by Mia Ford
“Okay well I guess…”
I don’t wait for him to finish his sentence, I just go. I push out the door and stalk towards the front door with my feet on the ground. I don’t want anyone to make conversation with me, not now when I’m so near to my escape. The end goal is in mind, Kian is at the forefront of my brain, and that’s really all I need.
Once the cool air brushes my cheeks I pull my cell phone out my pocket and I hail down a cab with my spare hand. I don’t really want to give Mom this information over the phone, it definitely feels like more of a face to face conversation, but I don’t have time. The day she basically told me that she didn’t care what Dad did as long as he brought in money she lost the right to be my priority. Right now and forever more Kian will be my priority.
I slide into a car seat of the first cab that stops and I pull up Mom’s name on my phone. I’m sure as hell not looking forward to it but I have to hit dial. It’s time to rip of the band aid and to deal with the consequences that lay underneath…
Chapter Twenty One - Kian
Tia, I think desperately inside my head now that she isn’t by my side anymore. Tia, where are you? I know that she told me there was an ambulance coming and that someone was going to look after me, but I don’t know how long ago that was. I don’t know what’s happened since. I need to open my eyes, I know desperately. That’s all I need to do, I need to open my eyes. It shouldn’t be so hard, I should be able to just do it, but for some reason I can’t seem to just make that happen. Something is keeping my vision black.
I twitch my fingers, because I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t seem to have much control over my body but instinctually I know that I can do that.
Almost the moment that decision is made, I hear a loud gasp flooding through the left hand side of my head. “Oh my gosh, did you see that? He moved. Kian, he moved.” The voice comes clearer, it’s almost as if it’s whispering directly into my ears now. “Kian, are you there? Kian, it’s me. It’s Tia. I’m here, I’ve always been here.”
I feel the warmth of her kin curling around my hand which proves to me this isn’t a dream. Tia really is here, wherever she’s been she’s by my side now, and that’s all that matters. I really need to open my eyes now. The only thing that will make me feel better is seeing her beautiful face. Her eyes, her cheeks, her sweet, gorgeous smile…
“Do you think we need a nurse?” She sounds panicked now. “I think we should get a nurse. Is there a call button or something? How do we get someone in here?”
“Tia, sweetheart, calm down.” The voice that follows Tia’s makes my blood run cold and my heart stop beating. That isn’t just any voice, it’s my mothers. Am I dreaming? It doesn’t make any sense that she would be here and she doesn’t even know Tia. I’ve made damn sure of that. “It’s okay. You wait here. I’ll go and get someone.”
As a door squeaks and slams something changes and I just about manage to open slits of my eyes to let a pure white, bright light in. It’s too much, it’s blinding, my eyes snap back shut in an instant. I can’t stand it. How long have my eyes been closed for it to be that way?
“Kian?” Tia’s soft tones soothe me and shut down just a little bit of my panic. “Kian, it’s me. It’s Tia.” She sighs loudly. “I don’t know if you just opened your eyes then or not, but I hope you did. I really want to see those eyes of your again. Boy, have I missed the gray flecks in among the green. That’s… well, it’s beautiful, you know.”
I’m stunned. If I could talk right now I would be silenced. Tia has noticed the gray flecks in my eyes… no one notices that! They all just think I’m fully identical to Stephen and don’t notice the little differences. The fact that Tia has just warms up my chest and makes my heart open wide. This is why I love her, this is why we work. This is why I know she’s mine.
I pry my eyes open again, this time holding them wide until water starts streaming from them. It’s painful., it hurts like hell, but I need to do it for Tia. She needs to see me. I need to see her. Soon the whiteness changes and I begin to see other colors. Not much variation, admittedly, which I assume means I’m in a hospital. If I can recall the sound of an ambulance then that makes a lot of sense.
“Oh my God, Kian, I can see you,” Tia gasps gratefully. I can almost hear the tears in her voice. “Oh thank God. You’re okay. You’re okay. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Her face comes into view. It’s the only thing I can see in among the whiteness. Her beautiful, angelic looking face. Her eyes are rimmed red and she looks like she’s been crying for a long old time, but she’s the most gorgeous face in the world to me.
I love you, I think with a wonderful heat racing through my body. I love you, Tia.
“Do you need anything?” she asks while wrapping her arms around my neck. “Can I get you anything? Oh my God, I don’t know what to do. I’m just so happy right now.”
I can’t speak, I don’t know how to answer her, but it doesn’t matter. Having her here is the best thing in the world to me right now…
***
The next time I wake up everything is much clearer. The fog surrounding my mind has cleared slightly which allows me to process everything much easier. I am in a hospital, which is probably a good thing since I’m pretty sure I was shot, and I can already feel Tia’s hand still snaked into mine. I don’t know how long she’s been here, but I’m glad that she is. She’s been my rock, and that just makes me love her even more.
“Oh my goodness, Kian.” This time I’m positive that it’s my mom which is very unexpected. I didn’t even tell her that I was leaving New Zealand so I don’t know how she’s managed to end up in America with me. “Me and your father came as soon as we heard.” I can hear the emotion cracking in her voice. “We didn’t know that you were in America on this foolish mission. You foolish boy.” She tuts loudly, but it’s in a way that makes me want to laugh. I feel like a teenager being scolded by my mommy. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay. God I’m glad. After everything… I couldn’t lose you too.”
