“What? No, sir!”
He presses his lips together and nods like he knows something. “I find it hard to believe you would be in possession of a video of that nature.”
I look down at my hands. I never got back to Colt on this, so he doesn’t know I’m in here right now. And I still don’t feel comfortable ratting him out without him knowing about it.
“Well, I did. I was. I mean, it was me.”
“Uh huh,” he says. “And we have security camera footage showing a male student in my office the night before the incident. It was not you, Miss Lockett.”
He returns to studying the pages on his desk.
I hadn’t expected that reply. I don’t know what else to say. “I asked someone to help me. But it wasn’t Trevor! He’s innocent.”
Mr. Patel lifts his eyes and studies me. “What’s the name of this helper?”
I chew my lip and look down. Now I’m stuck. “I’d rather not say.”
“Then we have no choice but to proceed with our current course of action. Mr. Martin does not deny the allegations. In fact, he seems rather proud of himself.”
He would.
I remember Trevor’s behavior that morning outside the office. I guess if he’s going down, he might as well go down blazing.
I grip the arms of my chair and exhale loudly. “Just… wait. Don’t do anything yet. I’ll be back.”
I leave, pulling out my phone as I walk and texting Colt.
* * *
Colt’s leaning against my locker when I get there, that ever-present grin on his face. “I knew you wouldn’t really pick that guy over me. But I didn’t think you’d be back so fast.” He reaches for my waist. “Not that I’m complaining.”
I catch his arms and turn, pulling him after me. “I need to talk to you about Friday.”
“Sorry. Friday’s taken.” He leans against the wall and pulls me close. “But I’m free every other night this week.”
“Would you stop it and listen?” I push him back. “I’m talking about last Friday. What we did.”
“You mean what we didn’t do?”
“I mean here at school. Okay, Thursday night? The things?”
He exhales and straightens up, following me around the corner and into an empty classroom. “What about it? It was epic, and some dumbass took the heat. The end.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” I cross my arms and look down. “I’m going to tell Patty we did it.”
“What? Why?” He looks at me like I’ve lost it. Again. “Okay, I mean sure. It turned out way better than I expected, but one day we’ll go on record. In a few months. Or a year. To our friends.”
“I’m telling Mr. Patel today, and I wanted to give you a chance to get ready.”
He’s quiet. Green eyes study me, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
“So?” I say.
“What’s going on with you, Ashley? I mean, I get your dad died and all, but this back and forth shit’s screwing you up.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m saying you’re a hot bad girl. And you’re a hot good girl. But this straddling the fence is going to get you dumped by everybody. Pick a side.”
“You’re right.” I cross my arms over my stomach. “I just… I don’t know which side fits right now.”
Everything that happened yesterday and the day before and the days before, all of it’s piling up on me. And I still don’t know where I stand. Little pieces are coming back, but I’m not out of the woods. My life still doesn’t feel right or whole. I’m beginning to think it never will, but I’m finding my way through it.
He steps forward and pulls me into a hug. It’s not his usual cop a feel hug or even an obligatory gesture. It’s just a hug.
“I think you know,” he says, “but you can’t see it yet.”
We stay that way for a bit, my head on his shoulder, arms still crossed, his arms around me. He rubs my back a few times, then I feel him take a deep breath before he steps back.
“All right. Do what you need to do.”
“Will you get in trouble?”
“What? No way. Dad’ll make a fat donation, and it’ll all disappear.” He stops at the door and looks back. “It wasn’t even that big a deal really. Not like defacing a mascot and framing a loser. You’ll probably get hard time. Community service.”
“How would you know that?”
“I told you the first day, Lady Ashley. I’m a bad boy.”
“Right. About that,” I walk over to him, closing the space between us. “What did you do to get expelled anyway?”
“It was just a misunderstanding.”
I narrow my eyes.
“That turned into a friendly case of arson.”
“Oh!” My hand covers my mouth. “Can arson be friendly?”
“It can if I do it.”
I lower my hand, lips tight. “You know what I think?”
“Never. I only know you’re hot.”
“I think you need to work on your communication skills. People don’t get your intentions aren’t always bad.”
He nods. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
I reach out and catch his arm. “I’m serious. You should listen to me. I like you.” That wicked grin reappears, and I add, “As a friend. A great partner in crime.”
He laughs, “Right. Bonnie.”
I stay in the empty room a few minutes longer after he leaves thinking about what he said. Pick a side or get dumped by everyone. But I don’t have a side. I don’t want the things that would make me good, and I can’t commit to the things that are supposedly bad. All I want is my old life back.
All I want is something I can’t have.
* * *
Once I tell Patty Colt was my accomplice, everything changes. It seems the addition of Colt to the equation makes anything possible, and again I wonder how that misunderstanding, that “friendly” case of arson he didn’t want to explain to me, might’ve gone down.
Mom is called to school on “a serious matter” concerning me. She’s confused after last night, but she hides it well. If I weren’t her daughter, I’d probably miss the nervous movements of her hands, the constant straightening of her cuff, her finger circling the button on her coat.
