Joe shocked me by looking hurt.
"Think about this Joe, please. We barely know each other. We have nothing in common. What do we have to base a marriage on but the baby? I don't think either of us want to live the rest of our lives like that!"
He looked thoughtful again and I knew he was trying to find an argument to make. His weary sigh, made me feel guilty for putting him through this ordeal. Joe deserved better.
Joe reached again for my hand and for the first time, I looked down at the ring. It was beautiful—small, but beautiful—just a petite, round solitaire diamond on a thin, delicate band and nothing like the ring I would have picked for myself, yet it looked right at home on my finger.
"Joe, I—"
"Just wear it for a few days. Give it some thought," Joe said softly. "Humor me?"
I surprised us both by nodding. I couldn't speak past the lump in my throat.
Joe cleared his own throat and we just stood for a moment in the alley way, holding hands. I thought for a moment he would lean down and kiss me. I wondered how I would react. A small part of me wanted him to try it, so I could see if there was anything there, or if the passion between us that night at Lilly's had just been a terrible fluke. I couldn't tell if Joe thought the same thing though; he remained stoic as always.
"I'll call you tomorrow," he said after a while. I nodded again and watched as he turned and ambled down the alley, back towards the street.
I waited until he'd rounded the corner and then I slumped against the wall, setting the tears I'd been holding in free. I don't know how long I stayed out there, but the cold of the stone wall holding me up began to leech into my body, it made everything numb and achy at the same time.
A soft hand on my arm caused my head to snap up. Mrs. N. stood in front me, concern painted across her ancient face, but a gleam of something more humorous reflected in her eyes.
"I know it's not what you were expecting for a proposal, Rhiannon love. You've probably spent your entire life thinking he'd look like a movie star and put a rock on your finger the size of an egg. That he'd sweep you off to Paris or Rome or some beach in the tropics. That he'd whisper beautiful things in your ear by candlelight and promise you the moon."
Mrs. N's smile was ageless and knowing.
"I know you Rhiannon, better than you know yourself. Candlelight and promises aren't worth a damn in this world, take it from me. That man would take care of you better than any of your movie stars or millionaires ever could."
~~~****~~~
It was the first girls' Friday night we'd had since Lilly's momentous hook-up with Adam. Both she and Adele had been busy at work, plus it had only been in the past couple of weeks that Lilly tentatively began speaking to me again. We'd never discussed what happened between her big brother and me, but the conversation was going to have to be had and soon; just the thought of it made me feel ill.
Adele already sat perched at our usual spot when I arrived at the bar. I eyed the round of drinks on the table with trepidation.
"Don't worry," Adele laughed as I sniffed with uncertainty at the bright green concoction she put in front of me. "It's virgin."
"Well I'm glad one of us is," I muttered as I slipped up onto my barstool. Adele laughed and for a moment it almost felt like old times, when everything was normal. I took a sip of the drink and wrinkled my nose in disgust. Without the tequila, a margarita is just lime, ice, and a hell of a lot of sugar. My growl of dissatisfaction made Adele laugh again.
"How are you feeling?" she asked casting a quick look around the room to be sure Lilly wasn't approaching.
"Okay," I replied, which was a bit of a lie.
"Any morning sickness?" Adele inquired. There was such concern on her pretty face I couldn't help but smile, even though the last fucking thing I wanted to talk about was how I felt.
"A little. It's more just a general feeling of always wanting to throw up," I confessed. "Mostly, I just feel tired."
My best friend's smile was sympathetic, and she nodded in a knowing way. Prior to her divorce, Adele had gotten pregnant twice and lost both babies. She knew more about pregnancy than I ever would. We'd never really talked too much about the babies she'd never had, although I knew how much it had hurt her then, how much it probably still did. It didn't seem fair that someone like me, in my position, could be having a baby when someone like Adele, who would have been an amazing and willing mother, could not.
"Well tired is not bad, if that's the worst of it, you're lucky," Adele's smile was encouraging. I knew pregnancy was a wooly topic with her, but she seemed genuinely interested in how things were going for me, and I found myself wanting to talk about it.
"Actually if you want the honest truth, I just feel antsy... not-quite-myself, you know?" I confessed. "I don't know what I want any more. One minute everything is fine, the next minute nothing seems to be the way it should. One minute I'm happy, the next I'm in tears. It's insane. I'm insane. And it feels like I'm horny all the time, my skin practically crawls with it - everything feels more sensitive, and I mean everything... brush up against me the wrong fucking way and I'm liable to want to take you home. I don't know what's wrong with me!"
"Hormones," Adele laughed. "It can't be helped. You've just got to get used to it."
Get used to it. Great. And I was alone; no man around to help take off a little of the edge. Thank goodness for the modern era and my bedside drawer full of toys. I picked up my virgin drink and poked listlessly at it with the straw. I missed booze almost as much as I missed caffeine.
"Omigod!" Adele squeaked. She grabbed my hand and I almost spilled my drink over the both of us. "What is that?"
