“And then?” I ask. “What happened to them?”
“They don’t matter,” Jeremy says, in a way that leaves absolutely no doubt. “They had too much…” he searches for the right word for a moment, “…misplaced pride. They refused to accept that their youngest sibling stripped them of all they had. They thought they could bargain with me when I laid down the rules for their continued employment.” Jeremy sneers. “Selfish pigs. Both of them learned exactly how unyielding I can be.” He snorts a laugh. “Comical, really. It was a trait I picked up from them.”
“So they are…?”
“Completely ruined,” Jeremy says. “Living in absolute poverty. One of them was somewhere in South America, last I heard. Neither has a penny to his name.”
“What did you do?” I wonder.
Jeremy winks. “I gave both of them criminal records.”
“You forged them? How?”
“Sometimes I forget how little you’ve seen of the world I live in,” Jeremy says. “Money opens up many doors, Lilly. Corruption is not limited to the poorer countries. It’s ripe right here in America, through all levels of government, through all stages of the legal system. You just have to know how to ask for the things you want done discretely.”
“So faking criminal records, that’s one of them? Snap your fingers and it’s done, just like that?”
Jeremy gives me a sympathetic look. “It’s not quite that easy, but in essence? Yes.”
“Wow,” I say. “So you really are a crook, aren’t you? Morals and boundaries mean nothing to you.”
“I wouldn’t say they mean nothing.” Jeremy hooks his arm behind my back and leads me farther into his home. “I would just say that I respect them less.” A roguish smile. “Or perhaps that my boundaries are much less restricting than that of the average person.”
“You can say that again,” I mutter.
Jeremy laughs. I eye him sideways. “Why are you in such a good mood all of a sudden?”
“Aren’t I allowed to be? I just came home with the woman I love perched on my arm. I’m telling her things I never thought I’d share. It feels…liberating, Lilly!”
Without warning, he pulls me into him and kisses me passionately.
I’m left with my head spinning when he lets go. Damn! But the man can kiss.
“So, then what?” I ask, smiling at him in a crooked, loved-drunk way.
And he hit me only yesterday! Dammit, I’m way too receptive to the physical sensations he makes me feel.
“Then…nothing. I gave them both a choice to surrender to me, metaphorically speaking. They did not. The greatest irony is that Hugh helped me take their lives away.”
I hate how he can speak so nonchalantly about such awful things. But, at the same time, I can’t deny the thrill I feel when he does it. It’s like I know he’s bad, but I love him all the more for it.
Ridiculous, I know.
“Your father accepted your conditions, then?” I ask. I think back to Hugh’s allusion today that he was proud, in his own way, of Jeremy’s success.
“He saw the writing on the wall as the takeover was happening. He could do nothing to stop it, in the end, and I think that made him grudgingly respectful of his opponent. Of the man at the opposite helm. He just did not know that it was me until the ink had dried on the acquisition papers.”
“Okay, so I’m trying to picture it in my mind,” I say. “There you are in court. Your father is seeing, for the first time, that it’s you who is his undoing. And he just…accepts things? There was no resentment, no anger? No sense of betrayal?”
“Betrayal?” Jeremy muses. “Nobody was betrayed, Lilly. Deceived, yes. Most definitely. That is what made it so exciting, so satisfying for me.” He chuckles. “’The only person who didn’t see it as a happy family reunion might have been the judge.”
I raise an eyebrow at him.
He winks and continues in good humor. “My father was never one for outright confrontation. Not with opponents who were stronger. At home, with my mother?” Jeremy’s eyes darken, and he seems to step in himself as he finishes in a subdued tone. “At home, it was very much the opposite.”
I touch his arm. “Jeremy?”
He shakes his head gruffly and comes back to himself. “What? Oh. Right. No, Lilly. My father knew he was beaten, and he jumped ship the first opportunity he got. He was always like that. Sly. Lurking in the shadows. Intelligent, of course. He had to be. But he would never put his own neck on the line.”
