by Gee, Maurice
‘I thought I asked you to stay home, Hayley.’
‘I got sick of it. They’re OK. Shell’s got Mum doing exercises.’
‘No kidding?’
‘Sure. Jazzercise or something. On TV. I’m going down the park with Jen and Vicky.’
‘Well don’t be late. Be back for lunch.’
‘What did he get?’
‘Two years.’
‘Is that all?’
‘Two years is pretty long.’
‘He’s going to be out before Shell’s twenty-one. If he comes back here I’ll buy a gun and shoot him.’
‘How would you feel,’ he swallowed, ‘if we got out of here ourselves?’
‘Out of Saxton?’
‘Australia say? Started again? You and me and Shell and Mum?’
‘I don’t want to leave Saxton.’
‘It’s just an idea. You think about it, eh?’ He saw her glove in the tomato-box latched on her bike. ‘You could be an Aussie rep. Bigger than New Zealand.’
‘Not as good. We can beat them any time.’
‘Think about it. We’ll probably stay.’
He watched her ride, arms folded again, in his rear-vision mirror; thought of a new country, Shelley winning races, Hayley pitching no-hit games, Joanie well again, everyone happy. That still left Wayne dead, but Wayne was dead. All the rest was possible. Jobs weren’t hard to get there, not as hard, the money was better, houses weren’t too dear. Beth had told him all this, selling Melbourne, wanting her sister. The weather was good, though it couldn’t be any better than Saxton. And it needn’t be a city, a smaller place, some country town with beaches and farms, would be the thing. He saw Hayley and Shelley running down the yellow sand and diving into waves as tall as houses and coming up on the other side, sparkling and streaming and alive. ‘And no bloody sharks,’ he said, fear jolting him.
Fear lived with him all the time. It followed after every hope he had. There was a biting in his chest, he felt as if an animal was there, with teeth hooked in, and tearing it away would leave a hole filled up with blood.
As he came into the kitchen he heard that soft, sexy American voice, ‘Come on, you can do it, one more time, don’t forget to breathe. That’s good, hands on hips –’ and the music that wouldn’t leave you alone. The girls with impossible legs and haunches like elongated hams were prancing and folding on the screen; exercises that should split their sinews; beautiful timing though, he had to admit. Shelley, barefooted on the carpet, was just as good. She could do anything those girls could. He watched her – shorts and T-shirt, bandaged wrist, hair that bounced like in the TV ads, even though she had it shaved at the sides in the ugly way girls went for now. He felt the fear come up and choke him.
‘Mum?’ he asked when she saw him. Without losing rhythm she pointed at the bedroom and he went in and found Joanie lying on the bed.
‘Hayley said you were doing exercises.’
She put a hand over her eyes. It was as if people glowed and the light hurt her. ‘I stopped.’
‘Like a cup of tea?’
‘I’ll make it, Ken. I’ll just have a little rest.’
He went to the kitchen and put the kettle on. ‘Tea, Shell?’
‘Thanks.’ Then she darted at the set and switched it off. ‘Jesus, I forgot him. What did he get?’
‘Two years.’ He went back and laid out mugs and sugar and milk. She sat at the table.
‘It won’t make any difference to Neil. Two years is nothing.’
‘Two years ago you were at school, winning races.’
It was a dangerous thing to say but instead of flaring up she slumped at the table, drooping her head. He could not bear the naked bending of her neck. ‘Shell, he’s out of the way. You can get him out of your system. You’ve got time.’
‘How long did Steve get?’
‘Two. The same.’
‘I’ll go to prison as well.’
‘Not if the lawyer handles it right.’
‘I told Neil where the money was. I waited in the car while they went in.’
‘Only because he beat you up.’
‘He beat me up because that’s what he likes. I went to see him, Dad, I didn’t have to, that’s what they’ll say.’
‘Why did you, Shell?’
‘To see – I don’t know – to see if I could get away. But I couldn’t. I started telling about the money to make him notice me. And I got scared, so I stopped. Then he made me tell.’
‘Can you this time? Get away?’