I held out my left hand on which Joe's tiny diamond sparkled in the dim light of the bar.
"Oh yeah, Joe proposed."
"What!?" Adele hissed, shooting another nervous glance around. Lilly had picked a good night to be late. She and Adam were probably snuggled up together in bed, being cute, cuddly and couple-ish. Ugh.
I told her the abbreviated version of the past few days and tried not to laugh at the incredulous expression on her face.
"So you're actually going to do it?" she gasped when I'd finished.
"No," I replied quickly. "Definitely not... I mean Joe Tanner! No... I don't think so, at least... I mean—" I sputtered. I felt a little guilty for discussing him on those terms, callously and dismissively. It didn't seem right.
"I don't fucking know!" I wailed in frustration. "I don't know what to do! What's wrong with me?"
Adele patted my arm. "I think you like him," she teased lightly.
"He's like an itch that won't go away," I grumbled. "I think about him all the time, I even dream about him. How much of that is me and how much of that is this?" I asked, passing my hand over my stomach.
Adele's smile was soft, almost wistful. "I think they're one and the same now, Rhi."
"Ah, hell," I muttered. I took up my plastic straw and stabbed at the crushed ice in my drink.
"Are you going to tell Lilly tonight?" Adele asked.
I shook my head. I felt too weary to handle any more drama, especially with Lil. I'd had my fill of Tanner dramatics for one week. "Not until I make some sort of decision. Why?"
"Well if you're not going to tell her you better take off that ring, because here she comes."
I turned my head and watched Lilly approach. Even though she'd taciturnly forgiven me for sleeping with Joe, I still hadn't seen her much in the past few weeks because she spent every waking moment with Adam. Not that I could blame her. He was hot. If he were my boyfriend, we'd never even leave the house.
I snuck my hands under the table, and with an unexplainable pang of guilt, I slipped Joe's ring off of my finger and stashed it carefully in the pocket of my jeans.
Lilly's smile brightly as she sat on the stool next to mine.It made me feel a little better to know she didn't completely hate me anymore. I wondered how long that would last once she learned the truth. A small, selfish part of
me wanted it to be Joe who broke the news to her when the time came. I wasn't sure I could handle doing it myself.
"Sorry I'm late," she gasped before she took a long sip from the bottle of beer sitting waiting for her. "You wouldn't believe the day I've had!"
Both Adele and I grinned, caught up in Lilly's infectious smile. She seemed happier than she'd been in a long time, and I knew it was because of Adam. He seemed to bring out the best in her. She'd certainly changed in the two months since she'd met him; she stood taller now and looked people in the eye. Even her wardrobe had relaxed a little. She was actually showing a little cleavage for once and I thought I detected the faintest hint of lip gloss. She looked great.
"Tell," Adele laughed, leaning in closer. I nodded, took a sip of my drink, and tried not to grimace at its syrupy sweetness.
"I quit the newspaper!" Lilly broke off into a peal of loud laughter at the shocked expressions on our faces. "Told old Sterling he could take his job and shove it!"
"What are you going to do for work?" Adele asked.
"Actually, I'm going to be teaching writing at the university," Lilly grinned proudly. "I had the interview last week and they called me this morning with the offer. I didn't want to tell you until I knew for sure!"
"That's so great!" Adele gushed and I added my own congratulations. Lilly smiled openly at me with sheepish delight. I had to resist the impulse to lean over and hug her. The gesture was so completely out of character for me that I didn't know where the urge had come from. I guess it was just so nice to be friends with her again.
"What's new with the two of you?" Lilly modestly changed the subject. I'm sure Adele could have asked her a million other questions about the new job, but Lilly had never liked being the center of attention.
"Nothing," I replied automatically.
Adele filled in my awkward silence with a little anecdote about a new client of hers who wanted to sue his parents for emotional abuse because they'd named him Laverne. She soon had the two of us laughing hysterically and for a moment I almost forgot my own problems. I'd never had much of a family; it was so damn good to have friends.
We chatted and gossiped about all manner of things and while Adele and Lilly had a few more drinks, I discreetly switched over to water. If Lilly noticed my abstaining she didn't mention it. Close to midnight, I made my excuses to leave the two of them to continue their chatter until last call. My back ached from sitting on the straight-backed barstool for so long and I longed for a comfortable pair of pyjamas and my warm, quiet bed.
"Come for dinner Sunday night," Lilly invited as I slipped on my coat and put down money for my drink and a tip. "Adam's got the day off and he's cooking up something fancy." Her smile was so sweet and earnest that I couldn't say no.
The streets were still fairly busy despite the late hour and the unusual-for-July cool temperature. Tourist season had started and unlike some of the Island's citizens, it never bothered me to see them arrive, it meant more money for the shop in particular, and the city in general. In years past, it had also meant a fresh influx of men, but this summer would be different I mused as I made the short, five minute drive to my condo. Rhiannon Barnes on her best behaviour. It was almost laughable.