“And you just took him on? You accepted his word that he wouldn’t undermine you?”
“I took him on. But with restrictions, Lilly. I told you before. I didn’t want to waste his talent. At the same time, the only place where he would be close enough to me that I could oversee what he did was on my board.”
“You made him change his name.”
Jeremy gives a cruel smile. “Yes. Just the way he made me change mine.”
“You did it of your own accord, I thought?”
“I did, but it was because I wanted separation from him. He was the root cause. Names are powerful things. What better way to ensure he always remembered who is in charge than denying him that which has been his from birth?”
“But what does he want with me?” I wonder.
“That, I do not know,” Jeremy admits. “I’m afraid that he’s been biding his time waiting for an opportunity like this.”
“What opportunity?” I ask.
Jeremy stops and looks at me. “You,” he says. “Hugh has seen that you’ve become important to me. I tried to hide it for as long as I could. With you…” he touches my cheek, “…I’ve become vulnerable.”
I cross my arms. “How?” I ask, somewhat skeptically.
“I would go to the ends of the world for you, my precious Lilly-Flower.” His fingers move down the outline of my jaw. “I would give up all I have if it meant I could have you forever. None of this…“ He glances around us, at the spectacular mansion. “…matters in the least when we’re together.”
I think back to the incident last night. And to all the other strange, erratic, and unusual things Jeremy has done since declaring his feelings for me. “You have an unorthodox way of showing it sometimes,” I mumble with a touch of sadness.
“Are you talking about the virtual reality simulation? I’ve apologized for that already. But, you know what? Let me explain. You have me in an indulgent mood.”
He takes a deep breath. “The reason I did that, Lilly, had to do with Hugh. Perhaps it was…misguided. But I involved him. I gave him a replica of the collar, only to try to show to him how little you meant to me. He didn’t know who you were—what your connection was to either of us and our families—until that point. He just saw you the one time I brought you before the board. And when you showed up at Stonehart Industries a few months later? Well, anyone in his spot could put two and two together.
“That’s what I meant when I said I was trying to protect you. I don’t doubt Hugh harbors ill will toward me. He just never had the opportunity to make good on it. You, unfortunately, opened up that door.
“That was when I told him who you were. That was when I told him—in part—of your time by the pillar, of your association with the collar, of your relation to our family. What he implied in Logan International Airport was one hundred percent false. He was not in on it from the start. No way. But he found out later, and tried to take advantage.
“So I don’t know what he means to do, Lilly. I suspect it’s something to drive a wedge between us. That is why I told you to be on your guard around him. That is why, also, I’m very glad you didn’t take him up on his offer.”
Jeremy looks down the hall, to the entrance of the basement. “And that’s the full truth of it,” he tells me. “With nothing held back,” He eyes me again. I spy a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “How’s your attitude toward water?” he asks me. “We haven’t been swimming for a long time.”
***
We fuck un
derwater in the pool. We fuck amidst the hot streams of the Jacuzzi. We fuck in the sauna, with me laid out flat against the scorching wood paneling and Jeremy driving his hip relentlessly into me as I scream in pleasure.
He grabs my neck. Chokes me. Pulls my hair.
And I writhe like a crazy woman with the passion of it all.
He consumes me. He takes absolute control. There is no safety switch, no telling what he’s going to do to me next, and that is what makes sex so exciting.
He’s mastered the art of controlling my body. When I’m with him like this, I don’t even have room to think. Or doubt. Or second guess. All I do is feel, and let Jeremy guide me through all the currents and swells of that overpowering river.
This is both of us operating on our most primal instincts. This is both of us reverting to our basest needs. The longing for submission, the ease with which I slip into that mindset when Jeremy controls me during sex no longer frightens me. I accept it as part of the incredible aura that is this man.
