by Sue MacKay
She sat up straight. Made to stand. Smiled enticingly at Tom.
Stella loomed into view. ‘I’ll show Fiona where the staff bathrooms are. That way you can both get showered straight away. I’m sure Fiona wants to get some sleep as soon as possible.’
Confusion creased Tom’s face, darkened his eyes. ‘Not necessary. Fiona can use the cottage bathroom first. I’ve got a couple of things to attend to here before I call it quits.’
Fiona stumbled to the bench with her dirty plate and cup, dropped them into the sink and carelessly rinsed them, her heart slowing. The more time she spent with Tom, the harder it became to control her feelings for him.
That had been desire she’d seen in Tom’s eyes a few minutes ago. She knew him only too well to be wrong.
Tom stamped down the corridor to the outside door leading out into the expansive grounds. He needed air, and plenty of it.
Once again he’d been sidetracked by Fiona. She had a knack of making him feel as though he was coming alive for the very first time in years. Her very presence made him understand he had a lot to live for. Back there in the cafeteria he’d been in that shower with her. He’d wanted to wash her back, her arms, those legs he’d always got so turned on over. Damn it. He had to stop this.
Fiona had been turned on, he’d swear. Her eyes had widened in that misty kind of way they had. Her breasts had pushed against the thick layers of clothing she wore, reminding him of their warm fullness and satin smoothness in his larger, rougher hands.
The banging of the door behind him echoed in the freezing air. The snow had stopped; the wind had died down. In the dark, the white blanket lying over the lawns was eerie wherever lights from inside shone through the windows. He loved this place. Even in extreme weather conditions it was beautiful. Right now, when the storm had passed and everything lay quiet and still, this was when he loved it the most.
But Fiona had him thinking about other things. She’d become the wild card in his carefully put-together life. And he didn’t know how to deal with this.
He knew what he wanted to do. He ached to race back to his cottage, throw open the shower door and step in with her. He’d slide his arms around under her breasts. He’d take the soap from her hand and lather those soft mounds. Her nipples would grow taut and she’d arch her back, leaning against him, her bottom sliding against his erection.
He’d turn her around, his mouth finding hers so he could kiss her until she couldn’t control herself. That was when she’d hook her legs up around his waist, and take him into her. And they’d be completely together again.
That was how he wanted to deal with the turbulent emotions she had set off inside him. But he wasn’t going to do any of that. Making love would not solve a thing. Since working with Fiona to release Dave Fergusson from that crushed wreck he found he couldn’t still the sensation that he was missing some point. He’d hated it when she’d put herself at risk. The fear was an old feeling—one he’d known whenever she flew her plane. She’d told him she didn’t take risks any more, and compared to what she used to do climbing into that wreck had been fairly tame. She’d been careful of herself and her patient. It was the same care she’d taken with all her patients this week.
He liked this new Fiona. His feelings weren’t just about love and lust, but about friendship and caring. Scary stuff. He wasn’t ready for anything like this.
Which was why he’d go back into the hospital and use the bathroom put aside for medical staff. A cold shower might do the trick. At least his heart should be safe there for a short while.
Chapter Nine
‘HEY, Sophie, how’re you doing?’ Fiona sat on the end of the girl’s bed and stifled a yawn. Tom had been right. Exhaustion had hit her after the early breakfast, and the three hours’ sleep she’d managed hadn’t been nearly enough.
Sophie lowered the teen magazine she’d been flicking through in a desultory fashion. ‘I’m bored. Dad’s gone to the shops to get me some more magazines, but I’m sick of reading.’
‘How about getting up and going to see the other kids stuck in bed? Some of the little ones are getting fidgety too, and they would love to see someone new.’
‘I’d scare them with this face.’
‘Sophie! Shame on you. You’re beautiful, remember?’ Fiona struggled to keep the sorrow out of her voice. It wouldn’t help Sophie to know that her surgeon felt sad for her. ‘Every one of these kids has got scars they’re dealing with. You’re not alone. They need their confidence boosted, just like you, and I happen to think you’re the right person to do that.’