‘I don’t know. I think – dunno. I’ve got to go to prison, Dad. Maybe that’ll be the end of it.’ A careless note had come into her voice. She was not facing it any more. He gave her a mug of tea and took one to Joanie; propped her up with pillows, put the mug in her hand.
‘My cigarettes, Ken?’
He brought them from the sitting-room and put an ashtray on the bed beside her.
‘What time is it?’
‘Half past eleven.’
‘I’ll make you some lunch soon. I hope I remembered to buy eggs.’
‘There’s plenty of everything, Joanie. I want you to have a shower after lunch. Shelley will help. You’ve got your clinic this afternoon.’
‘I don’t think I’ll go today.’
‘You’ve got to go. We can’t go to Australia if you don’t get well.’
‘Australia?’
‘See Beth. Drink your tea, love.’
Shelley had left hers half-drunk and gone to the bathroom. He heard the pipes come alive as the shower went on and took it as a good sign that she didn’t sit around. She’d quit her job on the fish-chain, though she could have taken sick-leave with her wrist. It troubled him less than it might have because he wanted better than packing fish for Shell. She had wanted to be a physical education teacher once, before Neil Chote. She could never be a teacher now, with a conviction, but there had to be work somewhere that would make her happy with herself. After prison. The pain he felt made him cry out. Two years ago their lives were right. He remembered being happy. Now it had come apart, everything was broken and he did not know what to do.
In the afternoon Hayley rode into town and looked for clothes she’d like to buy. She didn’t need new gear but it was something to do. A couple of times it would have been easy to walk out with stuff, but that was all they needed, two Birtleses up in court. The power other people had to put Shelley in a van and drive her away and lock her up made a sort of ringing in her head. Her mouth kept turning dry and she had to swallow.
In Calamity Jane, Miss Duff came out of a fitting-room holding a pair of jeans and making a face. ‘I swim in them. Hallo, Hayley. Everything’s baggy on me.’
‘Those are supposed to be baggy, Miss Duff.’
‘Are they? Well I don’t like it. You’re lucky having a figure that fills things out.’ She picked up a blouse.
‘You’ve got the best figure. Models are supposed to be thin.’ It made Hayley excited knowing they’d both been in bed with Lex. She wondered which one he had liked best and grinned when she thought of comparing notes. She didn’t mind Duffie having him too.
Miss Duff frowned at her. ‘Yes, I would look stupid.’
‘I wasn’t laughing at that.’ She took the blouse and held it up to Miss Duff’s shoulders. ‘That colour’s good on you.’
‘You think so?’
‘Makes you look kinda, I don’t know, like you slink around at night. Kinda sexy.’
‘That’s exactly the impression I like to give.’
Why were teachers scared of coming straight out with stuff? Miss Duff knew all about sex so why get sarky? ‘I gotta go. Got some shopping to do.’
‘You think I should try this on?’
‘Sure, Miss Duff. I bet Mr Clearwater would like it.’
She rode across the car park and looked at videos in Video World. Teachers were everywhere today. There was Mrs Sangster in the section where the foreign films were kept. She’d do better getting out something lik
e The Rocky Horror Show, she looked as if she could do with a laugh. Hayley kept behind the shelves and slipped out the door.
Saxton was too small. Everywhere you went there were people you knew. It might be good living in a place as big as Melbourne.
Space World was full of third-formers, and no chance of getting a game. Anyway, she was sick of games, they just went on and on, the same thing repeating itself. In softball every batter was new, you had to figure her out and pitch a different sort of ball. She decided to go home and practise; but stopped on her way to the door and stood in the crowd watching Duncan Round on ‘1942’. The lights on his face made him look like something from Elm Street. There was nothing wrong with the way he played though. Planes were coming at him from every direction but he picked them off like dabbing up breadcrumbs from a table. Suddenly he said, ‘I’m finished, who wants it?’ and a kid quicker than the rest was at the controls; and was done for straight away, explosions zapping his planes off everywhere. Hayley laughed. She followed Duncan outside.
‘Why didn’t you finish?’
‘Gets boring. That’s Wayne’s bike.’
‘So?’ She felt as if he’d said something insulting.