I turn my aching neck to see her and as I see my mom, my dad, and Tia all in the same room staring down at me, I feel incredible. This is utterly amazing. I have to be the luckiest son of a bitch alive. I don’t know how any of this happened but I’m so glad that it did. I wanted to make this introduction in a much slower, more careful way, but it seems I don’t need to now. They all look content in one another’s company.
“Now, Kian.” Mom turns all business which doesn’t surprise me at all. She’s always been this way, which I suppose she’s had to be with two boys to raise. “I am not happy about the risk you put yourself in, but now isn’t the time for me to have a conversation with you about. But I do want to discuss this wonderful girl with you.” I can’t say anything as she wraps her arms around Tia. That’s the best sight in the world. “She is amazing and I cannot believe you kept her from me. I know why you did, believe me, I’ve heard the whole story, but at the same time I love her. I can’t wait until you both come back home so I can get to know her so much better.” She looks at Tia and smiles. “She’s just great for you.”
I part my lips and rasp, wishing I could get some words out. There’s so much I want to say but I can’t. I’m too sick, too ill. I mean, I’m obviously better than I was, but I’m not perfect. There seems to be still a whole lot of healing to do. But at least I’m here with my family surrounding me. Right now that’s all I care about.
“Now, Kian, I’m sure that Tia has a lot to say to you.” Mom stands up and moves away from the bed. I see her shoot my dad a look which makes him leap up in his seat. He’s always done just what he’s told, probably for an easy life. “So we’re going to go and let you two get reacquainted. Or whatever.” She waves her hand dismissively. “Okay, see you in a bit.”
As my parents go I feel my head swim. This is still pretty hard to accept, it’s still very weird that they’re here. I must have missed a whole lot and I want to know what.
“I h
ave a lot to tell you,” Tia tells me quietly. “But first, how are you? Are you okay?” I nod as much as I can and wait for her to continue. “Good,” she breathes out deeply. “I’m glad. I’ve been very worried about you, it’s been a week of hell.”
A week? I can’t believe that I’ve been out for a week. That’s absolutely insane. I’ve missed a whole damn week of my life. Still, I suppose it could have been longer. I need to look on the bright side. At least I’m awake.
“So, I suppose you want to know what happened at the concert?” Her shoulders hunch forward, I can see that there’s a whole ball of stress on her shoulders. “They caught the man who shot you, the man who killed Stephen”. She gasps. She looks like she’s struggling to get air into her lungs which worries me. I hope this is over now, I don’t want there to be more. “His name is Adrian Walker… and he’s the business partner of my dad.”
What? Her father? I know she hasn’t spoken too much about her family but this is insane. It makes my brain run wild when I try to work out the reasoning behind it.
“It’s not because of me though, there was a part of me that thought it might be. My dad didn’t know there was a connection between me and Stephen at all. Or me and you. He knows nothing, he just… well, from what the police told me he saw a murder happening on the cruise ship just after he was with me, like we suspected and that… well because he was a witness they wanted him gone.”
Sadness flicks through her eyes and I feel it too. Having the answers with what happened with Stephen is a part of the healing process but now I’m realizing that it isn’t all of it. The hurt is still there but so is the guilt. I guess that will just have to pass with time. At least his memory can be put to rest now, at least we still have all the answers. At least we know why. It doesn’t make it any less senseless, but still.
“I have been staying with my mom,” Tia continues. “It hasn’t been easy, our relationship is still a bit fractured, but we need each other right now. She is really struggling without Dad, but at the same time I think she understands this is necessary. He has to go to jail, you know? He’s the mastermind behind a criminal organization. He can’t keep doing that forever. It had to end sometime.”
I want to tell her that I love her, I want to finally get some words out my mouth and let her know but my vocal chords aren’t working at all. I’ve been rendered mute by the shooting.
On that thought I try to feel the gun shot wound, but I can’t. It’s almost as if it didn’t happen. They must have me on some pretty hefty pain meds. Enough to have me woozy all over again even though I’ve just woken up. I don’t want my eyes to close, I want to stay awake to listen to Tia some more but the fog is back, the need to sleep is wrestling me down and I don’t have the strength to fight it. My eyes flicker closed despite my desperate need for them not to and I give in to the blackness once more…
Chapter Twenty Two - Tia
“Is everything okay?” Mom asks me as she wanders into the kitchen to see me with my back pressed against the counter as I wait for the kettle to boil. It’s weird being back at home, but since Mom opened the doors to me and Kian while he heals. “You look very tired, Tia.”
I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. I am tired, shattered actually, but that’s mostly because I can’t sleep. I’m too scared to rest while Kian does because although he’s had the all clear from the doctor, I’m still scared that he’ll slip away. I just can’t help myself.
“I think I’m alright, Mom. Just keeping an eye on Kian. I need him to be okay.”
