by Sara Alva
“Oh God, Seb.” I ran over and knelt in front of him, gripping his shoulders. “I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking idiot. That was so stupid, wasn’t it? I mean, I want you to talk to me. I’ve just…never been this close to anyone before, you know? I’ve never let anyone get this close to me. But with you…it’s okay…and I…I want to be with you…and I hope you’ll want to be with me.” Panic rose from my chest and strained my voice. “I know you don’t have to stay with me, but I really do love you, and I think we could be…good together.”
Seb watched me calmly while I babbled on, his face motionless.
“And I won’t run off like that again, I promise. I’m so sorry. You must’ve been so scared…shit, I’m sorry.”
Then he snorted and rolled his eyes. I wasn’t scared.
My laugh was so loud it startled the crows picking at food wrappers on the sidewalk. I pulled him into my arms, weaving my fingers into his hair, and rested my chin on his shoulder.
The bubble of tension in my throat burst once Seb’s grip tightened around me.
“Tell me where you want to go,” I said as I finally pulled away. “I’ll take you anywhere you want. Just name it.”
His eyes drifted west.
“Okay, breakfast and then the beach. Sounds perfect.”
He picked up the backpack he’d been smart enough to bring along—not that him being smart enough was a surprise anymore—and took my hand before we headed off down the boulevard.
Chapter 22: Round and Round
What is that? Seb pointed as we approached the beach, eyes wide and curious.
It still rattled me. Each time I looked at him I was half-expecting he’d stare back with his old vacant gaze…and that everything I thought I’d realized would be part of some orgasm-fueled dream.
Well? He flipped a palm out impatiently.
I glanced at the Ferris wheel towering over the water, and my head spun right along with it. Would he continue to surprise me? Was he even the same person I’d first fallen for? And why had I fallen for him anyway, when I didn’t even know who he was?
He punched my shoulder and pointed again. What is that place?
“Oh…that’s an amusement park on the boardwalk, I think. José’s been there a few times. Said it was lame.”
He frowned.
Shit. A frown. A full-on you’ve-disappointed-me frown. My heart thumped loudly in protest. Not even a full day into knowing a real Seb existed, and I was already disappointing him.
“We can go, though. I mean, what does José know? He’s a dumbass, really—he probably just said that ’cause he heard someone else say it…he was always a follower like that…”
Seb interrupted me with an amused arch of his brow.
“Right, so…we can go, is what I’m saying.”
He latched on to my arm, tugging me toward the pier. Then let’s go now!
The cheery blue Santa Monica Yacht Harbor sign greeted us as we traveled down a steep road, then out onto the wooden planks. We passed by a Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant, not yet open for lunch but still sending warm fried seafood scent into the air. Kiosks and street artists lined the rest of the pier’s length, and at the far end a few fishermen had poles dangling into the ocean—though I doubted they ate what they caught from the polluted waters. Seb dragged me forward until he found a weathered old Latino making detailed landscapes of LA with finger paints.
Seemingly careless streaks transformed into fantastic scenery as the man worked, but I couldn’t give him my full attention. I had other concerns on my mind…like why I felt so nervous standing beside Seb. Was I too close? Or not close enough? Why did that matter all of a sudden?
While my mind wandered, Seb noticed the entrance to the amusement park and rushed straight in.
“Seb! Not this again!”
I raced after him, trying to keep back my panic by reminding myself he wasn’t special and probably wouldn’t get into too much trouble on his own. And maybe I didn’t need to be with him every second of every day…maybe I was smothering him.
A hand caught my eye—Seb waving me over to a water gun carnival game. I nearly tripped on my feet as I rushed to him in relief.
Isn’t this fun? The bell rang, and his eyes bounced in excitement when the guns shot narrow streams of water toward their targets.
A little girl with braided pigtails started shrieking by her father’s side, her high-pitched squeal making me cringe. It didn’t help her father much, either, as he lost several seconds aiming too high and had no chance of getting his toy airplane to the top first.
She kept screaming anyway. Maybe she was just testing out her lungs to see how loud she could be…I vaguely remembered being that way as a kid.
Shifting my gaze to Seb, I wondered how old he’d been when he’d discovered he couldn’t throw back his head and howl into the wind.
He elbowed me and pointed. Can we play?
“Uh…” I glanced at the posted price—two dollars per game—and shook my head. “Everything costs here, ya know. Like each individual ride…and we don’t have all that much money, so we should try and be careful.”
A tiny frown flashed across his face before he nodded. I understand.
God, two frowns in less than an hour? My left eye started to twitch. It wasn’t all that surprising, really. Instead of making the most of this time we had to spend together, I was acting like his parent. Always telling him what to do—when to put on sun block, where to go, how to spend our money…I was like the epic buzzkill of boyfriends.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, but a new game had started and I didn’t think he’d heard. Hovering a few inches away from his neck, I zeroed in on a trickle of sweat as it zigzagged toward his shirt collar. I wanted to brush it away, but some invisible barrier blocked me—or maybe it was just that there were a lot of kids around, and I was afraid if I started touching him, I wouldn’t stop.
