by Mia Ford
‘I love you, Ethan. Thank you xxx’
“So Rose and Brandon, they are both such lovely names. How did you come up with them?”
“We did it together.” I smile at Ben, feeling all the emotions washing over me again. “I chose Brandon and Ben chose Rose.”
Iris looks between us as if she’s trying to work out what’s going on between us now, which is something I’m currently trying to figure out myself. Ben is offering me everything, the whole world, again it feels like I’m on a movie set and that my fairy tale is finally coming true, but if I do this, I need to do so in a much more cautious way. I need to be smart, wise, this isn’t just about me anymore. I have two children that are depending on me for everything.
“Well, I just have to say that I’m very glad to see you both in the same room again. I’m sure it’s been a very long time.” Iris looks at me gratefully. “I know it must have taken a lot for you to call Ben when you went into labour after everything that you’ve been through, so it’s very nice that you did this.”
“Was it you who text me once?” I feel compelled to ask. “If so then I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you, I just...”
“I know, you needed time.”
“Wait.” Ben spins his gaze between us both. “Wait a minute, you text Serena?”
“From your cell phone, yes, in a moment of desperation.” Iris looks like she actually feels guilty which is silly. “I could see how hard you were working to improve yourself and I just wanted to help... I can see now that I didn’t, but I had to try.”
Rose starts fussing in Iris’s arms, which tugs at my heart strings. “I think she might need feeding,” I insist with my arms held out to grab her again. “Do you mind?”
“Oh no, I want a hug with Brandon too. Do you mind if I walk him up and down the hallways a bit? I know babies like the lights on the ceiling.”
“Of course not. That will be lovely.” Me and Ben need a moment together anyway if we’re going to decide what to do next. He asked me a question that I never got to answer and I really think it’s time that I do so. “Thank you.”
I struggle for a moment to get Rose latched on, but soon enough she just about manages it. I watch her suck for a while with happy tears shining in my eyes, before I look up to address Ben once more.
“So, you asked me a question earlier.” His back straightens, I can see him brace for whatever is about to come next. I almost want to laugh at how comical he looks. “And I didn’t get to answer it because your Mom came in.”
“Yeah, I am sorry about that,” he interrupts. “I honestly didn’t know she was going to come. I probably shouldn’t have messaged her, if I thought for one second...”
“No, trust me, it’s nice that she came. When I told my parents about the baby they went mad.” When Ben gives me a look I feel the need to explain. “Oh, I come from one of those towns that no one ever leaves and everyone gets married before they even think about getting pregnant.”
“Urgh.” Ben rolls his eyes in a mocking way. “That sounds awful. But if the picture wasn’t for your parents, then who was it for?”
“My brother, Ethan.” I smile again. “He’s been great. He should be leaving the town soon so if he comes anywhere near here I’ll get to see him more.”
“That sounds awesome.”
A thick silence clings to the air for a moment, reminding me that I started this conversation for a reason. I have something that I need to say and I think it’s time to say it. “So, about the whole moving in thing...” Ben’s eyes widen expectantly. “I think I would like to give it a try.”
“Oh my God!” he exclaims, maybe a bit too loudly. He disturbs Rose and she gets a little fussy. Luckily it doesn’t take long to get her resettled. “Oh my God,” he says again only a lot quieter. “Are you serious? You’re really willing to give this a try?”
“I am,” I confirm feeling happy and confident about my decision. “I really am. I mean, we’ll have to discuss things at some point to work out how this will work exactly, but yeah I think we should give it a go. Don’t you? I mean, our children definitely deserve for us to give it a try.”
“Yeah,” he grins at me. “I think you’re right, and of course. We do need to ensure that we’re both on the same page, and I promise I’ll be better this time.”
“How are things with your business?” I ask curiously. “Just in case that comes up again.”
“Oh, well I’ve scaled back and I now have some awesome staff to delegate too. I can see now that the company doesn’t need me, it just needs some solid management. That’s something that Mom made me see.”
Thank goodness. I don’t think I could be with someone who works all the time. I didn’t really see it last time I was with Ben because he kept avoiding work for me, but once I got out and I saw how much he gave of himself to it, I knew. It’s good that he has ambition and that makes something of himself, but giving his company everything isn’t any good for me. Especially not now.
“Good, well I’m glad to hear that you have more of a balance now. That’s awesome. You must be really happy.”
“I will be.” He leans across and kisses me on the forehead. “When you guys are with me.”
Knock, knock,
“Hmm, I wonder who that is,” Ben says questioningly. “Mom wouldn’t knock again. Not now.”
“Come in!” I call.
The door swings open and Jenny is on the other side looking weary as al hell. “I’m so sorry,” she croaks. “I fell asleep in the waiting room. Have the babies been born yet?” She opens her eyes wider and shock fills her face. “Oh my God, you’ve only got one, what happened to the other one?”
“My mom is here and she has him.” Ben smiles and takes Rose from me. “I better go and find her actually, and Rose probably needs a walk too.”
