by Sasha White
Jude was waiting for me. “I think it’s intentional interference, not that everyone’s dusted or worse.”
“Great. Any way we can tell for certain?”
He coughed. “Yeah. They’re all unalive.”
I didn’t have to ask who was providing this reassurance. Of course, I was the only one.
“You mind expanding on that?” Jack asked.
“Yes, I do. Some things do require faith. Or the acceptance that the short answer is all you’re going to get.” Jude didn’t seem too upset, but he didn’t seem overly amused, either.
Jack and Freddy both started to argue, but Sexy Cindy cocked her head and stared at Jude. Then she looked around the Salvation Center. “Guys? I think we can take it at face value.” She looked at me. “If it’s good enough for you.”
“It is.” Interestingly, Jack and Freddy both quieted down. “Jude, any suggestions for our next steps? Any help would be appreciated.”
He got a faraway look, which I knew meant he was listening to someone talking inside his head. I also knew full well who that someone was. Well, said someone did have a direct line to Yahweh, and that was good enough for me.
Jude came back to the rest of us. “Go to Necropolis Enforcement.”
“Why? Just curious and all.”
He shrugged. “I think everyone else is heading there.”
“So, either things are wicked bad at HQ, or everyone’s heading back to home base to report and regroup.” I stared at Jude. He didn’t indicate which answer was the right one. “Thanks, you’re a great guy.”
Jude grinned. “You used to think so, yeah.” He shrugged. “You know the rules, you don’t get a lot of freebies when you don’t need them.”
I made the exasperation sound. “Fine, great. Heading off. Hopefully to a happy team reunion, not to a pre-Armageddon party.”
We left again, but this time we headed for the car. It was a relief to move away from the convergence chasm, I had to admit. I didn’t want to have to visit this block again for a long time, if ever. Pity the base of my tail said we’d be back, and a lot sooner than I wanted.
Jack handed me our bag of goodies and I tossed it into the trunk, Sexy Cindy and Freddy piled into the back, Jack took the wheel, and I grabbed the radio. “Darlene, Detectives Wolfe and Wagner checking in.”
“How nice of you to remember us back at Headquarters, Detective.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Things were at least semi-normal somewhere. “We’ve been following leads. Anything going on we should know about?”
“It’s very quiet. Chief feels it’s too quiet.”
“Oh. Good. Where in the silence would you like us to go?”
“Nowhere in particular. We’d just like it if you’d check in more than once every few days.”
“Hilarious. We’ll do our best to keep the regular cards and letters flowing. Over and out.” I hung up and looked at Jack. “This is getting weirder by the minute.”
“I agree. I mean, we’ve had quiet nights – I think maybe a whole dozen in the time we’ve been partnered – but quiet right now? Seems unlikely.”
“Well, let’s get to Enforcement Headquarters and see what fun awaits us there. I’m sure we’ll have time later to rock the bad guys on the human plane.”
Jack drove back to OLOC. This time we used the church’s parking lot because I had the special parking tag and now wasn’t afraid to use it.
“Really? Necropolis Enforcement can legally use a handicapped hanger and no one complains?” Jack sounded ready to give me a ticket.
“It says ‘Differently Abled’ and we pay a lot of money for these. I’d like to mention that we aren’t using the real handicapped spots. We’re using the Differently Abled spots. As in, the ones we’ve paid for.”
“Huh.” He sounded like he was going to run this by the Chief when we got back to Prosaic City P.D. I got the impression his fur was still ruffled over meeting Jude.
We poured out. Before we left the car, though, I had everyone take a small weapon of some kind, just in case. I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to waltz into Our Lady of Compassion toting multi-round crossbows, but a can of Evil Fairy Repellent and a miniature single-shot crossbow were a lot easier to hide.
Cruised through OLOC and into the Proper. Jack didn’t seem to have any trouble with the slide. I figured I’d let him go through the next time without my holding onto him, just to see how it went.