‘One scarred person to another, you mean?’
‘Exactly.’ Fiona refused to let Sophie’s self-pity rule her. ‘You understand what these kids are feeling. And the big thing is you’re not much older than most of them, so they will relate to you far more than they can to me.’
‘What would I say to them?’ Sophie bit her fingernail.
‘You don’t have to say anything unless they specifically ask you a question, and then it’s more likely to be about you than them. Read to them, or play a game of cards.’
‘That’s all?’ There was a glimmer of hope in the girl’s eyes.
Fiona knew Sophie felt nervous about approaching strangers, even those younger than herself. ‘Come on—out of bed. We’re going visiting.’
‘Can’t I get dressed? I look silly walking around in my bathrobe.’
A delaying tactic. ‘All your new friends are in their pyjamas. Anyway, I’m due in surgery in the next twenty minutes and haven’t got time to wait while you get all glammed up.’
Sophie suddenly grinned at her. ‘I’m young. It doesn’t take that long.’
‘As in I’m not so young, and need a concrete mixer for the amount of make-up I require? Brat.’ Fiona knuckled her affectionately on the arm.
With Sophie well wrapped up in a deep green robe covered in dancing teddy bears they headed for the room next door, where two little girls sat in their beds giggling over something Fiona couldn’t make any sense of.
‘They’re so cute,’ Sophie whispered. ‘What’s wrong with them?’
The girls did look absolutely adorable. Fiona sighed, longing tugging at her. For a child. The longing quickly became a fierce pang, slamming through her. Until now she’d never believed that she’d ever want to be a mother again. Yet right now she’d give her heart to have another baby.
How could she think like this and not feel guilty about Liam? She should feel she was being unfaithful to her child by wanting another, but she didn’t.
Her throat ached where her heart had lodged itself, pumping wildly. Her? Have another baby? Oh, yes. She breathed out slowly. But what if it died? She mightn’t be strong enough to deal with that agony again. Then again, what if it grew up healthy and happy? Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
‘Hello? Fiona? Where have you gone?’ Sophie waved her hand in front of Fiona’s face.
‘Sorry,’ she gasped, and struggled to gather her thoughts. What had they been talking about?
‘The little girls, what did they have done?’
Ahh. ‘Nina had a skin graft on her thigh. She’s the fair one. Jessie had some surgery on her ears. Now, come talk to them.’ Fiona led Sophie forward to meet the now inquisitive youngsters.
By the time she left ten minutes later plenty of laughter could be heard coming from the room as a game of Happy Families got underway.
She poked her head around the next door to say hello to Shaun, but found his bed empty.
‘He’s down in the library with his mum,’ Liz told her when she asked at the nurses’ station. ‘He’s a lot happier today, now that his sore throat is responding to those different antibiotics you prescribed.’
‘Good. How’s his appetite? Any improvement?’
‘Not really, but Tom had some more bloods drawn and sent to Christchurch for testing. We haven’t had any results back other than the positive EBV result for glandular fever.’
‘What did To
m ask for?’
The man himself answered from the head nurse’s room behind the station. ‘I’m checking his hormones and liver functions.’
Crossing to the doorway, Fiona leaned against the frame-work. Tom looked exhausted. He couldn’t have got much sleep this morning, wherever he’d gone. He hadn’t been back to the cottage at all. A night on the bed in his consulting room?
‘Shaun’s LFTs will be abnormal since he has glandular fever.’ She’d stick to being professional. ‘Or do you think there’s been an underlying liver dysfunction going on for a lot longer?’
‘It crossed my mind. Although he’s not jaundiced, it could be he’s got a chronic condition. Hopefully we’ll know later today, when the next batch of results comes through. The lab’s running behind with those particular tests. I’d have expected them by now.’
Liz spoke over Fiona’s shoulder. ‘I’ll ring and ask about them.’
‘Thanks.’ Tom tossed his pen aside and shoved his chair back. ‘Guess it’s time for surgery again. There’s also another trip to the pools this evening, if you’re interested.’