“Can you find her?” I ask as he walks towards the door. “Thank you.”
Me and Jenny smile at each other as Ben goes, tactfully leaving us alone to have a much needed conversation. If I’m going to move out then she really needs to know. It’s only right that I’m honest with her.
“So, you gave birth,” she says happily. “That must have been...”
“Well, it wasn’t fun,” I confess. “I can tell you that much, but it’s over now.”
Jenny sits by my bed and she takes my hands. “So what happens now? I know we haven’t discussed it much, but have you thought about it? It won’t be easy in our apartment with two babies.”
“I know, and I hope you don’t mind, but I really don’t think it’s possible.” My face flames, I feel terrible. “I think it might be best if I move out.”
“Where will you go?”
“Well, Ben just asked me to move back in with him...”
“Oh thank goodness.” Jenny’s head falls forward with relief. “I mean, I would have helped you, you know that much, but I don’t know if our friendship would have survived it. This isn’t just one crying, pooping baby, this is two. That’s too much to ask of anyone. I’m not a saint!”
Thank goodness. I’m so happy she isn’t upset that I’m moving out. The last thing I want is to lose Jenny right now. She’s been such an awesome friend to me, I don’t know what I’d do without her.
“So you aren’t mad?”
“Mad? Pfft no. With these music video gigs and I can easily afford the place on my own and I think you and the babies both need Ben as well.”
“Yeah, I think you might be right about that one.” I smile to myself. “It seems that he really is different now. I think he might actually have changed.”
“Well that’s good, but I will keep your room open just in case. I don’t want you to stay with him just because you don’t have any other options, okay?”
“Thank you, Jenny.”
“And if it helps, I’ll help Ben move your stuff out of ours and into his before you get out of the hospital, make sure you have nothing to do.”
To stop myself from weeping with emotion, I make
a joke. “You mean apart from looking after two adorable babies that is.”
“Oh yeah, there is that.” She pats me playfully on the arm and she raises her eyebrows. “Good luck with that by the way.”
“Thanks... I think I’m going to need it.”
I’m scared, but happy too. The happiest I’ve ever been. It isn’t a traditional family, like my parents would like for me, but it’s mine, and I feel so very lucky. It might not be the way anyone else has it, but I really do have it all. Finally, I have it made.
Chapter Twenty Seven – Ben
Everything in the house feels wrong. I’ve tried to baby proof it as much as possible, even though everyone has told me that it’s much too soon, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. I have the cribs, the prams, the endless supplies of diapers and baby clothes littering almost every surface, but it feels too much like a bachelor pad than anything else.
“Shit, what do I need to do?” I scan my eyes everywhere, looking for whatever I’m missing, but I just can’t find it right away. My brain isn’t quite switched on yet. “What am I missing?”
Maybe I should have gone with Mom to the hospital to pick Serena, Brandon, and Rose up, but I wanted to get everything right and now I’m absolutely agonising over every tiny detail. I just want it to be perfect, I just want them all to have a happy home to come back to. I want them to have a home suitable for the babies, and for Serena. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know the first thing about babies.
“Honey, we’re here!” Mom yells through the door. “Are you alright?”
“Erm, yeah, I think so.” I race into the hallway quickly and still in a state of panic. “Hold on, let me come and help you with all the stuff.”
Behind Mom stands a vision of beauty. Serena, with her long dark hair falling down her back, with her sparkling eyes glinting, and my baby boy in her arms. A bright smile spreads across my face, I can feel my heart hammering against my rib cage, my breaths ragged, my stomach soaring with happiness.
I grab a load of bags and bring them all into the living room. Once there, Mom rests Rose in a Moses basket I have in the front room for nap time and Serena does the same with Brandon. I’m sure these moments of them both being asleep will be far and few between so I’m going to just enjoy this one.
“The car gets them to sleep,” Serena tells me with a smirk. “That might be something we need to remember for when things get desperate.”
“I’m going to get the kettle on. I think we all need a hot drink, am I right?” Mom moves into the kitchen tactfully, allowing me to enjoy this moment even more.
I move closer to Serena and I wrap my arms around her. As she falls into my embrace I feel ecstatic, like I could explode. This is the best sensation in the world, and although I’m acutely aware of all the horrors that happened during the months we missed, they melt away as her body moulds into mine. It seems that after everything, we really can start again.
I put a finger under her chin and I tilt her head up to look at me. I delve headfirst into her gaze and swim around in all the emotions. Then I take that one step forward and I move my lips into hers with anticipation filling my veins. This will be the very first time that I’ve kissed her ever since things fell apart and I cannot wait for that moment. The chemistry is still there, thick and strong between us, I know that things will be good between us again and I cannot wait for that to get started.
But just as our lips merely brush against one another, Rose breaks out into the loudest, most horrific scream that I’ve heard from her yet.