Moving sidewalks were working just fine, no one we passed seemed panicked or like they were trying to pass furtive signals. Nor did anyone look or act possessed. It was just a typical night in the Proper – beings out, many working, some having a good time, some hustling about their business, some strolling. Normal.
I spotted what looked like some University students taking classes outdoors, as well as a group of younger undeads clearly on an outing to the hospital. That was considered a big deal for the young ones. Why, I could never figure out – I wasn’t wild about visiting hospitals, though I was a big fan of their work – but apparently the little undeads had to pass tests and get perfect attendance and citizenship marks before they got to go. Strangely enough, there were always enough young ones who’d made the cut that groups ran at least weekly, sometimes more often.
“What are little kids – ah, beings doing out this time of night?” Jack asked.
“Uh, they’re little vampires and ghosts and such. They’re night creatures.”
“Oh.” Jack looked embarrassed. “That was a stupid question.”
“My teachers used to say there were no stupid questions,” Sexy Cindy offered. “Of course, they also said there was no such thing as ghosts and vampires and werewolves. So I guess they didn’t know much.”
“Thanks.” Jack shot her a dirty look. “I have another question.”
“Go ahead.”
“How do they handle being kids forever?”
“Oh. They don’t. Naturally born undeads age, ah, naturally until adulthood for their particular race. After that, it’s onto the slow but steady wins the eternity race thing.”
He shrugged. “If you say so. So, what’s the plan?”
“Go in, see what’s going on.” I shrugged. “If it’s bad, we’ll know.”
“How so?” Freddy asked.
“Well, if it’s not obvious so that we can all just see or hear the bad going on, then I sort of figure either Jack or Cindy will be affected by it.”
“I love being the team mine canary. It’s almost as emasculating as being around Black Angel Two.”
Sexy Cindy snorted. “Yeah? Well, being Spot the Evil Girl ain’t no great shakes, either.”
“Boy, do you two always complain this much or are Freddy and I just getting the special treatment?”
Freddy chuckled. “Some people bicker when they’re nervous.”
“I’m not nervous,” Jack snapped. “I’m annoyed and a little tense.”
“I’m with the big guy,” Sexy Cindy said. “Annoyed and tense.”
“I’m resisting the urge to spin and shout ‘boo!’ at the two of you. Relax. It’s either very bad or it’s going to be business as usual.” I sounded very reassuring, calm and cool. I was glad we had to take courses in that in order to move up in Enforcement ranks. Because, in reality, I was as nervous as Jack and Sexy Cindy were, and I was pretty sure Freddy wasn’t as calm as he was pretending, either.
So, in this great state of mind, snipping and snapping at each other’s tails all the way, we reached the entrance to Necropolis Enforcement.
“Everyone, weapons at the ready. If I attack, follow me. If I run like a bat out of Hell, follow me. If we’re attacked and they don’t call off when they know it’s us, shoot to kill. If I’m shot down, grab me and run for OLOC.”
“Don’t I feel all safe now?” Sexy Cindy muttered.
“Why don’t you think they’ll shoot one of the rest of us first?” Jack asked.
I took a deep breath and shifted into full werewolf form. I was s
till on two legs, gun in one paw, single-shot mini-bow in the other. The beauty of an undead life was years and years in which to practice things that were awkward or downright close to impossible. Claws and paws or no, I was going to shoot first, bite second, and ask questions whenever I got around to it.
“Because I’m the strongest and scariest of the four of us, and the hardest to dust. What would you aim for?”
Jack sighed. “Gotcha.”
“Oh, and don’t forget, I’m gonna be hiding behind her, and so is Freddy if he has any sense at all,” Sexy Cindy tossed out. “So, they won’t have us to aim for.”
“I feel the love.”
“Hey, I’m the evil spotter, not the evil sniffer.”
“Hilarious. When this particular situation is over, remind me to lift my leg in your general direction.”
Jack shook his head. “Shall I get the door, Cujo?”
I gave him as dirty a look as it was possible to give. “Oh, please, Prince Charming.”
Jack grinned, gun at the ready. He stood to the side, grabbed the door handle, and pulled it open.
