by Kotru, Umesh
“No, my husband,” said Supriya, “You can’t be anything other than what you are now; an extremely good person and a loving husband. Any aberration in your case can be only temporary.”
“Thank you darling for these sweet and reassuring words,” continued Karna. “Can we go to bed now?” Supriya politely declined his half-hearted request. The fact was that tonight, for the first time, he was at peace with himself in giving expression to his inner feelings, whether good or bad, before a person whom he considered his true well wisher.
“During those days,” he continued, “Baba was always dreaming a far bigger role for me than what fate would have ordained for me as a Suta. But he did not know how to convert his dream into reality. One day he happened to pass by Guru Dronacharya’s Gurukula in Hastinapura where he saw boys of about his son’s age, including the princes, receiving education and training in arms. Suddenly a thought struck his mind and he stopped his chariot and sought audience with the guru which was granted. After the customary greetings he said, “Gurudeva, I have a humble request which, I hope you won’t turn down.” To this the guru replied, “Adhiratha, we know each other for a long time. You don’t have to be formal to make a request to me. Go ahead and offload whatever is troubling your mind.”
Baba began, “Guruji, you know I have a son who is almost the same age as the Puru princes undergoing training here. You have not seen him but when you do you will realise that in no way he looks like a Suta. His personality is godlike with the natural armour and ear rings he was born with. That is why the villagers call him by the name of Karna. I shall feel eternally grateful if you enroll him in your Gurukula and impart education and training in arms to him.” Even while speaking, however, Baba could clearly see that Guru Dronacharya was getting angry. He said, “Adhiratha, you know the rules of this Gurukula. You also know that he will never get admission here because of his background. I listened to you patiently only because of your association with King Dhritarashtra. Any other person making such preposterous request would have been long thrown out of this room. I am sorry. You can seek some other guru for your supposedly ‘godlike’ son.”
Deeply hurt by these harsh words, Baba left the room in an intensely contemplative mood. It was in this state of mind that Vidura found him when he met him outside the palace. He said, “Adhiratha, what is the matter with you? You are not your usual self today.” “Yes, Your Highness”, replied Baba. He recounted the entire conversation he had with Guru Dronacharya with his eyes full of tears. The gentle Vidura expressed sympathy but did not say anything beyond that. Baba related to him the traits of a Kshatriya his son had displayed from his birth, coupled with the special features he possessed. Although Vidura knew how difficult it was to change society’s prejudices, yet on seeing the pleading eyes of Baba he decided to help him. He assured Baba that he will personally talk to the King regarding this problem and hoped to convey some good news to Baba soon. Within a few days Baba was informed that he could bring his son to Hastinapura for admission in the Guru Dronacharya’s Gurukula. Naturally I was overjoyed when this news was conveyed to me in my village. For some time I felt that destiny was at last smiling on me. But to my utter disappointment, shifting from my native village to Hastinapura did not change much although, inwardly, I continued to live by the tenets of dharma set by Maa. To my total shock and disbelief I found that my troubles, instead of getting over, got accentuated in the city.”
The impact of this realisation made him sad even today, which did not escape the notice of Supriya. She brought him some water, which he gratefully accepted and after pacing the room for some time, went back to his story. Since sleep had by then totally deserted him, his mind flashed back to his experiences of the recent past. From the graphic nature of his experiences it seemed as if the same had happened only yesterday.
