by D. L. Raver
I had always known Marcus could be dangerous, but I never dreamed he could be this demented. I had played right into his hands. Zolt was his trump card and my Achilles heel. Marcus would ensure that I danced to his tune without hesitation. I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t let Marcus hurt Zolt again. Not as long as I had the power to stop him.
Deep fissures of loss and sorrow dug into my heart at the realization of what I had to do. I wanted to scream, gnash my teeth, and pound my fists. Yell at the world that this wasn't fair! What was the point of Zolt and I finally coming together only to be forced apart?
Marcus had been right, we had underestimated him. He would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. If he could murder Chris without so much as a thought, there was no telling what he'd do to everyone else.
Zolt. The thought of being without him was a dagger to my heart. I held my tears because I wouldn't give Marcus the satisfaction.
The only way to stop him was to break the heart of the man I loved, and to give myself over in every way to the man I hated. I wanted to fight this. But Marcus had me by the short hairs, leaving me impotent—self-sacrifice stood as my only option even if it made me feel like a betrayer.
Love was a double-edged sword. While it empowered, it also created a vulnerability vultures like Marcus could wield against us. But I couldn't just rollover without one last try.
“Why, Marcus? Why do you want me this way? You may have me physically, but you'll never have me emotionally. I will always belong to him. Nothing you do will erase what we have.”
Marcus grabbed a handful of my hair and painfully yanked back my head. I yelped, and Marcus laughed wickedly.
“Do you think I give a fuck about who you love? As long as you and Hamil are separated, I win. You are mine, Irelyn.”
The coldness in his words and the absolute certainty in his eyes made my defiance fall away.
He was right. Keeping us apart made him victorious. But somehow I would keep my love for Zolt alive, no matter what Marcus did to me.
I buried my face in my hands and inhaled, then exhaled. After a minute, I dropped my hands and lifted my chin.
I can do this. I have to do this for Zolt. For Kenna.
I reached inside and found the resolve I had turned to after Chris's death. My brother would want me to be strong and not to falter, so that eventually I could find a way to free myself.
“Fine, Marcus. You win. I’ll do whatever you want.
“Good girl, Irelyn. I knew you'd come around.”
He stroked my cheek again, and I let him.
“When we were together before, I held back. I didn’t fuck you the way I wanted because I didn’t want to damage the merchandise. Kenna changes everything; she expands our horizons, so to speak. Now, I will fuck you as I want, when I want, and as hard as I want. I will break you, Irelyn. When I’m done, you’ll forget Zolt Hamil ever existed.”
Marcus pulled me to him and kissed me, thrusting his nasty tongue in my mouth.
I didn’t fight, cry, or scream. I yielded to him because he was right, there were things worse in life than death.
“Mmm, you still taste as sweet as I remember. Come. You have a phone call to make, and I can’t wait to be a fly on the wall when you do.”
I paced outside, holding my phone with a death grip. I couldn’t believe that Brody had sedated me without my permission. I was so pissed at him that I saw red every time I looked his direction. He’d taken from me the opportunity to fix what I’d broken. I couldn’t even get hold of her to apologize.
I’d called Irelyn twice and texted her several times besides. Still no word. I was going fucking crazy with worry. That dark, imposing feeling of doom settled over me like a heavy, lead blanket. Even T worried. He hadn’t seen nor heard from Sloan, and he couldn’t find Irelyn.
“This is fucked up,” I said, glaring at Brody. “I swear to God, brother, if anything has happened to her, I’ll never forgive you. You had no right to do what you did to me last night.”
“I had every right. You were out of control, and I was afraid you’d hurt yourself. You forget I hold medical power of attorney over you, Zolt. I get that you’re upset. So am I, but I won’t let you deflect your emotions on me. Own them, it’s time.”
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t have the time or inclination for his psychobabble.
“You don’t fucking get it,” I growled and pulled at my hair. “Something is wrong. Majorly fucking wrong! I can feel it in my bones. The last time I felt this way, well you know what happened. But not again. I won’t ignore this and let my life be destroyed again. I love her, Brody. I’ll do anything to make her see that.”
Ring. Ring. Ring, I mentally chanted, eyeing the phone.
A second later, my phone rang and flashed Irelyn’s name. I jumped, surprised and a little scared that my chanting had worked.
Thank you, God! I said a silent prayer of thanks. I walked into the house to answer the phone.
“Irelyn. Thank God, baby. Where are you? Are you all right?”
“Hi, Zolt, I’m fine. I saw all your texts and missed calls.” She let out a long sigh, and I felt a sharp pain shoot up my leg. Wincing, I rubbed my shin.
“Please, baby, come back to my house. We need to talk. I need to apologize. I didn’t mean what I said. Too many things have happened in the last few days, and I didn’t deal with them. They piled up and overwhelmed me, stripping me of my control. Instead of listening to Brody and T-bone, I took it out on you.” I sucked in a breath and squeezed my eyes closed before continuing.