Chapter 36
“Bad night, Vic?” Clyde asked, as he slowly lowered the weapon he’d had trained on the door.
“You tell me, you’re the one sporting the Duster.”
Clyde didn’t normally hang around the entrance to Necropolis Enforcement. He also rarely if ever carried a Duster – not the long coat they wore in the Old West, and not something with feathers on it. Dusters were the final solution for undeads, their shots containing a mix of everything known to destroy any and all unalive beings with some extras thrown in just in case. They were weapons of vast, scary power, and only a few were allowed to carry them in non-war situations. Clyde was one of those few – age and experience had a lot of prerogatives in the undead world – but I hadn’t seen him wield a weapon of any kind for decades.
He did the slow mummy shrug. “True. However, under the circumstances, the Count felt it would be a good idea for me to watch the door.”
“Everyone all right?” I didn’t see or hear anything wrong, Sexy Cindy wasn’t suggesting things were going evil dead, and hard as I sniffed, nothing smelled out of place. Though I did get a faint whiff of sulfur.
“We are now.” Clyde pulled a wand out from his back. Mummies used their entire bodies as one big pocket. I was glad I couldn’t see from where exactly he’d pulled. He waved the wand around all four of us. The air sparkled.
“Pretty. Are we late for a surprise party?”
Clyde chuckled. “No. You haven’t had to deal with one of these much, I suppose. Easy way of proving you’re who we think you are.”
“How does it work?” Jack asked.
“If the air around you sparkles, you’re not possessed, turned, a dupe, or similar.”
“Dupe?” Jack sounded like he was back in class.
“Short for doppelgänger,” Clyde explained. “Since we had some fun with them earlier, the Count and I decided to go for the easy confirmation. If you’d been more dupes, the air would have looked muddy, like dried blood.”
“Gag me,” Sexy Cindy said. “So, we good to get out of the doorway or what?”
Clyde nodded, turned and lumbered off. I followed him and the others followed me. “So, what happened?”
“Well, as we know you guessed, as the Count was concluding his last conversation with you, you and Mister Wagner appeared in his office. Miss Cindy and Mister Freddy appeared as well.”
“We have…dupes?” Freddy asked. He sounded both worried and fascinated.
Clyde chuckled again. “Well, not any more. Because the Count was fairly confident he’d spoken to the real Victoria he was on guard. When Hansel, Gretel, and Ralph appeared there was quite the brawl, but nothing too serious. We knew we could eliminate with extreme prejudice, and we did.” He cracked his knuckles, or whatever the mummy equivalent was. “I must say, there are times I miss active field work.”
“I don’t think I want to know, but glad it was a fun time for you. Did you get anything out of them before you destroyed? Like how many doppelgängers we have wandering around, what the plan is, things of that useful nature?”
We went past Dispatch. The smell of sulfur was getting stronger the further into HQ we got. It was clear there’d been a ruckus – the whole place was in disarray. Beings were straightening and cleaning up. Some looked a little shaken, but most just looked like it was nice to get a break in the routine.
Clyde went to the lift. Our elevators were different from human ones – no enclosed sides, for starters. Plenty of beings didn’t want to be boxed in, and most wanted easy escape. I made sure Jack was in the middle of the platform. For those of us who couldn’t fly or turn into something that didn’t go splat, lifts were a little nerve-wracking. For a human, it could be a thrill or it could mean total whacked out vertigo. We didn’t have time to find out if Jack liked to live on the edge in every aspect of his life or not.
He stayed behind me, so I voted not. “Are we safe trusting this?” he whispered in my ear.
I nodded.
Clyde turned around and smiled. Always odd in a mummy. “If I was turned, young man, Victoria would know.”
“How?” Jack asked bluntly.
Freddy sighed. “She’s a werewolf. Remember, dupes smell different.”
“Turned and doppelgänger aren’t the same thing,” Jack protested.
“I’d know, and so would Cindy.” I hoped, anyway.
Jack made a gagging sound. “What’s that smell?”
