by Mary Monroe
“No, stay. What’s up?” she asked, struggling to sit up.
“You’re going to have a baby aren’t you?” I asked, saddened. Things were happening too fast for my weary brain. Mr. Boatwright was dead, I was about to graduate, Rhoda and Otis were getting married right after graduation, and now here she was pregnant. Not only would I have to share her with Otis, I’d have to share her with a baby. “Are you and Otis still going to the prom?”
“Of course!” She sat up straight and smiled broadly. “This’ll be my one and only time to go to one. I wish you were goin’ to be there,” she told me, patting my shoulder.
“That’s what I came to tell you. Pee Wee asked me to go with him.” I was in a fever. A grin I could not hold back took over my face.
Rhoda gasped, then let out a short laugh. “You’re kiddin’ me!”
“No, I’m not. He just called a little while ago. Muh’Dear said I could go, and I’m going to get a new dress.” I couldn’t stop grinning. Just then Mrs. Nelson entered the room with a cup of tea for Rhoda.
“Muh’Dear, Annette’s goin’ to the prom, too,” Rhoda told her mother, reaching for her cup.
Mrs. Nelson stood back and folded her arms. “Well isn’t that nice! I hope you both have as much fun at your prom as I had at mine.” Rhoda perked up immediately and decided that Pee Wee and I would ride with her and Otis. I thought I would faint when Mrs. Nelson told me she was sending me to Miss Rachel’s to get my hair done. This was another night I didn’t sleep at all.
The next few days were the most hectic of my life. Judge Lawson let Muh’Dear take another day off with pay so she could take me shopping for my prom dress. I wanted to buy the first one I saw at one of the cheap downtown dress stores, but Muh’Dear didn’t like it. It was blue chiffon with lace across the top. “We could find somethin’ much nicer at the shoppin’ center where Rhoda got her dress,” Muh’Dear insisted. “We can’t afford those stores,” I reminded her. “Um…this is a special occasion. We’ll figure out a way to afford one,” Muh’Dear assured me.
I didn’t ask Muh’Dear where the money came from for the expensive blue chiffon I picked out at Stacy’s, the same shop where Rhoda got her pale pink chiffon.
I had been doing my own hair since the age of thirteen. Cheap perm kits, straightening combs that were too hot, and not enough general care had damaged my hair badly. The prim and impeccably groomed Miss Rachel had a time bringing it back to life. “You’ve got nice thick hair. You should take better care of it,” she told me. I felt like a princess sitting in the most exclusive Black beauty parlor in town right along with some of the other Black girls preparing for the prom. I knew that things were going too smoothly. So when Lena Cundiff, the bully Rhoda had pushed into a toilet in the eighth grade, entered Miss Rachel’s salon to get her hair done I wasn’t surprised. “What the hell are you doin’ in here, Bertha Butt?” she barked at me. Two of her equally loathsome girlfriends were with her, and they all snickered. Over the years, I had had several more minor run-ins with Lena since the toilet incident. I knew her schedule, so I was usually able to avoid her a lot the last couple months of school. “I came to get my hair done for the prom,” I announced proudly, walking away before she could hurl another insult my way.
Judge Lawson brought Muh’Dear home early the evening of the prom so she could help me get ready. My understanding was, Pee Wee and I would ride with Rhoda and Otis in his car. I was shocked when an hour before we were to leave from my house, a black stretch limousine, compliments of Judge Lawson, stopped in front of our house. We took a dozen pictures at Rhoda’s house and then a dozen at mine. I had never seen Muh’Dear look so happy when she hugged me, and said, “See, I told you if you was good to God, God’d be good to you.” She stood on the porch with Judge Lawson and Caleb waving until the limo turned the corner.
The auditorium looked spectacular. Shiny silver stars of various sizes hung by pastel-colored crepe ribbons from the ceiling. The tables had silver tablecloths with a large dark blue star in the center of each one. A band that played both soul music and soft rock entertained. One of my favorite soft rock tunes was playing, “I Want to Make It with You” by Bread. As soon as we sat down at our table near the bandstand, I spotted Lena standing nearby with a few of her vicious girlfriends. As lovely as they all looked in their beautiful dresses and nicely done hairdos, there was an ugliness about them. Their stares were so cold I wish I had worn the shawl Lola had offered me.