My left temple joined my twitching eye, and together they played havoc with my face. Good thing Seb wasn’t looking.
I really needed to turn this situation around.
“But you know…this is a special occasion,” I whispered in his ear. “It’s sorta like our…first date.”
Shit, should I have said that? Did he want to date me?
He didn’t answer—though a dying voice of reason tried to tell me I hadn’t actually asked a question—and I scrambled to dig out a couple of bucks. “Here. Have fun.”
Thanking me with a bright smile, Seb took a seat on a stool. His eyes narrowed as he aimed his gun, and when the game began he already had the water stream trained exactly on the bull’s-eye.
I wasn’t really surprised when he blew the competition away. “Let me guess…you’re like a super hero. You couldn’t talk, so you sharpened your other senses. Although talking isn’t a sense, is it?”
He grinned.
The game operator was less impressed and tossed him an ugly pink stuffed dog for his efforts. Seb held it up to me proudly, until the girl with the pigtails started to sniffle.
“Papá, yo quería un peluche!”
Her father pulled her down from the stool next to him. “Ya no tenemos más dinero.”
Before she could start crying, Seb walked over and handed her the dog. She gleefully hugged it to her chest as her father thanked us in both Spanish and English, several times.
“You speak Spanish?” I asked after they’d dissolved into the crowd.
He shook his head.
“You just…understand things, huh. You’ve always understood.”
He smirked and linked his hand with mine, pulling me toward the Ferris wheel. Come on. Let’s go on the rides.
A jolt of victory shot up my fingertips. He’d taken my hand, all on his own. And not as a little boy seeking my comfort…as a guy who liked me. My heart soared from the depths of my doubt into a dizzying high, like I was already spinning around on one of those carnival rides.
He kept holding my hand as we purchased some overpriced ride tickets and
headed toward the park’s main attraction. But once we reached the line for the Ferris wheel, he abruptly pulled away and turned his back on me.
I should’ve known every good high would have its low.
Was he tired of gripping my admittedly clammy fingers? Was he trying not to attract attention? Or just getting a better view of the ocean?
And why was every moment with him suddenly such agony?
The pimple-faced guy on the platform shifted his gaze away as we boarded the little yellow carriage together. Ignoring his obvious trying-not-to-stare look, I sat across from Seb, and we continued to wait in silence as we slowly rose off the ground.
I figured I should say something, but after running through a few opening lines, everything I had to offer sounded pathetic. And pathetic was exactly the right word for it. I’d had his naked body in my arms less than twelve hours ago, and now I could barely string two words together.
I just had no idea how to act around him anymore, and the uncertainty was killing me.
“So, uh…”
We climbed above the heads of the waiting crowd, and in one fluid movement, Seb leapt over to my side and kissed me.
My hands locked onto his shoulders, clutching tightly to help my mind process that this was real. I hoped the bitter aftertaste of my McDonald’s coffee wasn’t as strong in his mouth as it was in mine.
No complaints from Seb—just a long, tongue-twisting kiss that first sent me reeling and then actually managed to calm the whirlpool of nerves in my gut.
“You know what…maybe we should stay on here for the rest of the day.” Confidence rising again, I stroked his hair and gently drew him in for another kiss. “I like the privacy.”
He ran his hand down my back, ending with a quick pinch of my ass before pointing to a security camera.
I laughed. “Well, I think as long as we don’t get naked up here, they can’t throw us out or anything.”
Seb nodded, and then reached out and tugged off my shirt.
“Hey!”
What? He batted his lashes, gesturing to the crowd below. It’s a beach. Lots of guys have their shirts off.
Well, he had me there. His hands roamed my chest as he crawled into my lap.
“You’re a little crazy, you know?” I mumbled in between kisses.
Seb’s response was to rock forward against my crotch, instantly shutting me up.
He kept rocking, first every few seconds, then constantly. I almost, almost gave in and started trying to get off, but a squawking seagull brought me back to reality.
“Hold it.” I pecked him lightly and pulled away. “We probably shouldn’t do that here. You know this thing is gonna be back at the bottom again in a minute.”
Pouting, he stuck out his lower lip. But…
“Besides”—I shifted him to the bench—“I kinda think maybe we should just…talk for a little bit.”
He lifted a brow and crossed his arms. Seriously?
I supposed it was a strange request from a teenage boy who had the willing object of his sexual dreams right in front of him. But I’d never had a relationship based on love before—only convenience—and I had no idea if I was doing things right.
“Well, you pretty much know everything there is about me…and I know nothing about you. That’s not fair.”
The Ferris wheel jerked and began to spin faster now that the whole thing was loaded. We passed the waiting people again and I kept quiet until only the tops of their heads were in sight.
Well? Seb sat back, looking amused, his arms still crossed. What do you want to know?
“Um…” A million questions swirled around in my mind, but the first thing that came to my lips was a statement. “You’re not…special.”
He didn’t shake his head, but his eyes said it all. No.
There was a lot more I needed to know in relation to that, but I decided to start at the beginning. “So…have you ever been able to talk?”