Mandy’s dad is also called, and Colt’s dad, but only Mr. Frazier comes to the school. He gives mom and me an understanding smile and assures Mr. Patel the statue can be cleaned, and there’s no reason to press charges.
“I think, especially in this situation, we can overlook the kids blowing off some steam,” he says in his confident, ex-football player voice. I study his light brown hair and blue eyes. “Ashton’s death was a shock to everybody. Mandy said it’s been hard for Ashley.”
“Still, ignoring this incident sends a bad message,” Mr. Patel says. “There have to be consequences.”
“I agree,” I jump forward in my seat. “I’m not asking anybody to overlook what I did.”
“Ashley.” Mom’s voice is quiet, and she touches my arm. “Thank you, Mr. Patel.”
“And that boy should be off-limits, Miss Lockett. I would’ve hoped you would be the stronger force in that relationship, but sadly it seems you were not.”
Mandy’s dad intercepts. “We know what it’s like for these kids. Always having to toe the line. Sometimes they don’t use good judgment—especially when they’re hurting.”
He gives me a knowing look, but I’m frustrated. “It was all me—”
“Mr. Patel,” my mom interrupts me. “What did you have in mind? For Ashley’s restitution?”
He looks down at his desk and for a moment he’s lost in thought. “There’s a maintenance and clean-up crew that works here in the summer. She can join them. Cleaning up the grounds, painting.”
Mom nods. “That sounds fair.”
“I think eighty hours—”
“Eighty hours?” Mr. Frazier cuts him off. “It’s her last summer before college.”
“It is enough time to send a message,” Patty says. “I’ll give you the supervisor’s number, Ms. Lockett.”
Mom nods. I give Mr. Frazier a grateful look.
“And I will allow her to walk at graduation.”
We all stand and head for the door. Colt’s still sitting outside, but he doesn’t seem too bothered by what’s happening. Mr. Frazier catches Mom’s arm and escorts her to the side. I hear him apologizing that I have to do anything at all, but I’m not sorry. I want to pay for my crimes. And now that I know Trevor is being reinstated, a huge load is lifted from my shoulders.
“So,” Colt smiles as I sit beside him on the bench. “Community service?”
“You were right,” I glance back at him. “And you? What’d you get?”
“Well,” he leans back and slides his hands down his thighs. “I don’t get to walk at graduation. But as predicted, Dad’s secretary has been authorized to provide monetary compensation for my damages.”
He lifts my hand and holds it. “You know, sometimes parents can be gone and still be alive.”
I study my hand in his as his words sink in. Then my eyes travel to his, blue on green, and all of it, everything he’s done and why and how a misunderstanding could start as something friendly… it all makes sense to me. Anything to kill the pain.
The touch of vulnerability is gone in a laugh. “What?” he says. “You’re not feeling sorry for me are you?”
“I don’t know.”
“So I don’t get to walk at graduation. It’s okay. I haven’t been here long enough to care.”
“That isn’t what I was thinking about.”
“Anyway, I’m looking forward to moving on.”
“College?”
He shakes his head. “I’m thinking I’ll run around some, have a little fun, figure it out.”
I give him a playful smile. “You mean you don’t want to stay in Shadow Falls?”
He laughs. “Hell, no. What is up with this place? It’s like a time warp or something, and 1950 wants its ID back.”
I smile as he threads our fingers. “Yeah, it’s pretty old school. No locked doors…”
“Everybody goes to church…”
“I don’t know. I’ve gotten used to it, I guess.”
“You’d better look out, Formerly Bad Ash,” he squeezes my hand and then lets it go. “You’re getting more than used to it.”
Mom and Mr. Frazier are finished, and she’s waiting for me at the door. I glance back once more before following her out to say goodbye. She’s headed back to work; I’m headed back to class. And from here, who knows what comes next. Dragons?
At least two things are settled. Graduation is on as planned, and I have my summer all mapped out. Or eighty hours of it. I’m not even sure if I’m following Will to State now with our financial situation being as it is.
“Should I be expecting any more surprises?” Mom asks when we get out to the school’s metal, double front doors.
“God, I hope not.”
She reaches up and smoothes my hair down on the side. Then I step forward into a hug.
“Thanks,” I say. “For being here.”
I feel her breathe. “We’re going to get through this. It doesn’t always feel like it, but every day gets a little bit better.”
I nod and step back, “So small you can’t see it.”
She squeezes my arm and smiles. “But it’s there.”
* * *
The rest of the week is quiet. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve simply gotten up in the morning, gone to school, come home, had supper, gone to bed and then did it all again. For four days in a row with no surprises, no lapses in judgment.
Trevor returned to school, although his level of involvement causes one to wonder why. But at least now I’m not the cause of his “failure to thrive,” as our teachers like to call it.
The entire school knows about Colt and me doing all the pranks, and even though I’m not supposed to care, it’s kind of cool. We’ve become underground celebrities. Bonnie and Clyde on a much smaller scale. And not shot to Swiss cheese in the end.