Muh’Dear had warned me and Rhoda not to drink any alcohol, but Otis and Pee Wee started drinking from flasks they had smuggled in right away.
I had never attended a dance before and didn’t know if I had any rhythm or not. But I surprised myself when I got on the floor with Pee Wee to jump around like everybody else to the Motown tune “Do You Love Me?” The first hour went fine. I got up and mingled. Kids who had never acknowledged me before smiled, hugged me, and wished me well. A few asked what my plans were. “I’m thinking about leaving Ohio,” I told Charlotte Harper, a girl who used to sit behind me in junior math class. Before she could respond, Lena Cundiff bumped into me from behind with so much force I fell against Charlotte, almost knocking her down. “That’s what happens when they allow cows in here,” Lena said in a loud, drunken voice. Everybody around us heard the snickering coming from her and her friends. Rhoda witnessed the incident and came to stand next to me.
“You want me to take care of that?” she asked.
“No, I’m OK.” I wanted to say more, but I didn’t know what. The eighth grade locker room was a long way from the senior prom scene. “In a couple of weeks I’ll never have to deal with Lena Cundiff again,” I told Rhoda, letting out a sigh of relief.
“Unfortunately, there are a lot of Lenas out in the real world,” Rhoda observed. I returned to our table with her for a few minutes before we went around the room hugging our favorite teachers.
As much fun as I was having, I was glad when it was getting close to time to leave. Right in the middle of the four of us at our table making a toast, I was bumped into from behind again. Lena glared at me and deliberately spilled her punch over the top and lap of my dress. “You bitch!” Rhoda hissed, starting to rise; Otis grabbed her by the arm and forced her back into her seat.
“Lena, why don’t you get a life,” Pee Wee yelled.
“Why don’t you get a real woman and not a bull,” Lena taunted, cackling. Two girls near me handed me napkins to sponge punch off my dress. I was glad none of the teachers witnessed the incident. The last thing I wanted to risk was a confrontation this close to graduation.
“Let’s get out of here,” Rhoda said, rising. Otis held on to her arm as he led her toward the exit. Pee Wee, more than a little drunk, walked along next to me, cussing under his breath over what Lena had done to me.
The night air was cool. With that huge wet stain on the front of my dress, I was feeling pretty chilly and started to shiver. Pee Wee took off his tuxedo jacket and was about to drape it around my shoulders when I held up my hand. “Just a minute,” I told him.
“Where are you goin’?” Rhoda asked. We were several yards away from our limo. In the opposite direction near the side of the school building stood Lena with several of her male and female friends. Rhoda, Otis, and Pee Wee followed as I took my time walking up to Lena.
“Lena, this is for everything,” I said calmly. Nobody said a word. I closed my eyes for a second and pretended that Lena was Mrs. Jacobs, the mean woman in Florida who had beaten Muh’Dear with her cane. My fist connected with her mouth with so much force she stumbled backward past two other limos before falling to the ground out cold, leaving several of her teeth on the ground next to my feet. I turned to my friends. Pee Wee and Otis were grinning. Rhoda’s mouth was hanging open, and she was clutching her chest. “Let’s get out of here,” I said evenly, forcing myself not to smile.
Rhoda hugged me as soon as we got into the limo, “Attagirl!” she yelled. Our dates slapped five with me until my palms hurt. All
the way home, the conversation revolved around my well-aimed fist. “I’ll talk to you in the mornin’,” Rhoda told me. Otis went in with Rhoda, I thanked Pee Wee, and he went into his house next door, then I went in. Muh’Dear was on the couch waiting for me.
The only light on in the house was a small lamp on an end table in the living room. That and the fact that Muh’Dear was so groggy prevented her from seeing the ugly stain on my dress as I stood over her and told her what a great time we had had.
