I did my best to weave Joe into the conversation, and at some point Adele must have picked up on what I was trying to do because she turned her attention to Joe and delicately started to ask him the leading questions instead of Nate. Joe's responses were short and simple, but at least he was speaking. Nate too seemed to sense Joe's uncertainty and when the two of them started talking about crop rotation I finally got a chance to shoot Adele a thankful smile.
Adam stuck his head around the doorframe and announced dinner and the five of us rose to our feet. Joe moved a little more slowly than the rest and I lingered behind with him.
"Is something wrong?" I asked in a stage whisper. "You're so quiet."
Joe's gaze was indifferent. He wasn't the same man I'd spent the afternoon in bed with, he was back to being silent and stoic—the Joe I never knew what to do with. He shrugged. "Are you gonna tell them?"
My stomach did flips and I curled a hand around it, trying to calm the jittery feeling. "I don't know how," I confessed.
Joe's answered sigh was one of frustration, but he leaned forward and kissed the top of my head before taking my arm and leading me into the kitchen.
Lilly's long table was set perfectly with white linens, gleaming crystal, and a big bouquet of fat white roses. Joe and I took our seats across from Nate and Adele with Lilly at the foot of the table and Adam serving. There was an expectant silence as Adam bought out the appetizers and we all sat silently waiting until he removed his apron and took his place. Nate said a very quick grace and Adam encouraged us to begin.
I looked down at the perfectly prepared and exquisitely plated bacon-wrapped scallop sitting in front of me. It was beautiful, almost too beautiful to eat, and then the air in the room shifted and I got a good smell of it. Normally I'd love bacon and seafood put together, but at that moment my stomach didn't care for the aroma. I pushed my chair back with a panicked gasp and bolted for the bathroom, slamming the door with a little too much force.
My stomach heaved and my head swam. I sank to my knees and curled my arms around the cool porcelain of Lilly's toilet as I fought the overwhelming desire to be sick. From beyond the bathroom door I heard the concerned hum of voices. A minute or two passed and there was a soft knock on the door.
"Rhi? Are you okay?" Lilly asked through the wood.
"Yeah," I answered weakly, not sure that my voice was even loud enough to be heard.
There was low rumble of a male voice I knew to be Joe's and then silence from the crowd in the kitchen. I felt the cold sweat on me and the slick fear of what Joe could be telling them, but just then my stomach rebelled and I couldn't fight it. So much for 'morning sickness'; mine didn't seem to care what time of day it was.
I don't know how long I sat there, how long I laid my head against the solid comfort of Lilly's toilet bowl. It took more energy for me not to cry than it did for me not to be sick, but I didn't want to ruin my make-up. When I was sure I was done I rose weakly to my feet and did my best to rinse the sour taste out of my mouth. A few glasses of water and a swig of mouthwash later and I felt slightly better. My reflection in the mirror was terribly pale, but there wasn't much I could do about it.
"It's okay," I muttered out loud, curling a hand over my stomach. "We're okay." I wasn't sure exactly who I was reassuring, but it felt better just to say the words.
Everyone came to their feet when I opened the bathroom door. Everyone looked worried, even Lilly, but there was another layer of expression on her face which told me all I needed to know. I looked over at Joe and he nodded.
"I'm sorry," I said. I'd meant the apology to sound off-handed and casual, as if I didn't care that I'd just lost my lunch in Lilly's bathroom, more than likely within earshot of the entire dinner party, but instead the words came out high-pitched and wobbly, like I was a lost and scared little girl. I cringed.
"I'm sorry," Adam apologized swiftly. He was the closest to me and his emerald green eyes were dark with worry. "I didn't know... I didn't mean for you..."
I waved a hand dismissively as he trailed off, uncertain. "You didn't know. It's okay."
"Are you okay?" Adele asked. Beside her Nate echoed the question with concern.
I nodded.
"I'll live." My gaze moved from the two of them to Lilly. The line of her pretty mouth was grim and she said nothing.
The bacon-wrapped scallops had been cleared and salads were at the other's places. There was a stack of saltine crackers at mine and I almost laughed as I caught Adam's eye when I moved to my seat. There was a mischievous twinkle there which calmed me slightly. He winked at me as I sat down.
"It's a completely bacon-free meal from here on in," Adam teased. Everyone but Lilly and Joe laughed and I managed a weak thankful smile in Adam's direction.
The rest of the dinner was awkward. Adele, Nate, and Adam supplied the conversation and the rest of us sat in silence. I nibbled at my saltines and tried my best to eat a little of everything Adam had cooked up, but my appetite was gone. I felt hollow and alone. Beside me Joe sat without expression, without speaking. On the other side of me Lilly's expression was a female mirror of her brother's. I felt worse than awful.
How we all managed to get through the meal I'll never know, but we all breathed a collective sigh of relief when Adam cleared the last plate and smiled encouragingly at Lilly.
"Got new chrome plating on the exhaust pipes of the bike," he offered in Nate's general direction. "Want to see?"
Nate drew his chair back and smiled as Adam rose from the table. "Definitely do. You coming Joe?"