‘I’ll be there.’ The water would warm her again.
Walking down the stairs leading to the operating theatre, Fiona still felt unsettled, and she blamed that on her sudden desire for a baby. Having Tom striding alongside her didn’t help. She focused on Shaun instead. ‘I hope we can solve Shaun’s problem soon. The sooner he’s getting the right treatment the better.’
Tom agreed. ‘I think he’ll go ahead in leaps and bounds once we’ve sorted the situation.’
She looked up at him. His attitude was completely professional this morning. Keeping his distance, she presumed. Come to think of it, he’d been that way since they were called to the accident. And she’d thought they might be getting closer. There was that mind-blowing kiss…At the moment his lips were straight, tight, as if he was holding something in, but she vividly recalled how they’d felt against hers last night. Soft and strong. Earthy and male. A kiss shouldn’t hold such power, have such impact, but Tom’s certainly did. It had been in her dreams that morning.
The second blinding realisation of the day slammed her.
She loved Tom. Still loved him. And if she was going to have another baby this was the only man she’d ever consider having one with.
There it was. As clear as an autumn sky. Her stomach clenched, squeezed, made her catch her breath. How could she not have known her own feelings? Love was a huge emotion. She should have been aware of it, should have felt it in her bones, in the very air she breathed.
What now? She loved this wonderful, caring man, and on Saturday she’d have to walk away from him. Again. She couldn’t do it.
She had to do it. He’d made it abundantly clear he might care for her, but he didn’t love her.
So she’d have to make the most of the few days she had left with him. Her shoulders drooped as her stomach cramped. No, she’d have to settle for professional conversations, working together in Theatre, and snatched dinners in the cottage before he dashed back to the hospital.
What did he do over here late at night? There would be a lot of administrative work in running this place, and Tom probably didn’t get time during the day to look at it, what with patients and staff demanding his attention every minute of every hour. If only she could stay on and help him. Another truth hit home. She’d love nothing more than living and working here beside Tom, helping keep the hospital going.
Pain jagged her. There wasn’t a place for her in the life he’d carved out. He only needed a plastic surgeon a few weeks of the year, and he didn’t seem to want a wife at all.
‘You’ve gone quiet.’ Tom turned to look down at her, his hands now jammed in his pockets. A raft of emotions raced across his face. Too many for her to read accurately, though she thought she recognised confusion, hope, and biggest of all worry. About what?
At least he couldn’t read her mind. Then he’d really have something to worry about. How would he react if he knew how she felt? Better not go there.
‘Did our accident patients get away to Christchurch Hospital?’ she asked, in an attempt to bring her brain back into line and away from these disturbing thoughts.
‘Yes. The ambulances got here about an hour ago.’
As they pushed through the theatre doors, dressed in their blue theatre gear, scrubbed and ready to go, Kerry looked up and waved. ‘Hi, you two. Thought we’d have to start without you.’
‘Are we late?’ both Fiona and Tom asked in unison, then smiled at each other.
Fiona concentrated hard throughout the four operations she performed that afternoon. But between patients, as she scrubbed up and waited for the next child, her mind kept returning to Tom and her love for him. At the end of the day she was still none the wiser about what to do about it. Except put it back where it had laid dormant for years.
The noise level in their section of the main pool was horrendous, with Fiona adding her share of yells to the mix. Everyone had joined in a game of water bull rush, with the kids winning hands down.
‘I’d rather be sitting in front of a roaring fire with a glass of red wine in my hand,’ one mother moaned good-naturedly as she ducked aside from two charging boys and got dunked by another for her efforts.
Fiona pushed sopping hair out of her eyes, agreeing. ‘You forgot the Brie and crackers.’
‘Pathetic, the pair of you,’ Tom quipped behind her. ‘What could be better than joining in with these guys, having fun?’
‘I think we just answered that one.’ Pleased that Tom had joined them, Fiona nearly missed seeing two children suddenly dive, aiming directly for her legs. As she lunged sideways, she added, ‘In the meantime, I’m not letting these two stop me getting to the other end and claiming my point.’