‘Is that his safety chain?’
‘What if it is?’
‘Six three one.’ He grinned – she supposed the showing of his teeth was a grin – and walked away.
She unlocked the bike (631) and wheeled it up the footpath, keeping behind him. So he had a good memory, what did that prove? And who gave him permission to talk about Wayne? She speeded up and got beside him.
‘You shut up about Wayne.’
‘Why?’
‘He was my brother, that’s why.’
‘What harm does it do, talking about him?’
Donna Gethin and two of her friends went by.
‘Who’s your boyfriend, Hayley?’
‘He’s real neat-looking, Hayley.’
‘Dumb bitches,’ Hayley said.
‘You don’t have to walk with me, I don’t care,’ Duncan said.
‘I wasn’t walking with you. But I will if I want to. Anyway, I’ve got to go. Just shut up about Wayne.’
‘OK, if that’s what you want.’
‘My family’s got enough trouble.’
Riding home, she saw Gary Baxter outside the dairy. He had his arm in plaster. She did a loop in the road and went by him a second time. ‘Did you hurt your arm, Ga-ary?
‘Did you do it combing your pretty hair, Ga-ary?’
She went round a corner and rode on, feeling good. His Escort came up behind her but she turned onto the footpath, gave him the fingers, turned down a right-of-way and crossed the footbridge over the drainage ditch. Shelley was walking back from the supermarket with a bag of groceries. Hayley got off and walked beside her.
‘Put them in my carrier, Shell.’
‘They’re not heavy.’
‘I just saw Gary Baxter. I bust his arm.’
‘What? When?’
‘That day he tried to get me to take on his friends. I chucked a rock at him. He’s in plaster. I didn’t know.’
Shelley turned her face away.
‘What’s the matter, Shell?’
‘Jesus,’ Shelley said. She was crying.
‘Hey Shell, I didn’t mean to upset you.’
Shelley kept on crying silently. Hayley tried going round to see her face from the other side, but Shelley turned her head. Tears made her cheeks shine and she wiped them with the bandage on her wrist.
‘Shell? Is it going to court?’
‘It’s everything. You and Mum and Dad. Everything.’
‘Why me? I’m all right.’
‘You’re doing the same I did. With Gary Baxter.’
‘No I’m not. I bust his arm.’
‘You know what I mean. Going with creeps. Are you still pinching from shops?’
‘I haven’t done that for ages.’
Shelley put down the bag of groceries. She took out her handkerchief and blew her nose. Hayley picked up the bag and fitted it into her carrier box. ‘You want to ride the bike, Shell?’
‘I’m all right.’
‘Has Dad told you about Aussie? That would be real neat, eh?’
‘It doesn’t make any difference where we are. Mum’s not going to get better, she’ll get worse.’
‘Being with Auntie Beth could make her better.’
‘Maybe.’
‘And Neil Chote couldn’t find you there.’
‘There’s other blokes like Neil. Neil’s sort of blokes are everywhere.’
‘You don’t have to go with them.’ She tried a joke. ‘You have to bust their arms like I bust Gary’s.’
Shelley gave a laugh. After a while she said, ‘That old man with the stick is dead.’
‘He was real old though. He had to die some time. It’s funny him being Singsong’s father. Hey Shell, you didn’t do it, it’s not your fault.’
‘Neil tipped sugar and flour and stuff all over the old lady.’
That seemed horrible to Hayley too. ‘Neil’s round the twist. But you’re not, Shell. We’re not, eh? If Neil comes after you I’m going to shoot him.’
‘Great, then we’ll both be in prison. I’m going to cook a real good feed tonight, get ready for bread and water, eh?’
‘You won’t get long, Shell. Maybe just a fine.’
‘I don’t want a fine. I want prison.’
Their father’s car was at the gate and he came down the path with a hold-all.
‘Where’s Mum?’
‘They’ve admitted her, girls. I’m just taking round some stuff for her.’
‘Why’d they admit her? Because of me?’
‘No, Shell.’
‘Yes it is. Jesus, I wish –’
‘They’ve got some drugs they want to try on her. That’s all it is.’
