“Usually the letter ‘a’ makes an aaaaah sound. As in apple,” I said.
“Like in bad?” Juanita asked.
“Exactly!”
The Mexican woman and I sat in one of the library conference rooms. We went through the rest of the alphabet and Juanita picked up the basics quickly.
As summer progressed, I made sure I got involved in more activities that got me out of the house. One of them was helping adults learn to read. It blew my mind that a person could get through school without that basic skill, but some did. And others, like Juanita, dropped out early to do menial work and never really mastered it.
But I could tell she was smart and would be zooming through a newspaper in no time. Teaching people to read was fun for me. It didn’t matter if it was a child or an adult—watching the light come on in their eyes when they “got it,” and seeing the look on their faces when the pieces of the puzzle came together in their minds—it was a privilege to be a part of that experience.
“Let’s try this reader.” I placed a simple phonics-based primer in her hand.
Juanita looked anxious. “I don’t know…”
“Just try,” I said, smiling encouragingly.
She did and I helped her, but only when she stumbled.
I enjoyed these Wednesday afternoons at the library. I had three adult students, and after I was finished with those appointments I browsed the stacks until I had an armful of books to check out. It was the day of the week I looked forward to the most, and the day MC knew not to give me tasks.
After Juanita left, I was headed toward the fiction section when I ran into my friend Jackie and her twins. Apparently, the identical blond poppets came to story time in the children’s section of the library each Wednesday afternoon. I tagged along while Jackie got her little darlings seated in the circle around the elderly librarian, who opened a book that featured a pile of puppies and talking farm animals. Then Jackie and I snuck to the back to catch up.
“How is it, being home with them? I’ll bet it’s great,” I said.
“It is, but they are so much work. I love them, but I swear working is easier than being home with twins.” Jackie sighed.
“But they are precious.”
She smiled. “They are, aren’t they?”
I nodded.
“Hey, how are you?”
“I’m good.”
“Really? What about Spencer? How’s that going?”
“The divorce is coming along. I’m fine, really. Over it.” Even as I spoke I wondered if that was true or if I was just hiding from my feelings with my internet sexcapades.
“So are you dating yet?”
“Not really.”
“Well, you should really get out there. Get back on the horse, you know. Or at least have some fun.”
I shrugged. “Maybe I will,” I said, though I was thinking, “If she only knew.”
A couple of weeks later I set down an armload of bags on the floor in my living room, located the bottle of wine I’d opened the night before, and poured myself a glass. Taking a sip, I sank into my comfy couch and put my feet on the coffee table. After an afternoon of shopping with my mother, I was ready for some relaxation.
I considered turning on the television, but MC and I had a “date” planned for that evening, so instead I fired up my laptop to see if he messaged me. It had been several days since our last session, and I was really looking forward to another one. Sure enough, there was an email from him. Subject line: FOR THE THIRSTY SLUT. That made me smile, in an “aw, isn’t he cute” kinda way. Shaking my head, I wondered if my mind was now permanently warped since I thought it was cute for him to call me a thirsty slut.
You will be all set up by midnight. I want you in your fuck chair, riding that cock, and watching these videos while you wait for me… Understood?
And no coming!
Then he gave me a list of video links and signed his note:
Be a good fuck-whore.
Nice. I giggled to myself, trying to picture any man I knew in the real world saying something like that to me. It seemed totally over the top and insane, but the man knew how to use profanity and capital letters to his advantage, I’d grant him that much. For the session he asked me to get out my rubber band belt, individual elastic rubber bands, and my “fuck chair.”
I imagined the pain the elastics would cause and winced in anticipation. Our tryst via Skype wasn’t for several hours so I relaxed, made myself a sandwich for dinner, and took a long bath. Even though he wouldn’t “see” me, I spent a lot of time primping for our date. I couldn’t help myself. I was excited, and it made me feel more attractive, getting ready for him. The scent of perfumed lotion filled the air and I blew my hair dry, even though he would have never known it if I’d left it wet and dripping onto my shoulders. When I was satisfied with how I looked and it was about ten minutes until the appointed time, I assembled all the toys he’d requested on the bed, and clicked a link to the first video he told me to watch.
I wasn’t sure when he planned on getting online, but since there were several videos, I positioned myself over the dildo on the fuck chair, mounted it, and hit play. The first video was of a girl fingering herself. I tried to mimic her movements, reminding myself the whole time that I wasn’t allowed to come. I’d learned enough from MC by now to know that he loved me to come close, and then make myself hold off because he said so. It was part of the control I found so intoxicating.
The second video was interesting. It involved a naked woman stimulating a man’s erect penis with the bottoms of her feet. There she was, lying back on what looked like a doctor’s examination table, her legs bent like a frog’s, but the bottom of her feet cupped and stroked an erect penis. The man wasn’t visible, only his penis, and it freaked me out a little how much his voice sounded like MC. He wouldn’t have me watch a video of a woman jacking him off with her feet without telling me it was him, would he? But then why have me watch a foot stimulation video anyway? It was bizarre, and not really a turn on.