Strong arms caught her around the waist and Tom said, ‘But I am. I’m on their side.’
Fiona wriggled in his hold. ‘You can’t do that. You’re an adult; you’ve got to play for our side.’ How was she supposed to remain aloof when he did this?
Tom held her easily. ‘Caught Doc Fiona!’ he yelled to one of the girls.
Even in the tepid water Fiona was very aware of the heat from Tom’s hands. Heat that had a lot to do with her body’s reaction to the man she still wanted to call her husband. She held herself stiff, stopped wriggling.
Tom’s eyebrows rose. ‘Give in?’
‘Never.’ Her toes reached for the bottom of the pool, found Tom’s shins. Even that small contact sent her blood zinging. Which was such an over-the-top reaction that she blushed. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice in the rising steam.
But when she lifted her face to peer at him she knew he understood exactly how she felt. His hands were slowly bringing her closer to his body, her thighs against his, her hands gripping his forearms. It felt incredibly right to be here in Tom’s arms. He was the only man who’d ever made her feel so secure and so sexy all in one hit. With Tom she’d always felt alive. That was how she felt right now. Her body had begun awakening from a deep sleep. It had been so, so long since she’d felt anything as exciting as this. Tendrils of desire unfurled at the pit of her stomach.
‘Fi.’ It was almost a gasp.
Such a little word, his name for her, but so full of meaning, so coloured with what had been between them before, so laden with what might be now if only they could find the way back to each other.
You can’t afford to get too close. Not even once. It will hurt when it’s over and you’ve gone away.
The zinging stopped. Her blood became sluggish, her heart heavy. Too heavy. She’d waited too long, had come back too late. Tom had moved on.
She gave his arms a light squeeze and slid away. His hands let go their hold instantly, his gaze perplexed. Pushing through the water, she made for the end of the pool and hauled herself out. It was too dangerous for her peace of mind to stay in the pool any longer. She’d change into dry clothes and stay on the sidelines as the duty doctor. That way there’d be les
s damage done to her heart.
On the bus returning to the hospital, she caught Tom’s brooding gaze on her. His intensity unnerved her.
When the bus stopped outside the front door Tom waited for her to disembark. ‘I hear there’s another lion game tonight. Need a lion?’ His tone was tentative. ‘Only thing is, if I’m needed can we do it sooner rather than later? I’ve got to go out at seven.’
Rubbing her forehead with the heel of her hand, she grimaced. ‘With the way today’s shaped up I’d totally forgotten about the game. Will the kids be ready now? What about their dinner?’
‘The little ones will have eaten, and will be scrubbed and in their pyjamas ready for storytime and bed.’
‘Then I guess now’s as good a time as any.’ She turned to head to the children’s lounge. With noisy kids milling around, even walking beside Tom and talking about normal things was difficult. All she wanted was to slide her arms around his upper body and hug him to her.
‘I’ll see you there. I need to check my messages first.’ Tom’s voice sounded neutral as he stepped back, but she sensed an underlying current of emotion in the tightening of his shoulders, the way he’d suddenly shoved his hands into his pockets. As though he was trying too hard to look casual and relaxed. He forgot—she did know him very well.
Actually, she’d also forgotten he knew her very well. So he fully understood her feelings, her burning desire for him. She might as well be standing there naked for all her efforts to hide her true feelings from him. If anyone on this earth understood her, Tom did.
Tom shoved the pad aside and stretched out in his chair. ‘Thanks for covering those weeks, Kerry. I know it’s never easy for you to do extra hours.’
‘You can pay me in gold bullion if you like.’ Kerry grinned.
‘I’ll get some out of my security box next time I go to the bank.’
‘I’d better get home. The girls will have Craig wound around their little fingers well and truly by now.’
Tom grinned. ‘Yeah, and he’ll be loving every minute of it.’ His goddaughters were adorable bundles of mischief. A sense of missing out caught him, made him wistful for what might have been if only he and Fiona had been able to work things out between them. Look how well she’d slotted in here. So well he wondered how he’d manage when she left again.