“I suppose we should get used to that,” Serena chuckles against my lips. “I guess it’s going to be a really long time before we have any time alone together.”
“I will always be here,” Mom says as she comes back into the room with our drinks. “If you need a break. I will love to take these two little mites of your hands.”
“That’s kind of you, Mom. Thank you.”
I reach into the basket and I grab Rose out, then I hold her to my chest. Soon, she settles against me and she calms right down. It seems that she just needs to be held. As I clutch her to me, I realise that I am going to like being a father so much more than I thought I would. This means everything to me, and it’s only going to get better from here...
***
“Oh my God,” I moan loudly as I wake up for the fifth time in what feels like two hours. “I am so damn tired. How is possible to function on so little sleep?”
“It’s definitely your turn though,” Serena grumbles sleepily back without even opening her eyes. She’s much too tired to even move. “I definitely got up the last time.”
I really don’t think she did, but I’m not going to argue that point. After all, she carried these babies around for nine months without any help from me, I owe her this much. I push my weary ass into a standing position and move over to the cribs. This time it’s Brandon weeping, but I can see Rose stirring too, so I scoop the pair of them up in one arm each in the way I quickly realised I can do, and I take them down the stairs. Serena has some bottles of her milk made up for night time feeds, so I can help up too.
“Right, my little babies,” I say softly as I lay them in the baskets that sit side by side. “Let me just get you some milk, then we’ll get started.”
They whimper and whine as I move into the kitchen, but since we have two we can’t hold them all the time. I grab some bottles quickly and then lean over my little darlings as I feed them.
“You know, I haven’t always been the best,” I confess, the sleep deprivation is making me much too honest. “I haven’t always been good to your Mom, or the two of you, but that’s something that I want to change. I want to be better for you. I don’t ever want to let you down, I don’t ever want to do to you what my dad did to me. I don’t want to leave you.” I flick my eyes between them both, committing their faces to memories all over again. “You both deserve the world, and I really hope I can be the one to give that to you. It’s only been a few weeks now, you’re what, nine weeks old? I’ve been doing my best during that time, and that’s something I want to continue.” I pause for a moment, thinking about Serena and how well she’s taken to being a mother. “Your Mom is the good one, she’s really great with you guys. She just has this natural instinct that means she knows exactly what to do without even trying... I envy her a lot. I wish I could be that good. She just doesn’t even worry. I do all the worrying, she just get things done. She’s fantastic. I’m lucky to have her. We all are, you know? I don’t know what any of us would do without her...”
Oh God, I must be rambling so much that I’m boring the babies. They’ve both gone back to sleep. I place the bottles on the floor and try to steel myself ready to stand. I need to get up, I need to get the babies back in my arms carefully so I don’t wake them again, and I need to get them back in their cribs.
That’s what I need to do, but I just haven’t got the energy, or the heart. They both look just fine where they are. I settle myself into the couch where I intend to wait for just a little bit longer. Just until I can work up the energy. My body has already moulded into the soft cushions, I can already feel the weariness coming for me, claiming me, begging me to rest.
It won’t be long. I just need a minute. I can feel my eyes sliding closed, so I’ll let them do it for just a moment. I just need a second, just a little rest...
***
“Hey, Ben, are you okay?” I feel my body shaking and my eyes rapidly snap open. “Are you alright? What are you doing down here? I woke up and you and the babies weren’t there... I freaked, I really did. You can’t do that to me, it scared me.”
“Oh God.” I push myself up into a sitting positon and try to work out what happened. “I’m so sorry I brought the babies down to feed them and then I must have fallen asleep...”
“It’s okay, I know that now,” Serena laughs warmly. “I just wanted to check that you’re okay, that’s all. You don’t look very comfortable sleepin
g there on the couch.”
“Are the babies alright?” I can’t immediately see them, which has me panicked. “Where are they? What’s happened? Have I missed something?”
“They’re up, changed, dressed... I’ve sorted them this morning. All good. Now they’re having a bit of floor time. Nothing to worry about.”
“Floor time?” I rub the sleep from my eyes as I try to work out what’s happening. “What’s that?”
“They lie and play on the floor, and eventually start rolling over, look...”
I glance over to where she’s pointing to see my babies playing and enjoying themselves. My heart flies with joy at the sight. They look so content there, thanks to Serena. She really knows what she’s doing, I really did mean that. Without her, I would be a mess.
Without her, I was a mess. We already proved that, I don’t need yet another reminder. Serena is my anchor. I wouldn’t be anything if she wasn’t here. I want to cling onto her and never let her go.
“Oh well thank you for sorting them, I’m sorry about worrying you.”
She sits next to me and pulls my face towards hers for a kiss. Her lips crash into mine in a deep and passionate way, that’s unexpected for this early in the morning, but it feels nice. It’s only a small moment, but I love that it’s just for us. Despite all the madness and chaos that’s happening around us, we’re still managing to find a way to just be us. I really think that it’s going to work between us, I really do. I think we’re going to go the distance.