Joe looked up and blinked in surprise, as if he didn't expect to be included. He didn't turn his head towards me at all, but I noticed him catching Lilly's eye and he rose from the table without sound. The three men filed out the door and down the stairs to the driveway, Adam keeping up a litany about motorcycles the entire time.
There was a very long pause in the room. I finally got up the courage to look over at Lilly. Her expression was empty and there was an indefinable, almost hard edge to the corners of her mouth.
"Lil..." I started awkwardly. God, I hated emotional conversations, and I knew this was going to be one.
"Do my parents know?" Lilly folded her napkin precisely into quarters and laid it on the table, before smoothing it down. I noticed her hands were shaking.
"Not that I know of," I offered. I tried to modulate my voice, to keep from sounding upset, but I could feel hysteria creep in a little. "Joe hasn't said anything to me about it if they do. I'm only ten weeks, it's still a little early to be telling people."
Lilly's blue eyes were a little cold as she looked at me. "Is it his?"
Adele's gasp of shock was even louder than my own.
The nausea was back, a wave of sickening, clammy dizziness that made me want to close my eyes and put my head down, to block out everything until it passed. I didn't want to look weak in front of Lilly, not again. I squared my chin and looked her in the eye.
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
It was a question you never want to hear from anyone, certainly not a friend. Across the table Adele sat motionless, her mouth open in surprise, her brown eyes wide.
"Yes Lilly, I'm sure," I said softly. My throat clogged up with tears I had no intention of shedding. Seeing the doubt flicker across Lilly's face cut me deeper than I could ever have imagined. I may have slept with my fair share of men, but I'd never been anything but one-hundred-percent honest with my friends. I was more than capable of taking care of myself, so lying to Joe and the world about the paternity of the baby served no purpose at all. But how could I make her see that?
Lilly watched me for a while, the wheels in her clever mind turning. She didn't say anything though. She didn't look mad, she didn't look anything. She had a blank, stoic expression that would have done Joe proud had he seen it. Goodness knows I'd seen the same look on his face numerous times in the past few days.
"Joe and I are trying to make the best of this," I whispered defe
nsively. "I wouldn't have chosen to tell you this way, but I'm not going to apologize to you. I can't change what's happened and we all have to deal with it. Joe and I are trying, really trying to make this work in some way."
"Are you going to marry him?" Lilly's question caught in her throat a little. I held my breath and clenched my hands in my lap. The cool diamond of Joe's engagement ring dug into my palm. It hurt but the small pain kept me anchored; it was real even if the rest of evening didn't seem to be.
"I don't know," I said quietly.
"He asked you to." It was a statement, not a question.
I pulled my hands from my lap and laid them on the table. My tiny, pretty ring glinted in the light. It was so throat-achingly beautiful and I didn't feel like I could part with it. It had only been mine for a little while, but my finger would look strange without it.
"Yes, he asked," I whispered in a hoarse tone. Across the table Adele's brown eyes were kind. I tried a small smile out on her, hoping it would make me feel brave.
"I don't think I can do this," Lilly murmured, pushing her chair back. She stood and began pacing the room while both Adele and I watched. There was a wave of men's laughter through an open window from the driveway below. Lilly paused when she heard it. "I can't believe you would do this to me."
Adele stood then, as I sat in mute shock. She towered over Lilly and scowled down at her. "She didn't do it on purpose, Lil. These things happen."
"They shouldn't," Lilly whispered.
For a split second Adele looked as if she was going to slap Lilly. I would have applauded her if she had, but the tall blonde restrained herself. I rose to my feet but I didn't say anything, I couldn't. I could feel my temper rise and it was difficult not to start yelling. Once upon a time I would have done just that, but now I didn't feel like I had the energy for it. Besides, Lilly was a Tanner and ridiculously stubborn. The more I fought her, the harder she'd resist. She was just like Joe that way, but at least with Joe I was learning the sly little ways of getting around his stubbornness. That most of those ways involved being naked certainly didn't hurt. Lilly however would require a different tactic.
"Why do you always take her side on things?" Lilly accused Adele hurtfully. Adele looked shocked.
"This isn't about sides," Adele said. Her expression had evened out to a smooth, professional mask. It was her 'lawyer face'. Both Lil and I knew it meant business. "I know this must upset you Lilly, but this isn't about you. Joe and Rhiannon are trying to do the right thing. This can't be easy for them and I'm going to support them any way I can."
"Do you love him?" Lilly asked me after she'd let me hang in silence for much too long.
I didn't know how to answer that, so I kept silent.
"He doesn't need to be jerked around, Rhiannon. He's had enough of that," Lilly said somberly.
I tried to smile a little, hoping it might calm Lilly down. "I know, he told me."
Lilly's auburn eyebrows shot up but evidently she didn't know what to say to that. I wondered if she hadn't expected Joe to be open with me. The image of Joe standing in the middle of his field being completely and sweetly honest with me probably didn't match up with Lilly's image of her big brother, which didn't surprise me. I seriously doubted there was anyone who'd seen that side of Joe.
Her sigh was long and she sounded as tired as I felt. "He's my brother Rhi."