The third video was labeled “amateur deep throat.” It was mildly hot, but mostly there was a lot of spit and eye makeup running down the girl’s cheeks. As I watched it, I halfheartedly raised and lowered my pussy on the dildo in my chair, wishing MC would make his appearance. Without him, I was getting bored. The video was just finishing when I heard the whale call of Skype. I answered breathily, “Hello?”
“Sophie.” His tone was matter of fact, as if he knew I would be there. There had never been any question in his mind. And why would there be? He owned me. At least in our mutual fantasy world he did.
It didn’t take long for me to sense MC was in a bad mood. From the moment he arrived at the party, I felt like he was searching for a reason to punish me.
“Are you ill-prepared for our session tonight?” he growled when I fumbled as I clamped my nipples and slid on the attached wristbands.
“No, sir. I’m prepared. I only dropped one, that’s all.”
“Take that elastic band and pull it down over your hips so that it pulls against your ass.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now I want you to flick it against your ass. Hard! And I want you counting to twenty as you do it.”
“Yes, sir. One,” I said, as I plucked the band away from my skin and let it go.
Snap! Dang, that hurt more than I was expecting. I’d only done it around my waist before, but doing it this way it stung more because it was already pulled more taunt from the beginning.
“Two,” I cried, doing it again. And the stinging pain took over. This wasn’t about arousal now, this was about punishment and taking the pain of it to please him.
“Three…” I whined my way up to nineteen, occasionally moving the belt to a different part of my bottom so as not to injure myself. I wanted to be able to sit down the next morning.
“Twenty,” I whimpered.
“I’ll bet that ass is nice and striped, isn’t it?”
“Yes, sir.”
>
“Now straddle that cock, take it inside you. Unclamp those nipples and I want you to pull on them, twist them. Pull on them.”
“Yes, sir.” I removed the clothespins, letting them dangle from my wrists and I pinched and pulled at my nipples. The agony was exquisite, then I twisted them and I almost came right then. But we’d come far along enough in my training that I wasn’t supposed to come without MC’s permission. My orgasms belonged to him and he now wanted me to come on command. My concern was that I wouldn’t be able to.
“Now, I want you to smack that ass with your hand. Spank yourself hard, and I want to hear it.”
My butt was already screaming from the rubber bands, but I did as he asked.
Slap! Slap! Slap! Freak, it hurt. But I loved having him in control, telling me what to do. It was like a drug.
“Is the little bitch ready to come?”
“I-I don’t know…” I stammered. I had been a minute ago, but now I was focused on the pain that wracked my bottom cheeks.
“Tell me you’re a greedy girl and you need your cunt to come.”
“I’m a greedy girl and I need my cunt to come,” I repeated robotically.
“Now fuck that pussy. Fuck it hard. Stroke that clit!” His tone came across extra sharp tonight, and suddenly I wanted to cry. But I fought back my tears and did as he asked. I also yanked on one nipple because that had worked earlier.
“Yes, sir,” I managed, and I stimulated myself as best I could. But I felt pressured at the same time, and it robbed some of the fun from our session.
“Do it. I want you to come, you greedy little fucktoy. Go ahead, make that cunt come for me.”
I was almost there. Fucking, tugging, stroking myself into a frenzy. I wanted so badly to come for him, and I didn’t dare fake it. Not that he’d know, but I wouldn’t be able to withstand the dishonesty of that.
Eventually, I climaxed and I thought I heard him come as well, but our session ended awkwardly that night. I wasn’t sure if I was hormonal or getting my period, or if we were simply out of sync. That happened to all couples, right?
I reminded myself we weren’t exactly a couple, and when it came time for the recap, I told him I didn’t think he gave me as many positive reinforcements this time. Not as many "good girls." Later, I realized that he told me I did a good job after the session was over, but I didn’t recall him praising me during. I told him it helped draw me in more when he peppered the name-calling with positive reinforcement. I seemed to need both to be able to “get off” on cue. I worried that I was a high-maintenance sub and wondered if he was less than pleased with me. I had no idea whether I was being too sensitive or if I was truly a disappointment because I didn’t come on command.
That night I had trouble sleeping. If this were a normal relationship, I’d feel like I could talk this out with him. And I sort of did that in my emails, but I was frustrated beyond belief that I couldn’t just pick up that phone and check in with him.
Why couldn’t I just call and say, “Hey, tonight was weird, right? Or was it just me?”
And then he’d tell me whatever and we’d go forward from there.
But instead I was stuck in limbo. Half in a relationship. Half not. Well, not really a relationship, except my body belonged to him. But that wasn’t real, though. Or was it?
I felt like I’d fallen down Alice’s rabbit hole into a crazy mixed-up world that was beginning to drive me nuts, but that I was too addicted to leave.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The next morning, after I noticed the red stripes across my ass in the mirror, I received this message from MC:
Sophie,
You are certainly shaping into a nice little plaything. I have a decadent session planned for next time that should make your toes curl. I wonder how often we can make that cunt come? I wonder how long we can keep you in an orgasmic state? I wonder if we can get those juices forming a river between your ass cheeks?