The aura, the allure, the intoxication. I am drunk on Jeremy’s body. I love the way his lips leave scorching marks all over my skin. I love the jolt of pain I get every time he tightens his teeth on my nipples, or drives into me with his fingers with just too much force, with just too much aggression. I love it because I know he doesn’t hold back. I am the being who inspires such passions in him.
And he is the one who inspires such passions in me.
I feel more alive when I’m being fucked like this, without remorse, without inhibition, than at any other point of my life. It is, I realize, more or less exactly the same way that Jeremy fucked me when I was stuck in the dark, under binds of both the collar and contract. The fact that I am now a free woman is just a subtle enough mental shift to change the exact same physical sensations from repulsive to exhilarating.
I’m not disassociating the physical from the mental anymore.
They are one and the same. I’m fully present, fully there, with Jeremy, as he treats me the same way he did when he was Stonehart. But now that I know more of the man…that I’ve glimpsed his vulnerability and history and his past…it makes all of this so much more acceptable.
“Acceptable”? Fuck that. This is exhilarating, invigorating, thrilling, elating. It’s exciting. It’s intoxicating. It’s all-consuming and absolutely furious. It’s the perfect storm. It’s like paddling out to sea in the midst of a hurricane and risking life and limb on the off chance of catching the most glorious, most destructive wave that will bring you safely back to shore.
Jeremy is that wave. I am his compass. But I’m also a little like a twig, hopelessly caught in the swirling waters. Powerless to change things. Powerless to even try.
And giving up the sort of control that makes me capable of it? That is the most rewarding experience of all.
Chapter Twelve
Hugh’s prediction comes true the following week.
In fact, I’d all but forgotten about it—and him—by that time. He hasn’t bothered me at work. My time in the office has mostly been taken up with a never-ending list of things. I had to learn to wrap my head around my new responsibilities.
Of course, Jeremy made a few surprise, and very…discreet…visits to me over that time.
But on Friday, after just a week and a half of work under my belt. Jeremy makes an unexpected announcement.
We’re heading back to the seaside mansion after having spent the majority of the week at Jeremy’s downtown apartment. I’m excited to get that feeling of being lost in the woods again when I wander around the grounds of the estate. It seems ages since I’ve done that. I want to fall into that trance-like state of being that it always brings.
Jeremy’s voice, however, jolts me from those pleasant thoughts and makes me suddenly anxious.
“Hugh’s coming to dinner tonight,” he says. “I want you to wear your red dress. It will be suitable for the occasion.”
A thousand frantic thoughts come to mind. Hugh’s coming? Why? Jeremy wants me to get dressed for him? Again—why?
And I’m reminded, quite unintentionally, of the last time we had a gathering at the estate.
I can’t help the negative associations that bubble up. Jeremy drugged me and I was led to believe I was losing my mind. Even though, since then—since the night after, when he’d slapped me—he’s been absolutely perfect, this sudden announcement puts me on edge.
We’re stopping in front of the doors before I even get a chance to speak.
“Run along, now,” Jeremy says. “You have only an hour and a half to get ready. It’s paramount that you look flawless tonight. I’ll leave you to it.”
True to his word, Jeremy goes his own way, toward the home office. I’m left struggling with feelings of nervous anticipation.
Okay, I tell myself as I climb the stairs to Jeremy’s bedroom, and our now-shared closet. There’s a reason Jeremy invited his father to dinner. He wouldn’t do it ‘just because’.
What might the reason be? I have no idea.
I shower quickly, glad to shed the constricting work clothes. I blow dry my hair and apply the usual, lightest touch of makeup.
I look at my reflection in the mirror. I look…not amazing. But not half bad, either. Definitely more than presentable, but by no stretch flawless, either. Not what Jeremy requested.
I can’t help it. Long hours during the day, coupled with Jeremy’s insatiable appetite at night have created a lifestyle not exactly conducive to sleep. My eyes are slightly red—well, there’s Visine for that. The discoloration underneath? Nothing a little more concealer can’t fix.