Karna continued, “My darling, you will be surprised to know that shifting to Hastinapura added to my inner frustration as I discovered that merit had no value in our society in the face of its rigid class hierarchy, where I was at a tremendous disadvantage on account of being a Suta. As a result, I had to undergo mental agony at every step. From the day to day behavior of my fellow students in the Gurukula, I concluded that for all my talents, my social background precluded my career advancement in this world without compromising on the basics of my dharmic principles. After careful thought and to avoid getting stuck in the quagmire of the inequities of an intolerant society, I decided to plunge headlong into my studies and leave the rest to destiny. After all fate had brought me this far; and fate, I hoped will light my way in future as well. My efforts soon bore fruit as I began to be noticed for my talent, personality and special physical attributes. Among the most prominent personalities who noticed my talent was none other than Duryodhana himself. But even he did not encourage frequent contact on account of my low birth. After the conclusion of my basic education, I became well versed in scriptures as well as an accomplished warrior with elementary knowledge of even some divine weapons. But true to the pattern of vicissitudes which destiny seems to have ordained for me, I was informed that I could not continue advanced studies on account of my position in society. I could not believe my ears and returned home in a deeply depressed state of mind.”
Karna paused and caught his wife shedding silent tears. He felt distressed and said, “Darling, this is why I was reluctant to share my life’s travails with anybody. I am also getting emotionally surcharged. Let us go to bed now. I promise to continue the narrative tomorrow night.” He brushed aside his wife’s objection with a wave of his hand and went to bed.
The following day was a very long day for Supriya. Finally the time arrived when she was again alone with Karna in their bedroom. Ever since he had returned home that evening, she had noticed that he was in a much better frame of mind than the day before. Supriya asked, “Swami, what happened after you broke off yesterday night?” After a brief pause he said, “I cannot recall for how many days I was subject to the psychological trauma triggered by the rejections from society. But my own resilience helped me to finally overcome this crisis, to the immense pleasure of Baba. After I was back to normal, I decided to continue to fine-tune my talent and one day burst on to the world scene as an accomplished warrior who cannot escape notice irrespective of his lineage. I got made an image of Surya and set it up at a secret place on the bank of the holy Ganga. There I started practicing in right earnest. Even now I remember the rigours of the taxing daily routine of those days. That time indeed was a very difficult period in my life. But my determination and resolve helped me to withstand all adversity.
It was during that period that one of my trusted school friends brought me the news that the advanced training of Puru princes had finished and Guru Dronacharya was organising a tournament to enable the princes to exhibit their prowess before the Hastinapura Royalty. It was to be a grand event for which an arena was constructed to accommodate not only the royalty but all sections of Hastinapura population. Although I was reluctant to participate, yet the persistence of my friend prevailed and towards the end of the tournament, I made my unbidden entry in the arena. I still remember the expression on everybody’s face at the exhibition of my talent, which even surpassed that of Arjuna. But, as in the past, destiny intervened in the shape of Baba entering the arena to see and admire firsthand the talent of his beloved son. Even in flashback, I remember the look of satisfaction and achievement on the face of my dear Baba. However, his joining me there led to the revelation that I was a Suta Putra despite my handsome personality and special features like natural armour and earrings. It also solved the ticklish problem of the judges, who immediately debarred me from taking any further part in the tournament. But fate had other ideas this time. The enmity between the Kauravas and Pandavas had reached a feverish pitch by that time, as Duryodhana was already looking for worthy allies. As such, he seized this godsent opportunity and immediately took me under his wings by crowning me as the king of Anga Desha, and swore lifelong friendshi
p to me. I also reciprocated by promising to even lay down my life for the sake of our friendship.
This led to the beginning of a brand new chapter in my life. I became a king in no time from just a lowly commoner. Mysterious are the ways of fate. I plunged in right earnest into my new role and Baba’s practical advice regarding pursuit of my self-interest helped me along the way. Gradually, my earlier perspective of life was changing. From a life of right values, I got pushed into a life where intrigue, gambling and drinking became the new norms. This was the price I had to pay for getting the recognition that I had craved for all my life. But it also marked a new chapter in my life where I was again torn between my attachment to dharma and my propensity to sin. With the passage of time, I realised that I was fast losing my real identity. It was again a very difficult period for me. What prevented me from rushing back to my earlier mode of life was my friendship with Duryodhana and my sworn loyalty to him. Sometimes when I returned home late at night and looked in the mirror I failed to recognise myself. I used to cry in anguish at this transformation in my personality, but my loyalty to benefactor Duryodhana prevented me from following the dictates of my conscience.