Be a good fuck slut and keep that clit dancing by stroking, pinching, jerking, and spanking. When you read this I want you to make that cunt come. You will go into the bathroom and watch in the mirror the li’l whore fuck her cunt and play with her clit until she explodes with that sweet release.
Then tell me all about the dirty girl you watched in the mirror.
Stay wet.
MC
After reading his message, I went into my bathroom, took off my panties, and perched on the counter in front of the mirror. I spread my legs and touched myself, stroking my clit thirty times. I pinched and rolled it, then jerked it like a little cock the way MC taught me. And I felt like a filthy whore doing it. I fucked myself with my dildo, the one designed to hit my G-spot. I watched myself in the mirror, stared into my eyes as I climaxed, saw the release passing over my face. It was an interesting and revealing experience. Obviously, it wasn’t an angle I usually viewed my sexual antics from, and it fascinated me to see my pussy being played with in the mirror. It made me realize what MC would see if he and I were ever together.
I sent him a note describing my play to him and I considered sending it “as is,” but reconsidered. The way I’d felt the night before—so out of sync with him and distanced—I had the need to reconnect and learn something about him, if that was possible. So I added the following at the end:
That brings me to something else that’s been on my mind. I am getting to the point where I am curious about certain things, and I’m not sure where the boundaries are (or should be) when it comes to asking you questions about yourself or your experience with BDSM. I know that if we were doing this live, I would be more comfortable asking more questions, but because of the nature of cyber-play as well as both of our privacy issues, I don’t have a road map as to how to handle it. Normally if I was playing with someone, I would know more about them and our bond would grow the way a friendship does, but this is a unique and unusual scenario, and while the distance works for me in some ways, in other ways I think a more human connection would help deepen the process.
So I am conflicted. While I appreciate the anonymity that cyber-training provides, sometimes it also seems mechanical, almost robotic, less human. And I’m afraid that keeps me from being as immersed in a scene as I could be. One of the big downsides of cyber is that it lacks the human touch of another person, but I’m wondering if it lacks an emotional component as well.
~Sophie
To which he responded:
Sophie,
The training is sinking in and you are coming along nicely as an obedient sub. You and I are evolving and as time goes on, some of your questions will be answered. You can approach me on any subject, and questions will receive a thoughtful and honest answer.
There’s definitely a void in cyber-training, but nothing is perfect. I don’t mind sharing some personal things, but we must be careful because personal knowledge can sometimes take the edge off. As we move further we will develop a more “human connection,” but that takes time, and we’re only in the beginning stages.
Time restraints, schedules, and distance all play a part, but the more time we spend together, the more we’ll share and develop on a personal level.
Be good.
MC
Dear Sir,
I understand, and it occurs to me that you know much more about me than I know about you. One question I have is: what do you do during the day when we are not playing? For example, I wondered in general if you worked in an office, or from home, or traveled all week. I certainly do not need to know details of what you do, but please share as much as you feel is appropriate. You know that I am a teacher and that I’m off work for the summer.
It feels strange that I would ask any of my friends from social media a question like that, but I didn’t think I was supposed to know it about you. Another thing I wondered, is if you have other subs in real life on an ongoing basis? I know some Doms seem to have several, others like to have just one. How about you?
I appreciate your willingness to discuss thin
gs with me.
Thank you, sir.
~Sophie
Sophie,
I will share some personal information but it must remain between us.
I was married once, but have been divorced for several years. I am a composer and work primarily from home. Occasionally I am called upon to travel for my career, but that’s more the exception than the rule.
My sub relationships are off and on. Recently I had a training relationship end when the sub found a local Dom and began a relationship with him. The training I did with her was intense, and every once in a while, still, she will contact me to abuse her on cam, but for the most part she has moved on.
Other than you, I’ve only had one sub in the recent past, and that lasted two sessions. Feel free to ask me any more questions.
Be good.
MC
It wasn’t much, but it was something. What he said made him seem like more of a real person and less a phantom who floated in and out of my life with all the permanence of a cloud. Nothing he said really surprised me, though it was cool that he was a composer. I wondered what he composed.
I decided to try to take the conversation further and the next time I saw he was available for an online chat, I pounced.
Sophie: Thanks for answering my questions. I will keep that information confidential between the two of us. And I ask that you do the same with my info. Being a kindergarten teacher, I do worry about someone at the school finding out about what I’m doing.
MC: I understand.
Sophie: Of course my private life should be private, but still… you know how some people are, and our community is rather conservative.
MC: Mine as well.
Sophie: If it’s okay to ask—what sorts of things do you compose?
MC: For money, I compose musical scores for movies. For pleasure, I’m working on a musical version of a boxing novel. Sounds crazy, I know. That’s why it’s not for money.
Her Web Master Page 10