My last two weeks of high school were the most pleasant days out of the whole thirteen years I’d been going to school. All because I’d finally stood up for myself. Kids who had never said ‘hi’ to me before smiled and spoke to me. In the last three of our gym classes, the ball team leaders all but fought to choose me to play on their sides. I was not impressed when a good-looking boy who had stared at me at the prom asked in the cafeteria a few days later if I had a boyfriend. To avoid complications, I told him yes. Lena didn’t return to school after the prom, and, according to the grapevine, it was because of her four missing front teeth. I thought about her receiving her diploma through the mail when I marched across the stage in my cap and gown to receive mine.
“If only Brother Boatwright had lived to see this day,” Muh’Dear sobbed afterward on the way home from the graduation ceremonies in Judge Lawson’s car.
The night I graduated was another sleepless night for me. I sat up wondering what I was going to do with myself from that point on.
Rhoda and Otis were married in her parents’ living room three weeks after our graduation.
Moline, Lola’s grandkids, and the twins came from Alabama again, in addition to some relatives on Rhoda’s mother’s side from New Orleans as well as the usual neighborhood crowd.
Jock came home for Rhoda’s wedding but was scheduled to go to Vietnam in a few days, so Mrs. Nelson paid him more attention than she did Rhoda.
“Don’t you worry none, Annette. Somewhere in this universe there’s a man that’s goin’ to marry you,” Caleb told me during the reception, patting my arm.
I smiled sadly and thanked him.
It was getting late, and people had started to leave. I had not had a chance to talk to Rhoda privately.
I finally got to do so when she summoned me to her dollhouse.
“I don’t know when I’ll see you again. We’re leavin’ tomorrow night, and we’ll be real busy ’til then,” Rhoda told me. Her daddy was sending her and Otis to Jamaica for two weeks, where they would combine their honeymoon with a visit to some of his relatives. From there they would move to their own house near Miami.
“I am going to miss you so much.” I cried and smiled at the same time.
“I’ll only be a phone call away,” she said, looking at me, then squeezing me real tight. Then her body suddenly tensed, and I heard her suck in her breath. “Um…you won’t forget to keep our secret will you?”
“What secret?” I mouthed.
“You know…Buttwright?”
I looked away and spoke like I was talking to myself. “Poor Mr. Boatwright…died in his sleep.”
CHAPTER 41
I spent the next week mildly depressed. Not counting her trip to the Bahamas with her family, this was the first time Rhoda and I had been separated since we had become friends. Even though I was feeling strangely independent, I had no idea that I was going to miss her as much as I did. Then she called me from Florida. As soon as I heard her voice, I broke down and cried like a baby.
“Why can’t you live up here?” I sobbed.
“I have to go where my husband goes, girl. I love him. And besides, we can’t grow oranges in Ohio.” She laughed.
We talked for twenty minutes, but I was still a little depressed after we got off the phone. We had not discussed anything profound. She told me all about her new location and what it was like being a married woman. I was happy for her on one hand but jealous and bitter on the other. It didn’t seem fair that a girl like Rhoda, who had everything going for her, always got what she wanted, whether she deserved it or not.
I missed going to her house. I missed sitting on that lush couch in her living room watching her sophisticated parents parade in and out with their equally sophisticated friends. I was sorry that school was out. I had no job and very little to do with myself. As much as I enjoyed reading, watching movies, and eating, there was a limit. There was more to life, but whatever it was, it wasn’t going to come to me; I had to go out and find it. I had the whole house all to myself when Muh’Dear was at work, but I still spent a great deal of time in my bedroom trying to put Mr. Boatwright and the horrible way he died out of my mind. I tried to imagine what it must have been like for him to have that pillow pressed down on his face cutting off his air until he died. Nobody deserved to die the way he did. On more than one occasion I had been tempted to ask Rhoda if he had suffered, but I’d stopped myself.
