by Sasha White
Something tore inside me. As the skin on my back split open, a scream ripped from my throat. The slow dribble of fluid between my shoulder blades made me shudder.
“Nina?” Severin tried to grab me.
But I was off him and the bed in a second. The pain made my head swim in darkness. I stumbled about the room, unconsciousness threatening to take me under the waves of agony. But I wasn’t having it. I wouldn’t bow down; I wouldn’t break. My body was mine. I owned it. I wouldn’t let this transformation shatter everything I’d worked to become.
Severin came near me. Caution made his movements slow and deliberate. “Nina. Let me help you.”
I put my hand out to ward him off. “Keep away.” More blood dripped down the back of my legs to dot the bedroom rug beneath me.
“I know what’s happening to you. It’s the transformation. Werewolves go through the same agony. I know the pain and confusion you feel.”
Tears streamed down my face as another convulsion rippled through my flesh. The sensation was as if my atoms were rearranging themselves from the inside out.
“Don’t fight it, Nina. It’s natural. You’re becoming.”
“Becoming what?” I hissed, clutching the wall so I didn’t collapse to my knees and retch all over his nice clean rug.
“Your true self.”
“Well, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be this.” I spat out the last word.Eyes wild, I searched the room. “Where are my clothes? I need them. I want to go home.”
“You can’t drive home.”
Fresh tears spilled from my eyes. Absolute despair threatened to overwhelm me. “I want to go home. Please, let me go home.”
Another wave of body-racking pain surged over and through me. A thousand blades slicing my flesh at once. I panted through it, squeezing shut my eyes and digging my nails into the wall. They left divots.
“I’ll get your clothes, but I’m driving you.”
I didn’t argue with him. I couldn’t think beyond the tearing and ripping. The thing inside me was persistently destroying every inch of my flesh. Every nerve ending, every muscle and fiber, every strand of DNA that fit together to make me, screamed. I was no longer Nina Decker, trauma nurse, but N’lina, princess of the dark fae.
Then the darkness swooped up from the floor and swallowed me whole. I became one with it as I was absorbed inch by inch. Light couldn’t even penetrate my fugue. I was lost, groping blindly in the black. Hope abandoned me. I had no illusions that I would ever make it out again.
Then a voice reached me through the abyss. The sound touched me and I opened my eyes. I blinked groggily out into the night.
“Nina?”
I thought I saw Severin looking my way from behind the wheel of a car. Concern crinkled his brow.
“We’re almost there, love. You’re almost home.”
Home. Did I know what that was? A place. A feeling. A person waiting for me.
“Da?” Did he know what was happening?
Severin nodded. “Yes, I’ll take you to your father.”
There was a sudden lurch forward in the car, and then Severin opened his door and jumped out. Next thing I knew, the door next to me opened and he pulled me out. Was I even walking? I couldn’t feel my legs. My whole body was numb.
He had my keys and he unlocked the door, all the while juggling me in his arms. He nudged open the door and carried me inside. He laid me on the sofa in the living room on my side.
A shudder racked my body. It nearly lifted me off the cushions. Severin grabbed a blanket from the back of the sofa and covered me. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t cold. That in fact, I was on fire from the inside out. Sweat coated my face. I swore I could smell my flesh sizzle.
“Nina?”
My father came into view and I tried to smile, but my mouth wouldn’t move. Instead, I lifted my hand and reached for him.
He looked at Severin. “Who are you? What’s wrong with my daughter?””
“I’m Severin Saint Morgan, a friend. She’s becoming.”
My father’s eyes widened. Frightened, he looked down at me, his gaze racing over my body.
“She’s finally changing into the beautiful creature I created.”
The new lilting voice made me cringe. Another shudder sent convulsions over my back. Through the sweat dripping into my eyes, I saw her as she stepped into the room to stand beside my father.
My mother had returned.
“Hello, my darling.” She smiled down at me, her lips a thin line.
I wanted to retch.
Then her intense gaze fixed on Severin and she snarled wickedly, “What are you doing here?”
Severin squared his shoulders, looking her in the eyes. “I brought her home.”
“How dare you subvert my daughter.”
“I haven’t. Not yet. But she needs to know the truth,” he countered.
“The only truth there is to know is that your kind is cruel, ruthless, and bloodthirsty.”
Severin smiled, but the gesture was not kind. “I believe you are mistaking me for you, A’lona.”
My stomach roiled as I listened to their banter. I heard the words, but their true meaning was beyond my scope as more pain cascaded over me like molten lava.
“Get out!” she shrieked. “Get out of this house!” She pointed a long elegant finger toward the door.
Severin glanced down at me, his eyes narrowing in concern.
I could do nothing but wriggle my fingers toward him. I wanted to say something, to ask him to stay, but no words formed in my mouth.
He reached down and touched my fingers, one by one, then with one last scathing look at my mother, he left, slamming the door behind him.
Don’t go. I opened my mouth to call him back but nothing came out except a series of unintelligible gurgles.