Mandy, of course, has given me the total silent-treatment for the rest of the week because I didn’t tell her what was going on. I didn’t even try explaining why.
Every day at our lockers, Jordan has been very focused on getting his books and going to class. The first day when our eyes locked, my heart stopped. What we’d said at the creek was still so fresh, it burned in my chest. But I wasn’t backing down. We both needed to see the truth about each other and not what we wanted to see. Or what we hoped we might be able to change each other into.
At this point, we are black and white, and his hoping I’ll start believing again and my hoping he’ll loosen up will only end with us both hurt.
But by Friday I’m exhausted from pretending I don’t care about him. We’re in the final weeks of school, and the countdown’s on to prom and the last day for seniors. And even though I feel strongly that I could use a do-over on this entire year, I’ll be glad to see it come to a close.
At lunch, Mandy’s stuck to my side as we go through the line. “I’ve decided I’m speaking to you again,” she says, piling lettuce onto my plate and hers. “Even though you didn’t tell me anything about your criminal behavior.”
“I apologized for that,” I say, scanning the cafeteria. Jordan’s not here, but he always eats outside.
I’m looking for Charlotte. I didn’t think to ask how long she’d be out of school. Not that our conversation in her hospital room flowed lovingly into questions of when she’d be back.
“You should thank me for how I handled Dad for you,” Mandy says. “I told him how hard it’s been, how strangely you’ve been acting. He wouldn’t think of punishing you.”
“Yeah, thanks. He was offended Mr. Patel even considered not letting me walk in graduation.”
“God, I love dad.” Then she jumps and glances at me.
“It’s okay. You can say stuff like that. I won’t dissolve into a pool of misery.”
“Well, he still pisses me off most of the time. But he’ll come through with the old ‘got your back’ team mentality when you need it.”
I pick up a water bottle and we head to our regular table. “Yeah, he was great. Mom really appreciated him being there.”
Just then I see Charlotte come in. She’s wearing her usual billowy, black nylon top over khaki pants, and today she’s carrying a little floral lunch bag. I wonder if she’s trying out a new diet.
Mandy sees her, too. “Well, if it isn’t the dream of junk food manufacturers everywhere.”
“Don’t,” I say, setting down my tray and pulling out a chair.
“Are you kidding me? After the way that cow and her elephant friends treated you?” Mandy sits and begins to stir her plate.
“What do I care?” I say, hoping to change the subject. “They were probably just shocked I spoke.”
“They’ll die of shock before I’ll be nice to those pachyderms.” My best friend shakes her head. “And you are not going to go all Jordan and turn the other cheek on me.”
“What’s going to happen if I do? We might start getting along? There are worse possible outcomes.”
“Jumbo the whale needs to back up and recognize that you’ve been through hell this year.”
I smile and put my head on her shoulder. “I love you. And it’s okay. Really. Know what?” She looks at me, and I give her a squeeze. “You’re a lot like your dad.”
“That had better be a compliment.”
She reaches for her water, and I notice a pink mark on her wrist.
“What’s that?” Instantly she tries to slide her arm into her sleeve, but I catch it and pull it to me. “What happened?”
“Nothing!”
My eyebrows crease. “Liar, what did you do?”
I push her sleeves back. Turning her arm around, I see pink marks on the outside of her wrist. She puts her other hand under her leg.
<
br /> “Look, when someone that hot wants to play freaky with you, you play.”
“Are you saying—”
“Anyway, you broke it off with him.” She’s not meeting my eyes now. “And I called dibs.”
I release her and return to my salad, stirring and watching her face. “It’s okay with me if you want to go out with him. You did see him first.”
“Thank you.”
“And I am interested in someone else.”
She rolls her eyes and grabs her water. “Jordan is going to drive me insane.”
“I think he’d say the same about you.”
She drinks and shakes her head at the same time. “I’ve known him since kindergarten, and all he’s done is grow. Nothing’s changed.”
“Some things have changed.” Then I touch her wrist. “Back to this. Just so long as it’s your idea. No forcing.”
“Forcing’s kind of the way it works. Anyway, you’re not the only one who gets to experiment. It’s senior year after all, and it’s my last chance before he leaves.”
“Where’s he going?”
She shrugs and takes another bite of salad. “Said he’s taking off, planning to do some Into the Wild thing. Jack Kerouac.”
“I thought that was Jon somebody.”
“Jack Kerouac? The poet? From English class? Did you miss that unit?”
“I know who Jack Kerouac is. I just didn’t know Colt did.” I look down at my plate and decide I’m finished. “I gotta take off.”
“What the hell? You still haven’t told me about the spray paint, the mascot. What did Patty say?”
“It’s your fault. You were the one not speaking to me.”
She slants her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re wasting our last summer in community service.”
“See ya.”
The bell’s sounding, and Charlotte and her friends are standing and collecting their things. I’m passing right in front of their table as she’s stuffing her paper into the little floral bag she brought. This is it, so I stop and wait until she looks up. When at last she does, she hesitates.
The Truth About Letting Go Page 18