"Lilly, you've always made me feel like part of your family," I wrapped my arms around myself and smiled faintly. "Now I have an opportunity to be. What about my second chance?" I'd never given anyone such an obvious peace offering, never rolled over so easily without a fight before, but she was my best friend and I was so tired of all the drama. I hated the weeks of silent treatment she'd given me after that first night with Joe. I didn't want to live like that again. I'd missed her too much.
She nodded and returned my smile with a little one of her own. I could tell she wasn't completely won over, she was too stubborn for that. The Tanners were just too resistant to change, every one of them. They all instantly baulked at the idea of things evolving. Lilly had always been like that, every time I left for a trip overseas, every time Adele or I dated someone new, when Adele had gone to law school in another province, when she'd gotten married to Harry and then gotten divorced. Every single time Lilly had had trouble adjusting, how could I expect that part of her to change just to suit me?
We stood across from each other for a while. I watched the expressions flitter and change over her pretty face. She wasn't okay with it. I knew she wasn't. But she was trying to be and I wondered if it was out of love for me or for Joe.
"You do realize of course, that my parents are going to freak." She giggled a little. "And for once it won't be my fault."
I laughed at that. I was hard to believe little Lilly Tanner getting in trouble with her parents at all. "Are we going to be okay?" I asked.
Lilly crossed the room and tentatively gave me a hug. "I guess we'll have to be. I'm sorry I got mad at you, it was all just a bit of a shock. I shouldn't have asked you if he was really the father. That was awful of me. I didn't really mean it." She hung her auburn head and watched as she ground her toes into the carpet like a chastised child. "This is so big, Rhiannon."
"You're tellin' me!" I said with a sardonic laugh, hoping to lighten the mood with a little humor.
Lilly giggled shyly. "You know I love you to pieces, but you're just not the sort of woman I ever pictured for Joe."
My smile was wry. "Well nothing is written in stone yet, Lilly, but I promise you I'll always be honest with him, and with you."
"I guess I can't ask for more than that, huh?" Lilly admitted with a sigh. "Just be careful with him Rhi. He acts tough, but he's really not."
I'd seen through the tough façade already, but I knew what Lilly was trying to say. "He's half bulldozer, half teddy bear," I agreed.
Lilly and Adele laughed. There was a moment of silence between us all which was much more comfortable than the earlier ones had been. Adele was smiling at us both, watching as Lilly took my left hand and looked down at my engagement ring. The smile which bloomed over Lilly's pretty face was beatific and almost as if she couldn't contain herself she squealed excitedly, clutching my arm.
"Do you know what this means? I'm going to be an aunt!"
~~~***~~~
I had no bloody idea how early it was when the alarm clock went off. It was still dark outside, but with my contact lenses out I couldn't exactly read the time. Joe grunted a little unhappily, but shut off the buzzing quickly. He patted my hip and kissed the top of my head.
"Go back to sleep, darlin'," he whispered.
"Duty calls?" I mumbled into the warmth of my pillow.
"Yup. Welcome to farm life." Joe sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. I closed my eyes and tried to sink back into sleep. He moved quietly around the room getting dressed.
"You want me to get up and cook you breakfast?" I offered sleepily. It wasn't something I'd ever thought I'd say, but somehow I thought I should make the attempt.
He chuckled in the darkness. "Do you even know how to cook breakfast?"
I lazily threw his pillow at him, and in the dim pre-dawn light I saw that I missed him completely.
"I can make toast," I muttered. I snuggled down further into the warmth of the sheets. "But now you'll have to make your own, smart ass. Just no bacon! And don't go eating that leftover Angel Food cake that Lilly sent home either, that's not breakfast food."
"Yes m'am," Joe teased. "I can get my own breakfast Rhi, so just go back to sleep. Wouldn't mind lunch though, if you can manage it. I'll aim to be home at noon."
I nodded and made what I hoped was a noise of assent before my dreams claimed me again.
~~~***~~~
The cupboards needed cleaning out. I'd only poked around the kitchen a little before I made that decision. It had been so long since anything had been used that its cleanliness was questionable, so I decided the first order of the day was t
o wash and reorganize everything.
I loaded as much as I could into the dishwasher. There wasn't a single plate or glass that matched in the whole cottage. Instead every piece looked like it had been picked up from a garage sale or antique store. Every era was represented too, from delicate, turn-of-the-century china plates, to really ugly, heavy 70's era stoneware. Altogether though, the effect was quite charming. There were a few pieces I was instantly drawn to -- the little yellow rose-patterned teacup and the blue willow platter in particular both just begged to be used often.
While I had the cupboards empty, I scrubbed them all out. It didn't take long for my knees and back to be in ten kinds of pain, but I didn't want to stop. I'd promised Joe lunch, and I wanted to have the kitchen done before he got home. I don't know why I cared so much, I'd never done much housework before. We'd always had a housekeeper growing up, and when I'd bought the condo I had a cleaning lady come in once a week. But for once I felt a fierce need to do it myself, to somehow make the kitchen mine. Goodness knows what I was going to do with it all once I was done.
Just His Type (Part Two) Page 8