My mother dropped to her knees beside me and stroked my sweaty face. “It’s okay, N’lina, I’m here. I will help you through it, my daughter.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want her here. I didn’t want her love and comfort. I didn’t want to be her daughter. But I couldn’t tell her. Not when I was dying, my flesh betraying me and turning inside out. Pain ripped through me again. I bowed my back, scrambling away from the searing agony.
She continued to brush her fingers over my forehead and cheeks. “Go to sleep, my darling. Go to sleep and let your body do what it must.”
Sleep was the last thing I wanted. That would mean letting go, and I had no wish to do that. But the darkness had other plans. It crept close, floating up from my chest, to settle inside my mouth, my nostrils, and my eyes. It slithered its sinuous ways into my head. Took hold of my mind. And squeezed until I passed out.
Chapter 12
Again I was in the darkened woods walking along a dirt path. Glancing down, I noticed I was wearing a green tunic that fell to my knees and I was barefoot. I wriggled my toes in the soft sandy dirt. It tickled and I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t and kept on walking.
Not long before I came to a shallow brook that cut a narrow path through the wood. I sensed this was where I’d wanted to go. My feet longed to feel the cool tingling of the water. So, I sat on the water’s edge and settled my feet into the stream.
A sense of overwhelming peace and comfort settled over me. As if I had traveled a long distance and finally returned home.
Content, I leaned back on my hands and kicked my legs in the water. Much like I had when I’d been a kid and on the one family vacation I remember taking with both my parents. We’d gone camping, and the trip had been the one time when I’d felt completely happy.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed colored lights downstream, dancing above the water. Eager to see them, I sat straight and watched as the twinkling lights drew nearer. Once they were directly in front of me, I saw tiny humanoid shapes in the lights.
“Gladflies,” I said aloud, and smiled.
I held out my hand and one purple glow settled onto it. The tips of its tiny purple feet tickled
my palm. I peered down into the tiny spritely face.
“N’lina,” it tittered, its voice like a tiny clear bell. “Beware.”
“Beware of what?”
“The water.”
I glanced past the gladfly to the brook. Nothing menacing appeared in its shallow depths. “Nothing is there.”
“Something is always in the water,” it trilled again then flitted off my hand to dance away with the others along the stream’s edge.
Curious, I leaned forward and peered into the clear water that was only a foot deep. Even in the dark, I could see the rocks that lined the bed. Nothing looked like it could harm me.
But as I watched, the rocks and pebbles jiggled and jumped, coming together to form a shape. I peered harder and spotted a face. The face of my mother. And she was sneering, her face twisted with cruelty.
“N’lina,” she shrieked, “Stay still!” Then her hands, made of flesh and bone, burst from the water, grabbed my head and pulled me under.
I thrashed about, struggling to pull away from her hold. But she was unnaturally strong and the water somehow grew deep and bitter cold, siphoning the heat from my body. Water filled my mouth and nose as she forced my face under. The action was as if she sat on my back and pushed on the back of my head.
I tried to push up with my hands but the rocks beneath me offered no leverage. They were slippery with algae and I couldn’t get a solid hold. More water filled my mouth, and I could do nothing but swallow it. My lungs quickly filled, replacing the oxygen I needed to breathe.
Desperate for air, my chest burned. I thrashed about but my energy drained. My mind grew dark. Not long before Death claimed me for its own. With one last desperate effort, I bowed my back, trying to force away my mother. But the pressure and the pain were too immense.
I screamed, my voice gurgling in my throat, knowing it would be my last…
“Nina.” I heard my father’s voice. He sounded panicked and distressed.
Surprised I could still move my limbs, I reached for him in the darkened waters. I was even more surprised to feel his fingers curl around mine.
“Nina.” His voice was clearer, right next to my ear. His visage floated to me on a ripple. “You’ll be okay. Do as your mother says. Don’t fight it.”
I groaned. “No, Da. She’s killing me.”
Cool fingers brushed my face. “Let go, darling. Let go.”
I squeezed my eyes tight, afraid to let go. I’d worked my whole life to establish control over things—my job, my love life, my body—it wasn’t easy to relinquish that, especially to someone I hated with all my heart.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw my father kneeling next to me, his face pale, his eyes filled with tears.
“Da?” Confused, I looked past him and saw that I was in my bedroom, face down on the bed. Moonlight streamed in through the open window. A warm breeze ripples across my skin, making my shiver.
Movement jostled the bed. I turned my head to see my mother, her face drawn, her eyes dark and determine, sitting cross-legged beside me, her hands resting on my bare back.
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed, trying to move away.
She held me firm. “Don’t fight, N’lina. It’s more painful when you do.”
“My name is Nina.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile and ran a hand down my back. “Relax and let them come through.”
I was about to demand what “they” were, but the rippling of the skin between my shoulder blades reminded me I didn’t need to ask. With absolute certainty, I knew what was coming. What was trying to rip and tear out of my flesh and skin.
Just to spite her, I wanted to fight it, but I was beyond exhaustion from the constant agony in my back. So, I shut my eyes and took in several deep breaths, letting them out slowly.
“That’s it. Relax.”
I breathed in. Then out. In then out. As I did, the pain receded a little. Enough that my skin didn’t feel like it was going to crack open like a burnt hot dog.