“Sulfur. I smelled it the moment we arrived. It was faint at the front door and is getting stronger the closer to the Count’s office we get. However, it’s not on Clyde.”
“Meaning,” Clyde added as the lift stopped, “that it’s unlikely I’m hiding a minion under my wraps.”
“Good to know,” Jack muttered as we got off and Clyde headed to the Count’s office.
“We heading to see the top dude?” Sexy Cindy asked nervously.
“He’s fine.”
“He’s a vampire, right?” Freddy asked.
“In that sense, the vampire, even though he wasn’t really the first.” I looked over my shoulder. “Guys, really. You’ve been around Ken, Amanda and Maurice and didn’t bat an eyelash. Why are you worried now?”
Freddy shrugged. “The way everyone talks about him….”
“You mean the way human stories talk about him or the way the undead talk about him?”
“We mean we didn’t dress to meet the head honcho,” Sexy Cindy snapped.
“Just stick your chest out. He appreciates women.” I turned back to watch where I was walking. The sulfur smell was bad and getting worse. “Clyde, seriously, why hasn’t anyone cleared this out?”
“Agent Rogers wanted you to smell it.” The Count’s office was at the end of the hall, double doors, very impressive looking. He deserved it, but I always thought he had this set up because he found it funny, not natural or necessary. However, seeing Sexy Cindy’s and Freddy’s reactions, perhaps he also did it to intimidate. Maybe I’d ask him, one day, when we weren’t in the middle of a huge altercation with the forces of evil. Or not. You know, on my whim. Not because he intimidated me in any way.
I almost couldn’t breathe the smell was so bad. I figured Ralph must have realized Jack and I were an item and was upset about it. Why else keep the stench around for my sensory enjoyment? “And you’re all letting Ralph run the show why?”
Clyde sighed as he opened the doors. “Well…you’ll understand once you see everyone.”
Chapter 37
The Count’s office was a disaster. If I’d thought the lower levels looked bad, it was nothing compared to this. Whole walls were down, I wasn’t sure if there was a piece of furniture still intact. It was too crowded in there to be sure.
Gagging from the smell, I did a fast nose count. Other than Martin and Black Angel One and Two, the full extended team was accounted for plus extras. I recognized the extras as t
he Dirt Corps beings who’d helped follow the scent trails the other day.
Everyone looked like they were still with us, but they all looked worse for wear, too. I was relieved down to my claws that Amanda and Maurice were ambulatory. The Count was doing the vampire hover thing, but even he looked like he’d seen some action.
As I looked around, I realized Ralph was the least injured. He was also growling, but not at anything in particular. I realized he was growling at the smell.
I concentrated and examined the scent with all my senses. I started to growl, too. I was surprised Hansel and Gretel weren’t, but managed to take a better look at them – they weren’t looking too great. We were going to have a lot of beings heading to the hospital. Hot night for the little undeads tour group.
“You get it?” Ralph asked through bared fangs.
“Yes. Can we track it?”
“No. I just wanted you to know and to be sure that it wasn’t me making it up.”
“Ralph, there’s a lot of things I know about you, and one is that you’d never make something like this up. But, I’m glad you let me smell it for myself.” Well, glad was pushing it. But I didn’t have time to find the correct word.
“What’s Ralph talking about?” Jack asked.
“The stench, I’m sure,” Sexy Cindy said, waving her hand in front of her face. “Damn. I thought the sulfur was bad. What is that?”
Every head, even the ones that were extremely banged up, turned and every set of eyes stared at her.
“What do you think it smells like?” I asked carefully.
“Shit, of the worst kind. Mixed up with, I don’t know, skunk stink and, gag me, rotting parts.” Sexy Cindy was gagging for real. “How can you all stand it?”
Ralph and I exchanged a look. “Only Ralph, Hansel, Gretel, and I actually can smell it.”
“Girl, the place reeks. You telling me no one else is ready to toss it because of breathing?”
The Count floated down and landed next to her. “How did they miss you?” he asked softly. “How did they let you escape?”