To make matters even worse, Pee Wee joined the army the first week in July. Before he left he told me it was to prove that he was a real man. The rumors about him liking boys had reached him years earlier. Though he laughed it off, it clearly hurt him. I missed him immediately. Then Florence moved to Toledo to go to a school for the handicapped, then on to teach blind kids. I felt truly abandoned. Rhoda, Pee Wee, and Florence were the only close friends my age I had ever had in my whole life, and now they were all gone. I knew that if and when we all got back together to sit around and gossip and hang out, things would never be the same.
I hid my depression from Muh’Dear. As a matter of fact, I don’t think she ever knew I was ever depressed in my life. I pitied my mama, but in some ways I envied her ignorance.
A few days after my conversation with Rhoda I started my first real job as a telephone operator. I was still depressed but I pretended to be excited about it. Even though I was going to dress up and take the bus and or a cab to one of the nicest areas in town to get to the phone company five days a week, my life seemed like it was going nowhere without Rhoda around to share it.
I hated the job at the phone company immediately. It was boring, and the pay was low. I couldn’t save much money because I spent most of my paycheck on a new wardrobe, transportation expenses, and expensive lunches. I was the only Black operator, and though there were a few other big-boned women, I was the only one that weighed 244 pounds. I was too self-conscious to try and make friends with any of my coworkers. None of the other operators invited me to lunch or talked to me during our breaks, unless it was work-related. I blamed that on the way I looked. Muh’Dear didn’t agree with my theory when I told her what I thought. “Annette, one thing I know is, you can’t blame everythin’ on them two factors, being fat and Black. In some cases yeah, but not in all cases. With God you can override the devil. With Him all you need is the right attitude. That’s the key to success, not what you look like. Change your attitude, go after what you want, and if you don’t get it, make a detour and go after somethin’ else you want. With the right attitude, you’ll eventually get all the rest of it anyway. Look at me. Me and you done been through so much since your daddy run off. And buhlieve me, God ain’t through with us yet!”
Sometimes some of the things Muh’Dear said made a lot of sense. Even before she told me, I knew that I would have to make an attitude adjustment before I could find happiness. I was smart, and I knew it. But there’s a certain level of stupidity in everybody. So that’s why to this day, I believe it was pure stupidity that made me go to Scary Mary thinking she was my only hope.
CHAPTER 42
The bottom had dropped out of my precarious world, and I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth. As much as I hated men, or as much as I thought I hated them, I was willing to sleep with them for money.
A few weeks earlier I would never have considered prostitution. Lord knows I was too timid, and my self-esteem was too low for me to approach men on most levels. But Mr. Boatwright’s murder had elevated my desperation level to an all-time high. I needed money, and I was ready to d
o whatever I had to do to get it.
With Rhoda gone, I was on my own. The first step was to move away from the environment that had robbed me of my innocence in the first place. Turning tricks seemed to be the quickest and easiest way for me to put my clumsy plan in motion.
It took me an hour of practicing what I was going to say before I went to Scary Mary’s house. I was nervous and unsure of myself. I had no other options to consider. If she rejected me, I would be right back where I started. From there I didn’t know which direction I’d go.
“Look, Scary Mary, I need some serious money, and I need it fast, like by the end of next week. I need at least a thousand dollars to move out on my own with,” I told the madam.
“What’s that got to do with me?” Scary Mary was wearing a red-silk housecoat and already drinking whiskey from a coffee cup at 8 A.M. on a Saturday morning.
“I want to work for you,” I explained. I was standing in her kitchen doorway. She and her daughter Mott were sitting at the table. Mott was wrestling with a big plate of assorted breakfast items. She threw her spoon at me. Scary Mary never tried to discipline her retarded daughter. She didn’t even react to Mott throwing the spoon and getting grits all over my clean dress. I picked up the spoon and gave it back to Mott.
“WAH!” Mott yelled at me.
I moved farther away from the table and returned my attention to the madam. I just looked at her real hard through narrowed eyes with my heart racing a mile a minute, waiting for her to respond to my proposal.
“You want to work for me? Doin’ what? Dustin’, mop-pin’, sweepin’, and or cookin’?” Scary Mary laughed, cackling like a hen. “You want to leave the phone company to do all that?”
“No, Ma’am,” I said, shaking my head.