‘What sort of drugs?’
‘I don’t know. Something that kind of – maybe gives her a shock. Anyway …’
‘They wouldn’t admit her just before Christmas.’
‘Well –’ He looked away. ‘I got her in a private place.’
‘You can’t afford that,’ Shelley cried.
‘Yes I can. It’s only a month.’
‘Because of me.’ She went up the path and into the house.
‘Go and talk to her, Hayley. I’ve got to take this stuff.’
‘It is because of Shell, isn’t it?’
‘They thought your Mum should be out of the way. Don’t say that though. She’s got enough things to worry about.’
Shelley was lying on her bed. ‘Go away.’
‘Shell –’
‘I’m all right.’
‘Can I make a cup of tea?’
‘I don’t want one. Close the door. Leave me alone.’
Hayley went into the yard and threw some fast balls, rattling the tin. Then she cooked the big meal Shelley had joked about.
Her father rang Melbourne that night and Hayley heard herself being shifted around. Auntie Beth would pay her fare, but why did her father want her in Melbourne? He would be alone, and wouldn’t he need her?
‘I’m not going.’
‘Yes you are. Beth’s making the bookings and they’ll telegraph them through.’
‘Why can’t I stay and help you?’
‘I don’t need help. I’ll be working all day, and nights I’ll have to visit your mother.’
‘When do I go?’
‘On Friday. You’ll be back in time for the tournament.’
‘Stuff the tournament.’
‘Take your mitt with you. Do some practice.’
She started to say no, but saw his eyes. The look in them was like the gorilla in the cage.
She went into her bedroom and turned off the light and lay face down on her bed, trying not to cry.
In the morning Shelley said, ‘I don’t want you there.’
Hayley understood that. She did not want to see Shelley getting told off and take
n away; she felt that she would stand up and shout things at the judge.
‘And don’t come in the cells. Dad’s not coming either.’
‘Shelley,’ her father began.
‘No one’s coming in the cells. Say goodbye, Hayley.’
They kissed and hugged.
‘When you and Mum come out it’s Aussie, eh?’
‘Sure.’
‘Don’t get any tattoos, Shell. They’re dumb.’
She put her togs and towel on the bike and rode towards town. Her father and Shelley passed in the car, tooted the Birtles goodbye, long and two short, and went round the corner out of sight. She speeded up, but they were gone round the next corner too. She felt lonely riding down the road and wondered where to go. There was no one she wanted to see. Then she thought of Lex and decided there was no harm in riding that way. She would see if the Land-Rover was there but not go in. It would have been good though to talk about Shelley even if Lex had nothing to say.
It was cooler in the valley than in town. Already cars and bikes were at Monday Hole and kids were swinging on the swings. Someone had a canoe on the water and a ghetto blaster was going at full bore, ‘Funky Town’. She rode by Freaks’ Hole – no one there. Women had the golf course today and she pedalled slowly, watching them swing, and knew she could do better than them if she played. But golf was too slow and stuck-up and what Pure Muir would call ladylike. Even the men who played seemed ladylike.
She stopped at the bend by Lex’s hill. Some goats, the last six left, were crossing the face. It was so steep they looked like cutouts pinned on a board. She wheeled her bike behind a willow tree and looked for Lex. In a moment she saw him come out of a shed and climb the hill behind the house. Up and up he went towards the pines.
‘Hey, Lex,’ she said. Then louder, ‘Hey, Lex.’ He was wearing the red shirt he’d worn on that day with her. Once he stopped and hacked at something with his heel. Puffs of dust went up. ‘Lex,’ she yelled, behind her tree. She saw him turn and look out over her, and she said quietly, ‘My Mum’s in the loony bin, Lex. And Shelley’s going to prison today.’ He turned away and climbed again and went into the pines. Hayley got on her bike and rode down the valley. She felt happier. She couldn’t visit Lex again, that was the deal. She’d felt things with him she would never forget – fucking, sure, but more than that; going with him up into the hills. It seemed to prove that things would end and other things start up and the bad luck in their family wouldn’t be for ever.