During this time Duryodhana’s hatred for Pandavas reached new heights and he, together with Shakuni and Duhshasana, were always discussing various plans of eliminating them. I had never relished intrigues, which repel me even now. One day Duhshasana said, “Mamaji, is there anybody more unfortunate than we brothers? Firstly our father was discriminated against on account of his being blind. Secondly our eldest brother has been denied the throne of Hastinapura for being younger to Yudhishthira. This bad luck has become our constant companion. Otherwise we would have succeeded in killing Bhimsena long back.”
“Don’t lose heart, my son” replied Shakuni. “Our aim is to eliminate the Pandavas and we will surely succeed one day. Take your Mama’s word for it. It was Bhimsena’s extreme good luck that he is alive today.” I being unaware about the incident was dumb-founded, but did not react. How could people plot murder of innocents in this light-hearted way? But later, when I was in my bed at home, I fell asleep wondering whether I was in the best of company or not. Intrigue and covert operations were not part of my basic nature. Meanwhile, plotting new schemes for killing Pandavas continued unabated in Duryodhana’s house almost every night. Numerous proposals to this end came up for discussion but were given up for fear of adverse repercussions. Finally Shakuni came up with a proposal which found favour with everybody except me.
I can recall every detail of that fateful meeting and its fateful outcome. It involved sending Pandavas along with their mother Kunti to Varanavata, a place far away from Hastinapura, and setting fire to the house of Lac which was to be specially constructed for this purpose. The whole operation, including the construction and burning down of the house when the Pandavas were to be fast asleep, was to be conducted under absolute secrecy by most trusted henchmen of the Kauravas, led by an agent of Duryodhana named Purochana.”
“But why Varanavata and no other place?” interrupted Supriya. Karna replied, “Because of a big annual Shiva festival lot of people visit that place every year, and as such, the visit by the Pandavas then would have raised very few eyebrows in Hastinapura. Throughout the discussion on this plan for days on end I was always uncomfortable with the whole operation. After the final decision was taken I could not resist saying, “Mamaji, Can’t you come up with a better proposal which would save the reputation of my friend Duryodhana from the indelible stigma which this plan may entail? Why shouldn’t we engage them in an open fight and kill them? Their unity is their biggest strength. If we succeed in killing even one brother, the others will be automatically doomed.” Shakuni replied, “Son, no doubt you are brave and talented, but your proposal is not practical. Firstly it is not possible to defeat the Pandavas in battle right now. Secondly the Puru elders, particularly Bhishma and Vidura will never agree to this. Guru Dronacharya will go to any extent for Arjuna. What about your personal enmity towards Arjuna? Don’t you want him to be dead?” “Mamaji”, I replied, “I won’t resort to underhand means even if it involves my deadliest enemy. I will surely kill him in battle for the sake of my friend here.” After this conversation, a vote was taken where I was the only exception. I had no choice but to fall in line. This turn of events robbed me of an opportunity to confront Arjuna directly which is my preferred way of dealing with such situations. Stabbing in the back and intrigue are alien to my nature. Even now recalling the incident which led to the Pandavas getting burnt alive along with their mother, sends waves of revulsion through my body.
After my association with Duryodhana and company, I tried my best to maintain my inner values which were based on the samskaras given to me by Maa. Basically I consider myself a straightlaced person who takes everybody at face value and have suffered for it on numerous occasions throughout my life. Even my friends crack jokes at me for being kind hearted and charitable by nature. They also don’t like this part of me and are secretly afraid of the reputation of being a Daanaveera which I must have created. Believe me when I say that I derive tremendous pleasure in giving away anything anybody asks from me. I pray to Mahadeva to keep me like this throughout my life.”
