more than your pesky uterine lining to keep me away from your pussy, baby. You think I won’t make love to you while you’re bleeding? You think I won’t go down on you? Shit, I’ll stay there all night if you let me, period or not. ”
Marty shivered at his words, a little jolt of electricity passing through her as she thought about what he said. “You said ‘make love,’” she joked, cringing. “Please don’t ever refer to what we do as making love again. I hate it so much I think my vagina might have closed for business.”
He stared at her before barking out a laugh. “God, I really do love you.”
She felt her heart do a somersault. “I really do love you too.”
Chapter 40: Jay
Their time in Florida was nearly coming to an end, and Jay had big news for Marty. He hoped she would react favorably, but he was on edge to get her reaction.
After their last spring training event, he’d decided to surprise her with a fancy day of pampering at the hotel, followed by a fancy date night. He hadn’t yet told her where they were going, and he was enjoying her excited energy as they got ready for the night out.
Jay was already dressed, sipping a whiskey in the suite’s living room while he waited for Marty. He wore a new custom-tailored navy suit for the occasion, with a white shirt and no tie. Marty had told him on multiple occasions that his suits turned her on, and he was excited to see her reaction to this one.
The past few weeks on the road with her had been a dream, and Jay was both hesitant and anxious to get back to life in LA. H
e knew they’d have some challenges but he had some news that would maybe change things for the better for both of them. As long as Marty agreed.
God he hoped she agreed.
Jay realized that he owed all of this to Ralph’s decision to knock up his wife when he did, and his choice to take his paternity leave when he did, instead of when the baby was first born.
Basically, Jay met the love of his life because his long-time assistant fucked his wife at the exact right time. The world was a crazy place. He tried not to think about how close he had been to never meeting Marty, and then he decided that he would have met her eventually. There was no way he could go through life without ever meeting this girl. The thought of it depressed him too much to think about.
“What’s wrong?” Marty asked, as she stepped into the room. She finished fastening an earring and looked at Jay with a concerned look.
Jay’s response caught in his throat as he took her in. She was... flawless.
Marty wore a body-hugging long-sleeved burgundy dress that skimmed over her hips and ended above her knees, with a tantalizing slit in the front that exposed her delicious thighs. The dress had a ruched V-neck that gave an amazing view of her tits, and she wore delicate gold heels and understated gold jewelry.
She had swept her curls to one side, pinning them and letting them fall naturally over her shoulder. Instead of her trademark bold lip, she paired a nude lip color with a smoky eye, which actually made her look even more like a bombshell than usual.
Jay tried to swallow and found his mouth was dry. Sure, he had gotten very familiar with her body over the past few weeks. And he had seen her dressed in everything from pajamas to swimsuits to jeans to dresses. It didn’t matter — she took his breath away every time.
He crossed toward her and kissed her cheek. “Hey gorgeous,” he whispered, loving the way her eyes grew heated as she stared at him.
“Hey yourself. You look so yummy,” she said, a mischievous look on her face. “You sure we can’t just stay in? Order room service?”
“You think I’m going to miss the opportunity to take you out and show you off? No ma’am. Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you,” he said, winking and grabbing her hand.
They made their way out of the suite.
“Why’d you look so sad when I walked in? You were frowning?” she asked. Jay was confused for a moment.
“Oh! It’s dumb,” he explained.
“Tell me.”
“Don’t make fun of me, okay?”
“Babe, you know I can’t promise that.”
He glared at her.
“Fine. If you must know, I was frowning because I realized how easily you and I could have just never met. Like, if Ralph didn’t take paternity leave. Or if he didn’t choose to make a kid with his wife when he did. You know, all that shit. It’s crazy how many things had to be just right in order for us to get together.”
Marty considered this as they waited for the elevator. Just as they stepped on, she turned to him. “So, what you’re saying is, we should send Ralph an Edible Arrangement as a thank you for fucking his wife?”
Jay barked out a laugh and pulled his girl closer to him as more people got on the elevator with them. “Exactly what I’m saying,” he whispered, kissing her ear lightly and enjoying the way she shivered at his touch.
Chapter 41: Marty
To celebrate the end of spring training, Jay had chartered a plane to fly them down to Miami for dinner, drinks, and dancing. Marty was in heaven.
Also, this white guy could dance, which relieved her to no end. Not that she would have broken up with him if he was a bad dancer. It just would have made things slightly more difficult for their relationship.
They wrapped up their night and snuggled back into the cozy private plane in the wee hours of the morning. The flight from Miami back to Port St. Lucie was quick and Marty settled into Jay’s lap, loving the feel of him stroking her legs as she played with his hair.
“Hey,” he said, pulling her from her thoughts. “I have something to tell you.”
Marty panicked, as Jay sounded a little nervous. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “No no, nothing is wrong. I talked to Richie today and he said he has a friend in TV Lit who wants to set up a meeting with you. Apparently this friend is looking to bring on some more diverse clients and she wants to meet you.”