It’s an awkward topic of conversation that me and Mom keep trying to scoot around. It’s hard to deal with because she’s still upset about Dad and I’m sure she thinks that I’m not. I am upset, but not about him. I’ve never been close to him, he’s never been a Dad to me. We were just always strangers living under the same roof. I never really realized it until I went to college. Of course she misses him, he was her husband and the man who supported her through their adult life. I understand her point of view completely, but he needs to pay for what he’s done. It isn’t right to have him out on the streets killing others. Whoever he is.
No, I’m not sad about him at all, I’m just sad for Stephen. He didn’t need to die. His and Kian’s wonderful parents, Mary and Bob, didn’t need to lose a son. There are so many reasons that none of this should have happened… but at least the perpetrator is now behind bars. He’s going to be locked away for a very long time. Both of them are.
“Well you need to make sure that you get some rest yourself,” she continues while taking over the making of the drinks. “I understand why you feel so responsible for Kian, but he wouldn’t want you to work yourself into the ground. You know that.”
“No, no, I know that.” I stifle a yawn, wishing I could be a bit stronger. “It’s okay. I’m good.” I narrow my eyes as I can almost see thoughts racing through Mom’s brain. She’s never been one for subtlety. “What is it, Mom? I feel like you have something to say.”
Her eyes well up with tears, I see a show of emotion that I don’t think I’ve ever seen from her before. “I guess I just want to know what your plans are once Kian is better. I know that you’ve been in New Zealand for a while, but you do know that you always have a place to live here. The both of you.”
I think about Mary and Bob in New Zealand. I think about Ashley and all my other friends. My job too. My boss has been very understanding, I know I still have a job when I go back… but that isn’t a decision that I want to make now. Not here while Mom is so emotional. I would much rather wait until we’re all in a much better place.
“I don’t know, Mom.” I say with a sigh taking the mugs from her. “I don’t want to think about that right now, I just want to take this one step at a time.”
She parts her lips, ready to say something but she seems to think better of it at the last minute and she nods mutely instead. I can see that she still needs me and I want to be there for her, I really do, but she hasn’t ever been there for me. She abandoned me when I needed her most. I told her what I heard Dad saying and she basically shut me down and suggested that she didn’t care. That led to Stephen being killed. I don’t want to be just like her but at the same time now is the time of my life when I need to start thinking about me.
“Right, I’m going to go and check on Kian,” I tell her with a small smile. “He’s still in bed, in a lot of pain today so I’ll go and see if he’s okay.”
“Yes. Of course.” She takes a seat at the table and looks pleadingly at me. “You’re a good girl, Tia. Kian is very lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.”
I smirk and turn. Hoping that he does too. I think he does, he’s been thanking me enough, but still it’s nice to hear it from someone else. Every moment I spend with him I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with him. I just haven’t worked up the courage to say it yet. Kian is going through enough, I don’t want to pile on more pressure if he doesn’t feel the same way about me. I’ll just wait. It’ll be fine, I’m sure.
I push the door open with my foot and see the adorable slightly pale expression of Kian in front of me. He curves his lips upright into a smile as he sees me which warms up my heart. “How are you doing, sweetie?” I murmur as I step inside.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” he grumbles while pushing himself into a sitting position. “I’m looking forward to a coffee.”
I hand him the mug and he takes a massive gulp while rolling his head back and groaning in sheer pleasure. Caffeine seems to be just about the only thing that’s keeping him going at the moment. I love that I can help him with all his pain, even if it’s only in a small way.
“I’ve just been thinking everything through,” he continues to speak thoughtfully. “And it’s crazy isn’t it? It’s like a novel or a movie or something.” I nod slowly, barely paying too much attention to his words. “And I think it should be written down.” My head bobs up and down, but my ears aren’t really processing anything still. “Didn’t you used to
write? Like, stories, I mean. Not just the newspaper stuff.”
Okay that gets my attention. I flick my eyes up to him and examine him closely. I try to work out what he’s trying to tell me in a roundabout way. I have told him that I like writing fiction and that I started to do so but I never told him the details. Stephen inspired it and it was kind of steamy. There are many things I tell him but not that. It’s too embarrassing to share.
“What I’m trying to tell you is that I think you should write the story of what happened to us.” He winces in pain but I hardly notice. His words have got the cogs in my brain absolutely flying. What we went through was like the plot of a book or something. I could use it to write something. It would be the perfect way to keep Stephen’s memory alive too which is something that I really want to do. “Don’t you think?”
“I… I don’t know. Yeah, I think that maybe I could.” The plot begins forming, all the details I haven’t forgotten come to the forefront of my brain once more. There’s so much to write about, it could be an amazing story. “That’s a really good idea.”
He takes my hand and stares up lovingly into my eyes. “I think you’ll do a really good job of it, you know. And I think it’s best for you to get back to writing. It’s something that you love, something you’re passionate about, something that deserves you to give it a chance. I want you to be happy, you know that?”
“I do know that,” I reply thickly. “I do and it means so much to me that it makes me want to do more. But…” I bite down on my bottom lip, wondering if now might be the right time. I’m so filled with love right now that I can feel it running over. I can’t control it anymore, it needs to come out. “You are the one who makes me happy. I love you, Kian, I love you so damn much.”