Karna continued, “I don’t know why after some years in the company of my friends I have begun to act and think like them. This indeed surprises me. What hurts me most is that sometimes my behavior is more virulent than others when I behave as if I am evil personified. Let me confess that a perpetual fight – between good and bad and also between what is and what should be – has always been going on in my head, which leaves me mentally exhausted. I have succeeded in hiding this inner conflict from the outside world; but before my darling Supriya today I stand exposed. Fortunately I have succeeded in keeping a sense of discrimination intact, which enables me to separate the good from evil. Maybe I am not as bad as Bhishma, Vidura, Guru Dronacharya and the Pandavas think me to be. I also know that sometimes I unfairly targeted Arjuna for no fault of his. Basically this hatred was an offshoot of my dislike for Guru Dronacharya. Don’t you think, Supriya, that my friends did their best to keep my inner wounds festering by stoking the fire of my hatred for Arjuna? Because of my ultimate loyalty to Duryodhana I don’t react. This in brief is the story of my inner self, which I have now told you as pledged by me. Indeed, now I feel as if a big load has been lifted from my shoulders. Let me caution you, however, that these experiences of pain or pleasure are my private possessions and will remain with me. I thank you for being patient and doing your best to understand me.”
After a deep sigh, Supriya got up from the bed and started pacing the floor in a very contemplative mood. She was in deep thought when Karna said, “Darling, what is the matter with you? Have I rattled you too much?”
“No my darling”, replied Supriya, “I was only wondering about the queer ways in which destiny works. On the one hand my heart bleeds when I consider the physical and emotional turbulence you have always faced in your life. It is very hard for a normal person to withstand all this. But my husband is not a normal person. He not only looks like a God but to me is a God himself. On the other hand, I am also forced to believe that it is destiny which has brought you where you are today; the king of Anga Desha. In my case as well, who would have believed that a simple village girl will one day be a celebrated queen? From what I have seen and heard so far, I can safely conclude that my darling husband is headed for new heights of glory in future. My one wish tonight is to request you to remain what you are, in your unwavering adherence to the path of dharma. Your uniqueness is your biggest asset.” With this emotional outburst, Supriya rushed towards Karna and hugged him tightly. After some time, both fell asleep, dreaming the sweet dreams of unburdened souls.
Chapter-8
The Svayamvara
Long after the tragic accident at Varanavata was forgotten by everyone, things finally settled down to normal in Hastinapura. Karna’s conscience was still bothering him but he kept his cou
nsel. He felt upset that fate had once again deprived him of an opportunity to beat Arjuna in a one to one combat. In due course of time, Karna along with Duryodhana, Shakuni and Duhshasana resumed their normal activities, including their evening get-togethers. One evening while everyone was engrossed in gossip, a messenger from Dhritarashtra’s court arrived at Duryodhana’s palace. The guard standing outside the room requested the messenger to wait and entered the room. “Yuvaraj,” the guard said addressing Duryodhana, “Kindly excuse me for this interruption, a messenger from the Maharaj is waiting outside with an urgent message. I seek your permission to let him in”. Duryodhana casually nodded back, indicating his assent. Bowing low in front of Duryodhana the messenger said, “Yuvaraj, the king has sent me here with the message to seek your immediate presence in his chambers. Kindly make it convenient to proceed to the abode of Maharaja Dhritarashtra.”
Duryodhana dismissed the messenger with a wave of his hand. Although feeling a bit irritated at having to interrupt his merriment, he excused himself and proceeded to see his father in his private chambers. Rest of the group continued with their merry indulgence in drinks, gossip and gambling. Duryodhana returned late in the night to find the room empty. Consequently he also retired for the night.
Next evening when all his friends assembled again at Duryodhana’s palace, Karna was the first to broach the subject. “Dear friend, what took you so long last night? We had a nice time. You missed some very funny jokes from Mamaji.” Everybody had a hearty laugh and looked towards Duryodhana in anticipation of a response. “Yes, the discussion went for a rather long time.” “What discussion? Please tell us the details and relieve our anxiety”, said Ashvatthama, who also happened to be present there. “It was related to an invitation from the King Drupada of Panchala,” answered Duryodhana.