“I’m so sorry. Please, baby. Please come back. I need to see your beautiful face, to kiss your lips, to show you how sorry I am. God, Irelyn, I’m so sorry. I would have come last night, but Brody sedated me without my permission. Anyway, I’m better now. I swear. It will never happen again. Just come back.”
“Zolt. I care about you… This is so hard,” Irelyn drew in a quaking breath. Behind it, I thought I heard a small sob.
My heart thrashed about in my chest, and I felt like I was going to have a fucking heart attack, it hurt that bad.
“Irelyn, don’t. Don’t do this.” I heard my voice break as I begged. I didn’t care. Fuck, I’d prostrate myself before her if she would just come back.
“You can’t do this, Irelyn,” I continued. “Not like this. We need to talk this through. I know I fucked up. I get that. Please, let me make it up to you. I’ll do anything you want.”
“Zolt, I’m sorry, but it’s not that easy. Yesterday, you scared me. The simple truth is I don’t think I can trust you. You turned on me and treated me as if I was nothing to you. Do you know what I thought while you were doing it? Do you?”
“No, Irelyn, please.” I needed to stop this. We were on a collision course that I knew would destroy us.
“As you stood there and berated me, accusing me of those vile things, I thought, he’s no better than Marcus. And really, after experiencing the Zolt I was exposed to yesterday, I started to see Marcus in a different light.”
“No! Shut. The. Fuck. Up! I lo—”
“Stop, Zolt!” she said, cutting off my words. “I saw Marcus today. We talked for a long time. We talked about everything. I know you and I have a history, Zolt—a crazy kismet kind of history. But Marcus and I have a history, too. I thought I was over him. I made a mistake, Zolt. Being with you was something I had to get out of my system. It was fun, and we had a good time, but that’s all it could ever be. Marcus understands, and he’s willing to forgive me.”
“No, Irelyn. You’re lying. I don’t believe you, and I know you don't care for him. We both know what we have isn’t just fun, and it isn’t just sex. Think about what Marcus has done, what’s he’s capable of. You can’t do this.”
“He asked me to marry him, Zolt, and I said yes.”
Irelyn’s words flayed me, and I stumbled back. It couldn’t have hurt worse if she’d ripped me open with a dull knife, and tore me to shreds. Then, it struck me, like a fucking wrecking ball.
/> Safety words! Ask her the safety words!
“Irelyn, what color are you wearing?” I demanded.
“It’s no use, Zolt. It just doesn’t matter.”
“What fucking color are you wearing?” I yelled into the phone.
There was a long silence, and then Irelyn said. “Green, Zolt. I’m wearing green.”
Her words came out loud and clear. There was no emotion behind them, no fear, and no quiver in her voice.
Green, Zolt. I’m wearing green. The words repeated in my head, bouncing around like a pinball on tilt, killing a little piece of me with each slam.
This wasn’t right. It couldn't be fucking happening. I must be in the middle of one of my nightmares, and I haven’t woken yet. Any minute, Irelyn would pull me out of it and save me.
I screamed and threw my phone at the wall, watching as it shattered into tiny pieces on the ground.
I stared at the broken phone dumbstruck and numb.
It was broken.
I was broken.
My fucking life was broken.
Irelyn had left, and what’s more, she’d chosen Marcus over me.
I knew that day in the copy room that I was in trouble and that my life had been forever altered. A man didn't meet their seraph—the angel that kept them sane on the worst day of their life and beyond—without being forever changed. But I never dreamed indulging in Irelyn would be my undoing. It was, and this time there would be no saving me.
Zolt and Irelyn's story continues in
Being Zolt, book two of the Indulging series.
Coming Spring of 2014.
Acknowledgements
As any writer will tell you, no book gets written alone, and this holds true for Indulging in Irelyn.
First and foremost, I have to thank my husband Mitch, though he'd prefer I didn’t. His love and support never waivers. He gives me to freedom to do what I love, and for that, I'm truly thankful.
Heather Hand, Sky Tillary, Kyrstle Watts, Stephanie Wallace, Shala Palmer, Rebecca Larsen, my awesome beta readers. You're response to this book has truly touched me. I hope the readers will see in what you all have.
To my editor Virginia Cantrell, thanks for sticking around for a second book. You have no idea how wonderful it is to have an editor I can trust.
Thanks to Becky at Hot Tree Edits for having a wonderful staff.
To Miranda at Mommy's a Book Whore, thank you for hosting Indulging in Irelyn and getting the word out. You rock! I'll be bugging you again this spring for Being Zolt!
Finally thank you to all my readers! I hope you like my first venture into contemporary romance.
About The Author
Dawna Raver didn't always want to be a writer, but now the voices in her head won't shut up and the stories keep coming.
She's an author of new adult romantic fantasy and contemporary romance. When she's not spending time in her fantasy world, Dawna loves football, reading, and pretending she's a top chef in the kitchen. Oh, and fawning over her dogs and husband, sometimes in that order.
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Other Books by Dawna Raver:
Colour Wielders
Severed Colours