"Dammit," I muttered as I pulled around the corner onto the block where I lived. Joe's rusty, dirty old truck was parked in front of my building. He stood leaning against it, arms crossed, a sour expression on his face. It was the first time all week I'd seen him in clean clothes though, so that was an improvement, even if his demeanor wasn’t.
By the time I parked in my usual spot and got to the front door of the building, Joe had joined me. I covertly snuck my hand into the pocket of my jeans and wiggled my finger back into his ring before he noticed I hadn't been wearing it.
"I told you I'd call tonight. Where the hell have you been?" Even though his voice stayed calm, his anger was clearly written across his face.
I worked my key into the lock and let us into the warm lobby. "I went out for drinks with Adele and Lil. It's Friday. It's tradition."
That didn't assuage Joe much. "Drinks?" His auburn eyebrows shot upwards.
"Relax, big guy," I muttered. "I had water."
He followed me into the elevator, ignoring my sigh of impatience. On the third floor, he tromped dutifully behind me as I led the way to my condo. Once inside, he waited patiently as I kicked off my heels and turned on the lights.
"Is there something you needed?" I asked when he'd been quiet for too long. "Because if not, I'd really like to go to bed now. I'm not in the mood to play guessing games. Plus your jealous, domineering boyfriend crap is pissing me off. Especially since you're not my boyfriend."
He scowled and said nothing.
I stared at him for a minute. The reddish shade of stubble didn't soften the stubborn angle of his chin. His eyes were the same unfathomable blue as always.
"You know what, Joe?" I said with a weary sigh. "I don't care what you do. If you're not going to say anything, I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted. You do what you like."
I turned my back on him and made my way down the hall to my bedroom. I didn't bother with the lights either, just shucked off my jeans and t-shirt in the dark. I'd left my nightshirt on the end of the bed that morning and pulled it on as I tugged my bra and panties off with a satisfied sigh.
It was cool beneath the sheets; my pillow was soft. I closed my eyes and strained to hear the sound of Joe leaving the apartment. All the while I wondered what the hell he wanted and why the hell he couldn't just say whatever it was on his mind. He was undoubtedly the most frustrating man I'd ever met. He always looked like he was on the verge of saying something, but then he'd just stare at you with those big blue eyes as if he expected you to read his mind.
Joe must have slipped out the door because the condo fell silent. I settled down into the comfort of my pillow and willed myself to sleep. I'd been exhausted only moments before but sleep didn't come easily. It rarely did for me, but with so much on my mind I was doomed to toss and turn. I opened my eyes to watch the flickering reflections of the streetlamps outside dance on my ceiling. I wondered whether counting sheep was an option when I saw a movement out the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see a large shadow outlined in my bedroom doorway.
"Jesus, Joe!" I cried, clutching at the sheets. My heart beat furiously against my ribs. "What the hell are you doing? I thought you left." He moved too quietly for a man his size. I hadn't even heard him approach.
He didn't say anything and as my eyes adjusted to the dark I noticed he was peeling off his clothing until he wore nothing but his boxer shorts.
"What the hell are you doing?" I repeated again. Joe sat down on the edge of the bed to pull off his socks.
"Getting in to bed," he replied.
"No you're not," I argued. "There is absolutely no fucking way!"
Joe didn't respond. Instead he just tugged his half of the sheets from my iron grip and nestled down beside me, far enough away that we didn't touch.
"Are you insane?" I spat out. "Do you actually think this approach is going to work? Do you have any idea how much you are pissing me off right now?"
Again, Joe kept silent and I pulled an extra pillow from under my head, swinging it at him. He didn't even flinch. I hit him a few more times and each whack felt ridiculously satisfying. By the sixth or seventh hit, Joe must have had enough, because he pulled the pillow from my grip with surprising swiftness and tossed it to the floor.
"Feel better now that that's out of your system? You said you didn't care what I did, so this is what I'm doing." he said. His dry tone didn't help my temper any. I reached out and swatted his shoulder with my hand but he gently grabbed my wrist, holding it still. "Go to sleep Rhiannon."
I tried to wriggle free but was too tired to put up much of a fight. With a disgruntled huff, I settled back on to my pillow but Joe didn't let go of me until I had my frantic breathing under control.
"If you think you're getting lucky just because y
ou're sleeping the same bed as me, think again," I muttered mutinously in the dark.
"I'm not here for that," Joe said in his slow, even tone.
"Then what the hell do you want?" I cried in frustration.
"I'd really like to sleep, if you'd just be quiet," he replied.
I didn't get it. I didn't feel like I'd ever be able to figure it out, to get inside of his head. I wanted to scream at him, hit him again, anything to get through to him, to get him to react in some sort of way other than the unflappable calm he always shrouded himself in. Lilly said he had a temper, but I'd yet to see it. Hell, I would have preferred it to the stoic, silent Joe I knew. How could you have an argument with someone when they refused to yell back?
"Go to sleep, darlin'," Joe murmured, and I could hear the rough edge of sleep in his own voice. I desperately wanted to, but his breathing had deepened and slowed long before mine.
Just His Type (Part Two) Page 3