No.
“Then you were born this way?”
A nod.
“Isn’t there anything you can do to fix it? Like, a surgery or something?”
He shrugged.
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I bet that would cost a lot of money, anyways, and us foster kids ain’t exactly rolling in the dough.”
Grinning, his hand wandered onto my thigh, where he started to stroke me softly.
I was too weak to push him away, but I tried to keep my mind on track. “Okay. So you can’t talk…but that doesn’t mean people have to think you’re re—, um, special. I mean, there are other things you coulda done…like learn sign language or something. Or how ’bout writing? You could write stuff to people so they know what you’re thinking.”
His cheeks reddened slightly. I’d never seen him blush before.
“You can write, can’t you?”
He brought his thumb and index finger together on his right hand. A little bit.
“Didn’t they teach writing in your special school?”
He bit his lip, gazing out at the ocean. Sunlight glinted off the waves and the reflection sparkled in his dark eyes.
Then he sighed and nodded. They did.
“So how come you can’t write?”
All he could offer me was a shrug, but I read more into his embarrassed look. Didn’t think I needed it. Didn’t pay attention.
Shit. I could relate to that.
Except…
“But didn’t you want to be able to talk to people? I mean, if there was ever a reason to pay attention in school…”
I cut myself off when I realized the answer to my own question. He didn’t want to communicate with people. He hadn’t even tried.
“Seb…why did you go on letting people think you were, uh, special like that?”
His hand crept from my thigh toward my crotch, and he left it there even as we spun past the ground again.
“Seb…”
The carousel rose and he was on me in a flash, tongue jutting straight into my mouth, teeth grazing my lips. Powerless against the attack, I surrendered within seconds. I edged him further into my lap, kissing him again and again with less grace and more urgency each time.
Although…I couldn’t help wondering if Seb had just come up with a new and clever way to keep his secrets hidden.
The wheel spun even faster, air rushing past our skin and hair. Laughs and shouts from the people on the pier were swallowed up by the crashing waves, and everything in sight became a blur.
The zipper of my jeans dug into me painfully as Seb bounced in my lap. But I still kept pushing against him, not even caring that I was about to come in my one and only pair of pants.
The Ferris wheel slowed and came to a stop a quarter of the way from the ground. I was too far gone to do the same. We dropped a few feet lower, and I placed my hands on his hips to try and force just a little more pressure.
I didn’t make it. Five carriages away from the loading dock, Seb finally removed himself. I had only a moment to adjust my protesting dick before we were ushered off.
Holding my shirt over my crotch, I pushed Seb back into the line. “Wait here. We’re going again. Just let me run and grab some more ride tickets…and I gotta stop by the bathroom, too.”
With a knowing smirk that made my skin flame, Seb did as I asked.
~*~
A pink and orange sunset touched the sky when we finally left the park with a funnel cake in tow. The horizon looked a little like the finger painting we’d seen earlier, with the sun’s last colors blurred into smudges on the ocean’s canvas.
“You got some sugar on your lips,” I told Seb as we settled into the sand. His tongue darted out of his mouth to lick it off.
A little ways away, another young couple admiring the view started kissing, and I suddenly regretted not licking it off myself…though I wasn’t sure where Seb would stand on PDA.
Eventually I drummed up the courage to rest my arm around him, mimicking the way the clean-cut guy was cuddling up with his girl
. Maybe I could just follow that kid’s lead for the rest of the evening—he seemed to have more of a clue than I did.
It could’ve been the Scrambler ride we’d taken two trips on, but my stomach was starting to roll with uneasiness again. The action part of our “first date” was over, and now I was stuck in this romantic setting with zero experience to fall back on.
The muscles in my arm tightened, and a little spasm caused me to knock into the back of Seb’s head.
He looked over and grinned, patting my knee. Relax.
“Easy for you to say,” I grumbled under my breath. “You’ve known the real me all along, but…”
I trailed off as Seb gazed steadily into my eyes. Exactly.
Exactly. He’d known the real me all along. I’d always been some nutty, uncensored version of myself around him, and he’d still fallen for me. So while Seb had changed for me…maybe he didn’t actually need me to change at all.
It seemed kind of unlikely that anyone would want me in my raw form…but not more unlikely than this entire crazy week.
“Right.” My face melted into a grudging smile. “Gotcha.”
Seb squeezed my leg approvingly.
Relaxing was easier said than done, though. My body was restless, so I started digging around in the sand to pass the time. Seb did the same, and for a while we were quiet as we constructed a lumpy sandcastle city together.
As I put the finishing pat on one of my mounds, the girl from the model couple whispered something in her boyfriend’s ear. Whatever she said made him laugh.
I turned my attention back to Seb. “Is there anything you miss about not being able to talk? Although I guess you can’t really miss something you never had.”
He shrugged.
“Like…you can’t just share a joke with someone…you can’t whisper to your friend in the movie theater…you can’t tell someone off when you’re mad…”
Another shrug. Then he tipped his head and scrunched his brows thoughtfully. Well, maybe there’s one thing.