And so, I spend way more time than anticipated analyzing my reflection, searching for blemishes, and doing my best to make them less noticeable.
Jeremy’s words had the edge of a warning: It’s paramount that you look flawless tonight.
I don’t know what he’s planning. I sure as hell don’t want to disappoint.
Could this hearken back to his obsession about maintaining appearances? What kind of picture has he painted of our lives to Hugh?
And the way he sprung it upon me has me more concerned than anything. ‘Oh, hey Lilly, dinner’s in an hour and a half with the man I despised growing up and who is probably a danger to you. Run along now and try not to let that affect you.’
I scoff. Jeremy didn’t tell me about it until the last moment on purpose. Does he want me to be off-kilter? Why?
Flawless, I keep repeating in my mind. Flawless, flawless, flawless.
I don’t know if I’m ever going to get there. And fuck him for telling me that I should! It’s a goal nobody can reach. The more I obsess over it, I tell myself finally, the further away it’s going to seem.
So after more than an hour locked away in the bathroom, I finally emerge, only to realize I have less than thirty minutes to pick out a dress.
‘The red one,’ he said. I look at the rows of fabric before me with a wary eye. There are dozens of red dresses there. Which one did he want?
I walk out of the room and lean over the railing. “Jeremy?” I call out. “Jeremy, I need your help with something!”
I hear his footsteps, and then a barked, “What?”
“What dress do you want me to wear?”
“Are you kidding? You called me out here for that?” He emerges from the hall and looks up at me. He’s already changed into a crisp, beige silk suit, quite fitting for the warmer spring weather outside. “You didn’t just get out of the shower, did you?” He sounds incredulous.
I roll my eyes, huff, and turn away. He can be impossible sometimes!
“Lilly!” He shouts my name.
I stop but don’t look back. “Yes?”
He exhales audibly, and I can just picture him rubbing the bridge of his nose in exasperation as he says, “I’m sure that whatever dress you pick out will be just fine.”
Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.
“I’m sure it will be, too,” I say, a bitchy bite in my tone. “After
all, you were the one who approved their purchases.”
With that, I walk back into the bedroom.
“Stubborn, arrogant man,” I mutter under my breath as I jerk the hangers out of the way searching for the mythic, ‘perfect’ dress. “No. No. Wrong. Wrong…”
And so it goes down one entire rack, and then the next. I know I’m just taking my frustration out on this search. The point isn’t even the dress really, or the way Jeremy informed me of tonight’s company, when it comes down to it. The point is that I am becoming more and more annoyed with my own reaction to everything tonight. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t know what Jeremy intends. This fuels my uncertainty, which, in turn, fuels my frustration at myself for feeling uncertain, and so on and so forth.
I’m probably putting way too much stock into the importance of dinner. But then again, Hugh is coming. Jeremy’s father. And although this has nothing of a ‘meet-the-parents’ vibe, it’s still very much unsettling.
I’m probably guarded and on edge because of all that Jeremy told me about Hugh. The way that he presents a certain danger to me. The way that he likes to operate from the shadows, unseen and out of harm’s way. The fact that, as far as I know, he was the one responsible for Jeremy’s mother losing her hearing. That’s me making a pretty big assumption, but what else fits? I know he beat his wife.
That could be the root cause of my discomfort. Tonight, I’m going to be having dinner in the company of two very volatile, very destructive men. Even if I feel that Jeremy is on my side, he still has that obvious capacity for violence that I can never forget.
I check the clock. Fifteen minutes left. “Fuck this,” I mutter, grabbing the next red dress I see. As least I don’t have to worry about it fitting.
Ten minutes later, almost precisely at seven, I glide down the stairs, affecting the demeanor of one completely in control and self-assured.
In reality, I‘m anything but.
Jeremy is waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. “Five minutes early,” he says. “Impressive. In my experience, you give a woman ninety minutes to get ready and she’ll stretch it out to the final seconds.”
Uncovering You 9: Liberation Page 8