“Is she going to be all right?” my father asked.
“Yes, but could you get us some warm wet towels, Jason. The transformation will get messy soon enough.”
That statement made me open my eyes. I glared at my mother. “Why are you here?”
“Because you need me.”
“Where were you when I was twelve and got my period in the middle of math class? Where were you when I lost my virginity to Josh Logan when he told he loved me and then never called me again? Where the fuck were you then, huh, Mother?”
She met my gaze, and the glare was cold. “You didn’t need me then, Nina. Not really. You had your father. He’s always been there for you. Besides, you’re so much stronger than you realize.”
I struggled to my elbows. “If you tell me that you abandoned me for my own good, and all that has made me a better person, a stronger one, I will drag you out to the pond in the back and drown you.”
She flinched at that, but didn’t respond. “But tonight…tonight, I’m the only one that can see you through this.”
As if to punctuate her words, a spasm in my back hit me so hard that I nearly shot off the bed. Would have if she hadn’t been holding me down.
She ran a hand over my shoulder blades and between them. “When the pain comes again, don’t move. It’s almost there. Your skin is thin enough now. They will break through.”
Bile rose in my throat. I was going to vomit. But I didn’t get a chance before searing pain shot through me. The flesh under my skin rippled. It took everything I had to lay still and let it happen.
I twisted my hand in the sheets. Sweat popped out on my forehead, to drip down my temples. As another wave of agony surged over me, I bit down on my lip. The tang of blood filled my mouth. Salty and metallic, it reminded me of what was happening inside of my body. The blood would be flowing soon.
Another wave came. And another. Until my skin undulated and bubbled, as if some kind of creature existed just below the surface. And I suppose that was basically true.
My back was now a plane of movement and pain. I could feel my skin begin to stretch and tear, as something pushed through. Sweat stung my eyes and I dug my fingers and toes into the mattress. Tears gushed down my cheeks. Actions were involuntary now. My body was doing whatever it could to combat the pure dark torture that assaulted it.
“They’re coming, Nina.”
I could barely hear her voice over my own groans and pitiful mewls and the heavy panting I was doing.
It didn’t matter anyway. She didn’t need to tell me they were coming because I could feel them rupturing my flesh, splitting my skin in two. The sound of severing sinew and tissue assailed my ears.
And I screamed…
There was a final liquid sound then a rush of blood cascaded down my sides to soak the bed sheets and mattress beneath. The pain diminished. Then it was done.
“Jason, the towels.”
I felt the sweet relief of warm wet cloth as my mother and my father wiped away the residual evidence of my transformation.
Barely able to move, I strained to lift my head and glanced back over my shoulder and saw what had been causing me so much pain and anguish. So much trepidation and horror.
My fae wings. My crowning glory.
They weren’t as large as I thought they’d be. About three feet long and one foot in width, they were almost dainty in size. Beams of moonlight played over them, making the purple and blue shimmer like disco glitter. The gossamer veined with silver membranes was nearly transparent—like wearing a pair of fragile stained-glass panes on my back.
Tears rolled down my mother’s flushed cheeks. “So beautiful. So perfect. They are just like mine.” She smiled, looking at me with a pride I’d longed for my whole life.
Except I felt no pride. Looking at the protrusions on my back, I felt only revulsion and shame. “Da, get the hacksaw and cut these things off.”
My mother gasped, putting a hand to her mouth.
Her look of a
bject horror nearly made me laugh.
“Do you hate what you are that much?”
I wanted to say yes, but the truth was I only hated the fae parts I got from her. The rest, well, I loved and cherished.
As if realizing my thoughts, she said, “Do you hate me that much, Nina, that you would disfigure yourself, cause yourself that much more pain just to spite me?”
I didn’t answer her, but looked away, resting my head back onto the mattress, and sighed. I refused to feel the guilt that bubbled inside me like acid. “How do I hide them?”
She gave me a little nod. “I will teach you, but first, you should sleep. Your body needs the rest.”
I didn’t argue, but closed my eyes and let sleep take me away. At least for a little while, I wouldn’t have to think about how to keep a pair of faery wings from friends and the people I worked with. I wouldn’t have to think about how to hide from an entire society that feared the unknown.
Chapter 13
When I woke, I was in the same position I’d been when I went to sleep—on my stomach in my bed, a pair of wings protruding grotesquely from between my shoulder blades.
Groaning, I pushed up to sit on the edge of the bed, my pounding head in my hands. The aching felt like I’d been on a week-long bender. I glanced behind me at the bed and winced. The sight was like a slumber party massacre had taken place. I would have to replace the mattress for sure. That much blood didn’t scrub out with any type of cleaner or manual labor.
I stood to get dressed but realized I had no clue how to get a shirt over my newly acquired appendages. Instead, I walked to the full-length mirror I had in the corner to inspect my new look.
From the front, the wings rose about two feet over my shoulders. I turned to the side and studied them. As wings went, they were delicate and pretty. But not something I was overjoyed to be shackled with. How the hell was I going to do anything with them in the way? My whole life I’d been trying to hide my alienness but these, these things just popped up and proclaimed, “Hey, I’m not totally human.”