Marty frowned, her breathing increasing. She knew her reaction wasn’t what Jay expected but she couldn’t help it — she was angry and confused.
“Oh,” he said, his face falling at the sight of her reaction. “I take it you’re not a fan of this plan?”
“It’s... that was very sweet of you, and of Richie. I just... I wish you would have talked to me about it first, you know?”
“If I talked to you about it first, you would have never agreed to it. You’re so modest about your writing, and I just thought, if I gave you that push—”
“That was for me to decide though, not you. You didn’t even give me a choice.” Marty hated how whiny and ungrateful she sounded, and she was horrified when she felt her eyes welling up with tears.
“Now I feel like I can’t say no because it was a favor to Richie who was doing you a favor. Do you see how that’s a crappy position to be in?”
“Marty, I’m sorry but... I just don’t understand why you’re so upset. It’s an amazing opportunity. And if you don’t like her, there’s no pressure to work with her.”
Marty shifted off Jay’s lap and got in her own seat as the plane made its descent.
“Come on, Marty, talk to me.”
“Can we just save it for when we’re back in the room? I don’t want to do this here.”
Jay nodded, his brow furrowed, as Marty turned away from him and stared out the window.
They didn’t speak a word to each other as they deplaned, or as they rode from the airport back to their hotel, or as they took the elevator up to their suite.
Finally, the hotel door closed behind them.
Marty marched straight to the bedroom, taking her shoes off and changing out of her dress and into comfy pajamas. She put her hair up in a high pony and attacked her face with a makeup wipe. She wanted to pretend this night hadn’t happened.
Jay stood in the door to the room, his arms crossed. “You going to talk to me or what?” he said, his voice betraying his frustration. “Please don’t ignore me, Marty. I want to work this out.”
Marty huffed and sat on the bed. She finally looked at him. “Jay,” she whispered, “I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Okay, so then don’t fight with me.” Jay came over to sit next to her on the bed, though he didn’t touch her.
Marty stared at him for a long while, noting the tension in his shoulders and wishing she could massage them for him. But it’s hard to stay mad at someone when you’re giving them a massage, and Marty was determined to explain her anger to Jay.
Which meant she had to stay mad for now. And he had to stay tense.
“Look, I really do appreciate the gesture. And I’m really sorry I reacted the way I did. It’s just... have you ever had to wonder if you’ve gotten the opportunities you’ve had because you were actually talented or because of some connection you had?”
Jay looked confused, so Marty continued.
“Okay, so the look on your face tells me you don’t know what I’m talking about. My whole life, I’ve been the golden child in academics, being put into a gifted program when I was in elementary school, making straight As, getting into amazing colleges and grad programs. And yet, every step of the way, there was always someone, usually some entitled white boy, who suggested that I got there because I was a minority.”
“And that, if I had been a white dude, I wouldn’t have gone to Yale for college, and wouldn’t have gotten into their grad program either. It’s just... it’s exhausting. You don’t know what it feels like to question every good thing that has ever happened to you and wonder if it only happene
d because of your status as some minority. To always think to yourself ‘am I good enough to be here on my own? Or is that jerk Timmy right about me?’ And now, to find out that my wildly successful boyfriend is using his clout to get me a leg up — it just sucks. Because I know those doubts will continue to plague me everywhere I go. If I get a writing gig it’ll be because I fucked a big-time agent and he got me in the door, you know?”
Marty took a deep breath and looked up at Jay, who was regarding her with a pained look. He reached for her hands and she let him hold them, needing to feel him again.
“McFly, I don’t know what to say. God.”
He gently caressed her hands with his thumbs and Marty watched, mesmerized by the repetitive motion.
“Baby, you’re right. I don’t know what that feels like. I’m so sorry I took that decision away from you. But, I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. Don’t kill me, let me just say this. Think about it: do you know just how many mediocre white guys are making millions of dollars in the film and television industry? A LOT. A disturbingly large number of them got to where they are precisely because of the connections they had, and not because of their talent.”
“You are already up against so much as a Black Latinx female screenwriter. It’s going to be hard enough as it is for you to get to where you want to be, because it’s still a white dude’s club. So, my thinking is — why not take advantage of any and all connections you have. Ignore the people who’ll say you got there because of your skin color, or because of who you were fucking. Get in there, show them your talent, and then you too can hire people you’re friends with and turn those writers’ rooms into more diverse spaces. Also, I need this Timmy’s contact info so I can beat his ass.”
Well shit. Marty hadn’t thought of it that way. Now she felt dumb. Her eyes filled with tears again. This time, a few of them did spill over. Jay sweetly wiped her cheeks and kissed her forehead.
“I’m in love with you. And I want you to know that I would use every connection I had, do anything, to make you happy. However, if that’s not what you want, I will respect your wishes, because I understand the position it puts you in. Even though I think you should accept this help and at least go to the meeting. But I’ll understand if you decided not to. But—”
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